Loco15

How do you eat an entire whale? One bite at a time. Preferably with Cholula.
How do you edit/translate/whatever a visual novel? One line at a time. Preferably with bourbon.
Whether you’re a fan of the final product or not, one of the things that impresses me most about MDZ’s fan translation of Koisuru Natsu no Last Resort is that it got released, period. As in, if you were so inclined, you could download the installer right now, patch the original Japanese game, and go play the thing on your new-fangled Windows Pee-Cee. No demos, no one-route partial patches. The whole damned VN in English, finished on schedule and out there in the world.
The project didn’t stall. It didn’t wind up in no-updates-in-six-months-but-we-think-they’re-still-working-on-it hell. It didn’t climb into that white panel van with Little Busters EX, never to be heard from again. The nice man was lying to you, Little Busters EX — there were no cute little puppies in the back. What were you thinking?!
The KoiRizo team did nothing particularly special to make this happen. We just ate the whale one bite at a time.
The rhythm method
By his own account, MDZ worked very methodically on the project, spending an average of 30 minutes every day translating scripts into English. Not when he felt like it. Not when inspiration struck. Not when enough people harassed him with all-caps emails asking why the HELL hadn’t there been any progress updates on the KoiRizo tracker lately. He made it an expected part of his routine, like brushing his teeth or eating dinner. He scheduled regular translation sessions between classes or before heading out in the morning.
He did a little bit. Every. Single. Day.
There’s a word for that: consistency. That’s what gets things done in the real world, not 48-hour marathons every random.randint(1,6) weekends fueled by Red Bull, Hot Pockets, and intense self-loathing. Consistency keeps you from getting burned out. Consistency lets you make reasonable schedules and estimates, then stick to them. Consistency is like goddamned black magic.
Over the course of the project, MDZ had consistency in spades. If he can maintain that approach to life, I have a feeling he’ll be successful at whatever he puts his mind to after college.
When I came on board as an editor, I kept a somewhat similar schedule. I resolved to set aside my commuting time each workday for editing. And so for 40 minutes in the morning and 40 minutes in the evening, Monday through Friday, I’d park my butt in a train seat, break out my laptop, and just edit.
Weekdays were reserved for my family. If you’re married with kids, you know there is no such thing as free time on weekends. If you’re not married and don’t have kids, please tell me what the outside world is like. I hear they came out with a PlayStation 2? That’s gotta be pretty awesome.
Anyway, that’s what I ended up doing. Edit every single workday. For six months. Until it was done.
(Six months? That long to edit a medium-length visual novel? Yeah, that long. KoiRizo weighs in at 36,000+ lines. Over six months, that works out to about 1,400 lines a week, or 210 lines per hour. That’s an edited line every 17 seconds or so, with most of the lines needing substantial polishing/rewriting. I have no idea what pace other VN editors work at, but I felt like this was one I could maintain over the long haul. Call it the distance runner’s lope.)

Special topics in calamity physics
So why all this rambling about whales and consistency? Because I just got back from vacation a few days ago and I’ve been surprised at how long it’s taken me to get my head back into the various projects I’ve been working on (or even writing this blog). And then I got to wondering how often something small like that snowballs into a stalled or even failed project. A missed day turns into a skipped week turns into a skipped month turns into a dead translation.
Which then got me thinking about the coefficient of friction.
It’s basic physics, which I excelled at (failing repeatedly). In layman’s terms, it’s a ratio (μ) that gives you a sense how much force two surfaces exert on each other and, therefore, how much force you need to exert to get something moving from a dead stop. Wooden block on ice? Low coefficient of friction. Wooden block on shag carpet? High coefficient of friction ... and a senseless crime against tasteful décor. Once you overcome that initial friction, it takes comparatively little force to keep an object in motion.
I can easily imagine there’s a coefficient of friction between us and our work, some quantifiable level of resistance that needs be overcome before we get our asses in gear and be productive. And unlike the one in Physics 101, which is constant for any two materials, this one is different every single day. It depends on a bunch of different factors: how interested we are in our projects, how appreciated we feel, what other projects we’ve got going on at the same time, how much sleep we’ve gotten, what else is going on in our lives, whether or not the Mets are currently in the World Series, etc.
Let’s call it the coefficient of slackitude.
Once we get started on a project and make it part of our everyday routine, we can largely ignore this number. We’ve overcome the initial slackitude and, with moderate effort, can keep things rolling along fairly smoothly. But each time we let things coast to a stop, even for a few days, we’ve got to overcome the slackitude all over again. And since that value is variable, it might be much harder the second time around. In fact, it probably will be.
Eventually, we’ll fail to do so. And our project will die.
The takeaway
So other than the fact that I had no business being anywhere near a physics classroom, what can we take away from my incoherent ramblings? A couple things:
The easiest way to make sure your project gets finished is to stick to a regular schedule. Eat the whale a little at a time — every day if you can. Minimize the gaps. Avoid having to face off against that nasty coefficient of slackitude more than once. The easiest way to make sure your project gets started at all is to pick a time when that coefficient of slackitude is low — when you’re excited by the prospect, when you’re well-rested, when you have relatively few competing interests. When you can focus. Use that time to build your momentum, so when your interest wanes or real life intrudes — it always does and it always will — the project is so embedded in your routine that you can just ride it out. We need more finished translations in the world. So pull up a chair and eat your whale. Do it for your team. Do it for yourself. Do it for poor Little Busters EX, drugged and ball-gagged in a basement somewhere, forever wondering when it’ll finally get to see the puppies.

