Zucco
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Posts posted by Zucco
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About the length of the series, it's fine by me! You should already know that it's gonna take a long time to complete tough, and since a lot can happen in that time, I cannot promise i'll stay until the end. Having said that, I'm having fun right know, so I'll stick around for a while!
Thanks!
Did not draw her side yet, but here is Akeno #7. Not as good as I hoped, but I think she is fine too. Guess I'dstill go with #4.
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Okami's description is similar to what I imagined too... And that second digging machine actually looks pretty fun to draw! (I agree that the other two would be hard tough.... But we could always reduce the amount of details.)
About Akeno's design, #4 is the one I liked the most,but I was thinking of making one more attempt using a hairstyle similar to this before making the final decision.
Edit: By the way, I wanted to ask this for a while, but... Volume 4? How long is a volume? And how long are you planning this series to be, Okami?
Sorry, in the end I got hooked to another manga the last few days and did not spend much time drawing. Well, here is the updated picture of the children:
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haha, I'm glad we wont have two members away from the project becouse of computer problems.
Indead it would be helpful if the people writing the story described some details about where it takes place... About the digging site, since its in the middle of neutral territory I had imagined it as being in a small town (or close to a small town) surrounded by desert.
By the way, it might be a little different from what I had in mind for this manga, but when it comes to futuristic backgrounds you should take a look at Tsutomu Nihei's drawings!
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Well... the first scenes are set in 2141, in a digging site in neutral territory. I think a full page drawing of the bus reaching the building site (in wich you could get a good view of the site, of course) would be nice. Wheter it's drawn as an overview, or as the view of a person of normal height walking toward the site is up to you.
Also, if you want to do the concepts for the places that appear in the first chapter (the digging site, it's residences and caves in neutral territory, and the town of Yorkwing and the village of Vileor, both close to Midoristal's border) or any other places that appear in the story, it would be helpful!
On how to draw it... It would be nice if a different architectural style as used for each of the three factions. I was thinking of giving a oriental feel to Raepista, but have not discussed it in detail.
When asked about the Sci-fi elements, Okami answered that:
"For Sci/Fi elements I would say that moustly weapons, military equipment and military facilities would have that Sci/fi element to them (but not as far as giant robots and laser guns). And you could feel that there is that Sci/fi element to cities, houses and places (but once again I wouldn't go too far with it, more like different than now but not too far into the future). Also if possible I would add royalty into a society."
I agree with him, but personally i think it could be interesting to go a bit over the top in the richest parts of the cities (especially the capitals) and in the noble residences.
This is probably not very important at this point, but he also said "I thought about adding a neutral town too, just true, I thought of making it into poor town where people who were banished from their factions live and making it into some kind of cyberpunk style (true that part is still in progres).!"
I will post what we have on the first chapter bellow:
Okami's Chapter 1 (Mission Beguins)
I would make a first page as a explanation of a history of manga writing first part of backstory in a way of historical facts up to the year 2139.
Then I would jump to Year 2141 where the story would start first scene would be in the bus to the neutral dig site that kids are traveling with.
Kids are playing in back and bus driver is talking with one of a mercenaryes about rumors that battle between Rouria and Raepista is going on near a dig site.
Mercenary reassure him that there is nothing to worry about as from beginning of a war there were none civilian casualties worth mentioning and even less problems for a neutral business.
The bus reaches it's destination Children happily run to their families and they start unpacking businessman owning a dig welcomes them and wishes his workers good time with their families.
Tomorrow morning businessman owning a dig is sitting in his chair drinking coffee when he gets report of one of a mercenaries that small group of Rouria soldiers has come to a dig and is asking to see him.
Bisnisman first tells him that he doesn't have appointed meeting with Rouria soliders and to send them off, but then a mercenary tells him who the one of thouse soldiers is. Businessman answers with "are you sure? Son of one of the richest people of Rouria?".
After mercenary confirms it businessman tells him to let him in. Person in rouria officer uniform enters badly hurt and ask of businessman to stay for a night and transport to the nearest Rouria station. Businessman refuses at first but after hearing wath this has to offer he gladly accepts with condition that they deal stays secret.
In front of door one of soliders of Rouria eavesdropping on their conversation steps further of door making sure that he is alone hi calls on his radio reporting to Raepista Lieutenant wath is happening.
Riposte Lieutenant answers that it was a good thing after all that he planted a spy in flitting rouria soliders and tells him to go out of dig site as soon as he can.
That night children are playing in the small underground tunnel when they suddenly hear some strong noise. Thinking that it's just digging machines they continue to play without thinking about it.
The outside Rapista army is shooting everybody leader screams "don't let anyone survives! We will send a message to thouse neutral idiots to stay neutral".
After a while children go outside a tunnel and wath they see is massacre, bodies on all sides nobody alive.
1 week latter children are starving some groups of people come to dig. They complain about not finding anything valuable when they see children.
The man asked them who they are, after hearing them he tells his man to give them food and take them with them, he also tells them that they are heading to NSA (neutral solider academy).
Faw days latter they come to NSA man asks to see a comander, comander comes to him and they made a deal.
Comander comes to children explains them why are they here and wath will happen to them.
11 years later, Year 2152. Orion is sitting in the back of the military truck together with Akeno and Hiori he complains how he just got his last mission just to be sent on another one, Akeno scold him for vaining.
Orion riplays with "Don't you ever get tired? I mean with all this stuff about being on a brink of war again we nearly never get a day off".
Instead of replay he just gets a sharp look. He is thinking about how war stoped 8 years ago when he was still training at NSA, 3 years latter he was chosen by Rouria as well as his 2 friends he doesn't know wath happened to the rest of them.
