Mugi

I don't really have anywhere (or anyone) else to vent to about this, and i'm feeling extremely frustrated about whats been going on with my head over the past two or three weeks. Maybe some of you go through, or have gone through the same thing and can relate here. Anyways, I have had an anxiety disorder for..i'd say almost two years now (or at least that's when I got it diagnosed).  It started back when I was still a sophomore in High School, I wasn't really into drugs, though I did smoke Cigarettes, and I ended up coming over to a friends house that wanted to get high. I took a hit off the bong he had, and all seemed well, though it didn't really seem to do much, or so I thought. A good half hour or so after that I was lying on the couch he had in his room, taking a sip of Coke when I started feeling this odd warm sensation in my chest, which quickly escalated into what I ended up discovering to be a panic attack. I called my Mom to come pick me up (and subsequently told her about what I did, out of fear for my own life, since I thought I just had some sort of heart attack/stroke) and she assured me that everything would be okay. I end up going to the doctors the next day, who think I am some crazy paranoid schizophrenic because I am freaking out about it, thinking it's some life threatening issue, and the guy issues me medicine for schizophrenia. That obviously doesn't work and the symptoms get worse, to the point where I am having panic attacks back to back for hours on end, sometimes losing days worth of sleep. I don't know how I didn't go insane. 
Fast forward a bit. I finally get into this mental clinic place for teens with mental problems as an out-patient, though most of the kids there were for being suicidal/having anger problems/etc so I couldn't really relate to anyone and felt a little isolated. Towards the end of me going there I was finally given medicine to help deal with my anxiety, which worked great until these past few weeks. It all started a little before my parents left for vacation in Cancun. Whenever I would try and fall asleep, I would jolt awake as if my heart had stopped and I would be too terrified to fall back to sleep. Eventually that started to fade, and I could sleep a bit easier, but over the last couple weeks (this past week in particular) it feels like this is hell on earth. The jolting awake thing is back, except now there's usually a shocking feeling in my foot when it happens, my panic attacks have gotten worse to the point of completely mimicking the symptoms of a stroke and a heart attack at the same time, my back muscles have been pretty stiff, and I've had tremors in my arms and legs as well. I thought that it could be ALS, as some of the symptoms match, but seeing as how they have come and gone and twitching doesn't occur in ALS victims until the muscle has lost function, I don't think it's that. Also i'm only 19 and it doesn't run in the family, so I feel like it's highly unlikely. Probably anxiety induced BFS, from what my research has brought up, but only time (and a doctors visit) can tell, I suppose. 
Anyways, i'm not entirely sure what the point of this post is, but venting my frustration with whatever the hell is going on with me has made me feel a little better. Not even sure if i'll post this, but I probably will just because I took the time to write it, would be a waste not to post it. I guess this could give some of you who don't experience this insight about what it feels like. Does anyone else go through anything like this? What are your experiences with anxiety, if you have any? Feel free to vent as I did.  

Hey guys, just wanted to give a little update, I was able to get an appointment with my doctor for tomorrow morning, whice is pretty crazy since it normally takes at least a week. I'll let you all know what happens. Also loving how much support this thread has gotten, though it pains me to know that others have to go through anything like this.

Alright, just got back from the doctor. Seems that all of this is just anxiety like I thought, and she upped the dosage of my current medicine as well as giving me a new antidepressant to help me sleep better. Lets just hope that works well, side effects can be a bitch. On another note, my body is still sore from the panic attacks I have had over the last 24 hours  

