InvertMouse

Hi everyone! I want to let you know that Unhack 2 is finally out:
http://store.steampowered.com/app/444170
Unhack 2 turned out to be the most challenging project I have ever produced. I ran into production issues that caused delay after delay. Several of them were my fault, but I learned a lot from them and will carry these lessons forward. The game has mixed reviews so far, so we will see if it turns out to be well or poorly received.
Thank you !

Hi there. Hope everyone had a nice Christmas .
I played through Final Fantasy 8 a decade ago when I was a kid. Back then, I didn't know the enemies' levels scale with yours, so I leveled up to 99 thinking I was hot stuff. People say in that game, leveling makes the battles difficult, as the enemies' stats go up faster than yours. I never noticed it, because I looked up a guide and got most of the best gear, and I even defeated Omega Weapon.
These days, and I prefer to enjoy games without studying guides. I've been replaying FF8 because I found out about the level scaling, and I want to play a game that doesn't demand level grinds. Some say the system's flawed, and perhaps it is, but at least it intrigued me enough to make me purchase the game again on Steam.
Plenty of people hate grinding, but level scaling often comes with its own issues. It makes me think, why not remove the leveling concept entirely? Now I won't avoid random encounters, and when I die, I won't have any excuses about not being on a high enough level. What are everyone's thoughts on this?
And if you've played FF8, I'll be happy to read your opinion on that game's system, too. Some people pick FF8 as their favorite in the series, and I've seen them get ridiculed online. Gamers have strong feelings about this one, so I want to know all about it.
Thank you .

Hi there. Hope everyone had a nice Christmas .
I played through Final Fantasy 8 a decade ago when I was a kid. Back then, I didn't know the enemies' levels scale with yours, so I leveled up to 99 thinking I was hot stuff. People say in that game, leveling makes the battles difficult, as the enemies' stats go up faster than yours. I never noticed it, because I looked up a guide and got most of the best gear, and I even defeated Omega Weapon.
These days, and I prefer to enjoy games without studying guides. I've been replaying FF8 because I found out about the level scaling, and I want to play a game that doesn't demand level grinds. Some say the system's flawed, and perhaps it is, but at least it intrigued me enough to make me purchase the game again on Steam.
Plenty of people hate grinding, but level scaling often comes with its own issues. It makes me think, why not remove the leveling concept entirely? Now I won't avoid random encounters, and when I die, I won't have any excuses about not being on a high enough level. What are everyone's thoughts on this?
And if you've played FF8, I'll be happy to read your opinion on that game's system, too. Some people pick FF8 as their favorite in the series, and I've seen them get ridiculed online. Gamers have strong feelings about this one, so I want to know all about it.
Thank you .

Hi there everyone. A few of you may have heard that my dad has passed away this Monday from cardiac arrest. Never before have I felt so broken. It's like there's a hole in my heart that would never heal again.
But after close to a week, I felt the healing process taking place. I can now smile again, and I no longer break into tears at random. When I reflect, my dad's passing has helped me grow so much in the span of three to five days. It's not at all worth the exchange, but now I hold Mum's hand a lot more, and the whole family is closer from the incident. My mind seems to have pushed all of Dad's flaws aside, so now he's turned into some kind of deity who I can always count on to watch over me. I've never been spiritual, but maybe it's all I have now to keep me sane.
But as the title suggests, my dad's funeral is on this afternoon, and I'm so nervous about it. I haven't seen Dad's face since I left the hospital on Monday, and after the cremation ceremony tomorrow, I'll never get to see him again. Really scared to guess how I'll respond when I see him today. My wounds have at last begun to heal, but the funeral might tear those stitches open again, which is so tough to bear. I feel terrible for worrying about myself at a time like this, but I must own up to what's going through my mind. For now, I'm telling myself that the funeral should be a celebration of my dad's legacy, but once those doors open, my narrative will probably fly out the window.
So yes, if anyone has any advice for me, I'd appreciate that so much. I'm up typing this at 3am because I really can't sleep, so maybe I'm a bit desperate. Of course, I'd be thankful for any good wishes you have for my dad as well. Just a lot of selfishness and confusion on my part.
Thank you so much everyone.