Were they chosen by one of his enemies, where they chosen to be some nobelmans personal bodyguard or did they stay at NSA.
(As I think that instead of just 3 factions we should add that rich noblmans also bay "Apachi warriors" as personal bodyguards and thouse who don't get both stay at NSA as trainers and security)
(Also when comander of NSA announce which student goes where he doesn't do it publicly he just tells students that that is a day when they will leave the academy and then calls students one by one to tell them where they go).
After he come to Rouria it was peace and his life was pretty easy he had to go to some training that aren't even worth being called morning exresase after trainings in NSA and he had to listen to nobalmans and officers speeches for hours they were boring but it wasn't a bad life, he had anything he wanted and his 2 friends where with him.
But it last only for a year and then fighting started again and he started being sent on missions, in beginning it was just faw short missions from time to time as fightings wasn't so often but lately he is being sent from one mission to another without getting even a day free.
And now he is sent on a mission that is most probably to start another full open war.
A little flashback to a faw days ago when he and his 2 friends were called to be given a mission and explanation of the mission.
Truck stops and driver tell them that it is as far as he can get them and they from there they will have to go on foot.
They step out of the truck, in the distance they can see Yorkwing Midoristal's town near the border of Midoristal and neutral territories where their mission is. With a small chat they had toward him.
Same time in Vileor (village near Yorkwing), Noel and Kouga together with dozens special soldiers are waking true a hallway of the main military station of Vileor.
Noel is commenting on how the station is too quiet and how the station is nearly empty even for a that small station. She asks Kouga wath he thinks about why are they here.
He answers that he already told her that he doesn't know anything more than her and that he too was just told to come here without any explanation.
While talking they reach a door on an end of the hallway and they enter. The highest ranking officer in that station awaits them he asks them if they know why they are here after they reply that they don't he said "I will explain".
But before he gets a chance to do so wounded soldier rush into a room "captain they are attacking again". Captain turns to Noel "we don't have a time for explanation now, we are under attack, that is why you are sent here my assistant will lead you to a line of defense hurry".
Confused Noel, Kouga and other spacial soliders that come with them rush following a man who have led them to a captain's office.
When they got to the point where they are headed they see around 50 Midoristal soliders holding a line on a small hill near a station against faw hundreds cannibals, without waiting Kouga gives a command to back them up.
Cannibals figuring out that Midorstal gotten back up and after a short fight they retreat.
After seeing that cannibals retreated out of a sight Kouga asks a person who seems to be in command of holding a line (Girl solder looking like she is faw years older than him and Noel) ""Wath is going on? Where are the rest of soliders Vileor might be a small village but there should be at least 4 times more soliders in its station, why aren't everyone here?".
Person replays to him "This is all we have left, there are dozens more of as in hospital that could fight again after a night of rest but others are eather too badly hurt to continue fighting or death. They outnumber as the best we can do is bay time until reinforcements arrive".
Kouga: "But even if they outnumber you they don't have proper weapons they just use some garbage weapons from 150 years ago and most of them have just cold weapons. You shouldn't find yourself in this situation even if they outnumber you 3 to 1"
Other person: "They outnumber as atleast 10 to 1 and they aren't like before, they tried gathering and attacking as before but they would always just attack from one go, but this time they use military strategies and newer before there were so many of them"
Kouga: "10 to 1? I never heard of cannibals gathering in bigger numbers than 500, and you sai that they use strategies where could they learn to use thouse? And if wath you said is true how higher-ups thinks of slowing this by sending just 2 of us with a handful of specials?.
Other person: "Oh so you weren't told yet? You aren't here to help us defeat them you are here to help as bay time thill full reinforcement arrives. They should be here in a two days."
After that Kouga, Noel and person who Kouga have just talked to go back to a station to get more detail information from the person in charge of it and two made their plan for their mission.
Noel, Kouga, captain of the station, his assistant and Girl in charge of holding a line during attacks discus and made a plan.
Same time, Yorkwing, military tawern. Soliders drink on the counter talking rumors about how there will probably be a revolution of terrorist that call themselves freedom fighters soon, and how Vileor is under attack of cannibals again.
At a table behind are siting a guy and a girl listening to a conversation (Mahiro and Minami).
Minami: "So we get wath we wanted, we have a confirmation on rebelion so how about you report that to a higher-up and we get finished with this mission".
Mahiro: "No we don't have confirmation we only have more rumors, if Raepista higher-ups wanted rumors they wouldn't send us on this mission in the first place. And be quiet you don't want them to hear as".
Minami: "Spying is your specialty I don't know why I have been sent to this mission with you, and don't worry about them hiring as they are probably too drunk to get wath we are talking even if they do hear as"
Mahiro: "They insisted on someone going with me in case something happens to me other person can still bring gathered Intel to them and they choose you for a job because they touth we get along well. They couldn't be more mistaken true"
Minami: "come-on don't be like that, you know that..."
Mahiro gives her a light hit on a head "I said be quiet, some of them might not be as drunk as they appear to be and I would rather not take a risk when I don't have a reason to. Well anyway come-on let's go we won't find out anything more here".
Mahiro and Minami get out of a tawern.
Midnight that day. Orion, Akano and Hiori are walking on an abandoned dock in a Yorkwing having small talk.
After a while Orion says that they should probably give up for a day and go to some hotel and start searching again tomorrow as information about one of Freedom fighter groups gathering here must have been a false.
Akano replays that they should at least check it out for a little longer, Orion complains and Akano hit him in a shoulder and starts scolding him. Hiori starts teasing both of them for always fighting like that.