Yo, I'm back from the dead! (though I can't guarantee that I won't die again) And what was the miraculous thing that had the ability to revive me? Of course, it was the latest title from the legendary eroge maker Winged Cloud, Sakura Beach, which was just released on August 14th! I mean, if their previous titles from the Sakura trilogy were all so successful like that, there is no reason for them to not make another one, right??
...
...
...
Okay, joke aside, let the summer trip to Hell begin.





SYNOPSIS

Seiji is a daydreamer who spends too much time thinking about space. When he was given a chance to visit the beach with his two childhood friends, all he can think about is his chance to take out his telescope and look at the stars. But gradually, he begins to realise that his childhood friends want him to pay attention to them instead of the constellations...

CHARACTER

1. Seiji
Our MALE protagonist (wait, isn't this a yurige?!). A dense guy that loves the space more than girls.

2. Ayumi






Osananajimi No.1. A classic over-the-roof tsundere girl that always try to act mature. A good cook, and one of the smartest student at school, but has no swimming ability.

3. Momoka






Osananajimi No.2. A cheerful and immature girl that loves to tease the MC and make lewd jokes. A complete opposite with Ayumi (terrible cook, bad in study, but extremely good at sports, especially swimming).

STORY

The story progression can be summarized like this: Seiji, Ayumi and Momoka came to this particular beach-side hotel on their summer holiday. As they were having fun day to day on the beach, the girls tried hard to make Seiji notice their feeling, and also tried to make him confessing the truth behind his obsessed with studying, which they found really unusual. Gradually, Seiji opened up more to them, told them about the thing that he was trying to cover up, his fear, and his true feeling toward his two friends.

One thing I have to say, is that their plot this time is actually pretty decent for a OEL moege. At least better than their previous titles that I played. However, their plot development is still all over the place, with a ton of random events that just happen out of nowhere without any explanation (I will run through this later in the nitpicking section below). Moreover, some important-looking events even contributed absolutely nothing to the plot, almost were just there to satisfy the fetish of a certain group of players. Yes, I'm talking about the yuri scene, which made me thought that this was a yurige. Just suddenly come then go, no freaking explanation whatsoever.





They also brought back a bunch of fan-service scenes that were literally just a copy-paste from Sakura Fantasy (and maybe the whole damn series), and even those scenes were so forced that made me just go "wtf?".
Typos are still lying here and there (and sometimes, it's not even typo, it's just a dumb and funny mistake), seem like their QC need some more practice.
I have a little complaint about the fact that every single day in their vacation happened in a exact same pattern: Wake up -> Go swimming at the beach -> Random talk -> Go home -> New day, wake up -> ...., though, being a guy that almost never go to the beach, guess I'm in no position to judge people. That said, the only once time I went for holiday in a seaside city for a week, I only spent 2 days for swimming, and the other 5 for going around, visiting this and that place.