Thank you so much everyone. I am back from the cremation ceremony, and as I mentioned last night, I really feel at peace. Maybe I'll curl into a ball later and cry at night, but for now, I'm ready to move forward.
A lot of you lost loved ones when you were still kids. I can't imagine how I'd be able to deal with that. For me, I had my dad until I'm past 30, so I'd already call that good fortune. I'm independent, my dad's taught me a lot, and his death has taught me even more. Easily one of the most important person in my life. I don't care about celebrities. Guys like Dad are the ones I love and care about.
My dad wanted a Buddhist style funeral, so we granted him that wish. Hearing so many people chant for him helped me settle my emotions. I still know nothing about spirits, but if the Buddha exists (or whichever God the individual has faith in), then the ceremony exists to say hey, please take this man's spirit back to your side, and whatever happens after that is up to the Gods. When I think of it like that, it's like the Gods have lent me this spirit for 70+ years, and now it's time for him to return to a better place. Maybe wishful thinking, but I can let it all go when I think this way. Perhaps some day I'll end up wherever he is now as well. I guess this is just part of the journey in our circle of life, assuming such a thing is real.
The funeral staff handed us all tissues when it's time for us to say goodbye for the last time, but I didn't end up needing them. There were wet eyes but no tears falling. I feel so determined, so peaceful. My dad knows what dreams I have in life, and now I want him to watch me as I chase after them.
Thank you for all of your thoughts! Happy to hear more .

Thanks Zalor! It's comforting to hear from an old friend :).

Thanks Zalor! It's comforting to hear from an old friend :).

My condolences. Sorry for your loss.

Don't concern yourself about it my friend.
 

Late to said this, but my condolence to you there. As for advice, to be honest I couldn't offer much here because I'm only had attended the funeral for my grandparents. But still, back when my grandparents died of course I was quite surprised because there's will be not the same anymore without them. But if you really need some advice I would just suggest to give the prayer to your dad there in order to help his soul in the after life. That's all I could say for now, and hope you could get over that eventually.

Damn, that's terrible.  I'm really sorry to hear about that.  Losing someone close to you always hits like a truck full of bricks.  I lost my dad to a very aggressive form of cancer when I was 11, and I basically felt like I was in some sort of surreal dream for about a solid day.  It felt so weird for that ever-present pillar of my life to just have suddenly disappeared in the blink of an eye.  Let me know if you need to talk to someone, me and plenty of others are happy to lend an ear and share their own experiences.
I don't know about you, Invert, but I was pretty emotionally numb for quite a while after my dad died, for probably about a solid month, at the very least.  I didn't honestly open up about it for probably close to a year or so, and I still held onto a lot of the feelings about it for quite a while longer.  It's probably too soon to tell how you're dealing with things, but it might be a good idea to either have regular family discussions about how you're all feeling, or to talk to a confidant or a therapist.  I didn't do almost any of that for a while, and it didn't help at all.  In fact, I kind of repressed my feelings because I didn't want to feel them, and all that really did was make them fester into crippling depression.  It's extremely important that you process your feelings and let them out in a healthy way so you don't bottle them up inside.  I'd also recommend watching your physical health.  After my dad died, I came down with a nasty case of pneumonia.  I've heard of similar things happening after a loved one dies, so make sure to take care of yourself.
Also, you're going to want to save all recordings and photos you can possibly find.  As much as it pains me to admit this, I barely remember what my own father's voice sounded like.  You don't want that to happen.

"Look upon endings as new beginnings." --The Tao of Shinsei.
You are now facing the greatest challenge in anybody's life, the loss of a loved one. There's just no room for consolation -you need to get on your feet yourself and rationalise your experience. Unless things go horribly awry, you'll move on. And possibly, be strengthened by it, as you suggest. Just know that this world is full of possibilities.
Give yourself some time to rebuild. People die, nations are destroyed all the time, tsunamis and catastrophes happen, but we stubborn humans get up again. Every time.
Don't forget that people die so that others may live.

Sorry for the late post. I hardly even lurk here anymore. But InvertMouse, I've known you since I first started posting on this site. So to hear such bad news from you really does make me sad. It seems that you are successfully healing from this loss, and that is good to hear. The sadness this has caused you only means that your Dad was a good father and a person worth missing. Growing up with loving parents is a blessing. And unfortunately, their deaths have to come eventually. I haven't experience a loss of a parent, so I can't share any perspectives for you. All I can do is give you my belated condolences.  