A flashback, Faw hours ago when they overheard two men talking about tonights gathering at that dock for making further plans for their task. Because of a way they talked they assumed that they might be part of freedom fighters and decided to try coming to their meeting and talking with them.
The flashback ends, Just as they are about to give up on searching further Hiori spots a lights on one of the old abandoned ship.
They go to check it up, when they enter dozen men held out their guns to them asking "who is there".
As it is obvious that thouse are the people they were looking for Akeno steps up saying a truth about them being sent by Rouria to make a deal with them.
At first they don't believe them but after a little presudation and showing them Rouria's gifts for them (Dozen of extremely strong grenades witch time is made just in Rouria) they believe them however they say that they don't have a time to wait for their plan and that they will be attacking main station in town tomorrow night but they do thank them and say that thouse grenades is just wath they needed for their plan.
Akeno and Orion try to persuade them to wait telling them that attacking main station is risky even if all freedom fighter groups were united and that with just one group it is nearly suicide. But if they unite themselves and cooperate help of Rouria army win is guaranteed not just for this town but they will take a whole region under their control.
They don't want to listen and they tell them that they have a plan and that they won't attack them headstreit, If they want to help they are welcome to do so if not then to stay away from their path.
However they do appreciate grenades so they are willing to tell them locations of other freedom figetrs groups so they can try to make a deal with them and that their group will help too once they take control of a city.
They are not sure wath to do so they stay with them for now.
The rest of a chapter Orion, Akano and Hiori are going around freedom fighters gathering place and looking how thing are going and talking with a person in freedom fighters where they met Ririn and her Oni-chan.Arturia's Rerwite on Chapter 1, with dialogues (unfinished)
I will add in Brackets my thoughts on the parts of the story.
Chapter one.
The year is 2139, Earth has fallen and torn into rebellious factions.
(First page covers just that with a nice view of the mining towns map..(just an idea)).
(Mission Begins)
*Scene* A dirty back road, following along a bus.
(we have to discuss what panels will go with what speech but for now).
Mercenary : Look here, I know you are worried about this whole situation but there’s nothing to worry over.( Reassures the bus driver with a smile on his face.)
Bus Driver : I see. I will take your word, I was getting worried due to how the mining town has not seen any soldiers in a while. (Here he looks at the road and turns to the mercenary now and then with a concerned look.)
Mercenary : Well I can’t blame ya. With the news about a fight brewing nearby, especially with the precious cargo you got here.( he finishes his sentence with a chuckle and turns to the back of the bus).
*change focus to the kids in the back*
(I will name them Kid#1-#9 for now..can use the art to tell whos who.)
Kid#4 : HA, I win again. How many times does that make it . ( he exclaims with a glowing smile.)
Kid#2 : don’t get ahead of yourself, lets change games. Starting to get bored of this already.(this can be one of the girls, showing a bored face looking out the window.)
Kid#8 : (thinking then) how about Shiritori?.
Kid #1-7 : Rejected!!.( they all say at the same time.) (can have different expressions on them, like some laughing at the rejection.)
Mother of one of the kids : Look, we nearly there. Don’t worry I am sure you will all enjoy it there.( she reassures them with a gentle smile).
*scene change to dig Site.*
Bus pulls up and guards let them inside.
All the Mc’s are looking out the 2 windows together, pressing their heads against one another.
( im sure from Okami’s part of the story it seems the parents are already living their).
As the bus passes a few buildings the main building comes to view where there are a couple of adults standing there.
Three of the children get up quickly and run out the bus once it stops.
Kid#7 : Dad! Mom!..( he runs to them and hugs them).
Same with the other 2.
The other children are looking for their parents but some of them are working.
Leader of the site : Welcome my young ladies and gentlemen. I hope the trip was alright.( he says the last line to the mother who accompanied the kids).
Mother : Yes it was quiet the trip but it was worth it when you see the faces on these happy kids.( She shows her gentle smile again.)
Leader : Well enjoy your stay and get some rest, I will see the rest of you tomorrow. You may take the rest of the day off.
(they all thank him and go enjoy the time together.)
Later that night.
(Scene change to Orions room).
(ok here the 9 kids are here the 7 Mc and other 2 random ones you will see what im going to do with them later.) ( well the readers wont know their names just yet but this dialogue will show them.)
Mahiro : Alright, now why did we all sneak into Orion’s room?
(a close up of Mahiro with a grunted expression.)
Minami: oh come now Mahiro-chan, of course we came because we heard it was going to be fun!
(she exclaims with a cheerful smile)
Mahiro : *sigh* Minami, I guess I should of known when it comes to you and the word “Fun”.
With that Minami chuckles.
Kouga : So, got anything planned Orion. Calling us here must mean you have something in mind?.
They all pause and look at Orion, here you can do a nice picture of him haha..
Orion : Let’s see. Since we don’t know the area and walking around is plainly boring. How about we do a small test of courage?
Akeno : look here Orion, we just got here and you already want to fool around!!.
She shouts at him( I read the character design on her and her being strict would go well here, showing her manner of speech.)
Hiori : Now now Akeno-Chan. We had a long and boring trip here, so why don’t we enjoy ourselves tomorrow hehe.(she laughs at the end with a sinister smile)
Orion : Well I do understand that it isn’t save to do a test at night without good knowledge of the area, so me and Mahiro will go and check it out tomor--.
(he tries to explain to them with a concerned look.)
With a surprised face, mahiro instantly interupts
Mahiro : wha-… Wait Orion, what do you mean you and me. I have my own plans for tomorrow, don’t think you can drag me into this.