GRAPHIC






This is my personal taste, but imo, Winged Cloud totally trashed their strongest point, which is the art, this time. The new art is just so much worse, although it's still "acceptable". The BGs are decent-looking though.
Btw, what happened to their old artist? Rage quit?

MUSIC

After 5 minutes of playing, I decided to turn off the music and turn my fripSide playlist on.
Do something about your boring music please, Winged Cloud.

CONCLUSION

Though I did say that the plot was decent, $10 for this game is still a big no. Both the plot and the fan-service quality did not go anywhere near that price. So, if you want to pir---I mean borrow it from someone out of curiosity, then go ahead. BUT DON'T GIVE WINGED CLOUD ANY MORE MONEY PLEASE!

Pros:
- Decent plot (wait, is this even a pro?)

Cons:
- All-over-the-place plot development.
- Cliche fan-service scenes.
- Unexplained details.
- Boring-to-death music.

Score
Story: 5/10.
Character: 4/10.
Graphic: 6/10.
Music: 2/10.
Overall: 4/10.

NITPICKING
I mean, why not? With a game full of problem like this, nitpicking can give us much more fun than even the game itself!

Well, the answer to the above question is simple... I saw the monster girl anime for this season's first episode and got curious about what kind of content these games had... to be honest, I was planning to drop it inside the first few hours, using it as a break from more serious content before starting Baldr Force.. but I was surprised to find just how good the writing in these games is.

That said, the early games (the Lamia and Alraune games) are nukige, as presented... and the H scenes are kind of guro in a lot of cases (to be honest, I can't get into the H in this series at all, lol). However, I was kind of stunned at how good the writing is in the ones I've played and how they created a sense of connection and continuity between all the VNs in the series. First, you have to understand that all the VNs prior to Monmusu Gakuen are written in the same general period of the setting's history and Gakuen is written in a period fifteen to twenty-five years after those (the kids from three of the VNs are heroines in Gakuen).

The most solid of the VNs as a whole is the Arachne/Harpy/Cyclops VN, which focuses on Hibiki, a guy who basically gets summoned from Earth by Ariane the Arachne on a whim... The speed with which he adjusts to his new lifestyle is a bit unreal, but the interactions between him and the heroines are endlessly amusing... and the actual story of each path is touching enough emotionally that I cried, despite the fact that I had to skip past the H to keep from being ill in some cases (you can tell that the writer is basically acting out his fetishes with enthusiasm...).

The Scylla/slime VN is the second most solid, with a somewhat... free-spirited pirate as a protagonist. The slime is a total moron who believes anything the scylla maid says... which wouldn't be so bad if the scylla's hobby wasn't making her look like an idiot. I spent most of this one just laughing... endlessly laughing. I laughed until my jaw hurt with this one. The general absurdity of the VN's premise doesn't in any way take away from the comedic character dynamic or the emotionality of the heroine paths (there is pretty much nothing emotional until you actually get on those two paths).

Monmusu Gakuen is the weakest of the three I completed (three VNs in two days) and it retains a lot of the atmosphere of the other two... but in exchange, the H is even more guro and the number of heroines kind of dilutes the emotionality of the paths in several cases. Nonetheless, it is easy to get attached to them, simply because of the protagonist's point of view as their teacher.

I came out of curiosity and stayed for the writing.

I'm just curious... why is it that some of the best VN writers are the weirdest kind of pervert?

Edit: I almost didn't write anything on these... but I felt I owed it to the people who might actually be interested in this kind of interracial romance story to at least say something about my experience. I just also felt the need to warn you that... if you have imaginings about the H, it is actually probably a bit worse than you imagined.

Walking around Google Play can give you a lot of surprises (404: Advertisement not found). And some days ago, while looking for some good tower defense games to kill time, I accidentally stumbled into a nice-looking VN that is not even listed in VNDB for some reason: My Little Kitties - a Korean VN, adapted from a Korean light novel published by Novel Engine. It was released by tales# on March 2015 with the price of $5.
It's loli! It's catgirl! There is just no reason for me to not throw money right at the screen and bring this VN home!