I don't really have much experience with depressions and stuffz since I am just moody, I am rarely depressed for a long period of time and depression and other negative feelings are usually changed into anger which I vent off on people around me.... especially my family... poor guys
If I ever found anything annoying about the advice of talking about your worries to other people , it's that the relief never really made me any better and for some reason everyone I talked to either makes a big deal out of my worries leading to an increase in my worries or ridicules my worries making my anger increase (thanks, parents and most adults I know). So I have taken a liking to keeping things to myself and just throwing my worries in chats from time to time when I like reach my limit. Other than that, I don't really talk about my worries that much because I have really reached the conclusion that no one can help you with your worries or make them better except time and yourself. Plus I sometimes fail to find the truth about my worries... like what am I actually worrying about? since you know feelings are vague after all.... 
I do really need to change my personality a bit, like stop being such a worrywart who worries about everything in life. Thing is that sometimes I worry about silliest things like how I will go to school today, how long it will take , am I late yet... am I looking good, who will be there blah blah blah , my mind is really working all the time thinking and worrying about everything. At this very moment, I am worrying about whether or not I should post this post, whether or not I am wasting my time since I am not studying and what my parents would say if they come back home and find me like this.
Additionally, I reach the point where my anxiety and fear are associated with some physical pain like my hands shaking, or sudden jolts and pain in my foot or having parts of my mouth feel hurt like they are burning.... dunno what to call that but the doctors say they are due to anxiety. I have also faced an additional thing in college which is my eyes twitching too hard which the oculist also mentioned to be due to anxiety and fatigue like every physical pain in my life. I have also gotten worse at dealing with my anxiety which leads me to the point where my anxiety just turns into pure anger that makes me do things I shouldn't and make people have the bad image of me... I mean last night a friend of mine brought me a present and send it with my sister and because of worrying about how to repay my friend and how I will explain this gift to my parents and many other shit, I lashed at my sis for bringing it to me and even told her she should have told my friend to take her present and go away. Even thou I apologized to both my sister and my friend. 
I am the kind who waits for time to make his anxiety better, especially that the main source of my anxiety is nearly over... once and forever. The exams of last year in highschool which determine which college you will go to or so the system is here. Public college have ridiculous high degree in order to get there because they are basically free and I can't afford private college. And being the 3rd world country we are, my parents want me to go after medical career which doesn't so bad in itself given how much prestige and respect one gains from the society  
 

I've never played a mobile game with a gacha draw as terrible as F/GO.

Sounds like a cross of a classic Megaman stage theme and something from an Ace Attorney OST

Hey guys, just wanted to give a little update, I was able to get an appointment with my doctor for tomorrow morning, whice is pretty crazy since it normally takes at least a week. I'll let you all know what happens. Also loving how much support this thread has gotten, though it pains me to know that others have to go through anything like this.

Hey guys, just wanted to give a little update, I was able to get an appointment with my doctor for tomorrow morning, whice is pretty crazy since it normally takes at least a week. I'll let you all know what happens. Also loving how much support this thread has gotten, though it pains me to know that others have to go through anything like this.

Hey guys, just wanted to give a little update, I was able to get an appointment with my doctor for tomorrow morning, whice is pretty crazy since it normally takes at least a week. I'll let you all know what happens. Also loving how much support this thread has gotten, though it pains me to know that others have to go through anything like this.

Irisviel is pretty much a healing machine though, a Medea Lily lite in a sense. Not the best at what she does but still offering a different option with her guts-giving NP.
Well, being low level and not having a good team is naturally going to hinder your progress during events, most of the old players just roflstomp through everything.
Not gonna deny that but I don't think this is how things should be handled regardless. Besides, all I use all day everyday is Kintoki/Herc/Lancelot for farming, even did the whole America with them. Zerkers are addictive. 
Not really, I technically have a better option for anything the freewares offer except for Iris now. I really don't like the idea of free Servants being simply better than the ones you rely on luck - and money - to grab, even less so when most of the player base won't have any trouble getting those. I'd be all in for them if they offered unique gimmicks though, would make them feel special rather than just a cookie for taking a stroll on the event map a few times. Edison would have been a super cool event prize for his Concept Improvement, not an overpowered skill but unique in usefulness. Shiki's reduced insta-kill resistance skill is kinda like that too now that I think about it, taking my complaints about her back, pretty sure most Assassins are simply bad too so she's gucci. :3

