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Welp, after a few tweaks here and there i finally finish this.

A word of caution to anyone that dares to read this though: Prepare for bad grammar and awkward sentences  :sachi:

The chain binding his hand and legs

The uncomfortable itch in his back and head

And the cold and dark corridor by which the man walk ever so slowly

 

Well…..now that he think about it, the dark part is probably because of the cloth that cover his eyes.

 

For all he knows this corridor he walks could probably be painted with rainbow and other bright colors, maybe even with the picture of unicorn and rainbow in its wall

 

Of course the man highly doubt that this is the case though,

Why you ask?

Why it’s because he’s on his way to the execution room of course! And while the probability of it having some colorful wall and pretty picture of animal is not completely zero he’s still think that the corridor he walked have some sort of dark and creepy aura in it

After all, what use is bright and colorful thing for someone who is about to die?

Well…….plenty of thing now that he think about it. For example-

 

“Walk faster you bastard!”

A not so gentle shove hit me in the back, almost making me stumble and lost my footing. Thanks to the chain and my awesome sense of balance though, I regain my balance just as quickly as I lost it

 

Now that just rude. What kind of uncivilized people disturb other monologue anyway?

Turning my head to the barbarian who doesn’t know manner, I give him my best ‘ I-disapprove-of-your-uncivilized-manner-stare’.

This, what with my eyes being covered by the black cloth that effectively prevent my eyes to be seen by other I presume would not have that much effect on the uncivilized guy who just shoved me

 

“Rude? Fucking rich coming from a Psychopathic Bastard like you”

 

So the man say…..wait, just how did he know what I’m thinking? Could it be that instead of thinking it, I actually spoke my last though out loud?

 

“Psychopathic? I do hope that you are not referring to me good sire “ I replied indignantly

“Who else do yo-“ Before the barbarian manage to finish whatever his uncivilized mouth want to say though, another voice not far from him makes it presence known

 

“Be silent”

 

A cold voice, colder than even this corridor I walked. The sheer coldness of the firm voice more than enough to make the barbarian’s word died on his mouth. Of course, this voice that carries coldness surpassing even the cold ice itself is a voice that I happen to be very familiar with.

Thus, I let out smile as I turn to greet the owner of the voice

 

“Ah, my dear Freya! It’s so nice to hear your lovely voice among this bunch of barbarians!” Different from how I talk at these barbarians, my voice is practically beaming with joy as I greet the lovely and cold voice that I knew all too well

“ I assure you the feeling is not mutual, master” The voice belongs to a woman named Freya replied with almost emotionless tone in it, not even a slightest bit of emotion can be found from her

Of course, for someone who have known her as long as I am, I can easily detect even her emotionless voice

 

“Ah lovely Freya, still being…..what it is called? A ‘tsundere’ ?” I replied with a slight laugh. If Freya is in anyway bothered by my answer, she doesn’t show it.

Although I can’t see her right now with my eye being covered and all, I can easily imagine Freya beautiful form even with my eyes closed. Naturally, she would still be wearing her business suit like some kind of mafia from those video games that show none of those voluptuous breasts of her, truly a shame really.

 

Next, she probably still keeps her long black hair in a ponytail, a fact that always amuses me to no end. After all those, long hair of hers is no doubt a source of endless problem especially in her profession and yet she stubbornly kept it anyway.

 

Then again, with her current skill, even if it’s a hindrance I doubt it will affect her.

Uncaring of the norm, uncaring of the danger and doing as she pleases.

Truly, Freya is my most precious apprentice

 

“We already behind the schedule. Could you all hurry up?” Freya told them , voice still as cold as ever she turn her back and started walking leaving me and the terrified guards behind her

“Ah dear beautiful Freya, she never change”

Laughing once again, I begin to leisure walk, following her lovely figure from behind leaving those barbarian brute behind me

How did I able to follow someone while being blindfolded you say?

It’s easy of course, it’s because I’m just that awesome!

….that and the corridor is a very clear straightway path

.

.

.

.

 

“-For your crimes against humanity we sentences to death. May the God and-“

Boring, boring, and-

“-Thus with the infinite mercy of-“

- Yep, still boring.

 

Really now, why are they so fond of these overly long speech ? It’s not as if I going to repent anyway, so they might just killed me already lest the boredom take my life first

Currently I am sitting on some sort of chair with what appear to be helmet on my head. I would love to get a closer look at it, but seeing both of my hands and legs are currently bind to the chair I hardly can do that can’t I?

…..well, okay that is a lie.

 

Thankfully, though my eyes are no longer blindfolded so at the very least I can let my eyes wander around the room,

There are quite a lot of people in this execution room now that I gets a proper look of it.

 

There’s Freya, my lovely apprentice standing all alone in the corner of the room. She’s not that different from what I imagine, the only difference is that she let loose her hair for once, which makes her even more beautiful.

Then there are those barbarian guards. As I hardly fond of them, let’s move to other people shall we?

A Leader of a Country

The Boss of criminal organization

Head of world security

The Leader of major religion

Even a wanted terrorist

Every kind of important people seems to gather here just to watch my execution

 

Really this people, don’t they have anything to do besides watching a man get fried on a chair?

Grumbles all I want though, I kind of understand why so many people is here to watch my death.

After all, I AM the world’s worst criminal, the so called ‘World’s greatest mistake’

……I kind of proud of that title to be honest

 

“-and now, we will commence the execution. Arsene Valdus , do you have any last word?”

Ah, it’s finally ended! And they finally called his name too!

 

‘So, last word huh? Hmmmmm………’ The man, who apparently named Valdus seems to be in deep though for a moment, wondering what is good to be his last world in this world

Then, an idea appear in my head

‘Ah, I know!’

 

(Change of POV)

 

“Freya-“

As Valdus called her name, her apprentice only moves her head ever so slightly. Only the most observant people would notice it

Which coincidentally, is what the man happen to be

All that present in the room held their breath, wondering what could possibly be the last world of the ‘World’s greatest mistake’ to his apprentice

 

While they know that the monster’s apprentice is on their side, they still afraid of the possibility of her betraying them and helping her master escape. A highly unlikely possibility, seeing that it was due to her in the first place that makes it possible to catch and keep that monster at bay

But it was a possibility nonetheless

 

“-be a dear and deal with those uncivilized barbarian after I die will you?”

With that last word, Freya freezes for a second, before she let out a small nod and going back to her previous stoic self not letting any emotion surface on that beautiful face again

Everyone in the room let out the breath they are holding. It seems that their worst fear did not come true. While the word ‘Deal with’ sounds ominous, it seems that the target of the monster’s ire is not them

While everyone in the room is relieved though, the guards that escort the man suddenly turn pale.

But who cares about some guards?

 

“Is that your last word?”

The voice speaks again, Valdus though already ignored the voice preferring to enjoy the his last moment with eyes closed while humming a tune

Seeing that he will not get any response, the voice turn into silence, and begin signaling for the execution

Electricity begin to power up the chair and the helmet thing above his head

But the monster continue to hum, uncaring of the inevitable death that will come to him

 

A hum so peaceful and beautiful, like the sounds of gentle winds blowing the grass

So quiet and serene

It was a truly bizarre sigh, an unfitting sight for the one whom they called Monster

One moment the hum is echoing throughout the room and the next-

 

*BZZTTT*

-The sounds of something being electrocuted echoes throughout the room, replacing the beautiful humming that previously here

Such a quick death, an anticlimactic end that not everyone in the room could believe

And so the silence in the room continue,

No one dares to makes a sound, fearing that the monster might wake up again

“…He’s dead, all vital are down. It’s confirmed, Arsene Valdus also known as ‘World’s greatest mistake’ is dead”

With that, ever so slowly voices begin to fill up the room.

Some let out a sigh of relief

Some shout out in joy, congratulating one another for job well done

Another let out a laugh, rejoicing in the fact that a monster is finally dead

A Saint embracing a Sinner, Old enemies toasting drink together,

Once the news has traveled, there is no doubt that the whole world will rejoice in happiness, even going as far as marking this days as a historical event, the day where finally The ‘World’s greatest mistake’ is dead

 

And yet-

 

And yet among these joyful and laughter, one woman stood in stoic silence. Her blue eyes gazing at the dead body of The World’s greatest mistake not with joy or even relief, just its usual stoic and indifference stares

Ever so slowly, she turns her head from the corpse, making sure to burn every single thing of his image on her memory and not forgetting even a single strait of his hair

It was weird really, now that she thinks about it

Her master is always smiling, but it’s usually the kind of smile that hides secret and plans behind them

Yet this time, his master smile seemed so peaceful and serene. As if he’s satisfied with his life and has nothing to regret

Perhaps……perhaps he really is. Either way she will never knew

Finally turning her back at her master’s corpse, Freya slithers back into the shadows, away from any eyes and undetected by all that present in the room

She has no time for grieving and all that. After all, Freya still has a job to do. One last order from her dear beloved Master

 

And so Freya is gone from the room, leaving no evidence or even a proof that she is even here…..save for a single tears that manage to escape her eyes

Not long after the death of The Monster, two corpse of man is found floating in the lake

Their head are smashed, limbs cut off, face mangled beyond recognition

It was a truly horrid sight

As to who they are it still wasn’t known, identification will take times considering how little of their remain actually exist

Strangely though, the two guard that escort The Monster is currently missing with no sign of appearance anywhere in this earth not even the government know where they are

As to what happen to Freya, her body is found dead an hour after her master execution. The cause of dead is electrocution, the same as her master.