SYNOPSIS

Hanul is a teenager having a weary day because all kinds of animals -including dogs, cats and even pigeons- are chasing him frantically.
One day, he discovers a mother cat and her kitten, which were living in the tree of his yard, lying dead still on a cold floor.
He took them to a veterinary clinic, but it was already too late for the mother cat. And on behalf of the deceased mother, he decided to take care of the kitten named Nuri.
But, the little kitten Nuri was not an ordinary kitten.
She was a mystical creature, an inhabitant of another world not recognized by ordninary people.
After a peculiar meeting with Sora, who has her own story with the supervisor of mystical creatures, Yura, the boy who became a father of two girls after many twist and turns
is now about to begin a new life with his new family.

CHARACTER

1. Hanul







(Yeah, I'm lazy as hell
)

2. Nuri










3. Sora











4. Yura











STORY

The 2-hours-long story follows Hanul as he struggled through his daily life, dealing with his two mischievous daughters, the perverted girl Yura and a stray cat named Nero that his daughters had picked up on the street. The entire game happened in only 4 days (game time), but it's still enough to give you a vision about the life of a lone teenager father: playing with his daughters, dealing with their constant tantrums, protecting them from being sexually harassed by Yura, trying to fix their bad diets, habits...
There are totally 6 endings, including 3 bad endings, which in two of them...(super duper huge spoiler ahead )




The game, mostly slice of life/comedy, covers the first two chapters of the light novel, with some light drama in the good endings - actually, I guess I should say "true" endings, because they are not particularly "good", quite sad in fact, not to the point that I would call it an "utsuge" though. For some people, the game can be quite boring from time to time (it's slice of life you know), but it shouldn't be a problem for major players. There is a hell amount of choices, 20 in total, which will help increasing your playing time to about 12 hours or more, since getting in the right route in this game is a huge pain, and the choices are not even that clear (the most common-sense choice can easily lead you straight into a bad ending).

One thing I have to mention, is that the English translation of this game is pretty bad, and it doesn't seem like they will fix it any time soon (actually, I'm not even sure if they even have any intention to do that). Not to the point of unreadable Google-level, but it will still annoy quite a lot of people. Just have to bear with it, I guess






SYSTEM

After played through the game, you will be able to unlock some fun minigames like Horoscope, Rock-Scissor-Paper, Airplane Ride and such. I have no interest in that damn Rock-Scissor-Paper thingy because my Luck stat is zero http://forums.fuwanovel.net/uploads/emoticons/default_dry.png' alt='<_<'> , but the Horoscope game is pretty hilarious, and the Airplane Ride game totally broke my hand due to its "extreme" gameplay In this game, basically, you will give your daughter an airplane ride. Your job is to mass-spam the power button to keep your stamina - which gradually decrease over time - in check. From time to time, your daughter will get bored, make your stamina bar run down faster, and you will have to quickly "shake" her left and right, then quickly back to mass-spamming. If anyone here is a diligent Potion Maker player, they should be able to deal with this game just fine By getting high scores in the game, you will be rewarded with special CGs and voiced lines.
Oh, and this is my best score at the moment. Try to beat me, you!






The game also supplies you with a database about lots of details for unaware non-light novel reader (see those thing I used in the character introduction?) and an achievement system that will also reward you with special CGs and voiced lines.

GRAPHIC

The artwork itself is pretty nice, though it seem like they didn't put that much effort into drawing CGs. Actually, I think they directly put the light novel illustrations into the game, rather than drawing an entire new set of CG... Quite obvious, with all of those monochrome backgrounds, I guess.






MUSIC

Nothing special, just your normal everyday BGM that you find in a VN.

VOICE

The game is voiced in Korean. I have to say, I much prefer Korean voice-over than Chinese one. Yeah, still not as good as Japanese, but at least they managed to keep me from turning it the hell off. Actually, Nuri's voice is pretty cute!

CONCLUSION

$5 for 2 hours of entertainment with your two cute daughters, I think it's a fair price. That said, I won't recommend this VN to people that dislike slice of life, because it will just bore them to death. However, if you want some nice laugh, and are able to handle the bad translation, then go ahead and give it a try, I'm sure you will like it.

Score
Story: 8,5/10.
Character: 9/10.
System: 9/10.
Graphic: 7/10.
Music: 5/10.
Voice: 8/10.
Total: 8/10.








