Anyone can spare some advice?

[Neo4114]

Hello, fellow bros and sisters. I am going through a bit of something right now, and theirs nothing quite like advice from complete strangers. so please, any helpful advice will be greatly appreciated!!!

I broke up with my (now) Ex gf i believe 4 months ago. we were together for 3 years. I am 18, in college right now. I don't live on campus. i was doing okay (i guess) until i found out that she found someone new. Now i feel like that i am back to square one. Its weird though as i feel like i don't miss her, rather i miss the idea of someone caring about you in that way. It hurts knowing she moved on and the fact that i am alone makes it that much worse. People tell me there are so much worse things that could be happeneing, and i get that. I understand my problem is probably insignificant in the grand scheme of things, but still. Thanks for reading, and if you want more information so you could give better advice, please don't hesitate to ask. Thanks again.

[dsddf]

You were together for a long time and only broke up recently. It's normal to feel lonely, you're not used to it anymore. Give it time and it'll get better.

Best thing to do right now is to keep yourself distracted. Hang out with your friends, watch movies,read a book,... just do something; Sitting around thinking about how bad you feel will only make it worse.

And don't get drunk alone.

[ExtraMana]

You were together for a long time and only broke up recently. It's normal to feel lonely, you're not used to it anymore. Give it time and it'll get better.

Best thing to do right now is to keep yourself distracted. Hang out with your friends, watch movies,read a book,... just do something; Sitting around thinking about how bad you feel will only make it worse.

And don't get drunk alone.

[Neo4114]

Thanks for the advice, guys its just a rough time right now. I wish i could just make this feeling of loneliness go away....

[Zodai]

Yikes.  I've been there before myself, not a happy place ><;;

 

I'd say just find something to occupy your time.  Doesn't have to be another girl, or even a game for that matter, maybe just try to find something you've wanted to learn to do, such as writing or playing an instrument.  Something that requires a lot of focus so you can have it take the majority of your head while avoiding anything that might cause any craziness.

 

Good luck!

[Neo4114]

Thanks man, its tough, because i always try to be doing something. but as always, there are times when i am alone, you know driving or whatever the case may be. Thats when my mind starts to wonder... Thanks for your input!

[rainsismyfav]

If it makes you feel better, there are some of us who have been having those feelings since... forever

[Lexyvil]

You can say that I experienced something similar last summer, except I was pretty much in pain when I thought, for a time, I was with my "special someone" just to be shut out when I tried talking to her, and it kept getting worse as the relationship went on. I was in pain for a few weeks as it was hard trying to move on... But I can understand the feeling of not being cared for as the environment does feel different when you're alone.

 

Knowing that you had more trouble to move on than she did makes it obvious that you're more "human" than she is, and that's normally a trait people look for in a person.

 

And I agree with Zodai, after an end to a relationship, focusing on a passion or doing something you always wanted to do but never had the time for can put you back up on your feet rather faster than if you weren't doing anything~

 

Hope all turns out better sooner rather than later~

[Neo4114]

Well said Lexyvil, i guess being more human is a bit of a disadvantage. I look back at all the mistakes i made in the relationship, and it just makes me feel worse. It has gotten better though. Like you said, i hope it does get better sooner.

[Neo4114]

If it makes you feel better, there are some of us who have been having those feelings since... forever

 

So sorry to hear that man, I hope it does get easier for you. Its stories like that that make me feel ill be alright man. Thanks for sharing.

[Nosebleed]

People always break up for a reason. While this is cliche, just remember that if you were together, it wouldn't have worked out and you'd probably be in a worse situation right now.

She's not part of your love life now, neither are you a part of hers. Just let that sink in and realize there's a plethora of more interesting things to do in your life other than scratching your head over your ex girlfriend.

This is coming from someone who traveled about 250Km one day to meet up with a girl, only to get rejected via text message, later finding out she's doing fine and even has a boyfriend, and i'm still doing just fine, i wasn't particularly depressed at the time either, the trip was fun too so it wasn't all bad.

Things come and go, there's nothing to brood over when someone's moved on, you just need to move on too. Lift your head up and look forward not backwards.

Just take your first step, doesn't matter towards what, all that matters is that you try to focus on something else, go out with friends, waste time reading porn games, watch paint dry, anything. I promise you'll feel better in no time.

[rainsismyfav]

"250km" oh god metric system.. how many miles is this... *googles*... 155miles. Oh so about 1 state over for me and a 3 hour drive.

[Snowtsuku]

I've been in the situation. Luckily though, work kept me busy that I was not really able to think about it that much. Then I have friends I can hang out with be it work, anime, games or whatever.