Thus end the tale of Arsene Valdus , The Greatest mistake the world ever produce and the worst criminal that ever live in history of mankind

.

.

.

.

“Oh look, he’s waking up!”

A binding light that’s too bright for his eyes, the face of a human that’s too big to be normal

“Look look! He’s finally open his eyes!”

The baby opens his little eyes, and let out an innocent smile

The World’s greatest mistake is born once more

It's a fun story, but I had trouble reading it due to the problems you yourself mentioned. Thanks for sharing. Hope you polish your English as there's potential here.

 

As for me, I've been getting into poetry a lot lately. I'll leave one of my poems over here.

Far

 

“Welcome! To the Garden of Dreams,”

The Gardener said. “You’ll find every

Flower ever seen!” She said with eyes a shining gleam.

True to the name, even the sky was in a reverie.

 

A Sunflower here, and even flowers phantasmal

From ones reaching the sky, to ones possibly miasmal

They dance madly with petals fluttering

Aloof, yet in synch, some magnificent entertaining

 

“Do you enjoy them? We’re all in full bloom!”

“Of course I do! I’ll never wish this doom.”

“If true, no picking,” the gardener said.

“They are all beautiful, so without one there will be quite a dread.”

 

I laugh in jest. Accompanied by a momentary silence

Dim lights everywhere, a small filling

A breeze blows sweetly, the wave lulling

It smells like candy, creating a romantic ambiance

 

I look at the gardener askance, and ask, “Who are you?”

“I am Daisy, tender of these kids. Now I return the question to you.”

“I am a mere dreamer, waking up in the middle of dew.”

“I know, as matter of course. I make sure to tend to you too.”

 

“Are you all right?” She asked with a tender smile.

“Yes, nothing could be better,” I say with no spite

Daisy merely falls, out of weary and awareness of the futile

Yet all the while, she was wearing her smile undefiled

 

“Thank you for all,” I say to never exit

But it’s mere farce, as I now feel pathetic

Now I look up at the sky, and as the stars blot

I pick up a Lacrima, sending it to the sky oh-so-far.

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It's a fun story, but I had trouble reading it due to the problems you yourself mentioned. Thanks for sharing. Hope you polish your English as there's potential here.

 

As for me, I've been getting into poetry a lot lately. I'll leave one of my poems over here.

Far

 

“Welcome! To the Garden of Dreams,”

The Gardener said. “You’ll find every

Flower ever seen!” She said with eyes a shining gleam.

True to the name, even the sky was in a reverie.

 

A Sunflower here, and even flowers phantasmal

From ones reaching the sky, to ones possibly miasmal

They dance madly with petals fluttering

Aloof, yet in synch, some magnificent entertaining

 

“Do you enjoy them? We’re all in full bloom!”

“Of course I do! I’ll never wish this doom.”

“If true, no picking,” the gardener said.

“They are all beautiful, so without one there will be quite a dread.”

 

I laugh in jest. Accompanied by a momentary silence

Dim lights everywhere, a small filling

A breeze blows sweetly, the wave lulling

It smells like candy, creating a romantic ambiance

 

I look at the gardener askance, and ask, “Who are you?”

“I am Daisy, tender of these kids. Now I return the question to you.”

“I am a mere dreamer, waking up in the middle of dew.”

“I know, as matter of course. I make sure to tend to you too.”

 

“Are you all right?” She asked with a tender smile.

“Yes, nothing could be better,” I say with no spite

Daisy merely falls, out of weary and awareness of the futile

Yet all the while, she was wearing her smile undefiled

 

“Thank you for all,” I say to never exit

But it’s mere farce, as I now feel pathetic

Now I look up at the sky, and as the stars blot

I pick up a Lacrima, sending it to the sky oh-so-far.

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I've been seeing talk about this thread for some time now,

so i thought i should check it out. And decided to post a 

little something. Nothing good really, just something i wrote

in a minute or two yesterday. And no, it's not from my VN.

 

Forever chasing the unreachable dream, nowhere near, not that far away.

Facing the sorrow, the lies and grief, forever walking, to find my beliefs.

 

Left alone, forsaken by everyone with love, walking into darkness,

controlled by hate and grief. Looking for answers, nowhere to be found,

seeking for something to ease the pain, seeking for something, so he may

find he's way.

 

Forgotten by all, the nightmare returns, to haunt the people who only hurt.

Floating in the night sky, wasting no time, clinging and digging into their skin,

telling them "no one is here, you will be fine, before you know it, your sins will be

punished". One by one they fall as pray, no longer living, their minds mislead.

Crawling for safety, it has no longer any use, it will find you and make you regret

that day.

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So... tap, tap, tap. I have been following this thread and decided to post something i wrote right now. can you tell me what you think about it, like where i can develop this or something like that. thanks

 

This is the first battle for our race. Silence ensued while he talked these words, hell, even before he appeared all the people inside were in a catatonic state where nothing would come out of their mouths even if they wanted. Some walked out to go vomiting. Some had their faces with colors of blue and white as if some spell had gone wrong. But all of them had the same problem, the same fear that corrupted the prized pure heart that they cultivated throughout their long, long lives. The fear of war. Those with the face turned white or blue were knocked out and were lying in their seats covered with flowers and grass left by the others as if in a throne for each of them. Now I know that you don´t want to go. He said. But if we don´t go, we will be destroyed, the plants will wither, the flowers will die. The land will become black and the sky will disappear. Some gasped and some clenched their fists. Some feeling was rising in some of them. Anger, pity some sort of strength that they want to cling to, no, they will cling to. Because in the long 9 years of war that they will be part of, it will be all that they will have. Our race never was a race to hate, we always had feelings but they never run amok. This is our pride. But in this war you will probably find all types of things that you have never seen. Your mind will change and earth will change. Maybe when you come back you wont be one of us, but something different. But remember this. Even if you are not one of us, we will always be here unchanged forever. Never forget yourselves, never forget the land, never forget your pride. And  finally. Never forget live.

The general of our division soon left as if teaching the basics of maths that we will learn by ourselves. He never raised his voice, never showed his anger. For him this was and wasn’t a speech to motivate the people.This is the first battle for our race. Silence ensued while he talked these words, hell, even before he appeared all the people inside were in a catatonic state where nothing would come out of their mouths even if they wanted. Some walked out to go vomiting. Some had their faces with colors of blue and white as if some spell had gone wrong. But all of them had the same problem, the same fear that corrupted the prized pure heart that they cultivated throughout their long, long lives. The fear of war. Those with the face turned white or blue were knocked out and were lying in their seats covered with flowers and grass left by the others as if in a throne for each of them. Now I know that you don´t want to go. He said. But if we don´t go, we will be destroyed, the plants will wither, the flowers will die. The land will become black and the sky will disappear. Some gasped and some clenched their fists. Some feeling was rising in some of them. Anger, pity some sort of strength that they want to cling to, no, they will cling to. Because in the long 9 years of war that they will be part of, it will be all that they will have. Our race never was a race to hate, we always had feelings but they never run amok. This is our pride. But in this war you will probably find all types of things that you have never seen. Your mind will change and earth will change. Maybe when you come back you wont be one of us, but something different. But remember this. Even if you are not one of us, we will always be here unchanged forever. Never forget yourselves, never forget the land, never forget your pride. And  finally. Never forget live.

The general of our division soon left as if teaching the basics of maths that we will learn by ourselves. He never raised his voice, never showed his anger. For him this was and wasn’t a speech to motivate the people...

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I've been working on a mystery novel. Inspired by Agatha Christie after reading a few of her works.

 

I only submitted the prologue and first chapter. ~5000 word count.

 

If you're interested in reading more, let me know. I've written up to three chapters. Total word count 15,017

 

Please, any critism on the introductory pages would be very welcomed!

 

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0BxLlyhfxdTjAeXJhd0J6aTFBSEk/view?usp=sharing

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I've been seeing talk about this thread for some time now,

so i thought i should check it out. And decided to post a 

little something. Nothing good really, just something i wrote

in a minute or two yesterday. And no, it's not from my VN.

 

Forever chasing the unreachable dream, nowhere near, not that far away.

Facing the sorrow, the lies and grief, forever walking, to find my beliefs.

 

Left alone, forsaken by everyone with love, walking into darkness,

controlled by hate and grief. Looking for answers, nowhere to be found,

seeking for something to ease the pain, seeking for something, so he may

find he's way.

 

Forgotten by all, the nightmare returns, to haunt the people who only hurt.

