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solidbatman's New Years Giveaway Palooza!


solidbatman

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Well, I have less time than I even thought I would originally, being on x-mas vacation at my folks place across the country... So I had to write something as fast as possible, and looking over it now... WOW is it awful.  I originally wanted to make the whole thing rhyme.  Instead, it's a hastily and poorly written... thing, with absolutely no sense to be found.

 

As I don't really have a favorite character, I just decided to put a bunch of them in there somewhere, mostly KEY, though Umineko's Beatrice is the star.  There's also Hachikuji Mayoi there for the hell of it, but who cares about that, right?  Amirite?  Yea... ok. 

Anyway, try not to claw your eyes out.

The Witch that Stole Christmas



Every Key down in Key-ville liked Christmas a lot...
But the Golden Witch Beatrice... did not.

Far above Key-ville, in the frozen icy cliffs lived a sour and solitary figure.  
Mystery and Death was all she cared for, and the laughter and caroling and bells
from the cursed Key-ville below annoyed her to no end.
"This Christmas," she said to herself, "Things will be different.  Things will be
better.  I exist!  And I will prove it to those Keys below!  I will show them that
my power is not to be trifled with!"

Beatrice smiled and nodded, sure of herself.  She'd see the job done, and
hopefully the whiney little Keys down in Key-ville will regret their Christmas
celebrations... Soon, they'll be done.

Meanwhile, down in Key-ville, where all were currently happy and glad...

Nagisa and Ayu pushed a cart of Christmas dangos, Shizuru and Kud were tangled and
covered with tinsel, and Shiori and Hoshino were decorating the large tree in the
center of the village square.  All the Key ladies were in attendance (Along with Hachikuji Mayoi, though no one knows why.  She kept playing with fingerpaints, and well... people just left her alone).

"Wafuuu~!" cried out Kud as she ran, still wrapped in tinsel.  Shizuru of course was still wrapped as well, dragged behind Kud as she ran on without a care.  

All the Keys were enjoying their day, completely unaware of the witch's dark plans to bring them all Christmas Doom...

Beatrice came in the night, and with a wave of her pipe, golden butterflies appeared.  They flew into homes and with their golden magic, performed much mischief...Not least among the mischief was a strange nonsensical song much like that sung of the Grinch.  Except it doesn't rhyme.

You're a psycho, Beatrice.
You really like to kill.
Your eyes are burning like an oven,
or maybe that's just your magic fire,
Beatrice!

You're paradoxical, Beatrice.
Your mind is full of traps.
You cackle like a hyena,
and your smile is full of death,
Beatrice!

The 3 words that best describe you
are as follows and I quote:
"Evil, Golden, Witch!"

And as the butterflies sung this odd kind of song without even rhyming, they spirited away all the Christmas decorations and gifts.

The next day, as all the Key characters gathered in the courtyard.  Some said that a witch came in the night to steal all their things.  Others said it was impossible, and that witches don't exist.  This began a heated debate into the existence of magic the likes of which Key-ville had never seen.

And the golden witch Beatrice was mildly amused.

THE END?
(God I hope so.)

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I've been busy this whole weekend so I had to rush it, I wanted to make it better but I don't think I have the time necessary for it. I'm pleased with what I wrote though, quite good considering I totally suck at making stories :P
I think I understood why people were losing points, and it's quite tricky but fair I guess. As someone else said before, we have done something related to it before.
 
Without anything else to write, here's my fanfic, a "date" between Watarase Jun (i.e. my favorite character) and Kohinata Yuma.

 

The clock read 7:27 PM and the calendar December 24th. It was Christmas Eve. A small figure was standing in the park. It was a cold night, so cold that you could see your breath going out from your mouth. Gripping one's long coat was the only thing one could do to ease the cold. A boy then approached it. Swaying its long, purple hair, the small figure spoke.



