Jump to content

A Sky Full of Stars - +18 Restoration [DROPPED]


Recommended Posts

3 hours ago, Shaun said:

xD I don't think I've gotten far enough to see that or I have but don't remember it.  I don't know how far into the visual novel you need to be to see that.

Im gonna take a wild stab and guess the sentence should be something like "her piercing eyes cut right through me" or "saw right through me"

Link to post
Share on other sites
37 minutes ago, Stormwolf said:

Im gonna take a wild stab and guess the sentence should be something like "her piercing eyes cut right through me" or "saw right through me"

I actually thought the same. I thought it was something on those lines like "her sharp gaze cut right through me" or "her piercing eyes cut right through me". At the end, I went to check the original JP line which was this:

Quote

直球の表現にグサリきた。

First, I tried to check each kanji compound to see what it could mean. 直球 - "Straight", "Frank" (second meaning listed on Tanoshii Japanese), 表現 - "Expression", "Presentation" (first meaning listed on Tanoshii Japanese), グサリきた - don't know what this means, I couldn't find anything useful while googling, に and の are Japanese particles. Through my attempt at deciphering this, I understood how they came up with "open expression". 直球の表現 - の is the particle for possessiveness so I first interpreted it as "Expression of frankness". And I understood how they came up with "open" in the translation. It's a synonym for frank:

frank_synonym.jpg?width=622&height=559

So my guess is that the editor changed that to "open expression". Or in case Moenovel didn't even use one, then it's the original TLer who used that wording "open expression". The problem is, you'll never find anywhere anybody using "open expression" to mean what they tried to say there. And besides, that's not even the main problem here. The whole TL of it is wrong in the first place. I sent this specific line to a very good N1 JP -> ENG TLer to double check that line and it turns out the whole "expression" there isn't about the face she made (as you would assume initially from the way it was worded in the translation). The "expression" that's talked about here is about the way Hikari was speaking to the MC in couple of lines before. For the whole context, here are couple of lines before:

Quote

ひかり
宙見くんは、どうして友達作ろうとしないの?
Narrator
帚星さんは、前からずっと聞いてみたかった、って感じで言った。
暁斗
俺の勝手だろ
ひかり
ほら、それ。なんか冷めててひねくれてる!

Quote

Hikari
"Why are you not making friends with anyone?"
Narrator
Hikari looked like she'd been wanting to ask this for a while.
Akito
"It's just how I am."
Hikari
"See, that's what I am talking about. It's like you're trying to be cold on purpose!"

And then comes that infamous line of "open expression" Moenovel put. While in truth, it should have said something on the lines of:

Quote

I was taken aback by her directness.

The MC is actually slightly shocked how she was speaking to him. There was no any "sharp gazes" and other bullshit. It even fits with the narrative in the following line where he says:

Quote

But I kept cool on the outside.

I think it can be worded a little bit better, but that's the gist of that particular scene. You can't trust Moenovel to even do a correct translation of all lines, much less to hope for it to read good.

Mind you, I am not doing this for every line in the script. I just randomly pick suspicious ones, like that example I showed here. There are also other suspicious lines in these scripts like this one, but I don't have the energy nor will to try and hunt them all down. Only the obvious ones I notice or where it doesn't fit with what's going on.

Edited by Infernoplex
Link to post
Share on other sites

Well, thats just silly of moenovel. Its a shame tjose editing might not know what a terrible job a translator have done. I would 100% sure correct that in my mind with the context leading up to the line though.

I would have used the word bluntness. Seems more fitting as she pretty much insulted his personality.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I wouldn't use urbandictionary as the end-all resource as far as idioms go...  I mean I would never have considered "open expression" to have an inherently sexual connotation like that.  A lot of stuff on UD is just bullshit anyway, like someone adding some expression that only they and their 2 friends use but nobody else have ever heard of, or just random stuff they thought off the top of their head.

Though agree that "frank expression" might fit better but haven't really seen the context.