With an unhappy face, he turns away.
Minami : there there Mahiro –chan, we all know you want to do the scouting yourself.
With a gleaming smile she pats his back.
Mahiro : … i-I don’t know w-what you’re talking about Minami.
Shocked at how accurate Minami words were he stutters.
(by the way the other 2 random kids are just listening in.)
Orion : well, Wouldn’t want your parents to worry. So with that lets get back together tomorrow around noon. Oh and see you at around 10:00 am Mahiro.
Mahiro : Wha-!!
With a shocked expression he can’t form any words.My first atempt at drawing the fist pages, with the history explanation (also unfinished)
Arturia's Rewrite on the history part (I only noticed he said he was going to do it after I has already done my version...)
Chapter one.
Earth, 150 years ago was united and peaceful..
Until.
War fell upon the world once again but due to the power each nation had, this war wasn’t like any other.
It raged on and then 9 years had passed. But that wasn’t the end of it.
Nuclear warfare was upon the world.
Their actions and thoughtless deeds cost more greatly then they would ever imagine..
Two more years had passed and due to the countless Nuclear strikes on the earth. The Geography and landscape of the world had become rough and rigid where most of the world’s land was submerged under the sea.
Due to the immense destruction on the world, Most of the weaken countries had banded together and formed a peace treaty and to disarm all Nuclear warheads.
Years passed and nearly all countries have sided with the treaty of peace, but some countries opinions differed from one another.
And so in an act to secure peaceful life under their own rules, All countries banded together to form Three Nations..
Rouria
Midoristal
Raepista.
Now begins the new chapter in the life after World War 3.. How will it unfold.Also, Okami put a really long post on page 4 with pretty much everithing we has at that point. If you are interested, all the drawings (mostly character dsigns) I did for this project on my Deviant Art account (some of them are in the "Scraps" part of the gallery)
Well... this is it... Also, if you have any ideas for either the art or story, or even if you do a drawing unrelated to this topic, but that you think that looks good, feel free to post it!
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dont forget you probally already got a team of artist ready at your disposal before you start drawing anything yourself
it will probally take your workload off by a lot.
It certainly would! Expecially with the backgrounds and final art, if anyone is up to it.
Sorry, it's just that since most people haven't posted anything in this topic for a while a sot of assumed most of them got busy with other things or just forgot about the whole deal... It would not bother them if a PMed the ones who showed an interest in doing the art, would it? Would it be a good idea to do a resume of everything we've got so far after we have the names for the first chapter, and them sending a PM to Emi, Krill and MellowMadman11?
By the way, what about you, jeftai? You still up to working on the backgrounds? And could post something you've drawn?
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Thanks! And feel free to post your own drawings of the SCs too, (that goes for Okami as well!) and if you don't mind I can try do redraw them in my style later.
About Noel's brother, Okami wrote earlier:
"And as for their days before that I left them out with an excuse that they don't remember much before that day as they were only 5-6 but I also planned to add one of their days before that very important as it would turn out that one of them (Probably Noel) has a onii-chan that she forgot about but to give him big rule latter on as it would turn that after everything happened he got himself mixed with cannibals and eventually become their leader witch is big problem as he would be very god strategiest."
Well... thinking about it now, it's not unlikely he is the masked cannibal... If that is true, Okami already said that making him into one of the two children wouldn't fit in... I hope he get his computer fixed soon, or at least he can still take a look at this topic once in a while!
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Arturia, thanks! I too have the habit of holding my other arm from behind... Either that, putting my hands in my pockets or playing with whatever object is withim my hands reach ^^;
As for characters design... Please, give your thoughts too! You are as much a part of this as me or Okami. It's true that Okami has the broader feel for the story, but that does not mean the characters must look exactly like he thought, as long as they fit their characterisation. Actually, being the one who originally created the characters, he is almost certanly biased towards the ones that look the most like his original image. The same way, being the one who drew them, I'm bound to be incapable of looking at them objectevely. (expecially right after I finished a drawing. Taking a second look at it later helps, but does not solve the problem.) So, having your opinions helps a lot! (Moreover, with only two people making choices it's preatty easy to get a tie betwen two options)
With the chapter rewrite, don't worry, there is no need to rush it. As I said before, I've been pretty busy last week so I didn't have time to draw it anyway. Also, I'm planning to do at least one full body drawing for each character that appears in the chapter before doing the names.
By the way, does Noel's older brother appear in this chapter? He could be one of the two random children, and they could assume he died in the bombing. Well... If we do that, it would certanly have a huge effect on Noel... It could even be related to how hard it is for her to part with others. What do you guys think?
Okami, it a shame your computer broke. I hope you manage to get it fixed soon!
it's funny that you liked Akeno #1 better... That might actually the drawing i like the least out of all the ones i posted here... And, other than the ponytail, I'm pretty satisfied with how #2 turned out. Well, I will try to do something we are both okay with! I'm posting all versions I've done of Akeno thus far:
Tell me if you guys like any of them!
About the drawing of the children... I used some drawings from Studio Ghibli as reference and tried to make their faces round to make them look young. Did it make Orion look fat instead?... Anyway, is it better now?
just click the image, it will appear normally...
Also... I don't know what should I do about the world map... I did the main continent big so I could draw it better and so it would cover both really hot and cold climates, but from the story's point of view it's size makes no sense... Maybe It would be better if I placed it over Africa, or even drew something closer to Africa in shape? Also... should i make Rouria, and Raepista neightbours or not? as I said before, i think it works better with the story, but if there is some reason to put them in the opposites ends of the continent could you share it, Okami?