My previous review:
Ojousama to Himitsu no Otome (Trial Edition)

Nosebleed guided whore by his hand. It was dark; they were walking among some trees.
"Are you alright?" , Nosebleed turned his head back, slowly, trying to see whore's face through the darkness. Whore nodded.

They reached a glade. The moon allowed them to see each other's faces. Nosebleed had a different wig: still Nico's black hair, but he wasn't using twintails. Princess whore had a passionate, yet afraid, gleam in her eyes.

Whore got near the river flowing down there. She saw her reflection. She trembled.

"Are you feeling cold?", asked Nosebleed. He came behind her, with his right hand on her shoulder, and the other hand holding a bottle. Looking at his reflection on the water, whore blushed. "I brought hot chocolate with me." he continued.

"...?" Whore turned back, staring at the bottle and then, at his eyes. She smiled, accepting the offer. "Thank you."
As whore opened the bottle, Nosebleed lost his balance.

"Ah..." He fell on the top of her. "Oops." The hot chocolate was all spilled on their faces.

"It's hot! Hot!" Whore screamed.

"I-I'm sorry!", Nosebleed also felt the heat. He tried to hide his embarrassment, as he tried to find a way to clean her face. But then, he felt something soft on his chin running through his cheeks, until his forehead. He widened his eyes, surprised. Whore smiled at him happily, holding his chin, and then licking his lips.

"It has... Good taste... Very... Good taste.", she said, blushing.

"The chocolate? Or my...?"

"Both."

"Can I... taste it too?"

Whore nodded in agreement. Nosebleed licked the princess' cheeks, smoothly, feeling every single flavor there was to be felt. She asked him with her eyes: "Did it taste good?"

"Amazing." Both of them smiled. They advanced on each other, Nosebleed pushing the princess on the ground. They didn't even feel pain anymore, instead of it, they licked each other as fast as they could, so the chocolate wouldn't freeze.
Their faces were finally clean.
"Guess it's time to sleep, nyan~", said the princess. "Can I... Sleep on the top of you?"
"Uh? Why?"
"I want to hear your heartbeats. It will give me good dreams."
"Princess... You do know... What we have won't last long, don't you?"
"Hm." , she nodded. "That's why I want..." , whore comfortably set herself on the top of Nosebleed, with her ear on his heart. "... To enjoy every single moment of it."

Next morning, Nosebleed was lazily still sleeping, while whore had already waken up. She looked at Nosebleed's cute face, passing her hands through his dark Nico wig.
"Nico Nico nii." , she tried to imitate him.

And then, there was another voice.
"Who's there?" It was a male voice. Whore got scared. Some people knew her identity before she became a troll. What to do? What to do? Before she could think of anything, two soldiers came out of some trees.

"Oh." one of them blushed. "Sorry to interrupt your moment, ojou-sama!"
"Cute girls? Hnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng. The black-haired maiden is cosplaying my waifu..." the other screamed, excited.

"Hm. ~" Whore's fears seemed to be unreasonable. "There's no problem. Now please we need to rest alone..."
They were already leaving, however, another soldier came up. A general.
"Guys, what you're... Uh?" His eyes met whore's. He identified her the moment he saw her. "You!"
"Master, what's the problem?"
"That girl is the one who was transformed into the troll! She's whore! She's a criminal!"
Whore shook desperately.
"Sir, you must be mistaken." a soldier replied.
"I am not! How dare you?!"

While they were arguing, Nosebleed woke up. "Uh... What's happening here?"

"Nosebleed!" the general recognized him. "What are you doing with this criminal?!"

"General Eclipsy! I... " he looked at whore, shaking of fear. "I don't know what this person is doing here." He sighed.

"What?!", whore was wordless. She was taken by her arm by Eclipsy.
"Come on, whore! I will take you to your place."

"Where are you taking her?" asked Nosebleed.
"She is going to be executed."
"What?! No... I forbid you! Don't do that."
"Free me!", whore screamed.
"She is going to jail first. The execution will just happen tomorrow. Talk with the nobles first, then." The general and his men went away, leaving Nosebleed alone.

"Oh God, what have I done?" Everything was fine. He was so happy. She was happy. But everything was messed up now. And even if he annulled her sentence, she perhaps would never forgive him.

