Novel21 Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 I have written my first story on Wattpad, here is the link for it https://www.wattpad.com/myworks and I hope somebody can read my story and tell me what you think about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WinterfuryZX Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 That's only a generic link for wattpad personal space. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zodai Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 Yes, we'll need a direct link to view it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Novel21 Posted September 7, 2015 Author Share Posted September 7, 2015 Sorry here is direct link for it https://www.wattpad.com/myworks/49192623/write/165233628 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OriginalRen Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 The link still brings me to the main page. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Novel21 Posted September 7, 2015 Author Share Posted September 7, 2015 What about this then https://www.wattpad.com/165233628-narusaku-high-school-love-story-naruto-first-day Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OriginalRen Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 What about this then https://www.wattpad.com/165233628-narusaku-high-school-love-story-naruto-first-day Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Novel21 Posted September 7, 2015 Author Share Posted September 7, 2015 My native Language are Norwegian, What about it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OriginalRen Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 My native Language are Norwegian, What about it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyrael Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 What Ren said I really don't want to be mean to you but... this piece needs A LOT of work. First and foremost: grammar and sytax. Your sentences are often missing key words that make them look very odd, as well as making use of the wrong tense (present vs past). The biggest offender here are the run-on sentences though, it'll make your readers want to quit immediately since they are extremely tiring for people to slog through. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
firecat Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 no dont listen to them, they make fun of every writer's story. On the topic of the story, its very off from the original story and menga, you should fix the lines that the characters are known for not forcing characters into your biding. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yuuko Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 no dont listen to them, they make fun of every writer's story. I could start a flame war how wrong are you again but I wont do it this time. They are simply saying to Novel21 that his story is hard to read since his English isn't really good and suggesting him to write in Norwegian if he is doing this for fun. How is this saying that his story is bad? It could be really good if written in a proper language. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheFantasm Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 Constructive criticism ≠ mocking Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OriginalRen Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 no dont listen to them, they make fun of every writer's story. On the topic of the story, its very off from the original story and menga, you should fix the lines that the characters are known for not forcing characters into your biding. All right, I'm going to finally call you out on all of your bullshit firecat. First of all, I respect Novel21 for doing something she really enjoys, but as someone who says you are a writer yourself, you need to understand that it is a disgrace to me as the reader (more so as a native speaker of the English language) if I can barely comprehend the language. Translation mistakes are 1 thing, but writing mistakes are a whole different story. Novel21 is making elementary mistakes with countable nouns, articles, and verb tenses. As a native speaker and English teacher who listens to Japanese students from all levels every single day, I can barely read anything she is trying to say. Is this her fault? No it isn't, but seeing as how she really loves writing this kind of stuff, I would expect her to write in a language she feels comfortable with. Nobody is forcing her to write in a language that she can't write in. Of all the shit you say on this site, I would expect you to understand that the most. Just stop being so stubborn. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
firecat Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 All right, I'm going to finally call you out on all of your bullshit firecat. First of all, I respect Novel21 for doing something he really enjoys, but as someone who says you are a writer yourself, you need to understand that it is a disgrace to me as the reader (more so as a native speaker of the English language) if I can barely comprehend the language. Translation mistakes are 1 thing, but writing mistakes are a whole different story. Novel21 is making elementary mistakes with countable nouns, articles, and verb tenses. As a native speaker and English teacher who listens to Japanese students from all levels every single day, I can barely read anything he is trying to say. Is this his fault? No it isn't, but seeing as how he really loves writing this kind of stuff, I would expect him to write in a language he feels comfortable with. Nobody is forcing him to write in a language that he can't write in. Of all the shit you say on this site, I would expect you to understand that the most. Just stop being so stubborn. oh sure, i guess you are some big shot english teacher who turn into a youtuber for a better career (yes its lame as it sounds). if you really did read it, you should told him about the login problem that everyone hates about Wattpad but you didn't. another thing about your statement about forcing english into us is very true, the forum rules clary states that english must be written. oh and one huge mistake you did about the review, you fail to understand character development, climax, story-outline, and setting. how could you a teacher fail to see that or better yet how can a fail teacher leave japan, i'm guessing your students didn't like you. perfect picture on what the student look at you , sure i dont know any reason why you left but the reason you didn't apply to be a teacher makes it more compelling that you fail at english. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helvetica Standard Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 Don't start an argument, guys. If you absolutely must, then keep things civil, please. Note: This is creative corner, everyone is free to post whatever brainchild they conceive. You can make suggestions and give constructive criticism. If you don't like what someone's posting, move along. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yuuko Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 oh sure, i guess you are some big shot english teacher who turn into a youtuber for a better career (yes its lame as it sounds). if you really did read it, you should told him about the login problem that everyone hates about Wattpad but you didn't. another thing about your statement about forcing english into us is very true, the forum rules clary states that english must be written. oh and one huge mistake you did about the review, you fail to understand character development, climax, story-outline, and setting. how could you a teacher fail to see that or better yet how can a fail teacher leave japan, i'm guessing your students didn't like you. perfect picture on what the student look at you , sure i dont know any reason why you left but the reason you didn't apply to be a teacher makes it more compelling that you fail at english. Krhmh, I'm sorry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nashetania Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 Naruto Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
monkeysrumble Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 Flame war? FLAME WAR! Joking aside it is true that your English does need a lot of work, it makes the story very hard to read since a lot of these errors are pretty glaringly obvious. It makes it pretty difficult for me to judge the actual content of the text because of it. I would recommend you keep on practicing your writing skills and maybe considering getting an editor. Just a friend or someone you know to help you scan and proofread your work since the best way to learn from your mistakes is to have someone point them out for you. Luckily fan fiction is a really good way to practice writing so as long as you're open to criticism you'll keep on getting better, even I have my share of embarrassing fan fictions. Also I just want to make it clear in case it wasn't, no one in this thread is trying to be mean to you or anything. We just want to see you do the best you can and want to help you get better. I for one think it's really neat that you're writing with English as your second language but it just needs a lot more polishing. Good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Novel21 Posted September 7, 2015 Author Share Posted September 7, 2015 Hehehe thank you very much everyone, there Get me to smile and I'm going to continue the story in my Language and translate it in english:-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deep Blue Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 English is not my native language and I'm really bad at it but I can tell just by readings a few lines of your story that there are many mistakes, big ones. Don't take it as an offense because if you don't know what you did wrong in the first place you cannot improve or fix your mistakes. There are many users in this forum that I'm sure they are willing to help you out if you ask them. About the story itself I think that it's hard to tell with so little going on. Btw not sure if I'm missing some parts of the text or not because it says that you have 3 published stories but they are the same one https://www.wattpad.com/user/bookfan22 , I've never used wattpad so I can't tell. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WinterfuryZX Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 English is not my native language and I'm really bad at it. your english is at least better than mine.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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