Hi there everyone. A few of you may have heard that my dad has passed away this Monday from cardiac arrest. Never before have I felt so broken. It's like there's a hole in my heart that would never heal again.
But after close to a week, I felt the healing process taking place. I can now smile again, and I no longer break into tears at random. When I reflect, my dad's passing has helped me grow so much in the span of three to five days. It's not at all worth the exchange, but now I hold Mum's hand a lot more, and the whole family is closer from the incident. My mind seems to have pushed all of Dad's flaws aside, so now he's turned into some kind of deity who I can always count on to watch over me. I've never been spiritual, but maybe it's all I have now to keep me sane.
But as the title suggests, my dad's funeral is on this afternoon, and I'm so nervous about it. I haven't seen Dad's face since I left the hospital on Monday, and after the cremation ceremony tomorrow, I'll never get to see him again. Really scared to guess how I'll respond when I see him today. My wounds have at last begun to heal, but the funeral might tear those stitches open again, which is so tough to bear. I feel terrible for worrying about myself at a time like this, but I must own up to what's going through my mind. For now, I'm telling myself that the funeral should be a celebration of my dad's legacy, but once those doors open, my narrative will probably fly out the window.
So yes, if anyone has any advice for me, I'd appreciate that so much. I'm up typing this at 3am because I really can't sleep, so maybe I'm a bit desperate. Of course, I'd be thankful for any good wishes you have for my dad as well. Just a lot of selfishness and confusion on my part.
Thank you so much everyone.

Thank you so much everyone. I am back from the cremation ceremony, and as I mentioned last night, I really feel at peace. Maybe I'll curl into a ball later and cry at night, but for now, I'm ready to move forward.
A lot of you lost loved ones when you were still kids. I can't imagine how I'd be able to deal with that. For me, I had my dad until I'm past 30, so I'd already call that good fortune. I'm independent, my dad's taught me a lot, and his death has taught me even more. Easily one of the most important person in my life. I don't care about celebrities. Guys like Dad are the ones I love and care about.
My dad wanted a Buddhist style funeral, so we granted him that wish. Hearing so many people chant for him helped me settle my emotions. I still know nothing about spirits, but if the Buddha exists (or whichever God the individual has faith in), then the ceremony exists to say hey, please take this man's spirit back to your side, and whatever happens after that is up to the Gods. When I think of it like that, it's like the Gods have lent me this spirit for 70+ years, and now it's time for him to return to a better place. Maybe wishful thinking, but I can let it all go when I think this way. Perhaps some day I'll end up wherever he is now as well. I guess this is just part of the journey in our circle of life, assuming such a thing is real.
The funeral staff handed us all tissues when it's time for us to say goodbye for the last time, but I didn't end up needing them. There were wet eyes but no tears falling. I feel so determined, so peaceful. My dad knows what dreams I have in life, and now I want him to watch me as I chase after them.
Thank you for all of your thoughts! Happy to hear more .

Thank you so much everyone. I am back from the cremation ceremony, and as I mentioned last night, I really feel at peace. Maybe I'll curl into a ball later and cry at night, but for now, I'm ready to move forward.
A lot of you lost loved ones when you were still kids. I can't imagine how I'd be able to deal with that. For me, I had my dad until I'm past 30, so I'd already call that good fortune. I'm independent, my dad's taught me a lot, and his death has taught me even more. Easily one of the most important person in my life. I don't care about celebrities. Guys like Dad are the ones I love and care about.
My dad wanted a Buddhist style funeral, so we granted him that wish. Hearing so many people chant for him helped me settle my emotions. I still know nothing about spirits, but if the Buddha exists (or whichever God the individual has faith in), then the ceremony exists to say hey, please take this man's spirit back to your side, and whatever happens after that is up to the Gods. When I think of it like that, it's like the Gods have lent me this spirit for 70+ years, and now it's time for him to return to a better place. Maybe wishful thinking, but I can let it all go when I think this way. Perhaps some day I'll end up wherever he is now as well. I guess this is just part of the journey in our circle of life, assuming such a thing is real.
The funeral staff handed us all tissues when it's time for us to say goodbye for the last time, but I didn't end up needing them. There were wet eyes but no tears falling. I feel so determined, so peaceful. My dad knows what dreams I have in life, and now I want him to watch me as I chase after them.
Thank you for all of your thoughts! Happy to hear more .