Floating in the night sky, wasting no time, clinging and digging into their skin,

telling them "no one is here, you will be fine, before you know it, your sins will be

punished". One by one they fall as pray, no longer living, their minds mislead.

Crawling for safety, it has no longer any use, it will find you and make you regret

that day.

Too dark, can't read anything Xions :sachi: 

 

 

So... tap, tap, tap. I have been following this thread and decided to post something i wrote right now. can you tell me what you think about it, like where i can develop this or something like that. thanks

 

This is the first battle for our race. Silence ensued while he talked these words, hell, even before he appeared all the people inside were in a catatonic state where nothing would come out of their mouths even if they wanted. Some walked out to go vomiting. Some had their faces with colors of blue and white as if some spell had gone wrong. But all of them had the same problem, the same fear that corrupted the prized pure heart that they cultivated throughout their long, long lives. The fear of war. Those with the face turned white or blue were knocked out and were lying in their seats covered with flowers and grass left by the others as if in a throne for each of them. Now I know that you don´t want to go. He said. But if we don´t go, we will be destroyed, the plants will wither, the flowers will die. The land will become black and the sky will disappear. Some gasped and some clenched their fists. Some feeling was rising in some of them. Anger, pity some sort of strength that they want to cling to, no, they will cling to. Because in the long 9 years of war that they will be part of, it will be all that they will have. Our race never was a race to hate, we always had feelings but they never run amok. This is our pride. But in this war you will probably find all types of things that you have never seen. Your mind will change and earth will change. Maybe when you come back you wont be one of us, but something different. But remember this. Even if you are not one of us, we will always be here unchanged forever. Never forget yourselves, never forget the land, never forget your pride. And  finally. Never forget live.

The general of our division soon left as if teaching the basics of maths that we will learn by ourselves. He never raised his voice, never showed his anger. For him this was and wasn’t a speech to motivate the people.This is the first battle for our race. Silence ensued while he talked these words, hell, even before he appeared all the people inside were in a catatonic state where nothing would come out of their mouths even if they wanted. Some walked out to go vomiting. Some had their faces with colors of blue and white as if some spell had gone wrong. But all of them had the same problem, the same fear that corrupted the prized pure heart that they cultivated throughout their long, long lives. The fear of war. Those with the face turned white or blue were knocked out and were lying in their seats covered with flowers and grass left by the others as if in a throne for each of them. Now I know that you don´t want to go. He said. But if we don´t go, we will be destroyed, the plants will wither, the flowers will die. The land will become black and the sky will disappear. Some gasped and some clenched their fists. Some feeling was rising in some of them. Anger, pity some sort of strength that they want to cling to, no, they will cling to. Because in the long 9 years of war that they will be part of, it will be all that they will have. Our race never was a race to hate, we always had feelings but they never run amok. This is our pride. But in this war you will probably find all types of things that you have never seen. Your mind will change and earth will change. Maybe when you come back you wont be one of us, but something different. But remember this. Even if you are not one of us, we will always be here unchanged forever. Never forget yourselves, never forget the land, never forget your pride. And  finally. Never forget live.

The general of our division soon left as if teaching the basics of maths that we will learn by ourselves. He never raised his voice, never showed his anger. For him this was and wasn’t a speech to motivate the people...

Well for starter you might wanna change that wall of text into multiple paragraph. Giant block of text usually scare away the reader~

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I wrote this like almost a year ago. It's gone through many stages for a one shot story, so LOL

 

My papa and I are going to a football game today.

This'll be my very first game! My favorite team is playing against Papa's favorite team, so he promised to get tickets for this one! We both need some fun time too, since Papa has been sad a lot lately. I'm putting on my favorite shirt that has the number of the player I like the most. It's bit small now but it's the only one I have.



"Are we gonna buy hot dogs too?" I ask him as we walk to our car. He nods and gets into the driver's seat. I get in the back seat, making sure to put on my seat belt.



"Can I see the tickets Papa?" I ask.



"When we get there son. I don't want you losing them in the car right before." He says with a straight face.



We drive. It takes only half an hour to get to the big stadium. Papa always tries to find jobs around the city, so he knows where to go.



"Look Papa! Can you get me a new shirt?" I point at a guy on the street selling jerseys and shirts. Papa looks but doesn't reply.



We park by the sidewalk. Papa gets out of the car and goes to the trunk to grab something.



"Papa, what are you getting?" I get out of the car and wait for him as he shuts the trunk.



"Our tickets to get in."



I hold Papa's hand as we walk down to the stadium. His hand is shaking. Maybe it's from the cold. Papa looks down at me and smiles, as we get near the gates.



That’s the first time I've seen him smile in a while, since when Mama was with us.








My mama was in a car accident with my sister a year ago.



They only went out to get food for dinner. My sister was only 9. They were everything to my papa.



When Papa found out, he broke down into tears. I could only stand there, crying next to him, but I didn't even know what was going on. I cried even more when Papa explained it to me.



It was then my papa lost his smile. After the accident, I didn't go to school and my papa didn't work. One day, Papa told me we were moving, and packed everything we could into our car.



My papa found a small apartment a few days after. We sold a lot of our stuff to get it. My papa ended up having to get a job, so he tried his best to make me happy. He goes into the city a lot to find jobs for money, but he always ends up changing jobs for better ones.



When he told me he got tickets to the football game, I was surprised. We haven't gone anywhere in so long. It was a very happy day for me, but when I looked at him, he didn't look happy at all.







"Sir, your ticket?"



Papa just stood there, his hands in his jacket's pockets.



“Papa?” I looked at him. He looked like he was trying to make up his mind about something. The ticket man said his words again.



"Sir, you're holding up the line...!"



Papa took his hand out of his pocket, but there was another thing in it. It was black, and sort of L-shaped...I think I saw it on TV before.

 

 

And that thing was not good to point at people.


"P-Papa..." I was close to crying seeing him point it at the ticket man, who looked even more scared than me.



"Let us in." Papa said.



"S-S-S-Sir, please put the gun down...!"



"I SAID LET US IN!" Papa yelled at the man.



“HE’S GOT A GUN!” People around us started to scream and yell, running all over the place. Gun..?



"Papa! Papa!!” I cried out. I grabbed onto his arm and tried pulling it down.



The ticket man took this as an opportunity. He punched Papa and slapped the gun away from his hand. I was pushed back by the attack as Papa tried fighting off the man. He kicked the guy and ran for the gun. Some people in black suits suddenly came behind me and pulled me away.



“LET GO OF MY SON!” Papa came running towards us as I tried to get out of the man’s grip.



“Papa!!! Papa!!!!” I was crying. Papa pointed his gun at us, aimed at the man holding me back.



"Papa! You don't have to do this! Papa!!" I screamed. The black suited man strengthened his grip on me, and I yelled out a cry because it hurts.. My papa looked like he got really mad. He threw the gun down and came at the men with everything he had, trying to help me break free.



“HOW DARE YOU BASTARDS HURT MY SON!”



“PAPA!!!!”



Papa spun around, trying to find where I was. The men took advantage of the opening. They came on top of him and pinned him down, trying to get his gun.



"Papa! Papa!!" I was yelling out the same words as other men came, surrounding us. The whole thing was freaking me out until-



BANG

 

 

Then I freaked out even more.



"PAPA!!!!!" I was screaming. I only wanted to find Papa. The men all moved away from one spot, where another man was on the ground. He had a gun in his hand, his face to the side, and something red coming out of his chest...blood? I saw a football team’s mascot picture on the man’s shirt. It looked a lot like the shirt my papa was wearing. I held my breath for what seemed like forever, staring at the body on the ground.

 




I remember when Papa bought me my football shirt. It was my very first football shirt, and I loved it. That was about 2 years ago.



My parents always tried to make me and my sister happy. They always bought me the toys I wanted; the clothes my sister wanted. I loved my family very much. I wish it could have been like that forever.



I haven't seen a football game in a very long time. I only got to play football with some of the neighbors. We don't even have a TV; I only get to see shows at other houses. Papa always said we'll get one someday. I know my Papa can do anything once he says it, and I'm very proud of him.



I love you, Papa.







I run.



I don’t want to see him.



I keep running. And running. I don't know where I'm going. Tears keep coming out of my eyes. I'm still running and running and running until I stop in an alley to rest. I keep crying while I sit down, but then a man comes up to me.



"Hey, kid! What are you doing there?"



I get up and run as fast as I can. I don't know who just said that but I still run. It gets brighter from where I came out of the dark alley, and when I get out onto the sidewalk, I see him.



He's on the street. His back is towards me. I can’t believe it. I run to him, ignoring the cars driving towards us. A few people scream and some cars are honking their horns, but I still ignore them. I only want to see him.

 

 

 

Papa's right there, on the street.

 

 

"Papa!! Papa!!! I'm here Papa, I'm h-"



Crash



The last thing I see is my papa’s back, turning around.



He had a smile on his face.