"I don't understand. Are you asking us to free her?", prince Marie asked. "Also, nice dress, Nosebleed."
"Thank you. I mean, she's done nothing wrong , so I don't think she should be..."
"Nothing wrong?!" General Usagi exclaimed. "Did you forget that she invaded our country, disrespected our laws, used a false identity, offended the majors, and above all things, claimed YOU were a loli kidnapper?"
"I didn't but..."
"Have you weakened yourself, Nosebleed?" Marie instigated him. "I remember the times you punished every single traitor with your own sword! But now, just look at you, is that related to the beauty of that whore?"
"No, not at all. I'm not biased."
"Well then, give that whore the right prize, so that she will never appear here again!"
"Right... I'll... Do that..."

Midnight. Steps echoed in a dark corridor. Whore couldn't sleep: the hour of the execution was approaching. Someone opened the door of the end of the corridor. The person came closer and closer, until whore could see his face. She looked the other way.

"Princess..." Nosebleed wore a hopeless expression.
"I don't... Want to talk to you."
"I'm truly sorry."

Whore turned to face him. Her green eyes were illuminated by the stars, out of the window.
"Traitor." She slapped him in the face. Nosebleed couldn't look at her directly.
"You said you loved me!", she screamed at him, ferociously. "And then you let me in this jail, waiting for my death! Is that what you call love?! You lied to protect yourself! You didn't care about me! I know I did bad things, but..." she pulled Nosebleed by his dress, sealing his lips with an intense, but bitter kiss. "I... Don't want to die." Tears started pouring from her eyes. "Please... Save me."

Nosebleed felt an intense pain in his heart. He left the jail, running, breathlessly. He sang a song, then. A song that would survive centuries after his death.

"By yon bonnie banks and by yon bonnie braes,
Where the sun shines bright on Loch Lomond,
Where me and my true love were ever wont to gae,
In the bonnie, bonnie banks of Loch Lomond.


O ye'll take the high road, and I'll take the low road,
And I'll be in Scotland afore ye,
Where me and my true love will never meet again,
On the bonnie, bonnie banks of Loch Lomond."

A tear came down from Nosebleed's eyes.




To be continued...

"Nico Nico nii..." Nosebleed looked at himself in the mirror. So... Beautiful... The clothes, the hair, the body, the makeup: all he's always dreamed of. He looked perfectly like his beloved idol. But one thing was missing: a crown. To fulfill his dream of becoming as beautiful as a princess. He took the diamond crown from the table and put it on his wig, smoothly.

Someone opened the door.

"It's time to settle things up, NOSEBLEED." Whore said it firmly while entering the room. That female troll was the ugliest and most dangerous of all.

Nosebleed was taken by surprised. He turned around, with a mix of fear and embarassment on his face.

Whore blushed immediatly when she saw Nosebleed's cosplay. She didn't know what to say.

"What are you doing here?!", asked the trap princess, ferociously.

"I came to tell you I am going to tell all the Fuwa nobles about your loli kidnapping!". Whore still blushed, but she faced Nosebleed firmly.

"Do it, then, you stupid troll!! Go ahead with your stupid lies! I am going to ban you from this kingdom forever!"

"Not if I kill you first." Whore spoke with an almost unhearable tone. She took a knife from her fur, and passed it through her paws. Nosebleed shook of fear, he stepped back taking a sword from the table.

Whore advanced, trying to hit the trap's neck. But Nosebleed moved quickly, as he had been trained by the best sword teachers, and avoided the attack. Whore shook the knife above her head, pushing it in Nosebleed's direction. Nosebleed tried to block with his sword, but whore sent it away with her knife. Nosebleed was unarmed.

"Heeeeeeelp!!!" Nosebleed screamed. No one came.

Whore's knife hit Nosebleed's wig, messing up all the hours of work on that hairstyle Nosebleed spent. "You loser! You are envy of me!", said Nosebleed. Whore, angry, tried to push her fist into Nosebleed's face, but Nosebleed rolled with her on the ground to catch his sword. He then, pointed it to whore's heart.

Whore had lost it.

"Last words?", asked Nosebleed.
"...", whore thought for a little... "N-nice outfit."
"You think?!" Nosebleed was surprised. The two of them were still on the ground, with their bodies over each other. Nosebleed was confused.

Then, something strange happened.