Thank you so much everyone. I am back from the cremation ceremony, and as I mentioned last night, I really feel at peace. Maybe I'll curl into a ball later and cry at night, but for now, I'm ready to move forward.
A lot of you lost loved ones when you were still kids. I can't imagine how I'd be able to deal with that. For me, I had my dad until I'm past 30, so I'd already call that good fortune. I'm independent, my dad's taught me a lot, and his death has taught me even more. Easily one of the most important person in my life. I don't care about celebrities. Guys like Dad are the ones I love and care about.
My dad wanted a Buddhist style funeral, so we granted him that wish. Hearing so many people chant for him helped me settle my emotions. I still know nothing about spirits, but if the Buddha exists (or whichever God the individual has faith in), then the ceremony exists to say hey, please take this man's spirit back to your side, and whatever happens after that is up to the Gods. When I think of it like that, it's like the Gods have lent me this spirit for 70+ years, and now it's time for him to return to a better place. Maybe wishful thinking, but I can let it all go when I think this way. Perhaps some day I'll end up wherever he is now as well. I guess this is just part of the journey in our circle of life, assuming such a thing is real.
The funeral staff handed us all tissues when it's time for us to say goodbye for the last time, but I didn't end up needing them. There were wet eyes but no tears falling. I feel so determined, so peaceful. My dad knows what dreams I have in life, and now I want him to watch me as I chase after them.
Thank you for all of your thoughts! Happy to hear more .

Thank you so much everyone. I am back from the cremation ceremony, and as I mentioned last night, I really feel at peace. Maybe I'll curl into a ball later and cry at night, but for now, I'm ready to move forward.
A lot of you lost loved ones when you were still kids. I can't imagine how I'd be able to deal with that. For me, I had my dad until I'm past 30, so I'd already call that good fortune. I'm independent, my dad's taught me a lot, and his death has taught me even more. Easily one of the most important person in my life. I don't care about celebrities. Guys like Dad are the ones I love and care about.
My dad wanted a Buddhist style funeral, so we granted him that wish. Hearing so many people chant for him helped me settle my emotions. I still know nothing about spirits, but if the Buddha exists (or whichever God the individual has faith in), then the ceremony exists to say hey, please take this man's spirit back to your side, and whatever happens after that is up to the Gods. When I think of it like that, it's like the Gods have lent me this spirit for 70+ years, and now it's time for him to return to a better place. Maybe wishful thinking, but I can let it all go when I think this way. Perhaps some day I'll end up wherever he is now as well. I guess this is just part of the journey in our circle of life, assuming such a thing is real.
The funeral staff handed us all tissues when it's time for us to say goodbye for the last time, but I didn't end up needing them. There were wet eyes but no tears falling. I feel so determined, so peaceful. My dad knows what dreams I have in life, and now I want him to watch me as I chase after them.
Thank you for all of your thoughts! Happy to hear more .

Thank you so much everyone. I am back from the cremation ceremony, and as I mentioned last night, I really feel at peace. Maybe I'll curl into a ball later and cry at night, but for now, I'm ready to move forward.
A lot of you lost loved ones when you were still kids. I can't imagine how I'd be able to deal with that. For me, I had my dad until I'm past 30, so I'd already call that good fortune. I'm independent, my dad's taught me a lot, and his death has taught me even more. Easily one of the most important person in my life. I don't care about celebrities. Guys like Dad are the ones I love and care about.
My dad wanted a Buddhist style funeral, so we granted him that wish. Hearing so many people chant for him helped me settle my emotions. I still know nothing about spirits, but if the Buddha exists (or whichever God the individual has faith in), then the ceremony exists to say hey, please take this man's spirit back to your side, and whatever happens after that is up to the Gods. When I think of it like that, it's like the Gods have lent me this spirit for 70+ years, and now it's time for him to return to a better place. Maybe wishful thinking, but I can let it all go when I think this way. Perhaps some day I'll end up wherever he is now as well. I guess this is just part of the journey in our circle of life, assuming such a thing is real.
The funeral staff handed us all tissues when it's time for us to say goodbye for the last time, but I didn't end up needing them. There were wet eyes but no tears falling. I feel so determined, so peaceful. My dad knows what dreams I have in life, and now I want him to watch me as I chase after them.
Thank you for all of your thoughts! Happy to hear more .