Oh, about the SCs Okami described, I do plan to post at least one drawing for each before doing the names for their first appearences, but it's not my priority right now. I might do some of them earlier if I feel like it tought. (In particular, I wanna try drawing that masked guy)
Arturia, the way you wrote the history part kinda ressembles a narrator. I actually started reading it in Morgan Freeman's voice at some point. ^^; Still, to be honest, i liked your dialogues better... Still, there are parts of it I would like to use, in particular the descripition on how the geography was changed. I will post an edited version of the first pages later. By the way... Why are the factions descibed as "rebelious"?
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My cashier work ended this monday, so now I'm back! Ended up not drawing much this weekend since I got hooked to Oyasumi Punpun, but now I'm catching up.
Akeno
Doesn't look much like Okami's descripition, but I think she is fine like this. Posting #1 down for comparision.
Children
Hiori, Orion and Akeno
Sorry, Okami, I was having some difficulty drawing Orion #5's spiky hair, and i actually like this version better anyway. Is it Ok if I keep him like this?
Also, overall i like how this drawing turned out, but Orion and Akeno might be looking more like 8 than 6... I used some pictures for comparision and they seem to be anatomically correct, but maybe I should re-draw their faces?... Or do you guys think they are fine like this?
Pages 1-3
I did two versions for the first two pages. Sorry, Arturia, I only just saw that you where going to write the history part yourself... Well, I'm not fully satisfied with the ones down here either way, (at least, I want to add a paragraph about the neutral territories and dig sites) so please post your ideas to!
Also, about the world map, I only noticed it after drawing it but... Isn't it a bit weird that Rouria and Raepista are fiercily fighting for territory when there is a few hundred kylometers of desert betwen the two factions while Midoristal, wich is between the two factions, pratically doesn't get involved? Or is there some deeper reason to make the world map like this? Either way, I used a different map in each version, so please tell me wich one you guys think that works best with the story. (Or even sugest a third version with the desired changes!)
Edit: for the sake of simplicity I omitted some information in the world map, but we can add them later in maps of smaller scales.
Any critics or suggestions are welcome!
Version 1
Version 2
Oh, and don't worry, I got a bit carried away this time, but once I have Arturia's rewrite of the first part I will try to do a proper name for the rest of the chapter before drawing the finished version.
By the way, this is pretty random, but don't you find it hard to write in english without using the world "I"?
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Good job, you two, It's getting pretty interesting!
I agree with Okami that the first page should give a brief descrition of the world history. By the way, what do you think about making a new calendar starting on the year when World War III ended, and writing the dates as 10 Before Peace or 74 After Peace instead of 2067 or 2041, without letting the readers now exactly how far in the future the story takes place?
Also, I'm not sure about using japanese honorifcs... Oh, I don't mean I'm against it, but how about trying to use forms normally used in english? like using titles (sir, sire, milady, your higness...) surnames, first names or nicknames depending on the relationship betwen characters? In particular, I think Minami calling Mahiro by a friendly nickname would work well with story. And I must agree that Hiori seens out of chacter...
Other than that, I like the way you write! And I don't think you overdid it... Familiaring the readers with characters in the begging of the story is a good thing! Also, I really like stories that beguin with a warm atmosphere, and then let things scalete to something darker.
By the way, what do you think about making some make-belive setting or role-play for the test of courage? Like... they are adventurers exploring a dungeon, looking for a dragon, or maybe even rounins infiltrating enemy territory... And if those two random characters are given a bigger role later in the story, maybe some element of this make-believe could return as well. The masked man could were an acessory, (maybe even his mask) call himself by some name or use some symbol that would sugest a conection with the kids (Albeit he himself might not be one of them). On the other hand... I feel it would be more realistic and add more tension to the story if they simply died in the bombing, so i'm not sure if this is a good idea or not...
(edit: and more than that, I don't know if works well with Okami's setting or not)
What do you think, Okami? Either way, I thiink they should have at least as much screentime as the main characters in the first scenes, and they should also be quite proactive if they are going out by themselves. (Maybe they are the oldest mebers of the group, and feel responsible for the rest of the group? not much older, just a year or two... Also, how about making them brothers?)
And Okami, I would not describe someone who suddenly shoots his allies or send them to the front lines in order to get them killed as "merciful"...
Ps: I'm not going to have much free time in the next 3 days, so I will probably begin the names only after that.
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Thanks! And feel free to give suggestions to paneling in the rewrite!
Edit: I just finished reading your topic "Into the Night". It's really interesting... Dammit, now I want to see it going forward too! Shame we all have too spend so much time in the real world...
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Thanks!
Well... I kinda wanted to do the panels too... What if you first posted the rewrite first, and then we both try doing our versions of panel and decide together how will the final version be? Or if you want we can divide who does the panels for each scene...
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First of all, sorry for taking so long to answer the posts.
Thanks for the map, Okami! (Wow, the geography really changed a lot after the war... is this really the Earth?) Also, I really like cyberpunk! But it looks complicated to draw... Well, I guess I will try to learn how to do it.
Could you give a brief description of the climate of the places where the story takes place? I want to use it as a reference when drawing the backgrounds and clothes. Oh, by the way, what are R1, R2, etc? Something like administrative estates?
And Arturia, the drawing is good, but I'm glad you agreed to write the dialogues. Could you post it when you've written the cavern scene? I want to try drawing it! No need to rush it, thought... And about the writing style, I think you should just write in the way you like best!
Now, the drawings:
Minami
She looks a bit more mature than intended...