 

bye

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I've been working on a mystery novel. Inspired by Agatha Christie after reading a few of her works.

 

I only submitted the prologue and first chapter. ~5000 word count.

 

If you're interested in reading more, let me know. I've written up to three chapters. Total word count 15,017

 

Please, any critism on the introductory pages would be very welcomed!

 

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0BxLlyhfxdTjAeXJhd0J6aTFBSEk/view?usp=sharing

 

 

This is surprisingly good. I really like. At first I thought it was going to be just introduction of everyone but it really turned into something you can imagine.

 

I like how the ending makes it feel that the main character doesn't feel well. But perhaps it made how the things went down slightly unclear.

 

Who is Ken? You said there were 10 scientists and 3 crew members. Is Ken a crew member? Is captain included in the crew?

 

Also, perhaps you could include more about the main character and the kind of person he is.

 

But that is just my opinion. Well done.

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But that is just my opinion. Well done.

 

Your opinion makes a lot of sense. Reading back on it, my protagonist's character hasn't really developed much of a personality. Very John Doe-like. Thank you.

 

The crew should be the Daniel Hammon (captain), Ingrid Lieberman (security and physician), and Miguel Rodriguez (chef). I suppose I should make it more clear at the very beginning.

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Had this thought lying in bed thinking about the anime backlog I never get to because I'm too busy watching anime. I think there are more anime with this post apocalyptic sci-fi mecha setting then VN's.
 
It all came to me frighteningly fast. I'm really exicted as this is like the opposite of writer's block (well ok, I still can't write real description or dialogu yet). Maybe some influences from Expelled from Paradise, Aldoah Zero,
, particularly All you need is Kill.
 

It's just before the final fight in a post apocolyptic world. Humanity does hangs in the balance, but this is also a battle between two individuals. MC is trying to save the earth from X.
 
Scene: MC and X., floating opposite from each other in the sky just before the fight.
 
The MC asks X to make a pact, that whowever wins here will not destroy the human race.
 
X looks at him and say no. MC asks why? X explains that there isn't that much difference between the human race existing or not existing. Sure it's a bad thing to torture someone, but there are people you will save who, heck, the manner in which power governs the world, who torments the weak.
 
The MC stares in disbelief. He then shouts. But the lives of those weak are precious. Precious to each other. If the singular is precious, how can you call the whole worthless? You wouldn't kill a good person, why would you kill everyone left on this earth?
 
X: I'm sick of this world. I'm sick of the weak being kicked and tormented. If the world can only exist like this, then better yet it not exist at all. It's ironic, eh? I have the power to end the world, but not the power to save it?
 
MC: I don't know! But aren't you just abusing your power to force the world according to your viewpoint?
 
X: Aren't the powerful just shaping the world into the form they see the fit? I happen to have the power. It is something I can do.
 
MC: ... What if I gave you a list of people who I knew personally, who were the most kind, wise, and open-minded as I could find. Would you save just them?
 
X: Where are they?
 
MC: ... just the ones in the ___ factory. *he cries*...out of them, the people on this terminal list (he lists around 40 people).
 
X: I'll kill the rest, you know. I'll kill every one else in that building, and then I'll wipe the surface. I hope you know what you'd being doing to them.
 
MC: Could you teleport them outside the building instead?
 
X: I could...Ignorance is mercy...Pressure begets evil, sometimes. Very well. I agree to those terms. In exchange...should I lose, you must agree to send those 40 people, unconditionally, alone, on a pioneer vessel towards uncharted space.
 
MC: ... ... *he frowns in disbelief*. Why would you want that?
 
X: Just like how you want those 40 people to live, I want those 40 people to live, without being persecuted by those in power. I have enough faith in them to create a better world, just like you do.
It's just a matter of that.
 
MC: "What the fuck." I just want to crawl up in a ball until morning.
 
X: ... Hah, I know the feeling, pal. You know, you could do that. It's not easy playing the hero who isn't completely oblivious. It'll be all over by tomorrow.
 
MC: "Couldn't do that."
 
X: "Is that so...Indeed. So, have you reached your decision?"
 
MC: "Alright. I accept.
 
X: "I"m curious. What did you think your odds are against me?"
 
MC: "I wouldn't bet on me. Probably...10%?"
 
X: "I was thinking 1%."
 
MC: "Why would anyone negotiate so passionately over a one in one hundred chance?"
 
X: "I was joking; I agree with your estimate. But it was also to prove a point."
 
MC: "I see. Ever so adamant and brave."
 
X: *Tsk* *with a real bitter grin* "Fuck you. Even the notion of considering myself a hero makes me hate myself more than you do yourself."
 
MC: "My apologies." Over time his wince relaxes into a wry smile. "Got any last words?"
 
X: "Yeah"
 
MC: "Heh, me too. Well, this is it." He stares at X long and hard. No words could express the whirlpool of emotions -- frustration, the elation, the adrenaline, the regret.
 
X looked like he wanted to say something, but doesn't, instead carrying a frown while he raises his mech arm and sword aloft. MC matches this. Their eyes meet and for a moment, glance up towards the heavens. During the same moment, their mouths open in a solemn, passionate, damning salute.
 
-To a better world-
 
-fin-

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EVening all(morning to some).Firstly i want to mention that i would like to post a small piece i was thinking about doing...secondly i appologise about my Grammer and about my english as a whole(for some reason it doesnt come out well). And you will see a lot of spelling mistakes.

Another thing I want to mention is this is more like notes on a story I want to create but this is what I really want people to feedback on as I love to create notes and background stories on the characters and such before I write... So I apologize if this isn't the right thing to do or right type of work to post...

(The following Copy and paste is from a wordpad of mine..I always talk to myself in terms of writing so you will see that a lot. Again I apologize).

 

regardless here it is..

 

||||||

 

I thought of trying a fantasy style Ln with the main character being a vampire. He lives with his family and a cousin who isn’t blood related. Of course the cousin is female. He goes to school and hides his identity as a vampire. The genres are school, slice, romance, drama and vampire. No action .

The main characters are one male and two female. The drama is the following.  Main character vampire hides identity. Female #1 finds out and is a bit afraid of him but keeps it hidden. The  cousin(female#2) I jure herself and he helps out but  old times help himself to some of her blood..cousin doesn’t take it to mind. Main character doesn’t know why he’s a vampire as his family are not. He only had the thirst for blood when he entered middle school. I guess I can have it into a harem style where there would be a third female who is his child hood friend...she found out about his situation and decided to help him out. She is the only one who knows. She goes to a different school but meets up with him after school every day to help him.

 
Characters.

Name.

Tachika yuka (female#1)

Nibuo sonae(female#2 cousin)

Tsumike remi (female#3 childhood friend)

Fugimi kisake (male main)

 
Firstly I will have it that the story starts she they start high school.

Now and then I can add parts of his past such as him meeting remind and there childhood. After a few days of his school life I can add in the using who wants to stay in this town for a while and decides to join main guy school..she is the same age.

On the second day after school he meets up with his friend and he ends up with having his “meal” and yuk a happens to misunderstand at first and doesn’t say anything. .but another day she happens upon the same scene and stayed for a split second longer and sees the blood around his mouth and upon seeing so ends up running away from them..main character doesn’t know that though.  Then I can have it that the friend is away on a trip and he’s at school low on blood and ends up stumbling around the area he normally meets with his friend..upon seeing him like that the girl #1 walks to him and Checks on him. But with him at his limits trying to control himself from sinking is small fangs into the soft flesh of a cute girl in front of him, he tried to run but was held back by the girl who caught his arm..when he turned and looked, he saw her untie her bow and lower her left shoulder clothing.

To continue

 
Personality

Yuka. Timid, easily scared, helpful, curious.

Sonae. Outgoing, cool, wild type, energetic.

Remi. Caring, values friendship, one sided love, easily jealous,

Kisake. Cool, doesn’t show his feelings, more in back story.

