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Help critique Prefundia before it launches


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Good day. I have been very active in the community and I am finally making my final push before my kickstarter in September. I will be launching my Prefundia in August and we are grinding like crazy to make it the best it can possibly be. Please comment on this very early version of what we plan to put out. We will be putting up hard numbers later this month and tiers.

 

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Genre:Adventure, Investigative, Management, and psychological Visual Novel
 
Platforms:PC, Mac, Linux, PS4
 
Languages:English (Fully Voiced), English (Text)
 
Visual Style: DreamWorks style graphics mixed with dark and mythological themes.
 
Progress:~20% of the game completed. (20 hour game)
 
Estimated release:~Summer 2017
 
“Whether friend or tyrant, I will become a King!"
 
Welcome to the Rift, a dimensional tear located in Canaan where the ancient gods were created and where you must prove your worthiness to lead the world of men. You have allies and the training needed to fight, but nothing will prepare you for the wonders and horrors of the unstable plains in the Rift.
 
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  • Manage Respect, Relationships, and Mental will when making decisions.
  • Assigning team members to missions best suited for them.
  • Discovering weaknesses to epic enemies through investigations.
  • Collecting real world lore and in game lore by discovering hidden items.
  • Unlocking secrets of the past by collecting memory gems.
  • Making timed decisions and avoiding damage in high intensity situations.
  • Leveling up your characters to specialize in unique skills.
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Time
 
In the game, everything will cost time to complete and characters may be away, unable to do a task available. Time is managed by the player and he has 6 months to prepare to face Nun. Special events will happen at certain times such as full moon cycles, changing of season, etc. This will give the player a level of management that makes them feel immersed.
 
Leveling
 
Each character has core stats which helps them succeed in feats. Completing certain missions and training will gain you very limited talent points to specialize your character in lore friendly ways.
 
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Respect
 
You are a leader. You must earn the respect of your soldiers! Decisions you make and the success of those decisions will affect the confidence your allies have in you. If you fail a lot, they will lose confidence and go rogue during critical decisions. You may even lose command. A true Pharaoh never loses command…
 
 
 
Kinship
 
While how successful you are in decision making and your sense in the field affects the way they see you, it does not help one bit on how they think of you as a person. In order to get on their good side, you must appeal to their innate personalities. One cannot please everyone so make your choices wisely. It is worth noting that Kinship affects how allies act when not around you or when not commanded.
 
 
Stability
 
You are the strongest. Unfortunately, you are also the most flawed… You have an issue with Dementia and you must suppress these voices throughout your time in the Rift. The tradeoff is considerable though because when you were young, and you let the voices run wild, you could do things others could only dream of. In these dark days, will you allow your mind to slip in order to wield more power or will you avoid such pleasures and rely on knowledge of self?
 
 
The rift has stood for thousands of years, since the day Nun arrived from the planet Nibiru. Located in the barren lands of Canaan, this void was created to keep the outside world uncontaminated while Nun worked on his creations. He spent centuries studying the humans and when he figured out this world, he created ancients similar to the life found on his home planet. They warred with each other inside the Rift until only 3 families remained. When they left the Rift, Nun used a stability gem to alter reality and hide the incomprehensible damage done. But now, thousands of years since the great sundering, Nun has created another race of beings to combat his creations from ions past. In order for them to prove themselves, they must survive the Rift, as it were during the time of the ancients. Stability is no more! Can the mortals survive the Trials of the Rift?
 
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There are many different types of quests in Black Sands. We will briefly go through some of them to better understand the gameplay mechanics involved in each. In Black Sands, time, health, and deployment all work against you as you stride to prepare yourself for the final battle with Nun.
 
Scouting - designed to seek new quests exclusively. Minimal danger
 
Investigation - A quest that requires discipline and perception. Player must decipher material and decide what is important and not. Proper investigation rewards secrets.
 
Tracking - This is an extremely heavy skill check category that requires quick decision making and a little luck. These missions are available only once before they go back into the quest pool.
 