I don't know about you. But I realized that there are things that I want to do and that I'd rather enjoy myself alone or with my friends for a few years or so.

[B0X0R]

If she left you for someone else, then she isn't really worth your time. Your scenario reminds me of one of my own experiences. I was dating dating a girl for more then a year, When I left to the live at the university in the city, we tried to continue the relationship. I had warned her that I was going to start to put my school work first, and she said that she understood. Every time I would skype with her, she would seem very sad and depressed. It got so bad that one time I almost sent an email to one of her teachers telling her that I was getting worried about her.

 

And then that December day happened. That day, I had came back to my dorm room in tears because my English 200 teacher failed me in front of the entire class, seconds after I told him that I had been suffering through depression. On my way back to my dorm, I received a text message from my ex. She said "we need to talk". Since she was probably in class at the time, I decided to text her back later. After I had calmed myself down, I went on twitter to see what was going on. That's when I saw her tweet. It said " Today's the day I'm going to be free". That's when I started to put two and two together. After spending about thirty minuets in denial, I calmed myself for the second time that day, I began to process my next coarse of action. After waiting for a few hours, I textted her back asking her what she wanted to talk about. My heart was pounding. After twenty minuets of waiting, I finally got a response from her. She told me that she was eating and that she would text me back as soon as she was done. After waiting for over an hour, I got another reply from her. She told me that she was going to take a shower. Ninety minuets later, I was still panicking and I finally got a response back. She asked me if I had had my finals yet. I told her no and asked her again what she wanted to talk about. She told me that she would tell me after I took my finals. That's when I asked her directly if she was going to break up with me. She then said " I didn't say anything about breaking up with you". I couldn't take it any more. I was absolutely sure that she was going to break up with me. Instincts took over my reasoning as I dialed her phone. She didn't pick up, so I left a voice mail saying how I would miss her and all of the things that you would say in a situation like this. Almost immediately after hanging up, I got a text from her. "Do you want me to do it over text, skype or on the phone." The rest of the conversation was muddy and personal. There are things that I cannot recall as well as things that are too personal to say. In the end, I cried for 48 minuets as I waited for my parents to pick me up. 

 

After a bunch of other things happening, I ended up leaving the university and going to a community college, which I am proud to say, is almost like my second home. I made new friends, and even became an officer of a club. That summer, my cousin talked me into texting my ex and asking her why she broke up with me for closure. She told me that around the time of the breakup, she started having a crush on another guy, so she dumped me and told the other guy how she felt. The other guy rejected her and after that, her life took a spiral turn down. There were other things that happened to her after that December day, but I honestly don't feel like it is my place to mention them. In the end, she texted me, "I actually regret breaking up with you," . Personally, I found it ironic because, for me, after she broke up with me, my life got better and better.

 

In the end. life isn't about the events that you go through, it's about how you get through them.  I'm not saying that all change is good, but I'm also not saying that all change is bad. Good luck out there!

[Cyrillej1]

My first heartbreak took me a long time to recover from since I had invested a lot of my feelings into getting to know the person for about 3-4years (talked almost everyday). It hurt a lot for a long while, but I got over it eventually by just not thinking about the person (whenever I started to, I'd stop myself), and also got rid of anything that might remind me of them xD.

 

My last one, I kinda did the same thing. Mostly, what helps is just not letting yourself brood over the memories/person (stop every time you start to) and distract yourself with work, anything you're passionate about. I think best way is just focusing on something else you care about, have fun, and keeping yourself busy. Hanging out with friends can help too.

 

Since you're 18 in college^^ you could focus on school to help get your mind off of her. And there are chances to meet new people too.

 

Don't torture yourself with imagining her with the new guy and don't stalk her (at least until you feel you're finally over her). >_< What I mean by stalking is -> checking her Facebook, finding out what she's doing, etc.  it'll make it harder to get over. You'll need some distance to recover.

[Neo4114]

 

If she left you for someone else, then she isn't really worth your time. Your scenario reminds me of one of my own experiences. I was dating dating a girl for more then a year, When I left to the live at the university in the city, we tried to continue the relationship. I had warned her that I was going to start to put my school work first, and she said that she understood. Every time I would skype with her, she would seem very sad and depressed. It got so bad that one time I almost sent an email to one of her teachers telling her that I was getting worried about her.

