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LinovaA

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You're inventive.  I'm sure you could find a way to explain what an ex-German or ex-Allied agent would be doing in Poland.

 

I'm working on this story instead of working on my dissertation as I should be.  My funding comes from NIH grants.  That should give you an idea.

 

The chapter boundaries are a bit arbitrary.  I'm not sure if I'll start a new chapter or not.  I'll try to update this weekend.  I write in short bursts, pausing before scene shifts (***) only if overwhelmed by exhaustion.  You can see the timing and quantity just by looking at the post history in this thread and the story thread.  I post as soon as it's written, basically.  I'm not a heavy reviser.  What you see now, by and large, is how it came out as I wrote, since I edit each sentence as I go.

What is an ex-Allied agent and what would they be doing with something that made them into a super soldier?

 

So, you're a Bio-medical Scientist? Nice. How long does the dissertation need to be?

 

Where do you get your ideas from other than inspirations by anime and VN's? Does it just come to you? What do you mean you edit each sentence as you go? As in, you check each sentence as it's written? That's what I tend to do.

 

Judging by what you've read on my story, where would you say it's headed? I'm not looking for anything in-depth or complex, I'm just looking for where you think it's headed in general. I'm asking because I want to know the impression it gives from a second viewpoint. If you aren't sure, that's fine too. I'm just curious about the impression.

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http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Allies_of_World_War_II

 

I expect the dissertation will be around 110 pages of incredibly dense technical writing, which takes like 10x as long to write as "normal" writing.

 

I imagine a story I'd want to read, and I write it.  I tend to finalize each sentence and paragraph before moving to the next.  I read and reread and reread what I've written as I go, making small changes.

 

My guess is there's going to be an ongoing conflict between the protagonist and antagonist, which will likely have elements of romance intertwined.  I could see the two foes having some sort of final confrontation that ends the story, or perhaps uniting against a common foe.

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http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Allies_of_World_War_II

 

I expect the dissertation will be around 110 pages of incredibly dense technical writing, which takes like 10x as long to write as "normal" writing.

 

I imagine a story I'd want to read, and I write it.  I tend to finalize each sentence and paragraph before moving to the next.  I read and reread and reread what I've written as I go, making small changes.

 

My guess is there's going to be an ongoing conflict between the protagonist and antagonist, which will likely have elements of romance intertwined.  I could see the two foes having some sort of final confrontation that ends the story, or perhaps uniting against a common foe.

I knew what you meant by Allies, I was asking what an ex-Allied agent was, I've never come across that terminology and I wanted to know what it was.

 

Holy crap, how far have you gotten with it? How long do you have before you need to turn it in?

 

Do you ever have ideas for stories and just go with them if it interests you?

 

That's not what I expected... Wow, that surprised me a bit. Romance between the two characters? For me, I try to stay away from romance in stories unless it has direct involvement in the plot (Like if it's centered around it, or a key element has it involved, something along the lines of that), which never happens in my stories. Though that's my personal viewpoint on that. The last two points seem more reasonable to me. What about concerning the protagonist's development? Any thoughts on how that might play out?

 

So, was I correct about you being a Bio-medical Scientist? What kind of stuff do you study or work with?

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I meant "agent" as in "operative" or "spy".

 

The dissertation is about half finished.

 

I'm a reluctant writer.  I rarely commit to anything.  I wouldn't have predicted committing to this even days before I did.

 

I'm not sure how the protagonist will develop.  Like I said, she seemed deranged to me.  A psychopath.

 

I do cancer research.  I study epigenetics.

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I meant "agent" as in "operative" or "spy".

 

The dissertation is about half finished.

 

I'm a reluctant writer.  I rarely commit to anything.  I wouldn't have predicted committing to this even days before I did.

 

I'm not sure how the protagonist will develop.  Like I said, she seemed deranged to me.  A psychopath.

 

I do cancer research.  I study epigenetics.

That's what I thought but I was making sure in case it meant something different.

 

Good luck on finishing the dissertation.

 

I hope that you continue writing. I enjoy the story so far, and look forward to seeing the rest.

 

A brutal one, too. In my opinion anyways.

 

How's the research going?

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From now on, you can count me up, i may have some stories to prepare, especially a dark story of survival, cruelty, murder and other not joyous things.

 

 

And so you know, it's a big first for me, i specialized myself in funny, comedy and lighthearted stories.

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I'm currently writing up a new work right now.

