[Confessions of a Drifter]

Hi @Benji Price: Thanks for your feedback! I hope that Haley doesn't come across as someone who's stuck in the past, but you can decide that =). About the setting, I didn't give it much attention in the script as well, hoping that the background art will do the trick. The story is set in modern day, real world.

My initial draft is very, very drafty - so I think I may be blind to errors/inconsistencies (that will probably scream out to you). Being my first completed draft, I'll appreciate any opinion you have!

[Confessions of a Drifter]

Thanks Novel21 & DharmaFreedom for the kind feedback!

@DharmaFreedom: Such useful pointers! I have made some edits based on your suggestions, feel free to let me know your thoughts when you have a chance

A more specific response on a few points:

22 hours ago, DharmaFreedom said:

Now about the blurb, you need to think about the purpose of the blurb itself. What are you trying to convey? to whom are you trying to convey this blurb?

Anyway, lest i ramble on into oblivion, good luck and enjoy writing! 

Ps: Sorry if i said something to offend you! Just blurted out whatever i was thinking. Honest thoughts.

What am I trying to convey? I want to give readers a sense of what kind of story it is: a melancholic string of memories woven  to tell an intimate tale of lost love.

To whom am I trying to convey this blurb? To YA fans of VNs, looking for more grounded slice-of-life that retains some level of light-heartedness.

Thanks for making me think about these questions. I will continue to think of how I can better reflect these messages in the short confinements of a blurb...

Nope, in no way offended. Feeling lucky and truly appreciate your pennies.

[Confessions of a Drifter]

Update 2017/03/21: The blurb will get revised based on your feedback!  

Hi Guys,

I have written a short story (10-15k slice of life), and suddenly realised I haven't thought if the premise is good enough! That is why I am mulling in a smack-in-the-face moment and wondering what was I doing with my past two months.

Here's a blurb for the short story:
 

Quote

On a warm Sunday evening, Haley walked down the aisle as the whole clan came alive to celebrate yet another happily ever after. Everything was perfect, except it was not her wedding and the groom was her ex-boyfriend Nic. As she survives the day her ex gets married, she reflects on the bittersweet moments they shared. Every memory that surfaced posed more questions for herself and for Nic. Was Haley too rash in her decisions back then? After eight long years of being apart, does she still have feelings for him?

About the characters...

Eight years ago, Haley is a very straight-laced person who comes from a protective family. Like a frog at the bottom of a well, she's not familiar with the ways of the world and loathes herself for being spoilt. She desires to find her own place in this world – her own voice. When she gets excited, you could hear her laughter from the next room.

Nic is humble even though he's got the street smarts and maturity beyond his age, earned the hard way. He is laid back but thinks ahead, and loves pampering Haley. His love for junk food is unhealthy, as is his obsession to make others eat them. Nic loves cracking lame jokes, and Haley laughs at the lamest of them.

1) Are you interested in the premise? If not, how do you think it can be revved up?
2) Are you interested in the character?
3) Do you think the blurb can be improved? Any suggestions welcomed!
4) Are you interested to be a beta reader of this short story?

Thanks!
-Marmoon

Previous Versions:

1 ----

[Background artist (Commissions are open)]

Hi Fuyunokawa,

If I make a Comemrcial VN in future, will definitely look for you! The artwork looks good and reasonably priced in my opinion.

Hope you get some business

-Marmoon

[When is a good time to talk to publishers?]

A publisher approaching you sounds like the best thing ever! I can understand why your partner is cautious - getting involved with the publisher too early on might influence the direction of your work. It could be good, it could be bad, who knows? An added person to the equation will most likely change the dynamics of your team.

A few questions:

1) Is the publisher well known? Can you find their website?

2) What are the publisher's previous works? Is it in line with what your team is writing?

3) What is the publisher offering? Downpayment? Contract? Royalties?