Thank you so much everyone. I am back from the cremation ceremony, and as I mentioned last night, I really feel at peace. Maybe I'll curl into a ball later and cry at night, but for now, I'm ready to move forward.
A lot of you lost loved ones when you were still kids. I can't imagine how I'd be able to deal with that. For me, I had my dad until I'm past 30, so I'd already call that good fortune. I'm independent, my dad's taught me a lot, and his death has taught me even more. Easily one of the most important person in my life. I don't care about celebrities. Guys like Dad are the ones I love and care about.
My dad wanted a Buddhist style funeral, so we granted him that wish. Hearing so many people chant for him helped me settle my emotions. I still know nothing about spirits, but if the Buddha exists (or whichever God the individual has faith in), then the ceremony exists to say hey, please take this man's spirit back to your side, and whatever happens after that is up to the Gods. When I think of it like that, it's like the Gods have lent me this spirit for 70+ years, and now it's time for him to return to a better place. Maybe wishful thinking, but I can let it all go when I think this way. Perhaps some day I'll end up wherever he is now as well. I guess this is just part of the journey in our circle of life, assuming such a thing is real.
The funeral staff handed us all tissues when it's time for us to say goodbye for the last time, but I didn't end up needing them. There were wet eyes but no tears falling. I feel so determined, so peaceful. My dad knows what dreams I have in life, and now I want him to watch me as I chase after them.
Thank you for all of your thoughts! Happy to hear more .

Hi there everyone. A few of you may have heard that my dad has passed away this Monday from cardiac arrest. Never before have I felt so broken. It's like there's a hole in my heart that would never heal again.
But after close to a week, I felt the healing process taking place. I can now smile again, and I no longer break into tears at random. When I reflect, my dad's passing has helped me grow so much in the span of three to five days. It's not at all worth the exchange, but now I hold Mum's hand a lot more, and the whole family is closer from the incident. My mind seems to have pushed all of Dad's flaws aside, so now he's turned into some kind of deity who I can always count on to watch over me. I've never been spiritual, but maybe it's all I have now to keep me sane.
But as the title suggests, my dad's funeral is on this afternoon, and I'm so nervous about it. I haven't seen Dad's face since I left the hospital on Monday, and after the cremation ceremony tomorrow, I'll never get to see him again. Really scared to guess how I'll respond when I see him today. My wounds have at last begun to heal, but the funeral might tear those stitches open again, which is so tough to bear. I feel terrible for worrying about myself at a time like this, but I must own up to what's going through my mind. For now, I'm telling myself that the funeral should be a celebration of my dad's legacy, but once those doors open, my narrative will probably fly out the window.
So yes, if anyone has any advice for me, I'd appreciate that so much. I'm up typing this at 3am because I really can't sleep, so maybe I'm a bit desperate. Of course, I'd be thankful for any good wishes you have for my dad as well. Just a lot of selfishness and confusion on my part.
Thank you so much everyone.

Hi there everyone. A few of you may have heard that my dad has passed away this Monday from cardiac arrest. Never before have I felt so broken. It's like there's a hole in my heart that would never heal again.
But after close to a week, I felt the healing process taking place. I can now smile again, and I no longer break into tears at random. When I reflect, my dad's passing has helped me grow so much in the span of three to five days. It's not at all worth the exchange, but now I hold Mum's hand a lot more, and the whole family is closer from the incident. My mind seems to have pushed all of Dad's flaws aside, so now he's turned into some kind of deity who I can always count on to watch over me. I've never been spiritual, but maybe it's all I have now to keep me sane.
But as the title suggests, my dad's funeral is on this afternoon, and I'm so nervous about it. I haven't seen Dad's face since I left the hospital on Monday, and after the cremation ceremony tomorrow, I'll never get to see him again. Really scared to guess how I'll respond when I see him today. My wounds have at last begun to heal, but the funeral might tear those stitches open again, which is so tough to bear. I feel terrible for worrying about myself at a time like this, but I must own up to what's going through my mind. For now, I'm telling myself that the funeral should be a celebration of my dad's legacy, but once those doors open, my narrative will probably fly out the window.
So yes, if anyone has any advice for me, I'd appreciate that so much. I'm up typing this at 3am because I really can't sleep, so maybe I'm a bit desperate. Of course, I'd be thankful for any good wishes you have for my dad as well. Just a lot of selfishness and confusion on my part.
Thank you so much everyone.

