Aniki Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 I don't get it. 0/11 Knock knock Who's there? The pilot. Let me in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kenshin_sama Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 Hint: It's a play on words. Read it 5 more times and you might get it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aniki Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 Hint: It's a play on words. Read it 5 more times and you might get it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kenshin_sama Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 6/10 Eh, alright, I didn't actually put much effort into that one. Here's something better. One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt. His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. ''Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10." Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks." Later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message: "Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tohka Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 7/10 A: I have the perfect son. B: Does he smoke? A: No, he doesn't. B: Does he drink whiskey? A: No, he doesn't. B: Does he ever come home late? A: No, he doesn't. B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he? A: He will be six month this wednesday. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flutterz Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 5/10 4, 6, 8, and 9 were brutally murdered. 2, 3, 5, 7, and 11 are the prime suspects. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aniki Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 I've got the perfect number for you. 6. Have you ever eaten any Ethiopian food? Nope. Neither have they. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crunchytaco Posted April 3, 2015 Share Posted April 3, 2015 6/10 Why did Michael Jackson like twenty six year olds? Because there's 20 of them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kenshin_sama Posted April 3, 2015 Share Posted April 3, 2015 Nice play on words. 7/10 Noticing a mistake in St. Peter's roster, God calls Satan; "It seems you accidentally received some of my professionals down there: a teacher, a doctor and a farmer." "Yeah," Satan replies. "All the more for me!" God replies, "You better send them up here immediately." Satan says, "No way. I'm keeping them." God says, "Send them up here, or I'll sue the horns right off you." Satan laughs uproariously, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sub-zer0 Posted April 3, 2015 Share Posted April 3, 2015 7/10, Im guessing lawyers are in hell already? A man buys a truth robot, it smacks someone whenever they lie about something, so the man decides to test it out. He asks his son what he did today, his son replied that he went to school, the robot smacked him. The son confessed he went to watch porn with this buddies and he skipped school, so the man laughed and said: back when I was your age, I didn't even know what porn was, and the robot slapped him too. The man's wife walks in laughing after hearing the commotion and said: haha, after all he is your son , and the robot slapped the man's wife. MasterTreecko and crunchytaco 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kenshin_sama Posted April 3, 2015 Share Posted April 3, 2015 Yikes/10 A blonde goes to the doctor with burns on both of her ears and her right hand. "Sit down and tell me how it happened," says the doctor."I was ironing my clothes when I received a call. Instead of picking up the phone, I picked up the iron and burned my ear.""'What about the other ear and your hand?" the doctor asked.She replied, "I tried to call for an ambulance."7/10, Im guessing lawyers are in hell already?It's a commonly held belief that honest lawyers do not exist, therefore they can't go to heaven. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aniki Posted April 3, 2015 Share Posted April 3, 2015 That girl was so stupid, it's not even funny./11 A king wished to know who was the strongest man in his kingdom. He then ordered his slaves to fill his pool with sharks, piranhas, and eels. He then announced that whoever can swim from one side of his pool to the other shall be given fame, fortune, and women. Of course, no one was stupid or brave enough to volunteer. Then all of a sudden, they heard a massive splash. A man then began swimming through the pool. With great speed, he evaded every shark, piranha, and eel. He then reaches the end of the pool and climbs out, his face: pale and his breath: staggering. "Ah, good sir, you have proven yourself a man worthy of honour. As promised, I shall grant you your awards," said the king. "Thank you... your... majesty, but... there is something... I want... to know..." "Hm?" asked the king. "What is it?" "Who the fuck... pushed me into the pool?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ERO! Posted October 29, 2015 Author Share Posted October 29, 2015 Coward/10.5 What did the egg policeman say to the criminal? Omelette-ing you go for now, but it won't be a yolk if I catch you again Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kenshin_sama Posted November 4, 2015 Share Posted November 4, 2015 Not too bad. 6/10Dear math, I am sick and tired of trying to find your X. Accept the fact that she is gone and move on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kawasumi Posted November 4, 2015 Share Posted November 4, 2015 algebra sucks/10 Why is 6 afraid of 7?because 7 is a child molester. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shikomizue Posted November 4, 2015 Share Posted November 4, 2015 Not nostalgic/10I was going to make a scissor joke but... it wouldn't make the cut. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nashetania Posted November 4, 2015 Share Posted November 4, 2015 Classic/10My daughter has been asking embarrassing questions about sex recently. This morning, she asked: "Daddy, is that the best you can do?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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