"Hey Yuma, you're late! How could you make an innocent maiden wait? This is why men are..."  Jun said in a strong tone.

"Sorry, some stuff happened. Also, I don't want to hear that from you." Yuma said while pointing at him.

"Hum! Whatever. Anyway, let's get our date started! <3" Jun cheerfully said while raising an arm to the sky.

"Hey, I didn't say this is a date!" Yuma complained.

"Of course this is a date, it's Christmas Eve after all!" Jun replied.

Yuma sighed. "Fine, you can call it whatever you like." Yuma said in a resigned voice. "At least I'm free from Hachi and his usual 'girl hunting'. Last year was a pain to decline him, he even went to my house and tried to drag me out."

"Aww, you're just embarrased." Jun said with a teasing voice. "Anyway, let's go!" Jun then quickly grabbed Yuma's arm and dragged him around.

"Hey, don't grab me!" Yuma complained, but Jun didn't seem to care about it.

Their so called "date" had begun. An unusual occurrence, that's for sure, as this was the first time Yuma agreed going out with Jun. They went from one place to another, enjoying the night. Some people glanced looks at the beautiful "girl" Yuma was with, and he could only think "Yeah, it is not what it looks". After a while of walking around the city, Jun spoke to Yuma.

"Hey Yuma, let's eat something. I'll even spoon-feed you if you want <3" said Jun with a happy face.

"Sorry but I'm straight, I already told you many times." Yuma said while moving his hand right and left. "Aside from that, I do think it may be time for some food, why don't we go to that cafe over there?" He then pointed at a nearby cafe.

 

"Oh, that looks nice, let's go~"

After entering the cafe, a waitress went to their table to take their orders.

"Welcome, have you decided what to eat? I totally recommend the couple special <3" said the waitress with a wink.

"Kyaa~ Yuma, did you hear? We look like a couple <3" Jun said with a happy face.

"Sorry, we're not a couple, we will order something else" Yuma said with a straight face.

"Aww, Yuma, you bummer" Jun replied with a pouty face. "I bet you're just shy <3"

"...right." Yuma replied with a nonchalant face.

Finishing their meals, the 2 of them went out of the restaurant. It was almost midnight, and the city was still lively.

"Jun, it's almost midnight, I think we should gather with Haruhi and the others for the Christmas party".

"Aww, is our date over already? Why don't we stay together for a little longer? <3" Jun then crossed arms with Yuma.

"Hey, stop it already" Yuma tried to remove Jun from his arm, to no avail. He then sighed. "We have to go now, we did promise Sumomo to go."

"Mmm" Jun said with a pouty face "Alright, but only because it's Sumomo-chan".

The two of them proceeded to return to Yuma's house, where the party was going to be held. On the way, they enjoyed the sight of a snow white city, when all of the sudden they heard some faint yells: "Hachikuji! Let me hug you! Let me kiss you!" "KYAA", but they decided to pay it no mind.

They then arrived at Yuma's house. Everyone was already there, so they sat on the living room, enjoying the company of all their friends. Chatting, playing games, eating food and cake (and an occasional Patriot Missile Kick), everyone was having a good time.

It was a beautiful snow white Christmas for everyone. It was special to some, special to Jun.

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The sun began to dip into the horizon while the snow began gently kissing the roof of the Araragi house on the night of Christmas Eve. The gently laughter of the residents could easily be heard from houses away as Koyomi Araragi had decided to host a Christmas Party as a way to unwind at the end of year.

 

Of course all the usually goers were there from the ecstatic Fire Sisters, who Koyomi really did not have a choice of whether they came or not since they did live in the same house as him after all, to his ever cold hearted girlfriend Senjougahara, willing to whip out an ever so welcomed verbal beat down anytime, to Hachikuji, Araragi-kun’s favorite molestation girl, to everyone’s favorite lesbian, Suruga, plus many others that I will not name out since this sentence is long enough as it is (and probably has a heap load of grammatical errors that arise from the author trying to make really fancy sentences but lacking the proper skills to do so).