Noel
Basically, the same as Noel #1, just drawn better. I like her better this way. I'm putting the original down for comparision
Hiori
I like #3 the best.
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lol, ya, that anime is about chuunibyou. It both makes fun of it and portays it with some accuracy... I was like a quieter Dekomori when I was eleven.
Edit: Incidentally, my fondness for this genre is reflected by my dislike for protagonists who are helpless, stupid, or generally incompetent. I can stand a foolish protagonist, if he has a redeeming quality (such as being really talented in one area, even while being as stupid as a stump), but completely average or simply stupid protags piss me off, lol.
Haha, I know what you mean. Incompetent protagonists who just keep depending on others or going with the flow of events, without ever taking initiative - or worst, taking initiative and then just dragging his allies down - tend to be really annoying.
Having said that, average guys don't bother me as long as they have interesting personalities - Okazaki Tomoya, Kyon and Takasu Ryuuji, for instance, are not particularly talented in any field, (with the exception of Ryuuji housewife skills, but never mind that) but I found then all likable characters.
Edit: Looking back, I might have had something like chuunibyou when I was a kid. I didn't like stories that did not have some fantastical element, and lived in my own fantasy world. I would start making cool poses, or fighting invisible enemies when I was alone, albeit I was too timid to do it in public. No... I vaguely remember doing something of the sort when bullied. And I think I made some teacher really worried because i was "certain I saw a witch flying in a broom". Well... I guess all kids are a bit like that, right? Nothing to be embarrassed about, right?
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Arturia, its good that you will have more time now. I look forward too seeing what you can do!
Bu the way, I know most of those drawings are 2 years old, but at least from what I've seem in "Forming a VN Team" you can do pretty well. Especially in the full body ones, despite what you said. Just try to pay a bit more attention to proportion when drawing the faces (you tend to draw the lips to low and the eyes to small... nothing that can't get better by following some tutorials. If you want, I can try to find some I used before. Also, coping drawings from artists you like is REALLY helpful!)
And don't worry to much about whether our drawings look the same or not. This is not a commercial manga. Like you said before, this is a manga made by us, for us. I want us to have fun while making it. And the more people taking part in the process, the merrier. And the more fun we have, the more fun the people who read it will have!... Probably.
Also, I'd rather not assume too much responsibility... Especially since I draw way too slow, and it will take forever if I'm by myself...
PS: This is all assuming you want to help with drawing the characters! If you would rather concentrate on something else, just say it!
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Didn't know this genre even existed... Well, from Clephas descripition it seems to be right up my alley.
Also, nice list of translated VN! I really like most of then.
PS: I just took a look at Clephas' VNDB list...
Damn, I used to think I spent too much time on it...
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Welcome to the forums! But I think Yukiru is right about the rage...
PS: The first seasons of Darker than Black where great! Ryuusei no Gemini... Not so much...
http://gallery.minitokyo.net/view/526511
http://konachan.com/post/show?md5=d90dd177ab9f3adf52879cf556849aaa
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There are some really good mangakas here. Now I want to find out more about Yu...
Well, here are some mangaka/illustrators I like:
Naoki Urasawa
Possibly my #1 favorite mangaka. Not only I really like his illustrations, Monster and 20th Boys are among the most interesting stories I red...
20th Century Boys
Takehiko Inoue
Author of Slam Dunk and Vagabond. REALLY good drawings.
Ps: By the way, if you are interested in learning more about the legend of Miyamoto Musashi, i highly recommend Eiji Yoshikawa's novel. (Also called Musashi) I just started reading it the other day, so it's going to take a while for me to finish it, but so far i'm really liking it.
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Wow, you actually answered every question... Thanks!
Oh, just one more thing... Where their personalities more or less the same when they where kids,(Minami being upbeat, Mahiro kinda cold, Kouga a quite kid, etc.) or did some of them go trough a really major change?
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Kingdom of Euria
Flag
The flag represents both the nobility of a white bird soaring thought the skies and the strength of a sword that cuts the enemy.
Territory
National Anthem
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T9jIC7-QP5g
WWIII
2020: The People’s Republic of China unites with Japan, thus becoming known as the East Republic, now the strongest country in the world. The USA and the European Union refuse to recognize this union and begin an effort to weaken its economy by banning all commerce with the East Republic. Any countries that disobey the ban have all diplomatic and commercial relations cut as well. Even so, most Asian countries stand by the East Republic’s side. The world is once again divided between East and West.
2024: The segregation between East and West becomes fiercer with time, strengthening xenophobic feelings and giving rise to the extreme right. The government begins the “Defense of the Greater Interest Program”
2028: The members of UNO reunite with the East Republic’s leader, Miyamoto Liu, questioning the porpoise of the “DGI Program”. After a short negotiation, Miyamoto Liu signs a document declaring he has “no hostile intentions”. News of the negotiations success and images of this document circulate the whole Western World. On the next evening, the East Republics military expansion begins with an attack on Russia.
2029: With the military success thus far, the East Republic government gains enormous popularity. Miyamoto Liu is nominated the “Great Leader” with 83% rate of approval. The East Republic name is changed to “Great East Empire”. All countries that stood by their side in the past had become part of their territory, as well as the Middle East and most of Russia. At the same time, they start advancing trough the Pacific. The west tries to form a united front, but discussions about how the world should be divided after the war take most of their energy, preventing them from forming a well-organized line of defense.
