Fred the Barber

Off the top of my head, my primary focuses when editing are, in this order:
Precision, i.e., making sure that a sentence says exactly what it wants to say. This means you need to know precisely what the words and phrases in the line mean. If you're not sure that you do, you should generally just not use that word or phrase, or if you insist on it, go look up both definitions and other usages of the word or phrase. Google Ngram is a good resource for examining other usages. Naturalness, i.e., making sure that a sentence isn't going to "sound weird" to a native American English speaker for any reason (this is kind of fuzzy, since in some sense there is no such thing as "a native American English speaker", since we all really speak our own idiolect and thus judgments will vary person to person). Classifying all the problems in this area is impossible, and even trying to would take a very long time. What you really need, if you want to do well on this front, is an excellent ear for the English language and a ton of experience reading and speaking. Avoiding unintentional ambiguity, i.e., cases where a single sentence can be interpreted multiple ways (hopefully one of them the correct way). Consistency, at many levels. This goes from the low level of making sure terminology used is the same throughout a game, to the high level of making sure that events in the game make sense together. One important thing people screw up on this front is consistency of narrative tense. The flow of narration should either be in the past or present tense, and it should stay there. Consistency overlaps a fair bit with some of the other things on this list, particularly the next two items. Flow, i.e., making sure that subsequent lines make sense together and form a coherent whole. When two people hold a conversation, they're usually talking to each other. A response tends to be related to the question that elicited it, and so on. Narration tends to be a single train of thought, not a series of disconnected sentences. Tone and character voice, i.e., making sure that the way the line expresses the thought is appropriate to either the narrative tone or the way the speaking character should talk. Character voice mostly comes down to word choice, but also sometimes to syntax. As an example, if your character is a bit childish, they shouldn't use SAT words and they shouldn't speak like the narration of a Dickens book. This objective is particularly fuzzy and difficult to get right. Rarely, people can go overboard on this one and end up flanderizing their characters' speech, or even just make them sound a bit silly. This one is the most forgivable thing to mess up, especially if you underdo it (overdoing it tends to be annoying...), but it's worth doing. Other fuzzier "good writing" things that don't really fit into the above categories. Avoid purple prose, avoid filtering verbs, avoid mixed metaphors, etc. This list is probably exceptionally long, and there's no way I'm going to just think up even a tiny fraction of the things that should be on it. Editors work almost entirely on instinct (because analyzing everything would take forever), along with a healthy dose of preparation and analysis outside of the time spent actually changing lines. For instance, you often need to sit down and think about common terminology, catchphrases, and other things that will influence word choice across the game. That's necessary because of both the "consistency" consideration and the "character voice" one. And although changes are largely driven by instinct in the moment, any editor worth their salt should be able to explain why they are making any given change, and it will usually boil down to one of these items: "it's more natural this way", "this is the way that person talks", etc.
VN fan translations tend to be bad at all of these things. The same is true of many (most?) official VN translations, and also official and fan translations of anime, manga, LNs, and even of many mainstream video games. Being good at each of these things is hard. Being consistently good at all of these things is extremely difficult, and hence why there are professionals. Fortunately or unfortunately, most of the VN-reading community has gotten so used to people being bad at all of these things that they won't notice if you, also, are bad at them, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't strive to be better at it.
 
One thing I want to drive home: Japanese VN writers are professional writers. If all of this stuff I wrote sounds nitpicky and you think I'm making this all way more complicated than it should be, then you are disrespecting the original. You can bet your ass the original writers had all of this stuff (and a whole lot more related to writing in a broader sense) in mind at some level while they were writing it. Either that, or they're bad writers and it's probably not worth the time to translate their work anyway...

Miniature Garden
http://store.steampowered.com/app/494170/
Summary
In the woods not far from the city lies a school called the 'Miniature Garden.' In keeping with the school's name, an original 'Miniature Festival' is held there every three years. There’s a rumor that an unnatural death will befall someone on the night of the festival. This year, as the sun sets, Yasunari and four other students find themselves trapped alone in the school on the night of the festival. Is it just a mistake, or could the rumors be true?
[Steam Summary]
 