Link to post
Share on other sites
4 hours ago, Stormwolf said:

I would have used the word bluntness. Seems more fitting as she pretty much insulted his personality.

Ah, yeah, both "directness" and "bluntness" have similar meanings (I think they are 90% synonym of each other). I will see later on what I should do with all of these.

3 hours ago, littleshogun said:

Now that's something in regard of 'open expression', which is very ironic considering that Pulltop refused to translated any sex scenes, and thus the reason of why this project was born. Granted the meaning from urban dictionary here was not 100% accurate, but still. Oh well.

It was just funny when I saw it, that's all :D It's made up slang but it was still very funny to see it. I had a good laugh back then when I saw it for the first time xD

2 hours ago, Orange said:

I wouldn't use urbandictionary as the end-all resource as far as idioms go...  I mean I would never have considered "open expression" to have an inherently sexual connotation like that.  A lot of stuff on UD is just bullshit anyway, like someone adding some expression that only they and their 2 friends use but nobody else have ever heard of, or just random stuff they thought off the top of their head.

Oh, no, I didn't use it as a resource, far from it. Don't take it the wrong way :D ... When I said "I only found this" earlier, I meant it's the only definitiion of it I could find. Urban Dictionary isn't a real dictionary, I know that. It's a fun dictionary for whatever random meaning users come up with (and it's mostly for the laughs xD). The fact that "open expression" with any kind of definition popped out only there was too funny for me xD ... But the word "open expression" does pop up here and there on the net as well (and apparently, it does get recognized on NGram). But still, it's not a word that you would use to describe what they tried to do there. It's definitively not the right adjective to describe somebody's expression (how do you imagine somebody with an "open expression"? Here in this case, "expression" meaning as a look on their face, not the way they express themselves). Not the right wording, and not the right translation in the first place.

2 hours ago, Orange said:

Though agree that "frank expression" might fit better but haven't really seen the context.

It's still not the right translation. But yeah, if it was, then "frank" or "honest" expression maybe makes more sense than "open". But still, in editing, how would you imagine somebody "cutting right through me" using "frank" or "honest" expression? I don't think that's the right idiom anyway. Maybe somebody with better knowledge on this could give us some input? :) ...

Link to post
Share on other sites

I'd say it's something like "Her stare pierced right through me" etc. Blunt could work.

I'd have to take a look at the context to fill in the details, but it's something along those lines. If you actually want some of these lines checked, mark them in the scripts and I can glance at them after the H is fully TLed. Though, it's not exactly a priority to edit the already existing TL. :P

Link to post
Share on other sites
54 minutes ago, Dergonu said:

I'd say it's something like "Her stare pierced right through me" etc. Blunt could work.

I'd have to take a look at the context to fill in the details, but it's something along those lines. If you actually want some of these lines checked, mark them in the scripts and I can glance at them after the H is fully TLed. Though, it's not exactly a priority to edit the already existing TL. :P

Yeah, I know, I didn't mean to do a reTL of it, that's just too much out of a scope I intended. And yeah, I already started taking notes of everything I found suspicious. When the time comes for it, we can check it if it's okay.

Link to post
Share on other sites
45 minutes ago, Isotropic said:

グサリ just means deeply AFAIK, like describing an arrow piercing deeply into it's target. I have seen it used with intangibles like emotional impact too though.

It's usually used like にグサリ or グサリと一突きする.

Thanks for the explanation. Google wasn't helpful for that one. But still, the phrase "Her open expression cut right through me." sounds too literal and not really a sentence I would use for that.

Link to post
Share on other sites
16 hours ago, Dergonu said:

It's 7.5k lines in H. So yeah, I got lots of moaning to look forward to, lol. 

Well I think (if it's done by the same metric as that 100k+ estimate given before for total game size) that that also includes speaker tags?  So real line count would be like half of that, and then you have to figure a lot of those lines are really short like just some moans or sound effects so it's probably not as bad as it sounds.  Though still will add up to a decent amount of work.

