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About 傍観者

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    Fuwa Regular

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About Me


In some place there lived one young man. A good young man. One day, he met an old man in the city. The old man asked that young man to sell his shadow. The same shadow that comes from your feet when you are lit by the sun. "Ten gold coins" is what he asked for. That young man sold it without hesitation. For ten gold coins.
That young man didn't even think once that his shadow had more worth than ten gold coins. Practically speaking, not having a shadow is hardly a disadvantage. There isn't any constraint. But in the end, it didn't go well: the young man was persecuted by townspeople and family. It was just out of place. “It's weird for someone to not have a shadow,” they said.
And that's it. It's just weird. Shadow itself can be weird too, but not to have any shadow is hundred times more weird. Like something normal is missing. So, young man sold his normality for ten gold coins.

- Oshino Meme (Bakemonogatari)

So many people spend their lives without paying any attention to all things that surround them. So many of them close themselves up in their own little world they paint for themselves on the canvas inside their head, taking for granted or doing their best to ignore everything they don't want to be painted. They see what they want to see, they hear what they want to hear, they perceive what they want to perceive. And I just happen to be one of them. Leaving aside the fact that the concept of perceiving the reality "the way it truly is" is laughable since the truth itself is subjective, I live in a world of my own. I stay away from the things I consider unnecessary or harmful to me, and I do my best in order to surround myself with what is pleasant or what I consider to be useful.

If one would to take a look at the world he lives in from the perspective of a unemotional mass that doesn't have to worry about finding a partner, taking a respectful position in society, making money for a living and living their life according to the norms, he'd probably realize that nothing is intrinsically wrong or right, nor is it good or bad. The words themselves ("right","wrong","good","bad") cover such a wide range of meanings that describing them  objectively is a problem of its own. Thankfully, their usage is much more straightforward. "Right" and "good" are used to describe things and actions an individual thinks one should do, while "wrong" and "bad" are used to describe things and actions one should not do. As amusing as it sounds is the fact that defining something as such often doesn't stop the same people who say this to go against their statements. Catholic Church sexual abuse cases are a good example. As you may have guessed, I'm a moral nihilist.
I enjoy helping people. I like to see them accomplishing something, and knowing that I'm a part of the reason why they did is a pleasant feeling. That's not always the case, of course. I despise people who put themselves on top of the others. I can't stand arrogant people. I don't want to have nothing to do with them and I'd prefer not to cross their path. I'm talking about male gender in particularly here, since I'm actually quite attracted to cold women. I'm not a woman myself, by the way. Neither physically nor mentally.
I'll conclude my little introduction with a proverb I like and recall on a regular basis.

Every cloud has a silver lining.

Although I consider the "good" and the "bad" adjectives carrying no objective value, I can't deny the fact that sometimes I can't help but get frustrated. And in these moments, the best thing is trying to consider all the sides of what is in front of you. What may appear to only be a pain in the ass can turn out being a new experience, something that will give you a courage and a solution if the similar situation would to be happen again. Getting worked up is meaningless. You can't do anything about the past. No one can. The only thing left to do is to learn from what happened and make sure it won't occur ever again.



I love listening to music. I listen to all sorts of bands and genres: Classical, Trip-Hop, Rock, Symphonic Metal, Progressive Metal, Celtic music. I love soundtracks and instrumental music. I stay away from Pop (although there is a couple of Pop songs I like) and Black Metal.


Animals as Leaders: CAFO - Para Mexer


Periphery (instrumental): Jetpacks Was Yes - Icarus Lives


Porcupine Tree: Sound Of Muzak - Shallow


Sting: Fields of Gold - Englishman in New York


Morcheeba: Rome Wasn't Built In A Day - Enjoy The Ride


Nightwish: I Want My Tears Back - Last Of The Wilds


Epica: The Second Stone - Unchain Utopia


Rammstein: Sonne - Ohne Dich - Haifisch


Amaranthe: Automatic - Call Out My Name


Loreena McKennitt: The Mummers Dance


Diablo Swing Orchestra: Balrog Boogie


OST: Fairy Tail - Age Of Mythology - Skyrim


Watching movies in the evening is another hobby of mine. Some of my favourite titles include the trilogy of Lord Of The Rings, Pirates Of Caribbean, Pulp Fiction, Reservoir Dogs, The Grand Budapest Hotel and Now You See Me. I'm always looking for great titles I haven't seen yet, so if you have something you'd like to recommend - don't be shy. I love getting to know new people and I don't bite (most of the time).


I love anime. I like most of the genres, but I prefer to stay away from Slice of Life and Sports, although I did enjoy Nichijou quite a lot. I prefer watching as many episodes in one go as I can, that's why I usually wait until an anime is finished airing before watching it. Monogatari series are my favourite and Bakemonogatari is my favourite title. If you've watched the anime, you can guess who my favourite anime character is. My favourite anime opening and ending come from it as well. I don't have a My Anime List, but I do keep a list of the anime I've watched. Other than Monogatari series, I loved Black Lagoon, Mirai Nikki, Phantom: Requiem for the Phantom and Steins;Gate. I regret watching the last one ever since I've found out about the existence of the Visual Novel, though.