 
Back story

Kisake: he is 16 and lives with his parents and soon his cousin. When he turned 12 he felt like he was different then everyone else. When a classmate got injured, his heart star ted to beat rapidly and his body felt hot.  At first he told his parents but they just said that it was probably due to the shock of seeing blood or an injury and that it was normal. When a friend in his class cut their finger in class, he couldn’t control himself and he felt his whole body trembling.whenthe class ended and he was a,one in class, he’s min was drawn to the few blood drops on the table next to him. He wondered what this feeling meant. He was drawn like moths to a flame. He touched one drop with his finger and unconsciously liked the blood off of his finger. His mind went blank. Afterwards he went sure what to make of this. He has not had blood before and didn’t know that blood...that blood could....taste so sweet and delicious. But deep down he knew that  old times be right becaus then why doesn’t anyone else have it if it tasted so good. Afterwards he thought to mention this to his parents and all he asked was what does blood taste like...to his surprise the had said bitter and untastful also that it tastes like iron.h was shocked as that was definitely not what he had experienced earlier that day. Then onwards he felt estranged from everyone else, felt different.  He knew that it would be best not to tell anyone about his tastes...After that he didn’t have a single drop of blood..He wanted to think that maybe what he tasted was probably some other liquid like juice. A few weeks went past and that feeling and taste of that time just couldn’t escape him..He started to feel impatient and whenever there was a single drop of blood, his body just kept trembling...If one were to see his trembling at blood,they would think that he’s afraid of blood. That was what a few adults who saw this felt and tried to Comfort him. In his mind, he wasn’t afraid..Instead he felt excited and couldn’t hep himself in thinking of that taste that wouldn’t leave his mouth. He wanted it, he needed it..The taste for blood. Day after day, the trembling and the uncontrollable desire grew and grew...until he was able to quench that thirst. Although he felt like this day in and out, he went doing his life like nothing happened. Near the end of the last year at middle school, he had a gym class like dry other day which the air is sometimes filled with blood of injuries, he was on the edges of the field due to his supposed (hemophobia) and most of the times just helps clear the field and puts the equipment away. Today he was to put them away along with another girl from his class. As they were putting the items away it had started to rain and get windy, with the noise of the rain and darkness, the teacher hadn’t noticed that there was still two children in the storage and locked it. Shutting the two inside. As soon as she heard the door lock, she ran in the dark to try and shout that they were still inside, but with all different types of equipment and the darkness, she tripped and fell.although see seemed alright, she had cut her arm and it started to bleed. Even though she had  u herself, she looked to see if the other guy who was assigned along with her was alright as it was known that he was afraid of blood. As the sun peaked through the  clouds into the Wind,  she saw him trembling and wanted to try and fix the bleeding to help him. But as she was about to cover it, he took her arm and stop ed her from covering it...as she was asking why and that she should stop it, he had pushed her against the wall and started to breath heavily. She was confused and couldn’t te what was happening and then. He brought her arm to his mouth and sticked to clean it. He felt alive and could finally see  the truth in front of him. The girl at first thought that he was helping her in a weird way till he stope and looked at her. With a bloodied mouth with a small fang showing, she had realised instantly of what had happened and the truth about him.

 
The back story of Remi is a bit rough.

Firstly i have made it that the reason she likes him and helps and supports him is the one feeling she gets that she will not get anywhere else..the sudden feeling of his fangs seeping into her..most would not understand why she would enjoy it but its the unique feeling and the feeling of being needed, the feeling of being close to someone.. I will go back to the first time they met.

 
When Remi was still in middle school, she seemed to be enjoying it and having fun with her few friends...but that was just facade..she felt bored and wanted to find something new to her life. Ofcourse she liked helping others and enjoys her friendship, she just felt uninteresteed with her life. Altough that might seem to be the case, there was one individual who she took interest in. At first when she firstsaw him when they firststarted middle school, he seemed like any other kid who enjoyed there school. It started when they were in cooking class and a classmate had cut his finger. At first it seemed normal and everyone was worrying about the child but the person who took her interest was another boy just a few yards away from her..all she heard was a utensil droping onto the floor and upon seeing the boy who had droped it had changed her. Ofcourse he probably droped it by accident but when she looked, he was trmbling ever so slightly. At first she had wondered if he had also cut himself and the likes but all he was doing was looking at the boy who had cut himself, morelike the boys finger. Upon seeing that the girl notified the teacher and after that incident it was known that the boy was afraid of blood or rather Hemophobia. But what seemed strange to the girl was that when she heard about that, she knew that if someone were to be afraid of something, the first thing they would do is either run away or lookaway..but that was not the case for this boy..at first he was trmbling ever so slighty, but lately he would stare and breath heavily...as if entranced in blood. From that she thought it was the opoisite of fear. Ever sice those days she would start watching and looking at the boy more and more. Then the day that changed the both of them hapened when they both were in charge of the gym equipment. She had thought htat this would be the perfect change to have a talk with him and try to find more about him. But after the class when they had to pack the instruments awy, the weather had started to act up and they had to hurry to pack the equipment away.. Unfortunately there wouldnt be any time to talk. Rain started to pour and the wind geting stronger. When they loaded thelast of the equipment and was about to leave she had all of a sudden heard the door behind him close and locked. She then realised that the teacher had thought that they had already left the storage and that she needed to lock up quickly due to the weather.As soon as Remi had noticed that they were geting locked inside the storage room, she quickly tried to get to the door and shout that they were still inside but it was too dark and hard for her to see...But unfortunately she had triped as soon as she started to run...there aws too much on the floor and in the dark room she couldnt see.. When she tryied to get back up and see if she hurt herself

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I was thinking of sharing this story I made. It's already finish, but I'm still polishing it, so you'll encounter some grammatical errors. This is the first chapter of that story and I hope to hear some feedback and please enjoy while reading this.

     It was a rainy evening. Everyone was in a hurry to go home. Because of the rain, there was a huge traffic that made other people walk. Some stayed inside their vehicles so they won’t get wet. One of those people who chose to walk was Richard “Chaud” Stylare, a 17 years old 2nd year IT college student from Bacymus University, who excels at programming and debugging. He’s just an average guy who is very smart and a lot of his classmates admire him. However, deep inside, he always feel alone.