 

They all gathered around the Christmas tree and exchanged their Secret Santa gifts. A fine pair of Hello Kitty panties for Hachikuji in order to fulfill the requests of the perverted male audience. An oversized bottle of lotion so the next encounter between Araragi-kun and Suraga would be even more awkward when Suraga gets naked and asks Araragi to rub lotion all over her. A “That Was Easy” button for Araragi so he has something to press after the next time he gets his ass kicked trying to help someone. A stress ball for the hard working Hanekawa who has a tendency to transform into a completely different person when life starts to weigh heavily on her shoulders. And finally, two pairs of boxing gloves so the Fire Sisters can bring the smack down even harder on crime.   

 

The whole crew marveled at their gifts and expressed their thanks.

 

“Thank you everyone coming out to my party tonight!” Araragi-kun exclaimed as he wildly flailed his hands around.

 

“It is our pleasure, plus it is the least we can do since you have saved us all at least once,” Hanekawa replied while giving Araragi a very sincere grin to show her gratefulness.

 

“A truly hard working man. You did quite an admirable job putting this party together but a Christmas Ever party is not complete without a Christmas tale to top it all off,” smirked Hachikuji. “And I nominate you to be the one to tell the tale”

 

“Wait….. since when is a Christmas story a necessity for this kind of thing and why do I have to be the one to tell it?” shrugged Araragi-kun.

 

“One: what I decide goes, and two: you are the host and should be willing to entertain you guests Mr. Hardworking Man.”

 

Everyone in the room shook their head in agreement and Araragi could not help but give in to peer pressure.    

 

“Oh by the way, you should make the story about me since I am everyone’s favorite Bakemonogatari character after all,” declared Hachikuji.

 

“Oh really?!?!” smirked Araragi-kun, “then I can definitely make this Christmas tale interesting.” His eyes began to widen and his smile started to rise higher and higher.

 

“The tale of Santa Claus is classic and very engrained into most cultures across the world. The good children of the planet wait all the night for the generous Santa Claus to bring them gifts in exchange for their good behavior. That is the part of the story everyone knows.  Yet, there is an element of the tale specific to the Alpine region of Europe: Krampus.

 

Now, you may be asking yourself who or what is exactly Krampus. Well Krampus is a large goat-like monster who goes around before Christmas collecting all the bad children of the world and punishing them. He also carries a sack on his back like Santa Claus but his sack is for abducting children instead of gifts.   

 

Now, there was a very cocky little girl named Hachikuji who believed that she was everyone favorite main character, despite it being common knowledge that the title actually belonged to a certain Koyomi Araragi. Hachikuji clearly was stepping out of line when making that assertion and Krampus could sense the wickedness eradiating from this girl. On a Christmas Eve just like this, Krampus found Hachikuji wandering the streets at night and abducted her.

 

Now, there was a certain fine young man who was so kind and sincere all year…. cough…. Koyomi Araragi…… cough. And he deserved something real special. So on Christmas morning was he ever so surprised to find Hachikuji all tied up under his Christmas tree.  He thanked the heavens above and proceeded to molest Hachikuji for the rest of his life. The End.”

 

Hachikuji glared at Araragi and shouted “What the heck! That was a terrible story!”

 

“Hey, you wanted a Christmas story and I gave you a Christmas story. No complaining.”

 

“Well you did just assert that you were everyone’s favorite character when clearly that title belongs to me,” Senjougahara proudly stated defending Araragi-kun’s story.

 

“Wait a second, I am clearly everyone’s favorite” gasped Karen Araragi.

 

And in no time, the room erupted in arguments about popularity and fights began to break out. A room filled with oddity inflicted people was not what Araragi had been planning for and in no time his house was leveled to the ground.  

 

Araragi let a great big sigh and looked around. “I guess I have to be careful to what extremes I tease my friends and what topics I bring up.”