Link to post
Share on other sites
9 minutes ago, Orange said:

Well I think (if it's done by the same metric as that 100k+ estimate given before for total game size) that that also includes speaker tags?  So real line count would be like half of that, and then you have to figure a lot of those lines are really short like just some moans or sound effects so it's probably not as bad as it sounds.  Though still will add up to a decent amount of work.

No, speaker tags aren't included in the count. It's genuinely 7.5k lines (minus some 500 that I might be able to dig out, if Moenovel didn't censor it in some way). Also, the overall line count for the VN is almost 46k, not 100k+ of lines (that would be more than double of its size currently).

I know the correct count because of this:

zSN3dK1.jpg

Edited by Infernoplex
Link to post
Share on other sites
33 minutes ago, Orange said:

Huh wow, that's more than I expected for just H-scenes.  Did anything else get cut besides that?

Yeah, the VN has only 17 H-scenes, but the script sizes for those are way bigger then you'd expect from a VN that's not a nukige. They take a considerable amount of overall content % (@littleshogun did the math once but I forgot the correct number). As for whether anything else was cut, I don't know about that but I think it wasn't. Based on the scripts I saw and compared between JP and Moenovel, it's only the H-scenes that were cut (and maybe one or two non-H scene scripts that had been dependent on player to have seen the H-scenes, hence why Moenovel cut them). Maybe there was some censoring here and there to make up for the lack of H but I don't know yet about that, I only read the common route and a little bit of Orihime before I started the project. Yeah, kind of bad for a project leader to have not finished the VN fully, but I wanted to keep myself as motivated as possible and without the H-scenes, the experience of it wouldn't have been complete anyway. So to summarize - no, I don't think anything beside H was cut, but it's still a considerable amount of % overall content that was cut.

Link to post
Share on other sites

So I was just wondering about the patch, are you going to just translate the cut H-scenes and insert them in the MoeNovel translation as is, or will you rework the big translation errors from the non-cut story ? (I'm saying "big" because I don't expect anyone to be able to correct every little mistakes, so just talking about the ones that make it really hard to understand what's going on). I'm asking because for long segments of Agahi's route in IMHHW I was just lost and couldn't understand a single thing, I'm not criticizing the patch you'r making or you in any way, I was just curious, I haven't even installed ASFOS yet ! 

Link to post
Share on other sites
Just now, DatMetalGuy said:

So I was just wondering about the patch, are you going to just translate the cut H-scenes and insert them in the MoeNovel translation as is, or will you rework the big translation errors from the non-cut story ? (I'm saying "big" because I don't expect anyone to be able to correct every little mistakes, so just talking about the ones that make it really hard to understand what's going on). I'm asking because for long segments of Agahi's route in IMHHW I was just lost and couldn't understand a single thing, I'm not criticizing the patch you'r making or you in any way, I was just curious, I haven't even installed ASFOS yet ! 

The thing is, I am not even working on Moenovel version xD So technically speaking, I am not inserting H-scripts in the Moenovel censored version at all. I am working on the JP version of the VN and basically making the patch for it. But, some people like Marcus will be able to maybe make the patch for the Moenovel version as well, based on the patch we'll make here. What I am doing is essentally porting the translated images and scripts into the JP version + TLing the stuff not done by Moenovel. Also, as you can see, I am "trying" to fix a little bit what they did with the original TL. But not a whole new reTL, mind you, I have no team for that and I don't think it's really necessary.

It's an ... I guess okay translation from what I have seen, it's not total nonsense like I heard IMHHW was (and Ageha's route especially). But it will still not read as best as possible. I am not that skilled in creative writing and making it read like Grisaia is out of my capabilities. So it will still read like a Moenovel translation, just with a different style guide I am using (dropping comma splices where possible, changing onomatopoeias, some awkward lines fixed, and some other minor stuff like that). It should still be a decent read. I guess you could say I am trying to "polish" their work. Which I think kinda fits with what I am trying to do. I am not able to fix translation errors (there are certain TL errors in places, but I can't fix them all, but if you are a casual reader, you won't notice those at all anyway...) and those will be left with our patch as well, provided I don't get input later on by people what needs to be fixed. I am willing to improve it as much as possible.