Social - This is a quest where you develop relationships with the other characters and learn more about them.
 
Instant Events - Automatically happen when certain criteria are met. May have nothing to do with prior tasks.
 
Group Events - The entire group must participate. Nun will go over your notes and inspect your facility whenever this happens.
 
Epic Events - Storyline Events that are either triggered by actions or chose by the player. These tend to have more decision making then other events.
 
Exploration - A quest designed to explore unknown locations. These quests have no prior knowledge so player must use their wits to move forward. The farther you get, the better the rewards. These missions can be ended at any time but there is no guarantee you can return.
 
 
This game is directly inspired by Dragon Age and Telltale. Their strong narratives and crucial game changing decisions inspired me to design a visual novel unlike any before it.
 
Additional motivation was found in the way Hollywood depicts middle eastern and Saharan people. We do a lot of research and use annotations in game to teach the actual history behind the fantasy of our world.
 
Future
 
We will be converting all sprites to Live2d and making them look a bit more realistic and 20x more brutal. The goal is to make this like Conan while having the art leveling of pixar, dreamworks.
 
 
How can I help?
 
Follow us on facebook, Cosplay our characters, Share the hell out of this, and Pay homage to the gods by buying some of our merchandise.
 
Don’t forget to sign up for the newsletter and remember, Nun sees all.
 
We have these posters and more. You can support us while getting something tangible that will uplift both you and your families.
 
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9 hours ago, Rose said:

Gotta fix some typos like "ware bouts" and "ions" - pretty sure this one should be eons, might be wrong though. I think the second paragraph on the "stability" topic could be reworked to be less expositive on the lore. Tbh, just get an editor to review everything and I guess you'll be fine. 

thanks for the feedback. We will definitely have an independent proofreader handle the final touches.

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I guess this is basically what rose said, but there are just a few typos that catch my eye whenever I read through. 

Quote
  • Discovering weaknesses to epic enemies through investigations.

I think to should be of.

Quote

In the game, everything will cost time to complete and characters may be away, unable to do a task available. Time is managed by the player and he has 6 months to prepare to face Nun.

"Time is managed by the player and they will have 6 months..."

One other thing is that during the description of Rah, it says that "As a result Rah had an unusually high amount of ... But the side effect is that he has what we consider..." The first sentence makes it sound like Rah is dead because he had those powers and no longer has them. It doesn't really match with the next sentence of him currently having dementia and living. 

Like Rose said, get an editor and you should be fine.

 

One layout comment I have is that I think the "Features" section could be located right before the "Mechanics" section because those two go together.

 

Also just a question, will there be no English text option during passages? The languages only states Japanese (text) and English (voices). 

 

The game looks really nice, I like how the art is very unique. Looks like a promising game, hope your funding goes well!

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4 hours ago, Polycentric said:

I guess this is basically what rose said, but there are just a few typos that catch my eye whenever I read through. 

I think to should be of.

"Time is managed by the player and they will have 6 months..."

One other thing is that during the description of Rah, it says that "As a result Rah had an unusually high amount of ... But the side effect is that he has what we consider..." The first sentence makes it sound like Rah is dead because he had those powers and no longer has them. It doesn't really match with the next sentence of him currently having dementia and living. 

Like Rose said, get an editor and you should be fine.

 

One layout comment I have is that I think the "Features" section could be located right before the "Mechanics" section because those two go together.

 

Also just a question, will there be no English text option during passages? The languages only states Japanese (text) and English (voices). 

 

The game looks really nice, I like how the art is very unique. Looks like a promising game, hope your funding goes well!

Everything is in english. I don't know where it states that it will be in japanese. This is straight english and fully voiced.

 

Nice suggestion on the layout. We will probly do that.

2 hours ago, Kenshin_sama said:

Your FB link doesn't work. You'll want to remove the ".com" at the end of the url for it to link properly.

Just from your preview of the game, I'm already very interested in the lore of this game. Especially the story behind the division of the Asura and their eternal imprisonment.

Fixed that issue with the link and thanks for the compliments.

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