Hi there everyone. A few of you may have heard that my dad has passed away this Monday from cardiac arrest. Never before have I felt so broken. It's like there's a hole in my heart that would never heal again.
But after close to a week, I felt the healing process taking place. I can now smile again, and I no longer break into tears at random. When I reflect, my dad's passing has helped me grow so much in the span of three to five days. It's not at all worth the exchange, but now I hold Mum's hand a lot more, and the whole family is closer from the incident. My mind seems to have pushed all of Dad's flaws aside, so now he's turned into some kind of deity who I can always count on to watch over me. I've never been spiritual, but maybe it's all I have now to keep me sane.
But as the title suggests, my dad's funeral is on this afternoon, and I'm so nervous about it. I haven't seen Dad's face since I left the hospital on Monday, and after the cremation ceremony tomorrow, I'll never get to see him again. Really scared to guess how I'll respond when I see him today. My wounds have at last begun to heal, but the funeral might tear those stitches open again, which is so tough to bear. I feel terrible for worrying about myself at a time like this, but I must own up to what's going through my mind. For now, I'm telling myself that the funeral should be a celebration of my dad's legacy, but once those doors open, my narrative will probably fly out the window.
So yes, if anyone has any advice for me, I'd appreciate that so much. I'm up typing this at 3am because I really can't sleep, so maybe I'm a bit desperate. Of course, I'd be thankful for any good wishes you have for my dad as well. Just a lot of selfishness and confusion on my part.
Thank you so much everyone.

Hi there everyone. A few of you may have heard that my dad has passed away this Monday from cardiac arrest. Never before have I felt so broken. It's like there's a hole in my heart that would never heal again.
But after close to a week, I felt the healing process taking place. I can now smile again, and I no longer break into tears at random. When I reflect, my dad's passing has helped me grow so much in the span of three to five days. It's not at all worth the exchange, but now I hold Mum's hand a lot more, and the whole family is closer from the incident. My mind seems to have pushed all of Dad's flaws aside, so now he's turned into some kind of deity who I can always count on to watch over me. I've never been spiritual, but maybe it's all I have now to keep me sane.
But as the title suggests, my dad's funeral is on this afternoon, and I'm so nervous about it. I haven't seen Dad's face since I left the hospital on Monday, and after the cremation ceremony tomorrow, I'll never get to see him again. Really scared to guess how I'll respond when I see him today. My wounds have at last begun to heal, but the funeral might tear those stitches open again, which is so tough to bear. I feel terrible for worrying about myself at a time like this, but I must own up to what's going through my mind. For now, I'm telling myself that the funeral should be a celebration of my dad's legacy, but once those doors open, my narrative will probably fly out the window.
So yes, if anyone has any advice for me, I'd appreciate that so much. I'm up typing this at 3am because I really can't sleep, so maybe I'm a bit desperate. Of course, I'd be thankful for any good wishes you have for my dad as well. Just a lot of selfishness and confusion on my part.
Thank you so much everyone.

Thank you so much for your thoughts everyone. Sorry fun2novel, I couldn't like your post because apparently I can only like 10 posts a day. You are definitely on my thank you list!
I am back home from the funeral, and while my eyes were watery all the way through, I don't recall shedding tears. That's a lie though, because I can feel the stains on my cheeks even now. It's like I've forgotten bits and pieces of the ceremony. Dad's no longer with us, and only now do I realize how many people he's touched in his life.
Overall, my wounds didn't rip open, so I'm thankful for that. Seeing my dad's face again in that casket for the first time in a week hit me so hard. When he first got rolled in, there was a towel draped over his eyes, and of course one look and you could tell he just came out of the freezer. Just hurts so much to see the man who's held my hand and watched over me for 30 years will never move an inch again.
After grieving and exploring so many thoughts, I somehow feel at peace. If spirits are real, I like to think my dad's is no longer in that body anyway. In fact, his spirit just so happened to have chosen that body to borrow for 73 years. Now that the body's failed him, it's time to leave and continue on. I'm willing to admit this is just wishful thinking for me to stay positive, but my mind wanders in that direction on its own. When I have that perspective, I truly feel ready to celebrate his life rather than drown in a constant state of mourning. It's also taught me to think deeper and not judge people based on looks, because these are just shells for us to use temporarily anyway.
The cremation ceremony's on tomorrow. Maybe everything I said will backfire and I'll need my whole family to hug me. It wouldn't be the first time that's happened this week, but I hope it'll give me closure more than anything else. If I have the option, I'd like to be the one to press that button to send his casket into the flames, and my siblings will be alongside me of course. I'd like this to be the final form of celebration, the last expression of freedom. Dad told us he wanted to be cremated, so I want to have that honor of fulfilling his final wish. I hope he'll be pleased. My dad was one of those guys who's a softy but likes to say men shouldn't cry. I want to show him that bravery.
I had a chance to chat with a lot of older folks this week. They can handle this stuff so much better than I can. These guys say funerals are just a send off, so there's no need to cling onto too much sorrow or regret. If spirits exist, we'll all reunite someday anyway. I do have a lot of guilt and plenty of regrets, but I love Dad and he loved me, so that's all I need to feel at peace.
Thank you so much you guys.