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Random translations #1


Zakamutt

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Over time, a bored translator tends to accumulate random pieces of translation they never went that far with, or did in 10 minutes for the shitpost for whatever reason, etc. Apart from that, I’ve personally done some scattered work for fan translations that may or may not ever see the light of day, some (very modestly) paid in ebooks. Anyway, here we go:

1. Random demonbane fight/action scene
I think this is from an expanded rerelease or something. There’s an absolutely meme error left in here where my brain read 拳 as 拳銃, even noticing my confusion in the comments but nevertheless failing to see the actual problem. I generally prefer translating directly in the script for VNs, so that’s what you’re getting. I did this one FOR FREE. I think this is about 3k-4k moji?

2. Phantom of Inferno h-scene except there’s a lot of plot too
This one’s funny because I was initially contacted about it because the guy thought I was a coomer translator doing mostly nukige. Ironically my actual skillset turned out to be very applicable to the script I chose to work on though, so whatever xD.
Unfortunately I wasn’t doing the whole commenting out lines thing (and I changed the structure in places), so you can only really read this in something like a multi-file viewer. I promise the rest is better, okay? Anyway, here’s a zip with both the unaltered script and the translated script. I got paid for this with an ebook of shimeyuri, which I actually read afterwards. There’s a possible mistl in the script where 失禁 most likely (based on my expansive experience with illustrated japanese pornography) actually means wetting yourself and not “loosing your bowels” as I put it. I just couldn’t find as good a line that was more yellow than brown at the time so I coped. But it legitimately could mean both, so I leave the final decision up to someone who actually looked at the scene ingame.

3. New tl for the subahibi soapbubble poem that’s actually from cyrano
So yeah, this was originally French. And then through some route, it became Japanese, and was used in Subahibi. The current official localization uses a french to english translation, which is fair enough. But, well, the english translation, and espcially the lines chosen from it that I saw used in screenshots (idk I didnt actually read the english tl tho), seem to me to not quite be as clear as the Japanese. Since poems and such often change shape with translation, and Subahibi definitely wants to say something with its poems, I had to wonder if doing a translation from the Japanese might not be a better solution than merely choosing a translation from the French. Well, I could also consult the english translation too… Oh, and then I decided to specifically make sure to use words that would resonate with wittgensteinian thinking or whatever (“name” specifically. In formal logic you put “names” to stuff. Uhh anyway…). I haven’t actually finished subahibi, I stalled it in insects because the first part was really boring. ANYWAY, the poem, entirely devoid of annoying stuff like actually rhyming:

Zaka adapted tl:

We yearn
Building castles of air from but a name
Pining for a lover made of fantasy
Take it, now
This fantasy I made
And make it into reality
My romantic laments I have scattered far and wide
Only you can give them a home at last
Take them, now
One day you will know
I was not sincere; I was eloquent alone

Original jp tl:

ボクたちは
ただ名ばかりでシャボン玉の様にふくらんでしまった……
そんな空想の恋人に恋いこがれている……。
さぁ、君、取りたまえ。
この空想を、
そして本物に変えるのは君だ。
ボクは恋の嘆きとか書き散らかしたけど……、
彷徨う鳥の留まるのを君は見る事が出来る人なんだ。
さあ、取りたまえ。
実はないだけ雄弁だと……
君にも分かる日が来るから……。

Fr->en (brian hooker, not the one used in the official tl):

I have amused myself
As we all do, we poets–writing vows
To Chloris, Phyllis–any pretty name–
You might have had a pocketful of them!
Take it, and turn to facts my fantasies–
I loosed these loves like doves into the air;
Give them a habitation and a home.
Here, take it– You will find me all the more
Eloquent, being insincere! Come!

Is this good? …Well my tl could probably use some polish, but I think the approach is interesting. Then again, apparently subahibbers goes and explains the poem later on, so you could probably insert your explanation then and be more pure (as pure as a fr->en tl is, though!) to the original, I guess. Overall it’s a wash but I’m happy I got to shitpost.