 

And then that December day happened. That day, I had came back to my dorm room in tears because my English 200 teacher failed me in front of the entire class, seconds after I told him that I had been suffering through depression. On my way back to my dorm, I received a text message from my ex. She said "we need to talk". Since she was probably in class at the time, I decided to text her back later. After I had calmed myself down, I went on twitter to see what was going on. That's when I saw her tweet. It said " Today's the day I'm going to be free". That's when I started to put two and two together. After spending about thirty minuets in denial, I calmed myself for the second time that day, I began to process my next coarse of action. After waiting for a few hours, I textted her back asking her what she wanted to talk about. My heart was pounding. After twenty minuets of waiting, I finally got a response from her. She told me that she was eating and that she would text me back as soon as she was done. After waiting for over an hour, I got another reply from her. She told me that she was going to take a shower. Ninety minuets later, I was still panicking and I finally got a response back. She asked me if I had had my finals yet. I told her no and asked her again what she wanted to talk about. She told me that she would tell me after I took my finals. That's when I asked her directly if she was going to break up with me. She then said " I didn't say anything about breaking up with you". I couldn't take it any more. I was absolutely sure that she was going to break up with me. Instincts took over my reasoning as I dialed her phone. She didn't pick up, so I left a voice mail saying how I would miss her and all of the things that you would say in a situation like this. Almost immediately after hanging up, I got a text from her. "Do you want me to do it over text, skype or on the phone." The rest of the conversation was muddy and personal. There are things that I cannot recall as well as things that are too personal to say. In the end, I cried for 48 minuets as I waited for my parents to pick me up. 

 

After a bunch of other things happening, I ended up leaving the university and going to a community college, which I am proud to say, is almost like my second home. I made new friends, and even became an officer of a club. That summer, my cousin talked me into texting my ex and asking her why she broke up with me for closure. She told me that around the time of the breakup, she started having a crush on another guy, so she dumped me and told the other guy how she felt. The other guy rejected her and after that, her life took a spiral turn down. There were other things that happened to her after that December day, but I honestly don't feel like it is my place to mention them. In the end, she texted me, "I actually regret breaking up with you," . Personally, I found it ironic because, for me, after she broke up with me, my life got better and better.

 

In the end. life isn't about the events that you go through, it's about how you get through them.  I'm not saying that all change is good, but I'm also not saying that all change is bad. Good luck out there!

 

Thank you so much for sharing your story. I think its crazy how life works itself out. This really makes me hopeful for the future i cant thank you enough. I guess life really is about perspective..

[Neo4114]

My first heartbreak took me a long time to recover from since I had invested a lot of my feelings into getting to know the person for about 3-4years (talked almost everyday). It hurt a lot for a long while, but I got over it eventually by just not thinking about the person (whenever I started to, I'd stop myself), and also got rid of anything that might remind me of them xD.

 

My last one, I kinda did the same thing. Mostly, what helps is just not letting yourself brood over the memories/person (stop every time you start to) and distract yourself with work, anything you're passionate about. I think best way is just focusing on something else you care about, have fun, and keeping yourself busy. Hanging out with friends can help too.

 

Since you're 18 in college^^ you could focus on school to help get your mind off of her. And there are chances to meet new people too.

 

Don't torture yourself with imagining her with the new guy and don't stalk her (at least until you feel you're finally over her). >_< What I mean by stalking is -> checking her Facebook, finding out what she's doing, etc.  it'll make it harder to get over. You'll need some distance to recover.

I definitely was (6 days stalking free) stalking. It just became painful to watch. It really made my progress regress. The more i listen to the stories though, the more i think it become mind over matter. I think people overcome incredible things, and this is just a small bump. I just hate that is feels so like a large bump lol.

[Cyrillej1]

I definitely was (6 days stalking free) stalking. It just became painful to watch. It really made my progress regress. The more i listen to the stories though, the more i think it become mind over matter. I think people overcome incredible things, and this is just a small bump. I just hate that is feels so like a large bump lol.

Are you in a situation where you can't help but bump into her?  I think it's hard to get over someone if you keep seeing them even from a distance.. since it'd automatically remind you. If it was me, I'd probably try to avoid their schedule if I could. I mean you don't have to avoid forever, just until your feelings cool down more where your heart doesn't hurt every time you see her.

[Neo4114]

By stalking i mean Social media stalking. Shes in a different college, and she dorms there. So we definitely aren't in contact nor do our schedules conflict.

Its just knowing that shes surrounded by horny men, and i am siting here in sadness that makes it that much more painful. So i try not to think about it.

[Chewy]

Well, if she moved on then it's better to move on. I mean, there is a chance that you may get together but try to forget about her, however hard this statement may sound. It's okay to feel sad or lonely. Just think, it's a matter of time before another girl may take in interest in you. Just be prepared for when that happens and you are set.