     The rain is still pouring hardly while Chaud walks at the watery pavement. A lot of people went to nearby convenient stores to eat and wait for the rain to stop. The street was full of noisy and flashy cars. Because of it, Chaud walked towards the alleyway to avoid the blinding light and irritating noises from the street. While walking, he heard something from the nearby alley.
Girl’s voice: ...elp...me.
Chaud: (surprised) Wait, what was that?
Girl’s voice: He... Help...me!
Man’s voice: Hey! Shut up, will ’ya!?
Chaud: Someone is in trouble!
     Chaud then look for the place where the voices are coming from. He then saw 3 men cornering a strange girl. The girl was wearing a gown, the ones like a princess would wear, and she was so beautiful, reason why she was being chased.The girl was so afraid at those men who were chasing after her.
Chaud: What!! Is she getting mugged or something?
Girl: Somebody! Please help!!!
Goon1: Why don’t you shut your mouth!
Goon2: Yeah! You’ll get hurt if you fight us!
Goon3: Don’t worry miss! We’re just going to play with you!
Girl: No! Get away from me!!!
Chaud: Those morons! That girl... (annoyed) Tch! I should save her!
     The rain stopped. Before Chaud could take a step, he wondered something. He remembered that he has no fighting experience or weapons that could help him save the troubled girl.
Chaud: (thinking) {Wait? How can I save her?}
     Chaud scanned the whole area. He saw a fire hydrant behind the deliquents. He also saw a water pipe lying near the trash can. He quickly grabbed the pipe.
Goon1: C’mon! Just do what we say and we won’t--
Chaud: Hey! Over here!
Goon1,2, n 3: HUH?
     Chaud quickly hammered the fire hydrant with his full force using the pipe. The fire hydrant broke, releasing a high pressured water. The pressured water pumps out of the hydrant and douses the delinquents that is harassing the girl.
Chaud: Time for you guys to take a shower!
Goon1,2, n 3: (got hit by the water) WAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!
Chaud: C’mon! Lets get out of here! (grab the girl’s hand)
Girl: (surprised) Huh?
     Chaud quickly grab the girl’s hand and run away from the goons. The goons saw them running away so they quickly chase them in a flash.
Goon1: After them!
Goon3: Hey boy! You’ll pay when I caught ya!
Chaud:... (smirk) As if!
Goon3: YOU! Come back here at once! I’ll kill you!
Chaud: Why would I return? I don’t wanna die yet, idiot!
Goon3: (angry) YOU! I WILL KILL YOU!!!
Chaud: If you can catch us, baldy!
     Chaud and the girl finally reach the end of the alleyway. A dead end. Chaud can hear the footsteps of the angry goons. Their feet are splashing the puddles. Chaud looked around him and saw a big, rectangular trash can that have some wheels in it. Chaud looked around again and saw some abandoned car engines and tires. The machine has some grease in it, and Chaud covered the round end of the pipe with it. Chaud covered the wheels of the trash can with grease and waited for the goons to arrive.
Girl: (scared) They’re here!
Goon2: Boss! (pointing at Chaud and the girl) There they are!
Goon1: Ha! You’re a dead meat, boy!
Chaud: Atleast I’m not a stinkin’ trash!
     Chaud hit the trash can with his full strenght, causing it to slide downwards towards the goons. The goons were surprised, unabling them to move. The trash can smacked the three goons in a wall, knocking them cold. Chaud grabbed the girl’s left hand and run towards the way out of the alleyway. They ended up right in front of the mall called Gloryalah Mall. Chaud and the girl panted after running away from those goons.
Girl: ... Um... Th-thank you... for saving me.
Chaud: (embarassed) D-don’t mention it! Atleast you’re alright.
Girl: (stomach grumbling)
Chaud: You’re... hungry?
Girl: ...So hungry...
Chaud: ... I guess... well, why don’t we eat? My treat!
Girl: (surprised) Re-really?! Are you sure?
Chaud: Yeah. C’mon. I know a good place to eat.
     Chaud and the girl went inside the mall. The girl was surprised at everything she sees. Because she’s so hungry, she decided to be quite and ask him later about those things. After a minuite, they reached a fastfood chain called Happyfly. Chaud ordered two hamburgers and two large orange juice for themselves.
Girl: ...What is this... strange food?
Chaud: It’s called hamburger. Is this the first time you saw one?
Girl: Yes. This food cannot be found at my ki—hometown.
Chaud: I see ... {how come she doesn’t know a common food?} Say, I’m Chaud Stylare. And you are?
Girl: (can’t look directly to his eyes) ...I-I’m Dawn. Dawn Platz.
Chaud: Nice to meet you Dawn! Um, sorry if I ask, but, what are you doing in that alleyway anyway?
Dawn: I... I don’t know... I was just... looking for my way home when those “bandits” appeared.
Chaud: {Bandits? Nice choice of words...} Anyway, you should call your parents what happened and let ‘em to pick you up.
Dawn: How can I call my parents?
Chaud: Do you have a cellphone?
Dawn: Cellphone? What’s that?
Chaud: {sigh... am I talking to a mountainer here?} (showed his cellphone) This is a cellphone. We can use this to call your parents. Do you know your cellphone or telephone number?
Dawn: Number? What kind of number? How can you call my parents using numbers?
Chaud... (... double sigh) Anyway, we should eat our foods before they get cold.
Dawn: Fine, then...(munch)...! This, this food!, It’s... delicious!!!
Chaud: (smiling) Glad ‘ya like it!
After they finished their dinner...
Chaud: Hey Dawn. Where do you live?
Dawn: ... I live at..
Chaud: At?
Dawn: (looking pale) ...I don’t know...
Chaud: You have amnesia?
     Dawn didn’t answered. She’s looking at the orange juice. Chaud notice some tears falling from her eyes. Chaud speculated that something happened to her, specially that she contradicted herself – she said that hamburgers are food that cannot be found in her hometown while she just said that she doesn’t know where she live. Chaud notice that Dawn is holding her long, lavander hair firmly.
Chaud: So, do you have any place to stay?
Dawn: No... I don’t have any. I don’t know where to go. If only...
Chaud: {Maybe this girl...} ... If you don’t have any place to stay, maybe you can stay at my house, if you want to.
Dawn: Re-really? Is this really alright with you?
Chaud: Of course!
Dawn: Thank you!
Chaud: Oh yeah, there’s somthing I wanna ask you.
Dawn: What is it?
Chaud: I don’t meant to be rude but, why are you dressed LIKE THAT? (pointed out her gown)
Dawn: What’s wrong with my beautiful gown?
Chaud: Oh, there’s nothing wrong with it. The problem is, that you look... strange. Are you from a party or something?
Dawn: (notice people were looking at her) I-I guess you’re right. Maybe I should change my clothes.
Chaud: Well then, let’s go to the department store.
     At the department store, Dawn was amazed at the lineup of clothes; clothes that she never saw before. Chaud asked the saleslady to help Dawn pick some clothes. After a minuite, Dawn showed Chaud the clothes she have chosen.
Dawn: (embarassed) Um... do I look normal on this clothes? It’s a bit... short.
Chaud: {NORMAL?!} Um, yeah, you look fine. {She’s kinda... cute}
Dawn: Well, I guess this clothes are far more comfortable than my gown.
Chaud: Heh. You can move faster on that clothes since it’s shorter than your gown. Well, I’m going to pay that clothes at the cashier.
Dawn: What? You’re going to pay for this clothes?
Chaud: Yeah. Do you have any money with you?
Dawn: Um... no.
Chaud: And that’s the reason why I’ll pay for that. Think of it as a welcome gift.
Dawn: I see... Thanks, Chaud.
Chaud: Don’t mention it. (look at his watch) Whoa! It’s 9:30 already? C’mon, lets go home.
Dawn: Where do you live?
Chaud: I live here at Bacymus city. I guess the traffic was over already. Let’s ride the bus so we can go to my house.
Dawn: Bass? Isn’t that a kind of fish?
Chaud: Uh no. Bus. B-U-S. As in vehicle. C’mon.
Dawn: (curious) What’s a bus?
Chaud: A kind of transportation. It’s a vehicle that can take you anywhere on land.
Dawn: Oh... It’s just like a carriage...
     Chaud and Dawn ride on a bus and Dawn was amazed at the lights from the buildings. Dawn was amazed, putting a smile on her face. After a while, they reached Bluridiane Subdivision. They walked for a while and eventually reached Chaud’s house. It has a gate and a little garden in it, but only grass were the only living plants on it. Inside his house is what most common house has: television, sofa, tables and chairs, and many more. Up the stairs were four rooms: Master’s bedroom, Chaud’s room, and 2 guest’s rooms. They were too tired because of what happened and Chaud sleep in his room while Dawn occupied one of the guest’s rooms.

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This is a short story i made in a few hours today.

The challenge came from Zodai.

Challenge:

1. Make a short story that doesn't involve gore and/or hardcore.

2. About a ghost.

3. In a forest.

 

Currently rewriting it to make it longer, add more scenery,

atmosphere, some gore and more mind fucks.

 

Page1

 

The cold wind was hitting hard as I tried to find my way through the forest,

the dark and somewhat unwelcome sight scared of most people from visiting.

But I have to go, to see if she really is there. It has only been two months since

the accident, but I can't live my life without her, even if it means that I have to

be with the spiritual incarnation of my beloved. I kept up my pace and headed

inside the forest, there wasn't much to see or hear, only my footsteps and the

wind could be heard and I only saw what my flash light was aiming at. Looking

everywhere to see if I could see anything that would help me on my quest.

“Yes, there is a place where you can see the dead”, I remembered what the

woman had said yesterday, telling me that I could see her again, to be able to

have her in my arm again, to feel her warmth against my body once more.

“But be-warned, there is only misery and misleading in that forest”, I looked at

her in confusion, “the dead only wants to be alive again, they will do whatever

they can to reach their goal, just as you are”. “I do not care, I have to see her again”,

I stood up and turned, and went out from there.

 

 

After searching for what seemed like hours I came up to a rather large tree,

I decided to sit down here and rest for a while. The wind is only getting stronger

and stronger, the cold pushing through my clothes, chilling my bones and freezing

my skin. “Do I really have to do this?”, I asked myself as if I was talking to her again.

I thought about her, I couldn't think about anything else. My boss had sent me home

and told me to grief and come back whenever I felt better, “when I feel better..”, will

I ever feel good again? Is there going to be a day when I forget about her and live a

normal life again? “No, there is no way I can live my life without her”. Sitting in the

dark, watching the trees sway from the wind, lulling my senses, making me tired.

I looked around, aiming at the trees and passages, “there is nothing here..”, did I come

here in vain?, Was there no point to this after all?, I kept thinking as if there was no chance

for me to succeed. The cold is getting worse, I can barely feel any part of my body,

“I need heat..”, suddenly I felt an uneasy pain coming from my neck, I placed my hand

on my neck and felt something else, i flew up from the ground and aimed the flash-light

at the tree. I couldn't believe my eyes, “Am I sleeping?” I asked myself, the white blurry

shape at the base of the tree expanded and took on the shape of a person. “I was waiting”,

a voice?, I can barely hear what it says, taking a few steps closer, “what are you?”. The

blur changed again, “Waiting for so long, why did you make me wait for so long?”, “Me?”,

“You never came”, the white blur started to get a red colour to it, “What do you mean?, do

I know you?”. I was confused, I couldn't recognize the voice or the shape this entity was

trying to make. “I waited for you. For you to get me away from the nightmare”, I can hear

the voice much clearer now, it almost sounds like, “Aingeal?”. The blur was getting a more

dark red colour, bursting with static. “No more, there is no more, you left me alone”, the wind

slowed down and with it came a downpour like no other, “what do you mean left you alone?”,

the static was getting louder, and together with the rain, making it harder to hear anything.

 

I approached her slowly, I want to know what she is saying, it's getting more difficult with this rain

showering down. “Aingeal, what are you trying to say?”, the static getting louder the closer I get.

“I loved you, I gave you my body and soul. You left me”, “What??”, I was starting to get confused

again, not knowing what she was talking about. She seemed to get angry, I stopped under the tree

to shelter myself from the rain as I was getting soaked. “We have never been here before, aingeal”,

“the place where we first met”. Where we first met?, this is getting out of hand, we never came here

before. I could see a lightning storm getting closer as the flashes of light in the distance become brighter,

“you are denying the truth, azazel?”. “I did not leave you alone”, a headache was starting to build up which

made it hard to focus on the conversation. “I waited for you there, all alone. Wishing that you would have

come to me”, I stood there for a second in silence, “the train station..”.

 

 

Page2

 

“So, aingeal, what are we doing for our two-year celebration?”,

“come on now sweety, we have talked about this”, azazel always

repeated the same questions multiple times in the span of just a few days.