4. The two first pages of Hige wo Soru, Soshite Joshikousei wo Hirou (LN)
I was originally going to translate 10 pages as a work sample to troll one of my friends who was looking for people to translate LNs at the time, but I got too lazy to continue after finishing 2 pages. C’est la vie, innit? Also, the title given is my personal stab at a sensible title. Unfortunately the events in the book do not match the straightforward “X, then Y” structure of そして as commonly used, as Y actually happens before X in-story! Thus I choose to interpret it as listing two things that happened in no specific order.

I actually translated this from scans, which is how I read higehiro 1. I have ebooks now to copy from though, so I’ll spare you the scan reader experience. Also maybe I should have used “beneath” instead of “under” the telophone pole? Whatever, man.


ひげを剃る、そして女子高生を拾う。
I took in a runaway girl and shaved my beard

Page 10:

 失しつ恋れんをした。

 二つ年上の、同じ会社に勤める女性だ。名前は後ご藤とうさんといった。

 後藤さんは面めん倒どう見みが良く、研修の時から俺に良くしてくれた。笑え顔がおが淑しとやかで、気配りができて、社畜と化していた俺の心の支えだった。

「男がいるなら最初から言えやァ……」

 もう何なん杯ばいビールを飲んだか分からない。向かいの席で他人ひと事ごとのように笑う同期の橋はし本もとの輪りん郭かくもぼやけて見える。

 そう、デートに行ったのだ。後藤さんと。勤続5年目にして、ようやく彼女をデートに誘さそった。快く誘いを受け入れられて、これは行けるのでは! と期待を膨ふくらませながらデートに行き、動物園を一いつ緒しよに歩いた。正直、動物よりも後藤さんの横顔ばかり見ていた。ときどき、乳も横目で見た。

 とにかく、このチャンスを無む駄だにしてはならないと、俺は張り切りに張り切っていた。動物園を回り終え、オシャレなフレンチの店で夕食をとった。味はもう覚えていない。

プロローぐ
電柱の下の女
Prologue
The girl under the telephone pole

My love was unrequited.

Gotou was two years older than me, and my superior at work. She took good care of her coworkers; ever since I was in training, she’d always treated me well. Her smile was graceful, her attention to others’ needs palpable — she was always there to support me as my threw myself into the life of a wage slave.

“If she had a boyfriend she coulda told me from the start, man…” I whined.

I’d already lost count of how many beers I’d downed. My coworker Hashimoto was sitting across from me, his profile peeking out of the dim barlight. He chuckled briefly at my outburst, clearly amused.

We’d been on a date all right, me and Gotou. First we’d gone to the zoo. To be honest, I’d been looking less at the animals, more at her. Sometimes, I’d snuck in a sideways glance at her breasts.

Anyway, I wasn’t about to lose my shot, so I’d gone all out afterwards. I’d taken her to a fancy restaurant for dinner. I can’t remember what it tasted like at all.

Page 11:

「このまま、俺の家に来ませんか」

 お互たがい大人である。この言葉の意味くらいは、すぐに理解できるだろう。期待と不安の入り混じった目で後藤さんを見ると、後藤さんは困ったように笑っていた。

 そして、首を横に振ふったのだった。

「会社では秘密にしているんだけど、私、恋こい人びとがいるの」

   *

「じゃあなんでデートに来たんだよッ!!!」

「ああもう吉よし田だ、それ今日六回目だから」

「一万回でも言ってやるよぉ……」

「一万回も同じ話聞きたくないんだけど」

 俺がビールを呷あおるのを、橋本は苦く笑しようしながら見ていた。

「そのへんにしときなよ」

「馬ば鹿か、こんなんで俺の怒いかりがおさまるかってんだァ」

「酒が回ってきた後の方がキレてるじゃん。埒らち明かねぇって」

 橋本は他人事だからそんなことを言えるのだ。今日は飲まないとやっていられない。

 後藤さんにフラれた直後、俺は茫ぼう然ぜん自じ失しつで小さな公園のベンチで項うな垂だれた。

 訊きくと、五年前から彼女には恋人がいたのだという。

 つまり、俺が彼女と知り合った時にはすでに男がいたということだ。

「馬鹿みてぇだ……」

 男のいる女に五年も思いを寄せてしまっていた。

I’d waited for the right time, and then I’d asked her: “Hey, would you like to see my place?” We weren’t kids — the implication was obvious. I had looked at her with uneasy anticipation as she gave me a troubled smile — and then, she had shook her head. “I’ve kept it a secret at work, but I’m afraid I’ve got a boyfriend.”