The fight of the century continued to rage around him and he looked up to the starry sky and was happy for the great friends he had regardless of the ensuing property damage continuing around him.  

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Here is Michiru (Grisaia) again for a Christmas tale...

 

This Christmas was not going well for Michiru. She had spent most of the morning researching the best tsundere lines to use when giving and receiving presents. Michiru finally settled on using "Don't misunderstand. It's not like I wanted a present from you or anything" - a classic but traditional tsundere phrase of old - but she could still not decide on the giving line. It would be good to include how little time she spent choosing it but on the other hand she wanted to imply she had too many gifts and wanted to offload them.



Michiru had still not decided on a line but it was nearing lunchtime and she was getting hungry. After tracking down Sachi and requesting to be fed, Michiru remembered that she needed some food and milk to leave out for Santa. However, the reply she received was not what she was expecting.

"You do realise, Michiru-sama, that Santa Claus is not real?"

Michiru was stunned. Her whole grasp of reality was slipping away from her. Santa must exist... yet Sachi would not lie to her. If Santa was not real then what was real in this world. Her whole life was a lie. There was no meaning to anything.

Sachi attempted to snap Michiru out of her trance but to no avail. She left to prepare the lunch and the items for the non-existent Santa. Upon her return, she found Michiru still in a daze. Makina had also happened upon Michiru whilst on her way to decorate the tree in the lobby. Decorating a lifeless Michiru, however, would be much more fun. She draped tinsel all over her clothes and tied baubles into her hair. Upon spotting Sachi, Makina requested further help and so the pair continued to decorate Michiru for the following hour. Amane was the next to find the group. After bursting out in laughter for a few minutes, she ordered the pair to help remove the decorations.

It was getting late and there still was no reaction from Michiru. After a discussion, they finally decided to attempt resurrection by sweet smelling candy (instead of the initial suggestion of resurrection by blunt object to head). After sensing the candy, Michiru slowly came to her senses as her brain was overridden by the sugar. They then proceeded to present Michiru with her presents to cheer her up. Fortunately, she could still remember the words she had spent so long memorising this morning.

However, there was no happy ending to this day. The group decided to visit KFC to collect their Christmas meal. Michiru accidently knocked into someone whilst entering so she started bowing and apologising. When she looked up, she realised it was merely a statue of the Colonel (fully equipped in Christmas attire). After eating, she had still not thought up her tsundere line. Giving up, she decided to just give them the presents without a word and then proceeded to bed. Maybe next year would bring more happiness...

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Christmas Eve
It was Christmas Eve and our beloved family the Okazaki was waking up.
and the story for the day and how Tomoya experienced it.
Prologue
It was the break of dawn as the light shined into the room.
As Nagisa tried to wake us up.
Nagisa: Tomoya Ushio wake up its morning Santa has visited us.
Tomoya: just 10 more minutes and ill wake up.
Ushio: hng….
As Nagisa started chuckling about this everyday peaceful scene.
She finally got us all out of bed and as we were brushing our teeth and I helped Ushio reach the sink.
Nagisa said: I’ll go prepare our breakfast okay?
As Nagisa walked away smiling brightly as every other day I couldn’t help but to smile myself too.
Tomoya: okay, are you done Ushio?
As Ushio was finishing brushing her teeth I put her down again.
After I put her down she immediately grabbed my sleeve and walked behind me.
As short as the trip to the living room might have been it was still nice having Ushio cling towards me from time to time.
As we sat down for our breakfast and Ushio sat on my lap we started our normal morning.