Foundation
2031: The Great East Empire’s military advance continues. The remaining members of the European Union reluctantly unite under a single flag in order to counter strike. A great effort is put in creating a single “European nationality”. The government’s propaganda reminds the people of the “noble days of the past, when Europe ruled the world”, while leaving out the continents internal antagonisms. All remaining countries throughout the world who don’t want to fall under the Empire’s dominion found themselves with no choice but to join either Euria or the United States. In the end, the whole continent of Africa was annexed to Euria and the Latin America to the USA, but the population and culture of both continents was mostly ignored by the northern regions.
2039: The Republic of Euria managed to get back all of Europe’s territory, and conquered some of the Middle East. However, they could advance no further. The USA, likewise, managed to drive the Empire forces out of America, but met no success in their attempts to attack trough the Pacific. After a long war of attrition, the three devastated countries signed a non-aggression tread.
2040: The Eurian nationalist propaganda, together with the poor state in which the country found itself, gave birth to a general feeling of nostalgia of the days of the past. The people longed for that lost glory. And so, old aesthetical and social values started to resurge. The government starts selling nobility titles as a way to raise funds for the reconstruction after the war.
2042: The country’s name is changed from “Republic of Euria” to “Kingdom of Euria”.
Architecture
In the year of 2042, the great architecture Filipo Vitruvio wrote the treatise “In Defense of a Noble Architecture”, in which he defended that the country should be rebuild in way that reminded the people of the Golden Era, reaching their souls.
Robert Lyotard then wrote the treatise: “counterpoint”, in which he harshly criticized Vitruvio’s ideas, calling them anachronistic and insisting on the need a style fit for the new times. Lyotard gained a small number of followers, but was justly shunned by society and is now mostly forgotten.
Today, most Eurian buildings use the most modern technologies, but are ornamented in a neo-neo-classic or neo-neo-gothic style, appealing to the people’s hearts.
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Cool indeed... looks like we have quite a diverse crew here! If MellowMadman11 join us, we will only be missing someone from Asia, Oceania and Antartica! : )
I also don't much about Serbia... Have to look it up.
As with the Background, that exactly what I mean, Arturia! And thanks for going along with it, Okami, tough I'm starting to feel a little bit like i've kinda been forcing my way of thinking on you...
ps: About Orion's Design... The one above, with spiky hair, is #5 and the one bellow, with shorter hair, is #8. I like how both of them turned out, but I think #8 fits the setting better...
pps: About how the work on art should be divided, I was thinking of doing the rough sketch of a few pages and sharing them with everyone so we can discuss it before moving on to the next fase. Then, I could draw the characters on some of the pages, while Arturia draws character of other pages. I was thinking of just drawing above photos for some backgrounds, or even using the photos themselves when appropriate. (Always from free image sources, like http://free-images.gatag.net/en.) Here is an example: (A scene from Bakemonogatari I starded drawing a few days ago but got too lazy to finish)
On the other hand, assuming that we are amateurs and making something simpler like Chikan Otoko with only minimal work on the backgrounds could get things moving a lot faster, and the plot and characters are the most important part of a manga anyway. Either way... It might be better to just try doing it in both ways (maybe changing it depending on the importance of the scene) and see which works better!
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About the character backgrounds... What I meant is that you yourself should have a really strong grip on the characters before writing the story even if you don't write down every detail about then. (Albeit I would appreciate if you did write as much about then as you can before it got to the drawing stage, since it would be really helpful when drawing their expressions, postures, mannerisms, etc. What you don't write down, I will try to make up as I draw and hope it turns out consistent with the following chapters
) Having deeper backgrounds would help making more interesting characters that act in more unique ways. And knowing their objectives also add consistency to their actions. Well, you can write things in whatever order you prefer, and you don't really have to tell us the answer to every question I asked right now. Just an example from "Building a Character". Well... this book is actually a guide for actors on the stage, but I think most of what the author says also applies to manga.
"It's possible to portray a character in general terms - a merchant, a soldier, an aristocrat, a peasant, etc. for the purpose of superficial observation of a series of categories into which people were formerly divided, it is not difficult to work out striking mannerisms, and types of carriage. For example, a professional soldier as a general rule holds himself erect, marches around instead of walking like a normal person, wiggles his shoulders to show off his epaulets, clicks his heels together to make his spurs ring, speaks in a loud, barking tone out of habit. A peasant spits, blows his nose without handkerchief, walks awkwardly, speaks in a disjointed manner, wipes his mouth on the tail of his sheepskin coat. An aristocrat always carries an top hat, wears gloves and a monocle, his speech is affected, he likes to play with his watch chain or the ribbon of his monocle. these are all generalized cliches supposed to portray characters. They are taken from life, they actually exist. But they do not contain the essence of a character and they are not individualized.
(...)
Other actions, who posses more acute powers of observation are able to choose sub-divisions in the general categories of stock figures. They can make distinctions among military men, between a member of an ordinary and a guard's regiment, between infantry and cavalry, they know soldiers, officers, generals. Among merchants they distinguish small shop-keepers, traders, department-store owners. They know what reveals the identity of an aristocrat and tell whether he belongs in the capital, in the provinces, is of Russian or foreign extraction. They endow the representatives of these various groups with features which are characteristic for them.
(...)In the third category of character actors we find a still more heightened, detailed sense of observation. We now have a soldier with a name, Ivan Ivanovich Ivanov, and with features not duplicated from any other soldier. Such a person is undoubtedly still a military figure in general, but he is indubitably a plain soldier and, in addition, he possesses an individual name."