***

“Then why the hell did you agree to the date?” I exclaimed.
“Jeez, this is the sixth time you’ve said that today,” Yoshida said.
“I’ll say it a thousand times over, damn it!”
“I really would rather you not.”

Yoshida watched me with a strained smile as I downed another swig of beer.

“You really shouldn’t have any more to drink,” he said.
“Dude, d’ya think I’m gonna forget how angry I am with just this much?”
“Aren’t you just going to get more pissed off if you keep drinking? There’s no point to it.”

5. Purposely bad “accurate” tl of song lyrics that I was going to show myself fixing in a blog post discussing kinda lame “accurate” lyric translation but I never did the work oops totally not coping no really I’m serious though
Hahaha funny how things turn out right? anyway uhh


カプチーノ ともさかりえ

This is purposely sloppy and sort of meaning-only because I was going to write a post titled ‘how to make a typical youtube jp lyric tl’
which then was going to feature a refinement of the lyrics
or something to show the adaptations you actually
should be doing if you’re subbing fucking songs
I mean I’m not actually a god though so who knows
if it was even a good idea
but yeah that’s why this is garbage even if it is prolly ‘accurate’

あと少しあたしの成長を待って
あなたを夢中にさせたくて
藻掻あたしを可愛がってね

Wait for me to grow a bit more
I want to make you enchanted with me
So please spoil me while I struggle to do so

今度逢う時はコートも要らないと
そんなに普通に云えちゃうのが理解わからない
・・・ミルクの白に茶色が負けている

I don’t get how you can just say
You won’t even need a coat on when we next meet
–The white of the milk is stronger than the brown

何よりもあなたに逢って触れたいの
全て味わって確かめて
イーヴンな関係に成りたい
変わりゆくあたしの温度を許して
もし我が儘わがままが過ぎて居てもても
黙って置いて行ったりしないでね

I want to meet you, want touch you most of all
To know every part of you
To have an equal relationship between us
Forgive me for running hot and cold
I know I might be too selfish sometimes
But don’t let that make you leave me on my own

コーヒーの匂いを間あいだに挟んで
優位の笑みを隠し切れない様子で居る
・・・苦いだけじゃ未だバランスが取れない

The scent of coffee hangs between us
And I can’t hide my overbearing smile
–I’m all bitter, haven’t found the right balance

梅の散る午後にもちゃんと二人は
今日と同じ様に人混みを
擦り抜けられるかしら
それぞれがただ忙しくしてたら
引く手の加減も曖昧に
忘れちゃいそうで不安なのに

When we next meet early spring afternoon as the plum blossoms fall
Will we easily slip through the crowd
As we were able to today?
We just get busy with our own lives
And I don’t know how hard to pull you towards me
But I’m worried you’ll just forget me

あなたが此処に居る約束など
1つも交わして居ない
いつの間にか淡色が当たり前に香り
二人を支配しそう

We never promised to meet
Anywhere or anytime
And the sense that our feelings will fade
Is all around us

誰よりもあたしをちゃんと見透かして
口の悪さや強がりは”精一杯”の証拠だって

See through me more than anyone else
That I talk rough and act tough is proof of how serious I am

何よりもあなたに逢って触れたいの
全て味わって確かめて
イーヴンな関係に成りたい
変わりゆくあたしの温度を許して
もし我が儘わがままが過ぎて居てもても
黙って置いて行ったりしないでね

I want to meet you touch you most of all
To know every part of you
To have an equal relationship between us
Forgive me for running hot and cold
I know I might be too selfish sometimes
But don’t let that make you leave me on my own

—-
Very sorry about that one, folks.

