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Dawn.


Zakamutt

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The view outside has no business calling itself a dawn. Sure, morning has just broken – but dawn has a warmth to it, a promise of brighter times, of new beginnings, of respite from the unfeeling night. The gloomy Swedish winter dawn outside brings me only a feeling of cold distance, steely gray sky falling softly onto the white fields below. Snow-laden pines clamber laboriously through the fog, watching the dawn with little more enthusiasm than I myself can muster.

It’s mornings like these that make me want to end it.

Not seriously. Not bad enough to be something I need to worry about. God, I don’t even check the “I don’t want to live but I also don’t want to die” box any more. I am absurd tiers of not actually depressed. But yeah, fuck this so-called “dawn”. Fuck this dawn for being so empty. Fuck this dawn for being so cold. And fuck me for writing about it; it’s only going to make things worse.


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Venting like this always helps me a bit. And well, I don't deal with actual depression (a lot of anxiety though),  but the especially gloomy aura in Dectember hit me hard, I can only imagine how even more soulwrenching it can be across the sea, with even shorten days and more of that gray, snowy weather... 

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"Hey, I have this friend on the internet. He just wrote a blog post lamenting how depressing the dawn is. He even remarked that such a dreary morning makes him want to kill himself. He doesn't think he doesn't need to worry about it, though, it's just a minor suicidal thought, apparently."

You know, if I were to say that to someone, the first words out of their mouth would probably be something along the lines of "Is he depressed or something?". 

I suppose it's a far simpler thing to downplay the presence of a problem and live content with its existence. Personally, though, I much prefer to address things. You might be okay now, not worrying about it, but why let it persist? I used to be a much grim, darker person in my teens, and probably still would be today if my only thoughts on the way I view the world were "eh, it's fine".

Life is full of potential new experiences, and the greater world beyond the monochrome dawn lying outside your window is host to an infinite spectrum of vibrant colour. All that you need to do is be open to the idea of searching for it.

Of course, it's not my place to tell anyone how to live their life. I just hope that, as your friend, you find a better place to be than the one you're at now.

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26 minutes ago, Zander said:

"Hey, I have this friend on the internet. He just wrote a blog post lamenting how depressing the dawn is. He even remarked that such a dreary morning makes him want to kill himself. He doesn't think he doesn't need to worry about it, though, it's just a minor suicidal thought, apparently."

You know, if I were to say that to someone, the first words out of their mouth would probably be something along the lines of "Is he depressed or something?". 

I suppose it's a far simpler thing to downplay the presence of a problem and live content with its existence. Personally, though, I much prefer to address things. You might be okay now, not worrying about it, but why let it persist? I used to be a much grim, darker person in my teens, and probably still would be today if my only thoughts on the way I view the world were "eh, it's fine".

Life is full of potential new experiences, and the greater world beyond the monochrome dawn lying outside your window is host to an infinite spectrum of vibrant colour. All that you need to do is be open to the idea of searching for it.

Of course, it's not my place to tell anyone how to live their life. I just hope that, as your friend, you find a better place to be than the one you're at now.

tbh the issue is so transient that any motions I'm not already taking (for example, I'm attending a university program which I feel is constructive and will probably get me both a job and daily interaction of some sort) are wasted effort. Literally it felt better once dawn ended and morning began, and that's basically just waiting 'til nature decided to turn the brightness slider up a bit

you've been memed, boi

probably

The ending was definitely a meme since I actually felt better after writing the thing.

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