Ending Guideline / Suggested Route Order
Miniature Garden has seven total endings, in keeping with its Seven Mysteries theme, and it's really not obvious why a specific collection of choices is going to lead you to any given different ending. That said, I don't recommend any particular order, and in fact I'd recommend you play without a guide at first. However, uncovering all the endings is an exercise in frustration and annoyance because of the lack of any obvious hints or obviously correct/incorrect combination of choices for many of them, so I basically recommend you to simply play around and see various endings until you start to feel annoyed by the repetition and/or by the frustration of looking, and at that point just use this guide to unlock the remaining endings (since they are generally worth seeing).
Route Guideline
Ending 1: An Old Memory
Ending 2: Trigger
Ending 3: With Memories
Ending 4: Accomplices
Ending 5: Allegory
Ending 6: All Alone
Ending 7: The Seven Mysteries
 
Attribution
Summary from Steam, and image linked from the game's VNDB page: https://vndb.org/v16658
Walkthrough created by @Fred the Barber
 

https://fuwanovel.net/reviews/2017/11/15/karakara-2/
I actually really like this series. It's not deep or anything, but it reliably delivers the goods. Also, what's not to like about a kemonomimi harem?

My guy, just look at the reactions in this thread. You're in the minority on freaking Fuwanovel, the weebiest place to talk about VNs short of 4chan. The only reasonable conclusion is that the one living in an echo chamber is you, not those of us saying 3rd-person self-reference sounds like ass in translation.

My guy, just look at the reactions in this thread. You're in the minority on freaking Fuwanovel, the weebiest place to talk about VNs short of 4chan. The only reasonable conclusion is that the one living in an echo chamber is you, not those of us saying 3rd-person self-reference sounds like ass in translation.

My guy, just look at the reactions in this thread. You're in the minority on freaking Fuwanovel, the weebiest place to talk about VNs short of 4chan. The only reasonable conclusion is that the one living in an echo chamber is you, not those of us saying 3rd-person self-reference sounds like ass in translation.

My guy, just look at the reactions in this thread. You're in the minority on freaking Fuwanovel, the weebiest place to talk about VNs short of 4chan. The only reasonable conclusion is that the one living in an echo chamber is you, not those of us saying 3rd-person self-reference sounds like ass in translation.

My guy, just look at the reactions in this thread. You're in the minority on freaking Fuwanovel, the weebiest place to talk about VNs short of 4chan. The only reasonable conclusion is that the one living in an echo chamber is you, not those of us saying 3rd-person self-reference sounds like ass in translation.

I have witnessed the progress of an English speaker transitioning out of referring to themself in the third-person and into the first-person. The toddler in question finished making that change shortly before their third birthday. So if you want to feel like Saya is two years old while you're reading that game, go for it and apply that patch. Meanwhile, any halfway decent translator is going to understand how inaccurate it is to render 3rd-person self-reference in Japanese as 3rd-person self-reference in English.

I have witnessed the progress of an English speaker transitioning out of referring to themself in the third-person and into the first-person. The toddler in question finished making that change shortly before their third birthday. So if you want to feel like Saya is two years old while you're reading that game, go for it and apply that patch. Meanwhile, any halfway decent translator is going to understand how inaccurate it is to render 3rd-person self-reference in Japanese as 3rd-person self-reference in English.

I have witnessed the progress of an English speaker transitioning out of referring to themself in the third-person and into the first-person. The toddler in question finished making that change shortly before their third birthday. So if you want to feel like Saya is two years old while you're reading that game, go for it and apply that patch. Meanwhile, any halfway decent translator is going to understand how inaccurate it is to render 3rd-person self-reference in Japanese as 3rd-person self-reference in English.

I have witnessed the progress of an English speaker transitioning out of referring to themself in the third-person and into the first-person. The toddler in question finished making that change shortly before their third birthday. So if you want to feel like Saya is two years old while you're reading that game, go for it and apply that patch. Meanwhile, any halfway decent translator is going to understand how inaccurate it is to render 3rd-person self-reference in Japanese as 3rd-person self-reference in English.

I have witnessed the progress of an English speaker transitioning out of referring to themself in the third-person and into the first-person. The toddler in question finished making that change shortly before their third birthday. So if you want to feel like Saya is two years old while you're reading that game, go for it and apply that patch. Meanwhile, any halfway decent translator is going to understand how inaccurate it is to render 3rd-person self-reference in Japanese as 3rd-person self-reference in English.

I imagine this mostly flew under the radar, but a certain former PR rep, once known as the nicest guy in the VN industry, is translating this charming-looking indie game which is getting a Kickstarter to fund the translation:
They already hit their funding goal, but consider showing them some love anyway; the game does look fun and goofy, and knowing Ian, the localization should be a riot.