Source: Dreamer


Before my discovery of the world of Visual Novels I've been watching anime, occasionally reading manga and rarely visiting some H-streaming sites. On one of these, I've accidentally stumbled upon a "Games" section. And that's where I've seen the title of the first VN I've read - G-Senjou no Maou. The download links the site provided were linked to some file hosting sites, which I personally try to avoid using, since I prefer torrents myself. While trying to find a torrent tracker to download it from I discovered Fuwanovel. After downloading what I expected to be an interactive version of H-series I'd watched before and playing it I was left astonished. I didn't expect such a story from a game one can download from a H-streaming site. After finishing Haru's route I couldn't bring myself to play another heroins' routes, so I decided to look for another Visual Novel.
After browsing a little through Fuwanovel, I found Grisaia no Kajitsu. After downloading and installing it, I've spent more than a week reading for 9+ hours a day, finishing Amane's (both endings), Michiru's (both endings) and Yumiko's (good ending) routes. I've never had enough courage to approach Makina's route and I dropped Sachi's route soon after I started it.
I think it's after GnK that I've really got into Visual Novels. Have been reading like crazy since then. Katawa Shoujo; Kono Oozora ni, Tsubasa wo Hirogete; Deardrops; Kazoku Keikaku; Yume Miru Kusuri. Got to thank Monmon for assuring me in the quality of some VNs I was about to drop, as well as for sharing some of his favourite titles with me. This trap lover introduced me to many awesome VNs which I'd probably never read of my own accord.
I enjoy the VNs that are centred around psychological themes, ones that explore different sides of society and human mentality. A well-drawn light Moege without a heavy drama isn't bad once in a while either. I'm not really into fantasy genre, not in the VNs at least. I'm not against it, but I can't relate to fantasy story as well as I can to a non-fantasy one. Feel free to PM me if you feel like there's a VN that someone like me should check out.
I prefer normal/overpowered protagonists, the ones that actively contribute to the story both with their actions and thoughts and not simply going with the flow. I don't like playing from a perspective of a fraidy cat either. If I had to pick my favourite one, it'd probably be Kazami Yuuji from GnK. Azai Kyousuke from G-SnM takes the second place.
As for the heroines, it's a difficult to define my "perfect" type. It varies from VN to VN. I mostly dislike overly clingy characters, and I think I like the Tsundere type the most. But that didn't stop me from picking Haru over Mizuha in G-SnM and Kiri over Tomoko in C2. I think I should say at this point that I have a bad habit of reading only one route of the heroine I aim for from the beginning. The first time I play a VN I play it without any walk-through. I pick decisions myself and only if I finish it and decide that I've got the ending I wasn't aiming for I'm going to review the choices I've made or check the walk-through out. But if I'm happy with the ending, I see no point in returning and repeating the story while picking a different heroine. And if I particularly like a heroine, I don't want to get my memories of her get mixed with those about the others. I may rethink my decision in the future and check out the routes of the other heroines that got me interested, but if the impact of the ending was strong enough I'm just gonna leave it at that. That's just how I am.


For those of you who are actually interested in knowing who my favourite heroines are, as well as for my own amusement. I love making lists.



VN: Deardrops


She caught my attention the first moment she appeared on the screen and I couldn't get my eyes off her for the whole length of the route. There was nothing that I haven't found attractive about her. The sprites and the CGs, the voice and the attitude, they all kept me glued to the screen. Needless to say, I've only finished her route.
The VN is truly captivating. The story's great, the art is amazing, the music is awesome. But Riho is the one who made the Deardrops the truly best Visual Novel I've read so far.




VN: G-Senjou no Maou


She's a first character whose route I've completed. She's a character from the first Visual Novel I've read. It may be because of the impact it had on me since I've never read any before, but I still like her very much. The combination of an airhead and a genius presented in both cute and serious ways really captivates me. And the most intense ending I've ever read has completely perished that small amount of curiosity I had towards the only main character other than her - Shiratori Mizuha.



4so6zp.jpgVN: Katawa Shoujo


Not every character is voiced. Not every of them has beautiful sprites and CGs. But there are some who don't need to be voiced and be drawn beautifully to make an impact. And to me, Hanako's just such a character. I don't know what made her story so moving to me, but it was one of most memorable reading experiences I've had so far.




My little introduction is coming to its end. You may have read all of it, you may have skipped something or you may have just scrolled down the page to read this. Regardless of what you've done, I won't be thanking you. I don't need to thank you and you don't need to be thanked by me. I'm not feeling any better about the fact that someone's read something I've written of my own accord and you shouldn't need a reward for doing something you've done of your own. But I do hope that you've enjoyed the time you've spent on my profile page, or at least that you've learnt something new. If not - you've just wasted your time.