6. Literally just this one excerpt from the adashima LN (idk what volume anymore)
I picked this as an interesting translation “challenge” for a server I was semi-active in at the time because the excerpt referenced a distinctly Japanese cultural thing in the kuroneko delivery service and I wanted to see different approaches to it. The rest is just general writing skill I guess. Nobody else submitted anything because THEY ARE COWARDS ahem. Anyway this has an official tl but I’ve never looked at it (yet, growth mindset) to compare. The official tl is done by my friend and actually good translator Verde though so it’s probably cool.

鞄を机に置いてから、しまむらが布団の上に座り込む。先程までしまむら妹の使っていた黄色いクッションを「はい」とこっちに投げてきた。受け取って絵柄を見ると、宅急便のイメージキャラクターの黒猫と白猫が手を繋いでいた。その場に置いて、まずは座る。

Shimamura laid her bag on the desk, then sat down on the futon. “Here,” she said, throwing me the yellow cushion her little sister had been using just before. I caught it and glanced at the motif: the familiar white and black cat mascots of the Kuroneko Yamato delivery service, holding hands. I put the cushion on the floor and sat down myself.

7. Random line from I think dies irae or some other masada shit
I was challenged for a take on this by a friend so I did. Then I did another take which was better so I’m listing both here. The context I was given was “context is, guy is standing on the bow of a magic warship during a big chuu2 battle and this is a description of what he looks like”.

鋼鉄すら沸騰する灼熱地獄の只中で、吹き荒れる熱波に大外套を翻しながら口元を弦月の形に歪めている。

Take 2 (better):

He stood in the midst of a raging firestorm, giant cape battened by its roiling currents. Unmoved by heat that could boil steel, his lips twisted into a crescent grin.
Take 1 (does other stuff better maybe tho):
He stood in the midst of a firestorm of ferocity sufficient to melt the toughest steel; his cloak billowed, spurred by the raging inferno, as his mouth crested unto a twisted smile.

8. Mememasa poem with very little context because I shitpost hard okay
This is pretty bad not going to lie. Anyway it’s a quick tl of part of the poem that is shown in the muramasa prologue (and presumable afterward as well?). Also it has a tl error where I should have said it’s the saint cursing the god and not the other way around oops.

奇跡を行う聖人は衆生を赦い神を呪って嘔吐する
黄金の兜の覇王は万里を征し愛馬と供に川底へ沈む
湖の美姫は国を捨て愛を選び糞尿に溺れて刑死する
孤赤児は蚯蚓の血を母の乳とし三夜して腹より腐る
生命よこの賛歌を聞け笑い疲れた怨嗟を重ねて
生命よこの祈りを聞け怒りおののく喜びを枕に
百年の生は炎と剣の連環が幾重にも飾り立てよう
七日の生は闇と静寂に守られ無垢に光り輝くだろう
獣よ踊れ野を馳せよ唄い騒いで猛り駆けめぐれ
いまや如何なる鎖も檻も汝の前には朽ちた土塊

The saint performing miracles set to save mankind was cursed by God, to nausea
The gold-crowned conqueror who ruled vast plains met his end when he drowned with his beloved horse, in the river
The lady of the lake who forsook her country for love drowned in excrement, sentenced to death
The orphan babe who drank maggotsblood for mother’s milk took three days to die, rotting from the inside
Life, let my eulogy reach your tired ears and deepen your fury
Life, hear my prayer and sleep soundly in thrashing joyous rage
A hundred years’ worth of life was lost to fire and blade
Seven days’ worth of life let to shine in innocence, guarded by stygian silence
Frolic upon the fields, O beast, let loose your savage song
No chain nor jail can stop you; all before you shall fall to dust

ok so that’s all I can think of right now. I’m sure there’s more somewhere. I hope you enjoyed it if you actually read any of this kuso shit

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