“I am sorry, I tend to forget if I don't ask”, I sighed and gave him an almanac,

“write the dates and times in this, that way you should remember them”. I seated

myself next to him on the couch and pointed at a date in the almanac,

“we need to take the midnight train to my parents, remember?”,

“but I work night's, you know that. Can't we just take the morning train?”, I pinched

his arm, “No. You are taking the night off tomorrow”, he sighed at me, then he looked

at me with a concerned look. “You know very well how my boss is, darling”,

“Yes I do, and I don't care. You are taking the night off and that is final”, He gave me a

faint smile and nodded. Everything had to go as planned, we are going to celebrate our

two-year anniversary at my parents house that we are going to watch over while they are

away on vacation. Just the two of us out in the middle of nowhere, instead of in the big city

where everything is always in chaos. “What movie should we watch tonight?”, oh, that's right,

I was supposed to pick out a movie for us to watch tonight, I completely forgot about it when

planing for tomorrow. “I am sorry sweety, I forgot when I was checking the train schedule for tomorrow”,

“Don't worry, aingeal. I thought you might have forgotten, so I chose one”. I opened my eyes wide,

“oh no..”, he started to laugh a little, “don't worry! I chose this one for us”, he handed over a romantic comedy.

“This one?”, I looked at it and read the summery on the back, “yeah, I was in the video-store this morning and

wanted to pick the new 'slasher/thriller'”, “oh, what is it called?”, “The FuwaNovel”, I looked at him with a weird

look, “that one sounds stupid”, “No, no! It's said to be the best movie of the year!”, “oh well, so why didn't you pick it?”,

I asked as I kept on reading the summery. “Well, I knew that you wouldn't like it”, “so why did you choose this one?”,

azazel put his arm around my shoulders, “because I wanted to hype our celebration tomorrow”, I looked up and smiled,

“isn't it hyped enough already?”, “maybe, but I still wanted something that would fit us both and make us look forward to tomorrow even more”.

I leaned in and gave him a kiss, “but sweety, you don't like romantic movies”, “it's not my favourite genre, but it works. Plus, it's a comedy as well”.

I finished reading the summery and gave him the case back, “Y-You don't want to watch it?”, I looked at him with a

straight face, “go and start the movie already”, he laughed, “gotcha darling”. As the credits came on the screen azazel

sighed deeply, “what's wrong sweety? You didn't like it?”, “I did, it's a good movie. I am just a little displeased with the ending”.

I looked at him wondering, “i think it was really good”, azazel came back to the couch and sat down, “well, the fact that the main lead died at the end was a questionable move I think”, “she had to die for the ending to be satisfying”. Azazel gave me a stern look, “i believe it would have been better if the flutterz character got to keep his love alive”, I poked his cheek, “are we really going to have this conversation?”,

“that is my view of it, I would have liked it better that way”. Sometimes I wonder why I am with a man that don't know

a good story when he gets one, “anyway, sweety, when are you leaving for work?”, azazel looked at the clock,

“in about fifty minutes”, “all right, should we go eat something before you leave?”, “sure, that sounds nice”.

 

I started to walk around hectically, checking my list over and over again.

“Aingeal, we have checked everything all ready”, “i know that, azazel. But I need to know if we forget anything”,

“Don't worry. You go to the train station and wait there while I go to work and tell my boss I need a few days off”,

“have you tried calling him again?”, “yes, he isn't answering. So my best bet is to go to his office”.

I checked the clock, “one hour left”, azazel stood up and came over to me.

“I'll go to work now then, i'll see you at the train station in forty minutes”, he gave me a kiss and left.

 

I got to work in about twenty minutes, which means that I can't waste much time here.

I opened the door to my boss's office, “boss, I need...”, it was empty, where is he?

“I don't have time for this..”, I hurried over to the register. “He left ten minutes ago,

which means he should still be in the lobby”, since I took the faster way through the back

 

 

Page3

 

of the building I didn't go through the lobby and must have missed him on my way in.

I hurried as fast as I could to the lobby and there he sat with a few other higher ups,

“Boss.. I have to talk to you..”, I started breathing heavily, telling myself to start exercising

again after this. “Azazel? What are you doing here?”, “i need to talk to you about giving me

some of my vacation”, “all right, let me check the total work hours you have right now”, he

took out a electronic slab that looked like it came from the 50's. He accessed the working

schedule, “aha, I see that you have worked full time and some over time since your last

vacation last year”, I only stood there, silently watching him go through the information.

Then he took out his cellphone and called someone, “hello?, yes, this is U.R.V.”, he

continued with the call for a little while, “Yes, yes, i'll make sure someone comes over

first thing in the morning”, I only wanted him to finish the damn call already.

“However, I need you to make a change in one of the files”, what is he on about now?

Changing a file? “Yes, I need you to change azazel's vacation days”, finally on point.

“How many days do you want azazel?”, “ah, four days, sir”, “Change it to today and four

days forward”, yes, finally some progress is being made here. “The rest? Put one on his

birthday and the remaining ones on christmas”, he put his cellphone back into his pocket.

“Thank you, boss”, “i expect you to work even harder from now on”, “yes, sir”. He waved

at me to leave, so I turned around and walked towards the exit and pulled up my cellphone

to check the time, “twenty-two minutes left”.

 

 

“Oh, finally!”, I heard the doorbell ring and rushed to the door and opened it.

“Hello there, did you call for a cab?”, “yes! Now help me with these bags”, I walked over to

the three suitcases, “you take these two and i'll take this one”, "Right away”. We got out from

the apartment and I locked the door, then proceeded to the cab. We got to the train station in

about fifteen minutes, “all right, that will be.. twenty-six bucks”, I took out my wallet and handed

over thirty, “keep the change”. I stepped out of the cab and took out the suitcases and walked over

to a luggage wagon, “there, now it should go smoother”, I went inside the almost abandoned station

and proceeded towards the counter. A few minutes later it was my turn, “hello, how may I help you?”,

I took out a receipt from when I booked the tickets yesterday. “Hi, I was here yesterday and booked two

tickets”, I handed over the receipt, “Okey, let me check here”, I looked over at a clock on a nearby wall,

thirty-five minutes left. “Yes, here are your two pre-payed tickets”, I looked back at the cashier, “for the

midnight train going to resembool, correct?”, I nodded, “that is correct”, “Please wait while I print your tickets”.

A few minutes later I got the tickets and went to the platform, “Azazel, you better get here soon”, there was

barely any time left until the train was going to arrive.

 

 

I called aingeal, “No answer..”, that's odd, she always answers her phone.

After the fifth attempt I put the phone back in my pocket and went to a cab

parked outside the building, “hi, to the train station”. The time was running

out, not much left now, I need to hurry. I tried calling aingeal a few times in

the cab as well, still no answer. As we got to the train station I payed the

driver and ran into station, next to the information desk.

“Hi!, where is the platform for the resembool train?”, after getting the

directions I continued running as fast as I could. I finally came up to

the platform and stopped, horrified at what I saw.

 

 

The rain and thunder was only getting worse, getting harder to stand still and focus.

“You left me alone”, I looked at the dark red blur that is starting to take the real shape

of aingeal. “I hurried as fast as I could..”, there was nothing I could have done to save her.

The static was dying down a little, so it's easier to hear her now in this storm,

“I did all I could, aingeal”, “it wasn't enough, you could have saved me”, I shifted my eyes down

at the ground,

 

 

Page4

 

“there is no way I could have gotten there sooner, I did everything as fast as I could”.

The wind had stopped, but the rain kept on pouring down, the lightning almost at our

location, making the light, sound and vibrations in the ground unbelievable. I looked

back up to see that we now was standing face to face.

 

 

I took out my cellphone to call azazel, “No reception”, great, now I can't call him and he can't call me.

All I can do is sit here and wait, hope that he gets here in time. “I need to sit down, my legs are starting to hurt”,

I located a bench and walked towards it with the suitcases, “excuse me, but do you have a some money to spare?”,

I turned around and saw a middle-aged man standing there in worn-out clothes and an old jacket.

“I am sorry, but I have no money to give”, I turned around and started walking again. As I reached the bench, I suddenly

felt a sharp pain in my back, “you whores are all the same!”, then I felt another, and another. Shocked and in pain I fell to

my knees. The man kicked me to the ground and began to search through my jacket and clothes, “where is it?!”,

I couldn't move, or talk. “Answer me, whore!”, the man stood next to my head, “Where is the money?!”, he kicked my head,

then he kicked my chest multiple times. My vision was getting blurry, feeling the cold take over. He placed himself on top of me

and put the knife to my throat, “tell me where the money is!”, I coughed and shook my head slightly, “i don't have any”.

Feeling all my strength leaving my body, I closed my eyes and felt the pain again.

 

Where were you, azazel?

 

 

It took me a few seconds to realise what had happened, then I ran as fast as I could to her.

As I got to her, I picked her up into my arms, “Aingeal?!”, “Aingeal!”, “please answer me!”.