First hour (8:30)
We were discussing how we should spend our Christmas Eve today so we made sure everyone’s suggestion was heard and what we all would like to do.
Ushio suggested we should visit Aki and Sanae.
I sort of disliked the idea of having Ushio to much around Akio or Aki as she likes to call him he seems to turn her more boyish each time we do not that it’s a bad thing but it’s something that I would like to keep at a minimal.
Nagisa and I suggested we should go for a walk around town and then visit Sanae.
Of course we took Ushio’s suggestion as the most important thing since we both love doting her so much as do her grandmother and grandfather.
Third hour (10:00)
We walked around the town visiting shops and looking for things Ushio might like (and of course things Nagisa might like to).
It was a bit after 10:20 or so when we reached our destination and here we would spend our Christmas most likely at least until we head home.
When we entered the bakery we got hit by nostalgia maybe less for me but more for Nagisa she grew up here after all.
Ushio immediately went into the house yelling: Aki we came to visit.
We just followed suit and entered their living room and said: We came to visit ~Aki~.
When we entered their living room Ushio was already sitting on Akio’s lap Watching TV and eating bread or a snack? But at least she looked happy so it doesn’t bother me that much.
For the rest of the morning we just played some games and watched TV it was peaceful and fun.
Fifth hour (12:00)
We went outside to the playground in front of the house a lot of kids from the neighborhood were also there apparently Akio called them all over to play baseball me Nagisa,Sanae,Ushio and most of the neighborhood girls were sitting at the side line watching the game.
He did make us play; when it was Ushio’s turn to strike he threw a bit softer at least that’s what it looked like to most of us on the side.
After roughly an hour or 2 it started snowing this is what you call a white Christmas right?
Tenth hour (17:00)
After the baseball match and some messing around with the snow we all retreated back to the bakery for something warm.
Afterwards everyone went home celebrating Christmas with their own family.
We had a Christmas diner here at Furakawa bakery.
We told stories of our youth and told jokes and played a lot of games Ushio seemed to enjoy hearing about her mother’s past and how we met.
Fourteenth hour (21:00)
We arrived home Ushio fell asleep a while ago she seems to be really tired which isn’t that surprising knowing what we all did today and how much we did.
In all the mayhem of today we forgot to unwrap our own present’s they are still under the Christmas tree.
Ushio seems to be fast asleep and i don’t want to disturb her so well unwrap the presents tomorrow then.
Last hour (22:00)
When the day ended for us we cuddled together in our bed saying softly: Happy Christmas Ushio.

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Here's my fanfic:

Sorry for the errors, english isn't my first lenguaje.

Christmas of Noire and Uni

It was a cold December at Lastation’s basilicoon, almost like if one where in Lowee, Noire as the workaholic that she is, she’s been busy doing lots of stuff for increase the shares and things of the sort, Uni on the other side after helped to various chores had decided take a rest, after all it’s almost Christmas (yeah even they’re goddesses the date existed in the hyperdimension), but even if she do so her sister didn’t, that makes her feel sad and lonely, then more fast than she expected the awaited day arrived, that morning she walked in the city all alone only seeing to the people with happy faces, families, couples, she was invidious of them and feel more lonely than ever…

Meanwhile Noire: She knows it, it was Christmas and she haven’t see her sister in the last five days, but it isn’t like if she was worried about her so don’t misunderstand it (yeah pretty tsundere), but at least her work has almost ended so she can spend the rest of the week with her sister, then she go out of her office, she searched Uni in the basilicoon but no one was here, all the workers had free day and Uni wasn’t there either, that worried her more than anything, maybe going outside to search her is the best option but she preferred end the work so back to her office…

Meanwhile: After spending most of the morning in the city, it’s being time to go back to the basilicoon for Uni, and she do so.