I don't sign into Fuwanovel anymore, but I will sign in to comment in this thread.
To anyone in here who suffers from any form of stress related illnesses or anxiety, I want you to know that you can and always should reach out to those who ease your mind. You are safe, and should find areas in your life that make you feel safe. Everyone has a different story, but if you feel the need to talk to someone or have someone constantly remind you that it's okay to be you and that you are safe, then reach out to me. Social anxiety, PTSD, depression: it can all relate in some way or another, and it's important to know that you have someone to lean on. Even if I need to sit in a Skype call with you everyday for the next year, it doesn't matter because no amount of time should ever be put on curing those thoughts.
Depression is a giant pit. It's a giant pit that keeps pulling you back in should you manage to climb out. Curing depression has no time limit, and nothing of that sort, be it anxiety or something else, should either. If it takes 10 years of talking to you to help remind you that you are a good person and that you are safe, so be it. Remember that you are safe and that you have me and a lot of other people to reach out to. If you want me to do some gentle hand movements (something I believe more people should do for calming stress and anxiety) to help you sleep at night, let me. No matter what it takes I will personally make sure to let you know you are safe. If not me, anyone. Even if you don't have suicidal thoughts and even if you are able to function on a daily basis, do not let this go. Depression is easy to hide (trust me, I know very well how to do it), but that doesn't mean it's easy to conquer. Do not bottle your anxiety up and don't face it alone. Trust those you want to reach out to, but at the same time, know that strangers will listen. If they don't, reach out to another, and keep doing it until you exhaust yourself. Anything that allows you to get your mind of battling something that should never be taken lightly is okay.
Sometimes we are dealt a hand that sucks, and unfortunately we do need to make the best of our situation, but you are safe. What matters is now and moving forward. What happened in the past will be difficult for you mentally. Some memories never leave us, but it's about letting those memories not have a great impact on you. You are safe, and you do have the strength to overcome what has happened to you. Life sucks, but it is important to try and let you get on the path to healing and better well being. Treat your mind with respect, and give your mind and body the proper nutrition and rest if deserves. Don't face this alone and don't hide it if you feel others can't help you.
Happiness is important. For me, it's not being stressed or having any sort of negativity in your life. Happiness doesn't always mean you always have a smile on your face, and it doesn't mean things don't bother you. Ask yourself what happiness means to you. Find out what makes you happy and aim for those goals. We will always have struggles and always be tested in life. Some of us don't have it easy financially, physically, mentally, or otherwise, but always doing your best is important. You are not alone, remember that. I am pulling for you, and many others are as well.
Learn what it takes to make you feel safe and at ease. We can't always rely on the same thing to always have access, but always remember that people are there for you. Focus on the present, where you are right now. That's what's always important. Don't hang on to those troublesome thoughts or worries, always try to think positive as best you can. That doesn't mean to ignore the things you need to take care of, but it's okay to feel good and be happy. You do no need permission to feel happy. You are you and you choose how to be happy and feel good. Do others make you feel happy? Then let them make you feel that way. I am always here for you and so are others. Please know that. You deserve to be happy.
There are always those who are not as good as we wish, but there are more good people in the world than you may think. It's okay to surround yourself with those people, you never need permission. You decide who enters your life and what influences it. It's okay to say goodbye to things if you can't handle certain situations, environments, or people. Find a spot that has a positive atmosphere. A bed is something I find that always works. Being in a bed and talking to a friend while being cozy might be yours.
You are you, and you have permission to make yourself happy. I am here for you, so don't ever forget that.

Sure, no problem.
Try to find ways to counter your negative thinking.
I've told my mom about my concerns. I now have an appointment scheduled with the doctor. This is a genuine concern, but there's nothing else I can do about it and I just need to wait patiently.

Well I don't know how long this post will be but here it goes. I was diagnosed with clinical depression, social anxiety and social withdrawal around 9 years ago, so well into my early teen years. In my case I started basically shutting down, I found it hard to be around people, much less having dialogues with them, as well as even be able to do anything for myself. I used to be a perfect attendance student, but I ended up turning into someone that couldn't go without having at least 1-2 absences per a week or two. I would have massive anxiety attacks over the silliest things and I couldn't imagine myself in a sate of peace, I always had to be either down low in my depression or worrying about something I had to do, which would always lead to anxiety attacks. I had no life nor anything to live for at that point, I found joy in nothing, even though I was already initiating myself on the "weeb way".
 