About the treatment of Apachi Warriors,
I remember a character saying they where highly respected,
(I wold give the rational analyses to Mahiro and that "We can do it!" speach to Orion)
but I was not sure if it was just the way the general population saw then or if they where respected by the authorities as well. Especially after you sent Kouga and Noel to fight a force 10 times their number. (It could be taken either as a sign of great trust or as an suicidal order) Also... They basically being foreign mercenaries and all, isn't there any resistance to then from any sector, and are they as loyal to their factions as the soldiers who spent their entire lives in then?
As for the days of the past...
Well, no need to go too deep into them, but I think that knowing a little bit about their childhoods (at least their social status) would help in describing their days in the academy, as well as the cavern scene.
As for the map... Thanks, I would appreciate that! No need for anything fancy, i will try to make it look good later
About the different architecture and clothing for each faction,
I don't think it would distance the manga from the original story... There is no need to describe everything in the manga like a novel, for instance. I can just try to make up something as I draw (albeit it would give quite some work... I hope somebody can help me with the drawings, or else we will have to choose between it looking unfinished or taking forever to draw each chapter. Also, the more the merrier! Arturia, krill, mellowmadman... anyone?)
Well, it might be good to use similar political systems.
About the characters design,
I fully agree with you on Minami, Hiori and Akeno. Not sure about Noel though... Guess I will just try to make something we are both satisfied with. Wich one did you like better,
Arturia?Oh, and I didn't forgot Ririn, I just meant that, if even it's not used in the final version, at least there is a design for her.
Ps: I'm curious... Where are you from?
(Don't answer you are from The World God Only Knows)
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And by the way, before getting to much into the plot, wouldn't it be better to think about the characters background a bit more? Like... What kind of life did they lead before entering that cave? Where they nobles, middle-class or poor? Did they have enough freedom to just walk around and enter a cave whenever they wished, or did they have to sneak out? How was the military academy? Did any noticeable events happen there that changed their personalities or the way they thought? Did they try to find out what happened to their families after joining the academy, or to contact each other in some way after leaving it?
And what kind of life have they led after leaving the academy? From what you said it seems that Orion's group had a relatively easy life, but what about the others? Do they have field experience? Had they ever witnessed someone die, or killed someone themselves? And how are they seem by their companions, the nobles and the people in general? Are they looked up at, or treated as tools? Are they satisfied with their current positions, or the ways of society? Do they try to rise in the ranks or to obtain more power? (I feel that at least Mahiro would do it)
And the most important question: do they have some greater objective? Or do they just obey orders and try to stay alive? What are their priorities? Would they put themselves, their orders, their friends or their beliefs above the rest if they had to choose?
I know I'm asking too many questions and I might be a little obnoxious, (please tell me I'm not) but I feel that thinking more deeply about the characters backgrounds would help get a better grip on them. I heard so many times in acting classes (and read it in Stanislavski's "An Actor Prepares" and "Building a Character") about how important it is to detail characters and make then unique, and especially about how important objectives are that it got hammered down pretty deep in my head. ^^;
PS: Could you do a world map with the 3 countries territories?
PPS: I think it would be more interesting if each country had their own architecture, clothing and political system. Like one country being a monarchy or triarchy and having the royalty as the ruling class, one of them a "democracy" in witch a small group of people make all the important decisions (or the media is controlled by a small number of people, and the rest just go with whatever they say its right) and one a matriarchy ruled by a "descendant of the sun goddess" or something. Or one of the countries could be ruled by a supercomputer... Whose decisions would actually benefit it's programmers or the people who hired them. By the way, in what year is the story set again?
PPPS: Damn, this is a long post...
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Great work, Okami! The way you manage to make interesting stories despite the akward english kind of reminds me of a certain character from 1Q84... Well, like Arturia said, we gonna need someone to edit the text, and maybe write whole conversations. (By the way, it's written "few", not "faw". FAW stands for Football Association of Wales)
And Arturia's sugestion about the test of courage is also quite good. This could be explained in a dialoge betwen the characters inside the cave, (or maybe begining at the cave entrace?) and while some characters would be really scared, (expecially Noel) the overall felling would be one of "kids playing around". Until it gets serious. This dialogue would also be a good opportunity to introduce the characters.
Now, about the character designs... While none of then are definitive (expecially Akeno) I managed to make at least one drawing for each of the main characters faces. Oh, and Arturia, I actually spent some time thinking about witch style to use. I was in doubt if I should try to make then realistically or try to learn how to draw in a style similar yo Guren Laggan. I did try to make then realistically at first, but then I decided to just do then in a way that came more naturally rather then trying to develop a new style now... I'm still not sure if their eyes looking so different is a good or a bad thing, though. ^^;
Minami
I'm pretty satisfied with #3... Noel
I did a few drawings of Blazblue's Noel and then tried to make a similar face for #1. Somehow it didn't turn out so well... Then I tried making her eyes smaller and added Rin's ponytail. Except for the nose, I think #2 turned out quite good. But she does not fit the description so well, and I can't just steal a Little Busters! character's hair anyway. Also, it might give so work to draw it well every time... So I tried something simpler to draw for #3. And It turned out a lot better than I expected.
Hiori
#1 Bad#2 Not great, but ok.
Akeno
Okayish... I should try again later.
Orion
Cut out #5's bangs. Looks better that way.
Also, Done the line work for #8 on SAI.
About the smiling expression... Don't worry, I was already planning to use a more calm one as his "default" expression. But I also wanna draw him with plenty of different, somewhat exaggerated faces (Unlike Mahiro, Whose changes are more subtle, unless something REALLY drastic happens)
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About yesterday's challange... I'm starting to think solidbatman might come out and say "Zakamutt is the Best Girl!"
solidbatman's Mega Big Ultra Contest
in Members' Lounge
Posted
Looks fun. I'm in.