When she arrived as in the morning none was there, surely her sister was in her office as always, she wants to see her she can’t resist that painful feeling in her chest, knocked the door of Noire’s office but her sister only responded “not now Uni I’m busy”, she can’t resist it anymore she breaked in tears and started to cry and started to say things like “I hate you one-chan”, “you’re always so cold towards me”, with that Uni had voiced all the sadness that she’s been saving for many years, crying until be satisfied…

When Noire started to listen the cry of Uni she worried a lot, the last thing that she wants now it’s that her beloved little sister started to hate her, she started to think how much she loves her little sister and realized how se feel towards her, then she noticed, she love her little sister a lot and don’t want to see her crying, so she hurried up to go outside and comfort her, once outside she hurried to hug her sister and started to apologize like this while hugging her:

“I’m sorry Uni, I’ve been very busy and haven’t see you in some days, I’m truly sorry, please forgive me, the last thing that I want to do is make you cry, merry Christmas, let’s spend the day together, anywhere where you want to go?

So Uni responded while blushing: let’s go on a date to the city.

Noire blushed and smiling say: Okay let’s go on a Christmas date

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the snow was falling non-stop in Academy City, and a certain white boy hurried home with a few grocery bags in hand.

"oi, stop that you little brat!"

"Misaka doesn't know what you meant with 'that' says Misaka as Misaka evades the question gracefully"

the reason with the #1 in academy city was so angry was because a 10 years-old-looking girl kept playing with the snow on the street.

"damn brats doing what they feel like, do i attract brats that much?"

"Woah says Misaka as Misaka realizes the truth!"

accelerator made a complicated look and stared at Last Order as if asking for an explanation.

"don't worry says Misaka as Misaka comforts Accelerator, Misaka won't catch a cold even if she plays with snow so it's ok if Misaka plays with this snow says Misaka as Misaka closes one eye and aims at you"

the snowball striked accelerator right on his chest but he just made an annoyed look and kept walking.

 

at the distance another girl was looking around as if lost, with twintails and a huge bag she kept looking around.

accelerator just passed by as if nothing was there, but last order stood besides the lost girl.

 

"tch, how is it that i can't take my eyes off her even for a second."

looking for the nowhere-to-be-seen last order, accelerator went back the same way he took to look for her.

"seriously, where did that brat go to?" as he said that he found her talking happily with a strange girl.

 

"what are you doing says misaka as she is karate chopped!"

accelerator stared at the strange girl.

"i don't like that look of yours, it feels like the look of someone i know" said the yet-to-be-known girl

 with a even more annoyed look said.

"and who are you supposed to be?"

"ah, why is it that i should tell you?"

"she's hachikuji mayoi, she's lost and doesn't know how to get back says misaka as misaka-"

"putting the bag on his cane and took last order hand in an attempt to leave the scene.

"what are you doing says misaka as she tries to regain her composture!"

"i'm getting out of here" said the white monster 

"but it's christams and she's lost all by herself says misaka as misaka protests"

"..."

"..." looking at him with puppy eyes last order said nothing

"tch, what the F**k is wrong with me" said accelerator while turning back to the girl

"so, any idea of where are your parents?" 

"huh?"

"like i said, any idea of where are your parents?"

"no" said the girl hesitantly 

 

(just what the f**k am i about to do)

"you want to come?"

"no" said the hachikuji inmedeatly

"huh?" accelerator lost his composure for a few seconds "whatever" he turned around and kept walking

"we can't just leave her says misaka as misaka protest again"

"..." the white monsters just kept walking. 

 

(i have more enough with one brat)

 

 

i guess i'll end it with a to be continued, i always make short stories into long stories without thinking, silly me

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This is too hard T^T

How naive coming into this contest thinking it was easy. Currently we're on hard mode. Next is the "your brain will turn into goo" mode, followed by "this is inhumanity impossible" mode and it ends with "your b**ls impaled on a log hanging in the desert to be butchered by hungry vultures" mode

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How naive coming into this contest thinking it was easy. Currently we're on hard mode. Next is the "your brain will turn into goo" mode, followed by "this is inhumanity impossible" mode and it ends with "your b**ls impaled on a log hanging in the desert to be butchered by hungry vultures" mode

Nice description of the contest lol
I for one am enjoying it (my M side perhaps?) since it is a change to my monotonous routine.
PS: Merry Xmas people~

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If anything, Batman is being far too kind - not only was there a huge hint in the challenge description, but he also went out of his way to mention that a lot of people were falling into the trap. He could have just said "Write a fanfic with your favourite character, not using your favourite character will lose you 5 points" and then taken way a million points when week 4 came.