Something warm and soft... Touched Nosebleed's lips.

"...!" He was out of breath. What touched his lips were whore's lips. And he... Liked it!
The two faced each other. Whore sighed, waiting for her death. She closed her eyes.

But then, Nosebleed held her face with his two hands and kissed her again. Their lips floated on each other, beautifully, like sakura petals.

"Senpai, I'm sorry.", said whore. "I... Love you."

In this moment, whore's body started to glow. She was floating in the air. Nosebleed was stunned, too much adrenaline in those last five minutes.

That beast become something totally different... Whore was no longer a troll... She was a princess, as beautiful as Nosebleed in his costumes.

Nosebleed's eyes shone. "I no longer want vendetta. I want.. you"

Nosebleed couldn't be happier. He showed a big smile. "Nico Nico nii."

(An old parody I wrote in 2013, I'm reposting here for general amusement. See the original forum thread for initial reactions.)
 
Announcer:
It’s a beautiful day for baseball today in Eroge Stadium. I’m your host Sanahtlig here to provide commentary for Visual Novel Translation TV. Today the Localizers play against the Fan Translators in a special Western League All-Star game. This should be an interesting matchup. On the Localizers team we have representatives from Mangagamer including the rising star Kouryuu, as well as veterans from JAST USA including the well known Peter Payne. The Fan Translators are a truly diverse bunch of big names playing together for the first time ever. We have Ixrec from Amaterasu, Moogy from TLWiki, Haeleth, and Aaeru from Fuwanovel. It’ll be interesting to see how they interact as a team.
 
The Localizers are up to bat first. But there seems to be a delay. The first batter from Mangagamer appears to have brought a large stick instead of a bat! He seems to be arguing with the umpire. Let’s listen in.
Umpire: You can’t just waltz in here with a stick for a bat. Go borrow a real bat from one of the JAST players!
Mangagamer player: ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US!
Umpire: WTF?
 
Announcer:
The Mangagamer player just took off and started running the bases before the game even started! What is he doing??? We’ll be back after a word from our sponsors.
 
[Commercial]
VNDB, a compendium of visual novel knowledge, by you, for you: an oasis where you can request visual novel recommendations, speak freely, and engage in enlightened discussions. Please click our affiliates so we don't go broke!
 
5 min later
 
Announcer:
We’re back, and this time Peter Payne is up to bat with 1 out and 1 expelled player. Here’s the pitch and—it’s a hit! Wait, what is he doing? He’s just standing there! Let’s zoom in for a closer look.
On close examination, Peter is actually shuffling towards 1st base so slow it’s barely perceptible from a distance. He makes it a few feet before being tagged out by the catcher.
That’s two outs folks. Up to bat next is Kouryuu, Mangagamer’s newest darling. Here’s the pitch and—it’s a line drive. This—
At that moment the microphone fades out. The game ensues soundless until a member from Mangagamer finally strikes out, ending the round.
We’re back at Eroge Stadium. We apologize for the technical difficulties. A member from Mangagamer barged in and carried off the microphone, claiming we didn’t have rights to broadcast audio during their lineup. We’re assured now that the problem has been cleared up.
 
The Localizers are taking to the field. Wait, what is this? Mangagamer’s players have taken to the field without clothes! This isn’t baseball, this is pornography! Outrageous! JAST’s entire bench has rushed onto the field to subdue them. They appear to be re-clothing the Mangagamer players—is that 2 bras I see??? We’ll be back after a commercial break.
 
[Commercial]
Mangagamer staff A: Somebody set us up the bomb!
Mangagamer staff B: What you say?!
*Screen flash and booming sound*
Pictured is a box set of 3 games, priced at $150. A tag in the corner of the screen reads “no voice”.
Narrator: Shin Koihime Musou! Otanoshimini!
 