As for the patch itself, the hacker I am having on the project is currently looking into how it will be done. Because we also have a demosaicing envisioned, we'd need a way to make it optional and so on.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks, that answers my questions ! Yes, IMHHW's translation is just nonsense when it comes to Ageha's route, I'm doing Amane's route as we speak and so far it seems a lot better, like Kotori's route, but there is still a few things wrong here and there, nothing that makes it impossible to understand though so I'm fine with it. I of course don't expect you to rework the entire game, and I don't mind a few mistakes in the english here and there and such, I was just really really pissed at Ageha's route since I could barely understand anything (and even the translation was censored sometimes, ie. "eyes" instead of "breasts"). 

When i'll be done with IMHHW and have played through ASFOS, I could offer my services when it comes to reworking some of the english if you want to, I have still about 6 months at least of free-time, I still have obligations but no work so it woudl still leave me with plenty of hours a day where I could work on making some weird sentences better, if you'd be interested in that. I have no skill in japanese or patching or any of this, I could just do little "adjustments" if you will, working from the already-translated texts! 

Link to post
Share on other sites
1 minute ago, DatMetalGuy said:

Thanks, that answers my questions ! Yes, IMHHW's translation is just nonsense when it comes to Ageha's route, I'm doing Amane's route as we speak and so far it seems a lot better, like Kotori's route, but there is still a few things wrong here and there, nothing that makes it impossible to understand though so I'm fine with it. I of course don't expect you to rework the entire game, and I don't mind a few mistakes in the english here and there and such, I was just really really pissed at Ageha's route since I could barely understand anything (and even the translation was censored sometimes, ie. "eyes" instead of "breasts"). 

I didn't read IMHHW yet. I only know it was a mess. There's currently a reTL project for it going on and it should come maybe this year or so I heard. I might read it then when it comes out, since now I am very interested in Pulltop VNs. As for the quality of Miazora TL on routes - I don't know if there are any serious issues like there was with Ageha in IMMHW (I didn't yet read any of the routes fully in Miazora). But I didn't hear any complaints yet so I guess everything's fine and there are no "Agehas" style of translations in Miazora :) ...

4 minutes ago, DatMetalGuy said:

When i'll be done with IMHHW and have played through ASFOS, I could offer my services when it comes to reworking some of the english if you want to, I have still about 6 months at least of free-time, I still have obligations but no work so it woudl still leave me with plenty of hours a day where I could work on making some weird sentences better, if you'd be interested in that. I have no skill in japanese or patching or any of this, I could just do little "adjustments" if you will, working from the already-translated texts! 

I think I could use somebody's help, at least for finishing QC. I am right now doing it all myself but having one more set of eyes could be helpful in the long run. Are you a native ENG speaker?

Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm not "native" per say, although I grew up fluent in both french and english thanks to an english-fluent mother and an american step mother. I can read it no problem, and can write it about as flawlessly as a native-english person if I really put myself up to it. I lack the vocal practice to have a good accent though aha!

Edited by DatMetalGuy
Link to post
Share on other sites
4 minutes ago, DatMetalGuy said:

I'm not "native" per say, although I grew up fluent in both french and english thanks to an english-fluent mother and an american step mother. I can read it no problem, and can write it about as flawlessly as a native-english person if I really put myself up to it. I lack the vocal practice to have a good accent though aha!

I see :) ... Contact me once you are done with IMHHW and ASFOS then, I should probably be done with at least half of common route in Miazora by then I think. That is if you are interested in testing :) ...

Edited by Infernoplex
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Infernoplex changed the title to A Sky Full of Stars - +18 Restoration [DROPPED]

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

×
×
  • Create New...