Also he still hasn't picked his favourite from week 2. :P

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If anything, Batman is being far too kind - not only was there a huge hint in the challenge description, but he also went out of his way to mention that a lot of people were falling into the trap. He could have just said "Write a fanfic with your favourite character, not using your favourite character will lose you 5 points" and then taken way a million points when week 4 came.

Also he still hasn't picked his favourite from week 2. :P

 

I agree, we have a kind anti-hero here but you either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain.

Only Batman knows what he'll make us do in the future, actually not even him might know.

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Hmm... we have to write another story on any subject today?

 

Okay, here it is (narrator in this story is abstract, it's not me):

*****

Today's morning was really frightful. Around 3 am a mysterious Nightmare came.

He was the reason, why at this time I had to woke up whole in sweat...

It's winter, so therefore it was extremely dark in the house.

I really can't remember, what was in that nightmare, but... for sure it was too realistic.

Only one thing, which I could do was calming down and get something to eat.

I couldn't fall asleep anymore, so I turn on the computer, and I started listen to music.

Everything was going okay, I even almost forgot about Nightmare.

But once when I was reading various information on websites I fall asleep.

Unfortunately, I did... and he came again...

 

Always I was communicative and easy-going person. My relations with others were really good.

Yeah, they were... everything has changed, just after Nightmare.

The next day after I closed myself in my room. I was doing there everything.

Everything, except talking with others and going outside my room.

My lifestyle has changed to hikikomori. I would like to that Nightmare never happen.

That is the past and I will never change it.

Once a night, I've got an e-mail with very detailed information about myself and about that Nightmare.

The end sounds: "You want to find out everything about that? I can help you."

 

I responded with hope, that my future can be released from the Nightmare's bonds...

*****

It's the end. It's a story written by me today :)

I hope you like it ;)

By the way, I don't know if I understood solidbatman's post properly... if not, just ignore my post...  -_-

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Well, you said anything... Ignore this if it doesn't count as extra from this week's story.

 

Bella was very angry when her grandfather told her that she had to marry Edward Cullen, a rich Italian entrepreneur, convicted felon and proud member of the Lega Nord. He was also sparkly.



“OMG GRAMPA UR TOTLLY RUINING MY LIFE” said Bella with a voice so shrill that would make you clamor for deafness. Her eyes darted towards her grandfather; she was standing tall, easily towering over the hunchbacked old man, her chin upwards and her nose wrinkled with a mixture of irritation and contempt.

Her grandfather appeared slightly smaller than usual. That was not because he was intimidated by Bella’s outburst in any way, shape or form but because he was getting tired of her shit. But no one could blame him. Indeed, when you are one step away from the grave and the one who is supposed to carry your legacy is a total and complete moron being pissed off is the expected reaction.

“Bella, he’s LOADED. Made outta money. BFFs with Berlusconi, try using your goddamn head for a fucking second you dumbass. Just marry him in California or something, wait five years and ta-dah, divorce and you’ll get half his shit.”

“LIEKS OMG I'LL THINK ABOUT IT K?.” Said Bella, while she went to the living room to try and think. A tall task, indeed.

She started fantasizing about what she would do with Edward’s money. Cruises, dresses and all sort of goodies awaited her. She also remembered that Edward Cullen was sparkly. She liked sparkly. Sparkly good. So it was love at last. Maybe she would even have a couple sparkly babies in a sparkly house and a very happy life among the 1%. Hell, in a couple years she might even have her own TED talk!

None of that would ever be, however. For a Soldier-class BETA was standing right behind her.

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