I held her close to me, looking at her face, “no.. no! This can not have happened!”, “..aingeal..”.

I couldn't stop looking, there was so much blood everywhere. “Why did this happen?”, I couldn't

understand it, that my beloved has been taken away from me, no longer living. “What am I supposed

to do?”, I turned my head towards the station and yelled for help, no answer, I yelled again, still no

answer. I looked back at aingeal, no longer will I be able to see her smile, no longer will I be able to

hear her voice, no longer will she argue with me, I picked her up and started to walk towards the station.

I started to shout for help as I entered the station again, two people started screaming hysterically, then

there was two guards coming my way. I explained as well as I could about what had happened, then they

called for an ambulance.

 

 

I took a step back in surprise, “it was not my fault!”, she slowly creeped closer.

“You weren't there, you left me alone”, I took a few steps backwards into the downpour,

“i had to get to work-”, “If you had come with me from the beginning”, I stopped. What

would have happened if I did, instead of going to work first?, while I was talking to myself

about it, aingeal was moving towards me. After a minute I responded,

“both of us could have died, if that would have happened”, I looked up again, but I couldn't

see aingeal. I moved in under the tree again to see if she was there, she is gone. I looked

around with the flash-light, then I sighed. I turned around so my back was towards the tree,

and looked out at the storm. I felt a cold breath against my neck, “there is one way for us to be together”,

she is right behind me, breathing down my neck. “And that would be?”, I asked with fear filling my body

and mind. I can now feel something hard and cold as ice taking a firm grip around my neck. I closed my eyes,

my heartbeat uneven, tears forming, then I took a deep breath.

 

“For you to die”.

 

 

Please leave any feedback you have!

Positive and negative.

Edited by XionsProphecy

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Something I've been working on. There's a lot more to flesh out and all, but this is just an excerpt... 

Halfway to the field, Marvin noticed someone heading his way in the opposite direction. This person seemed to be in a hurry, and as the person got closer, Marvin was certain he recognized the figure as a girl from school. Auburn hair, slender build on a short frame. Marvin thought he knew her, but he couldn’t recall her name. He was about to say hi when he noticed she was looking downward, and there were faint water marks on the front of her shirt. She didn’t appear to be sweating, so he could only surmised that she was crying. As she sped by he caught a sniffle, confirming his hunch. On any other day he might have stopped to ask what was wrong, but he had a meeting to make. A meeting he had been waiting so long for. “Maybe I’ll see her again at school and ask,” he thought to himself, trying to quell the nagging sense of guilt arising in the back of his mind.
Ten minutes later, Marvin arrived at Rowe’s Field. It really wasn’t much of a field, more like a makeshift soccer field in a lower area of the schoolyard where the junior varsity soccer team would practice. No one even knew why it was called Rowe’s Field, as it didn’t have an official name at all. Just a moniker some kid had come up with and stuck. The grass was worn and patches or dirt showed through from all the wear and lack of maintenance. The goals were rusted and holes were worn into parts of the net. He lines barely there, as the groundskeepers only bothered to respray them once a week.
At the worn-out center circle stood Sherri, awaiting his arrival. From a distance, she appeared to be standing straight, with her hands in her pockets, giving an aura of calmness, like she knew what she was there for and had no nervousness at all. Marvin tried to casually stride up to her and act the same, but inside he wasn’t quite as confident. “This is a huge step,” he thought, “And she doesn’t appear nervous at all. Shouldn’t she be nervous? It’s never easy to convey feelings… is it?” Marvin hadn’t had much experience in it so he didn’t really know, but he had the feeling she should be pacing or tapping her foot or something. But there she was, calm, relaxed, even the slight smile on her face gave away nothing but a calm person. He barely moved at all when he finally got up to her.
“I need to sound cool,” thought Marvin, going for his greeting, But his mind seemed to feel the need to not cooperate with his feelings, and all he managed to stammer out was a weak, “Hi Sherri.” If it made any difference, Sherri’s face didn’t show it. She didn’t move at all. Hating the silence, Marvin followed with, “So you had something to tell me?” Anxiously awaiting her response, Marvin coughed a little to clear his throat, but more so that there wasn’t so much dreaded silence.
After what felt more like two months as opposed to two minutes, Sherri finally spoke. “Yes Marvin, I have a… confession to give you.” Marvin wasn’t quite sure what to make of that sentence. It was delivered sort of flat, and the pause before confession seemed more of a thought process than of dramatic effect. Marvin started to get a bit of a sinking feeling in his stomach, that maybe this wasn’t going to go the way he thought.
When Marvin didn’t say anything in response, Sherri continued. “I must confess this to you. There really isn’t a gentle way of going about it, so being blunt is really the only option I have.” Her face appeared more stern this time, no warmth emulating from it, as the confession finally came forth from her ruby lips. “I’ve been using you these past months as a test of my actual relationship,” she said flatly. “My boyfriend and I have been together since grade school, so really, it wasn’t a fair contest for you, but I’m getting ahead of myself.” She paused, as if to backtrack to a different point before her last statement.
“You… used me? I don’t understand,” Marvin managed to get out. He was baffled, as she said something about a contest and a test of her actual relationship. What the hell did that mean?
“Val and I have been together for years on end,” Sherri started again. “We had an agreement heading into our final year in high school. We wanted to make sure our relationship would last past this, so we agreed to each date a different person this year. Someone we would be attracted to, in order to make sure we put our feelings to the test. If it eases the blow any this means you have a lot of qualities I’d want in a boyfriend, and you honestly did put a few doubts in my mind.” She trailed off again, looking away from Marvin, as if to make sure she didn’t have a chance at second thoughts.
Marvin took this moment to interject. “So let me get this straight,” he started, “You and your longtime boyfriend decided to test your relationship this year by dating different people? But why? Doesn’t the idea of agreeing to cheat on each other indicate that your relationship isn’t that strong to begin with?” Marvin wanted to say something angrier, but for some reason he felt more analytical, thinking maybe if he could show her the flaw in their reasoning, she might drop some sort of pretense and change her mind.
If that were the case, he was tragically mistaken. “Of course not,” Sherri replied. “It’s not cheating since we both agreed to do it. After all, if we were to continue on with a potential long distance relationship, we had to know ahead of time we could be around other people and still be faithful to each other. That’s why we picked partners with qualities we’d be attracted to. It wouldn’t have been much of a test if I went out with a dickhead who only wanted to get in my panties.”
This last statement perturbed Marvin quite a bit. On the one hand, it sounded like she was saying he’d make a great boyfriend for her, if only she wasn’t already unavailable. But it also sounded so blasé. Like she was listing off things to do in a monotone voice. “Go shopping… get car’s oil changed… admit I wasn’t really dating Marvin in earnest… wash hair…” Marvin almost wished this was a cruel prank. Something a cold bitch would do just to screw around with a nice guy’s head. At least he could have righteous anger about it. As it was, she sounded about as invested in it as a seventh grade science experiment, and she had proven her hypothesis about not wanting to break up with her boyfriend just now and was awaiting a blue ribbon from the judges.
Sherri continued on as Marvin still hadn’t said much. “I’m not sure, but you seem to be taking this better than I expected. I hope your feelings aren’t too hurt. I understand if you’re angry, after all I did use you for my own personal curiosity. But I want you to know you’re a really great guy with a lot to offer a girl in a relationship. You’re sweet, considerate, and you weren’t too shabby in the sack. Some girl is going to be very lucky to call you her man.”
“Just not you,” was all Marvin managed to get out. It would be unfair to say he wasn’t holding up his end of the conversation. A conversation takes two people, and the only one conveying anything was Sherri.
“No, not me,” Sherri confirmed.
“So all this time I was a Guinea pig for your experiment,” Marvin muttered. “I’m such a fool. I thought by confessing you’d be telling me you loved me. I wasn’t expecting a confession of being a romantic science experiment. I have to be the only person who’s ever heard…” Marvin trailed off, thinking. “Wait, does this mean you two also put some poor girl through this as well. That, what was his name? Val, right? Val dated some girl he’d be attracted to only to crush her hopes?”
Sherri nodded in response. “He told his girl earlier about this. She… didn’t take it so well. She’s a nice girl. I’d imagine she’s a lot like me, since we did specifically pick people we would be attracted to, and since we’re attracted to each other…” she trailed off there.
Marvin decided he’d had enough. “Well, thanks for coming clean, I guess. Glad I applied to more colleges than just Central City State, as I don’t know if I could stand being on campus with you there.” With that, Marvin turned around and headed home.

 

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This is the sequel to a long-running message board roleplay I participated in with several others.  It's based on the PC RPG Baldur's Gate II, and the main character Aerie is a character from that game.  We would take turns posting updates to the ongoing story.  The writing style is a bit immature, but you can see some of the influences shared with Memory's Burden, the first chapter of Memory's Wounds.  I wrote further additions to this story, but sadly they've long since been erased from the forum it was originally posted on.  This is all I have left of it.

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