Edit: I somehow completely misread the OP o_O, so I'm basically rewriting this post, lol
Clannad, because I loved the anime. Which soon led to Little Busters, and then down a very deep rabbit hole...

Yeah, I feel ya on Accel World. As far as production standards go, it blew SAO (at least the earlier series) completely out of the park and was a joy to watch. It's the first series that comes to mind when I think of anime that need a continuation. Unfortunately, it's seems like Sunrise is mostly focusing on Gundam and Love Live nowadays. It's probably not gonna happen.
Yakusoku no Neverland - This anime has a mean cliffhanger ending. If I weren't a big fan of manga in general, I'd have probably read its source material by now. I'm still considering it, actually.
I'd say 90% of Madhouse's anime need continuations...
Kokoro Connect - One can dream, right?
Made in Abyss - I was highly invested in this series by the end of it, but the ending was not the least bit satisfying.
Panty and Stocking - Not that I have a real craving for this, but I'd definitely like to watch more just for the lulz.
Binbougami ga - This anime was so funny it actually hurt a little, lol. I would seriously love to see a sequel series for this.

Oh, my spoiler isn't too spoilery. Like, I don't mention which heroine or what happens exactly. It's just a slight clarification about the meaning behind the tag.
It is, indeed, not a clear-cut case. There was quite the discussion some time ago in this forum regarding the issue, actually.

Yeah, that's a scene that really left a bad taste in my mouth and colored my view of Majikoi ever since then
It's an awful scene that really doesn't belong in a comedy vn

Unfortunately, such behaviour in prologue can give wrong impression of game for players (by the way, that's why we need demo versions of game to test it before buying).
My friend also dropped that VN and even didn't finish prologue, and my words about "please, read next" don't convince them to continue. Eh... That's minus of that game.

On the one hand, I understand not wanting to abandon your own hard work. On the other hand, once a company has announced an official localization, the civil thing to do if you're a fan translation outfit is to talk to the developer and understand what they want you to do, not to say "fuck you, Key, we're going to keep releasing our fan TL patches". I hope these guys cool off a bit and have a conversation with the developer's English representatives to understand what their wishes are. Who knows? Maybe there's room for collaboration.

Only a child worries about a work being too childish for them. Not to speak about how that doesn't really affect its quality either way... Avatar: The Last Airbender is technically "for kids" and a masterpiece all the same.
Furthermore, what you listed are kind of the soul and bread and butter of slice of lives. Little Busters is not a story about adventures or fighting. At least try to make your point respectfully.

It's certainly a divisive game, but mostly WRT the secret ending (a lot of people don't like it, which is understandable). That said, I don't agree that the protagonist is a scumbag, and I think if you play through the entirety of the first twins' route, that becomes very apparent.

Broski's back, y'all.
Denpasoft (full 18+ release): https://denpasoft.com/collections/newest-releases/products/9-nine-episode-2 Steam: https://store.steampowered.com/app/1033420/9nineEpisode_2/ Denpasoft (free patch for the Steam release): https://denpasoft.com/collections/dlc/products/9-nine-episode-2-18-dlc

Broski's back, y'all.
Denpasoft (full 18+ release): https://denpasoft.com/collections/newest-releases/products/9-nine-episode-2 Steam: https://store.steampowered.com/app/1033420/9nineEpisode_2/ Denpasoft (free patch for the Steam release): https://denpasoft.com/collections/dlc/products/9-nine-episode-2-18-dlc

Well it just came out 15 hours ago so I don't expect many people to have completed it but who ever finished it, what are your thoughts and what would you rate it? 
Personally I am extremely bias towards this series since kokoiro was my first visual novel and I am still very new to the community. 和泉つばす, the character designer and CG artist is my favourite artist. Since I don't have much experience in visual novels I can't say for sure, but I'm pretty sure this would be one of the few games out there where it had a sex scenes which succeeded in making struggle to hold back by tears, whilst another made me laugh my ass off. The bad end was pretty rough; Feels got me pretty good. It didn't give me the heavy feeling after I finished it though since I know there is Haruiro coming up next and 2 to follow after that. I'm looking forward to Haruiro which would probably be translated in half a year (?) 
I'd give it a 8/10. It was better than kokoiro in my opinion.