5 min later
 
Announcer:
We’re back and the game looks ready to resume. First up to bat is Haeleth, the oldest member on the team and a true league veteran. He seems to be getting some boos from the audience…hmm? Haeleth just threw down his bat and walked out of the stadium! Amazing! Looks like the Fan Translators are down one member!
Next up to bat is Moogy. Moogy is known for his often uncomplimentary remarks for his fellow players. Moogy steps up to bat and—he seems to be shouting something at the Fan Translator dug out. He’s throwing down his bat and…he just walked out into the field? He seems to have joined the Localizers! What an unexpected development!
Next up is Ixrec. This guy is a monster folks; he has the highest RBI in the entire league. Here’s the pitch, and—it’s a hard hit to right field! Peter Payne scrambles for the ball…what is he doing? Is he riding a wheelchair in the grass? Why is he in a wheelchair?! Ixrec scores! And he’s running around the bases again! Look at him go! One of the umpires from the Japanese league, Age, has grabbed Ixrec and is trying to stop him! Oh my, Ixrec just kicked Age in the balls and is running the bases again! Unbelievable! We’ll be back after a commercial break.
 
[Commercial]
JAST USA is proud to announce the best hentai dating sim ever, Lightning Warrior Raidy 3! Play the role of a cute swordswoman as she fights creepy tentacle monsters and devilish vixens with her new lesbian fusion powers! Coming to a store near you in 2018!
 
10 min later
 
Announcer:
We’re back. Age has left the game, and I doubt we’ll see him back for another Western League game in the near future. We have a Fan Translator on 1st base from a single up the middle.
Next up is Aaeru. A relative newcomer, Aaeru doesn’t seem to be getting along too well with her fellow Fan Translators. But in this game it’s results that count, which I’m sure Aaeru will show us today.
Here comes the pitch…it’s a fast line drive to left field! That’s a base hit! Wait! Aaeru appears to making a beeline for 3rd base! What is she doing?! She’s stopped on 3rd base and doesn’t seem to be budging. It appears that she’s decided to run the bases in reverse order! What are the umpires doing?! The other Fan Translators are snickering, but no one seems to be stopping her. That leaves a player each on 2nd and 3rd base.
Next up to bat is…Moogy? Did he switch sides again?! It’s probably best not to think too hard about this. Here’s the pitch—and it’s a pop up to right field! Peter goes for the ball—and his wheelchair tips over! The Fan Translators are running the bases and—Aaeru just collided with her fellow Fan Translator! Who would've seen that coming?! She’s getting up, and--
 
Mangagamer 3rd baseman: ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US!
 
Announcer:
The Mangagamer 3rd baseman just clubbed her over the head with 3rd base! Ouch! Moogy runs up to her and…he’s kicking her while she’s down! I don’t know who’s the greater bastard: Aaeru, the Mangagamer 3rd baseman, or Moogy! Ixrec runs out of the dugout—he’s running the bases again! Someone catch him! What the hell??? The Mangagamer players are stripping again! Peter is still crawling out in right field towards the ball! This is utter chaos folks! It’s a wacky free-for-all today in Eroge Stadium. I’ve never seen such incredible dysfunction in all my days as an Eroge Stadium broadcaster. Will Moogy stop kicking Aaeru? Will Mangagamer stop turning this into a live porn event? Will Ixrec leave any points for anyone else? Will Peter ever get the damn ball? Stay tuned to Visual Novel Translation TV!
 
In the meantime, let's get some comments from the stadium audience.

Once upon a time, in the magical land of Fuwa, there lived a troll named Whore. Whore was the ugliest troll in Fuwa. He was so ugly that no person alive would ever come near him. Now, this would of course make Whore very hungry, for he could never catch a meal. He always felt jealousy towards Nosebleed, the handsomest Prince of the land, son of Queen Aeru and King Tay. Whore, devoured by envy and hunger, set out on a journey to find Nosebleed and make him his first meal in a century.

Whore, had at last found where Nosebleed lived. In a strong desire to get revenge on Nosebleed for being born beautiful, he sent letters to the nobles of Fuwa. These letters reported that Nosebleed assaulted one of the lolis of Loli Mountian. This was against the law of Fuwa, as the loli's were highly valued and respected by all who lived in Fuwa, as the moé ones. However, he forgot about Sir Steve, the protector of loli's who never missed a single assaulter. Sir Steve would know if Nosebleed truly did this, as he was blessed with the power to send out a million eyes to watch over the loli's and alert him of any trouble.

When this plan failed, Nosebleed approached Whore, and banished him to 4-chan where he would have to live among those even uglier than himself. They say, Whore will make a return 1,000 years later to have another shot at revenge.