When escapism actually makes things worse

[InvictusCobra]

Title. At least for myself, some forms of escapism actually enhance the problems I'm trying to get away from, despite the fact that I purposefuly seek and desire those forms of escapism. What would you do if something you loved doing made things worse?

[Darbury]

What would you do if something you loved doing made things worse?

[Kaguya]

Depends on the escapism and what it's making worse. Really can't give you a generic answer here. 

[Chronopolis]

There's nothing wrong with playing VN's or the escapist activity, it's nothing to be ashamed of. The thing is, problems won't be any worse to confront now than if you sit and wait.

The two differences between enjoying and escaping is:

 

1: You're working on the problem you have

2. You're not letting playing VN's make you look away from the problem.

Usually despair (or a weaker form, procrastination) is what leads to escapism.

 

Your thinking should be "The problem exists. There's nothing wrong with that fact. I'm working on it. It's going to take time to solve. I'm going to look for ways to solve it, and not beat my self up or lose hope if I don't see immediately work out. Most of these problems that lead to escapism don' just "solve", but they can progressively get a step or two better."

The approach I used was to try to be as realistic as possible. A problem is just a problem. It needs to be addressed. If you don't have the skills or habit to address the problem, then it's time to attempt self-improvement. Regardless, there's no place in there for despair, faulty expectations, low self-esteem, etc. Just make sure you consistently are giving good shot at doing what need to be doing.

 

Make sure to find some time to relax and kick back, though, while you're working on the problem.

If VN's are too promotive of escapism for you atm, then find something else.

It may be the case that VN's are filling a void for you such that it will be very crushing if you stop completely. In that case, use your best discretion.

 

---

 

First of all, if you catch yourself despairing over the problem since there seems to be no obvious solution, make yourself stop.

 

When you're playing:

If you spot yourself going "If I keep playing, the problem's not going to appear in my vision.", make yourself stop.

If you find yourself too worried by the problem to enjoy a leisure activity, or you feel that during the time you are relaxing all the problems are going to pile up and overwhelm you, make yourself stop.

If you aren't ignoring the problem, but still find yourself spending too much time on VN's, etc, then just cut back. Once you get rid of the "escapism", two hours is just as fulfilling as four.

 

 

It's pretty hard making the initial shift. You probably do want to cut back to a minimum on your escapist activities, at least for the first week or two. But, actively working on a problem can actually be fulfilling. And you'll usually take something out of the process.

 

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Edit: please overlook my over-forwardness in the above. The topic hits close to home for me, but I didn't expect that it would be so difficult to talk about dispassionately.

[mjriedstra]

I think the bones of this issue lie in your personal definition of "escapism."

 

Healthy escapism, in my opinion, is when you dive into fantasy to get away from troubling aspects of your life that you cannot control or change. It's perfectly reasonable to distract yourself from those issues by doing something that helps you forget.

 

Unhealthy escapism is when you are hiding from something that you really must deal with. Generally speaking, the longer you avoid handling these types of issues, the worse they get, so not only are you postponing the inevitable, it's likely that you are making your own future more difficult for the illusion of a simpler present.

 

If I was doing something that I loved, but it was making my situation worse, that would be a strong implication that the problem I was avoiding was that second kind of problem. Therefore, I shouldn't be avoiding it. Of course, knowing what you should do and being able to force yourself to do it are two different things. But if there's something you're running from and you know that running will hurt you, try to stop running.

[Soulless Watcher]

Chances are if you are doing something you love and it is making the situation worse, you probably don't realize it or have convinced yourself that it isn't a problem. In these situations the person usually requires the help of another individual who is able to look at the situation objectively.

[CeruleanGamer]

What exactly are you trying to escape from?

 

Bad relationship? Financial issues? Work related issues?

 

Your question is vague and is way too general. We can't give a valuable insight on it....

[Funyarinpa]

... Why have I never asked this myself before?

[Kurokusari]

Rather than a destructive escapism, I'd say that it's more of your escapism becoming a bad vice. "Something that you love that makes things worse" is just screaming a bad vice if you ask me. An action always affect something and it's not exactly always in your control. I'd like to think that weighing what is more important to me in every action I take is a good way of doing things. If this certain action I do, which I love, is having a more negative effect more than a positive one, I'd probably stop it. Then again, I can't be completely objective so which I 'value' more would be the one coming out on top.

 

But in this case it's something that's rather vital. I don't think people can handle great amount of mental stress without taking a break one way or another. And escapism is one common method that's actually quite effective, at least for me. I'd do something to forget things for a while and then tackle the problem later with a refreshed mind. Don't just leave it to solve itself and be on your way since it'll haunt you back regardless. If it can't be solved then at least get some closure or it'll always poke you at the back of your mind.

 

In the end it all comes down if you're willing to let go of something for the sake of another one. Getting everything you want isn't something that I would call human.

[Kawasumi]

yeah, I know how you feel.

 

I use video games as a form of escapism, but the awesome thing is that playing VNs gives me inspiration to make music (I go to a music academy, so this part is actually also important for me educationwise )

So I guess for me, the escapism isnt really much of a problem, most of the time at least, because when I play games like hearthstone or league of legends it tend do the exact opposite, so there is the main problem for me.