Amidst all of this I started therapy, I've had about 3 different therapy "cycles", in total 4 psychologists and 2 psychiatrists, each one with their medication prescription for me. They all ranged from side effects to overall strength of the drug, to the point that my metabolism was affected permanently. Therapy really had it's ups and downs with me, while I can say that I did get helped a bit in one of those "cycles" I only got to control myself, even if only partially, after I tried to get myself to think about anything I would want or enjoy in life. Since I was basically wallowing in despair because I didn't envision any future for me, I wasn't happy with the path I was taking(at this point in time it was my enrollment in an engineering degree) and I couldn't think of anything else.
 
My "goal" turned out to be a pretty hedonistic one, as I've decided to basically just throw myself into my interest in Japanese and whatever comes will be what comes. So while I don't know what I'll end up doing, in a way not really ending my worries for the future, I was kind of able to hold off on a lot of those immediate worries that triggered my attacks. It's not the most elegant way of doing things, but since I had some knowledge on what cause part of my attacks, it was somewhat easier, in a very loose sense of the term, to try to do something about it. The rest of my "social" related attacks and problems still exist, but I was able to build up some resilience, or rather I basically try to flow things into not thinking about it, even if I fail a lot at it. Even today my father can't understand why I lost contact with everyone I once called a friend, since it was a mixture of me not really having much in common with them as well as my social withdrawal and anxiety, although I was able to make some connections as of late in real life, with our very own Nosebleed being one of them for example.
 
All in all, I can only tell you cliche lines or thoughts regarding your situation or what you should do. In my opinion while professional help wasn't really for me and I was much better off trying to(key word) solve or subside my problems by myself, your case might be different so do try it as a way out of this, however I'll always be a bit cynical towards meds even if I know that there's nothing wrong per se about them, I'm just prejudiced. Anyway I hope that this made sense to anyone or even in the context of this thread in general, and goddamn did I write more than I expected.

Hmmm, sounds like you're leaping to some pretty serious conclusions. I'm gonna use google to present a milder alternative:
 

I think with social anxiety and talking to other people, what has helped me is remembering is that most people in the world are nice people and that nothing really bad can happen from speaking up. Also to sort of continue on Rooke's quote, I've found that keeping healthy habits has increased my confidence around others in social situations.
Just remember that we're always here together.

I don't really have anywhere (or anyone) else to vent to about this, and i'm feeling extremely frustrated about whats been going on with my head over the past two or three weeks. Maybe some of you go through, or have gone through the same thing and can relate here. Anyways, I have had an anxiety disorder for..i'd say almost two years now (or at least that's when I got it diagnosed).  It started back when I was still a sophomore in High School, I wasn't really into drugs, though I did smoke Cigarettes, and I ended up coming over to a friends house that wanted to get high. I took a hit off the bong he had, and all seemed well, though it didn't really seem to do much, or so I thought. A good half hour or so after that I was lying on the couch he had in his room, taking a sip of Coke when I started feeling this odd warm sensation in my chest, which quickly escalated into what I ended up discovering to be a panic attack. I called my Mom to come pick me up (and subsequently told her about what I did, out of fear for my own life, since I thought I just had some sort of heart attack/stroke) and she assured me that everything would be okay. I end up going to the doctors the next day, who think I am some crazy paranoid schizophrenic because I am freaking out about it, thinking it's some life threatening issue, and the guy issues me medicine for schizophrenia. That obviously doesn't work and the symptoms get worse, to the point where I am having panic attacks back to back for hours on end, sometimes losing days worth of sleep. I don't know how I didn't go insane. 
Fast forward a bit. I finally get into this mental clinic place for teens with mental problems as an out-patient, though most of the kids there were for being suicidal/having anger problems/etc so I couldn't really relate to anyone and felt a little isolated. Towards the end of me going there I was finally given medicine to help deal with my anxiety, which worked great until these past few weeks. It all started a little before my parents left for vacation in Cancun. Whenever I would try and fall asleep, I would jolt awake as if my heart had stopped and I would be too terrified to fall back to sleep. Eventually that started to fade, and I could sleep a bit easier, but over the last couple weeks (this past week in particular) it feels like this is hell on earth. The jolting awake thing is back, except now there's usually a shocking feeling in my foot when it happens, my panic attacks have gotten worse to the point of completely mimicking the symptoms of a stroke and a heart attack at the same time, my back muscles have been pretty stiff, and I've had tremors in my arms and legs as well. I thought that it could be ALS, as some of the symptoms match, but seeing as how they have come and gone and twitching doesn't occur in ALS victims until the muscle has lost function, I don't think it's that. Also i'm only 19 and it doesn't run in the family, so I feel like it's highly unlikely. Probably anxiety induced BFS, from what my research has brought up, but only time (and a doctors visit) can tell, I suppose. 
Anyways, i'm not entirely sure what the point of this post is, but venting my frustration with whatever the hell is going on with me has made me feel a little better. Not even sure if i'll post this, but I probably will just because I took the time to write it, would be a waste not to post it. I guess this could give some of you who don't experience this insight about what it feels like. Does anyone else go through anything like this? What are your experiences with anxiety, if you have any? Feel free to vent as I did.  

Also just now realizing how dark that sounded

Yeah I have the same problem with social anxiety as well. Turns out that yeah you don't really make friends, so I only have one IRL friend at this point, who i'm not even that close to. But hey, who needs friends when you have waifus amiright 

I don't even have 1 friend IRL 
Also >waifus

Guess I might as well post about mine, even though I've mentioned it several times in the confessions thread. My social anxiety has to do with new situations, especially talking to people and especially talking to people I don't know. As a result, it's pretty easy to avoid it by sitting at home, and in the situations where I do go out not talking to anyone. Turns out that's a pretty good way of having literally no friends.  It's pretty terrible when I don't avoid it though, it's manageable when I go somewhere new or I talk to someone I know decently well (although it's still way more stressful than it should be), but when I have to talk to someone I don't know I basically just BSOD, I just freeze up and can't do anything, let alone talk normally.
I've been seeing a therapist for a few weeks now but I can't say it's really been helping much.

I have been dealing with social anxiety for about 5 years. It has primarily been difficult for me to be around large groups of people, especially strangers. Also being in unkown environments has been terrefying, making me just want to run and hide. It made being at school, trying to get work and going to social gatherings very difficult. Something as simple as visiting my relatives at their summer place was enough to make me just shut myself in my room, as I was scared of the new place that I had never been to before, (despite the fact that the only people I was going there with was my family.) It was extremely annoying and frustrating. My absence in school has pretty much always been crazy high. We are talking 40 days + of absence every year.
 
I was able to get over the worst of it after a couple of years with a therapist, who helped me a great deal. I still feel it, and it still makes trying out new things terrefying, like starting a new school / university, moving to a new city and traveling to an unknown country. It's scary as fuck, and I have to focus on the things I learned in therapy in order to get through it, but I have come a long way and it isn't holding me back much anymore. I still sometimes find myself hit by panic attacks, though I'm able to keep them in check fairly well.
It's really difficult to give someone in similar situations advice, because the truth is, everyone experiences these things differently. What helped me might just piss off someone else. Social anxiety comes in many forms, and they really only have one thing in common: they all fucking suck.
That being said, my advice would be to try and find a psychologist who you feel really comfortable with. A professional wont do shit if you don't feel like you can talk to them about anything. (After all, if you aren't giving them all the correct info they need, actually coming up with a way to help you wont be easy.) If you can find someone like that, someone you can really talk to and open up to, then it becomes a lot easier. First of all, you have someone to talk to about it, which helps in itself. But you will be able to get help from a professional, who will hopefully be able to figure out what you need to do to get over the problem. Or at the very least, teach you how to keep it in check. It was the latter for me. I didn't need any medication, I simply needed to pull my shit together.
(My psychologist was quite blunt, but that was what made me like her so much. It was so easy to open up to her. Speaking to her about my problems was like second nature to me.)
Don't know if this will help anyone at all, but that's at least my history with social anxiety.

I'm sorry you suffered so much pain. I can't relate, but best of luck. There'll always be somebody to listen to you, never forget that. It'll be okay.