 

Just have been a little lazy in the whole, ACTUALLY writing it, process. ;)

 

A quick note. Usually, nothing I write is standalone. Most things I write usually assume that it will be continued. I've never really attempted a short story~

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You mentioned before you disappeared (for a really long time) that you were doing a line-by-line critique of Memory's Burden.  I can't help feeling a little guilty about that. :P  Since I've posted big blocks of writing I'd be quite happy if you just read what I've written and then provided an overall critique with examples of issues you found and maybe how you'd consider addressing them.

I haven't forgotten about that. I still plan on doing it, but in the meantime, during the weekend I'll read some of it and look at the bigger picture instead. There's no need to feel guilty. I signed up for the job and I plan on following through... just gotta survive this last week.

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It's nice to see we're getting more people willing to post their stories on here. Sorry I haven't been posting many critiques lately. I got a week of finals before spring break starts. I'll be going down the list and doing the usual thing.

May I ask where your profile picture is from?

 

Good luck on the finals. When you critique my story, I hope you enjoy it.

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May I ask where your profile picture is from?

 

Good luck on the finals. When you critique my story, I hope you enjoy it.

It's Liselotte from 11eyes. Yeah, I look forward to reading your story, too. I hope you've taken some of my previous suggestions into consideration for this story, it's nice to see other writers adapt and grow with time.

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It's Liselotte from 11eyes. Yeah, I look forward to reading your story, too. I hope you've taken some of my previous suggestions into consideration for this story, it's nice to see other writers adapt and grow with time.

Well, I'm in the process of fixing it as per sanahtlig's advisement that I do so, so when you read it, keep in mind that certain things have been/will be changed by the time you get around to it.

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Just a little teasing : this story will be my playthrough a videogame called "This war of mine", of course, it won't be a 100% adaptation, since i'll take liberties.

I just might be considering an "episode" featuring a playthrough of Cross Days, a little known sequel of School Days.  It's a sad tale of otaku rage and betrayed expectations.

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I wrote this story when I was on High school 2008. I hope you enjoy this.

 

My Band



My band was just plainly horrible not until one day we were playing in bar and I know after this gig the band is going to break out because no one have musical ideas that could help us climb to success. After our last set I saw a fine gentleman smiling in front of us and slowly approached as he bid as a good evening. The gentleman told us that we have a potential to become one of the great bands, All of us started to laugh as the mysterious gentleman speak, we all know that we don’t have any potential to become a great band and were only good for a drunk mouse. Our drummer said that this really a bad joke because the band is about to break up after the gig. The gentleman seem to be serious about what he said, he give us a contract to sign on and he said that if we signed the deal we will become one of the biggest music acts on the history, a offer we can’t refuse. We immediately signed the contract without reading the terms and the stranger gives us farewell and said that after 2 days a man will contact us about our first record deal. 2 days later while we were jamming a man interrupts us and says that he is a producer for a great recording label and gives us a key to an apartment, money to buy new gears and instrument, he also give us schedules for the recording of our first album. We were shocked and asked him why he gave us these opportunities. He simply smiled and said a friend of him said that we have the potential.

On the given date of the recording we have no idea what to do. The mysterious gentleman appears and told us that there is no going back now, and then out of the blue we produced 16 great compositions and songs without broad knowledge about what we are doing. A few days later our album has been released and it became an instant classic, a few more days later we found ourselves touring around the world with sold out tickets and full venues, months later we found ourselves receiving critical awards and nominations. This buzz continued for 25 years straight. On our 25th year anniversary the mysterious gentleman approached us and said that he wants our souls now we reached the end of the bargain we laugh for a while and as always the man seems so serious he wants to kill us in front of our friends and families. He shoved us the contract we signed 25 years ago and he said that read the terms, we asked our friends and families to leave us for a while because we will have a band meeting and we need some privacy, as we read the terms its listed that we will have skills that we will need to become a great band, we will have what we need when we want it, and lastly our souls exchanged for our needs. We became pale, cold and shocked about what we brought ourselves into. The gentleman seems to read our mind and explains what happened he said that he’s looking for trash bands that have no future and give it a contract that they can’t refuse, he also explained that he’s a devil known as the contractor and his task was to find ways to spread the word of Satan on various forms. He gave us another year to spend the last days of our life to the fullest and forced me to write this brief history about us, and I’m sorry if you have to read this but there’s a curse in this story and whoever reads this will spend his afterlife on hell with us and other bands that took the deal.

I’m looking forward to see you here, and again I’m sorry for writing this but by reading this you only have a week or less to live so go and be happy!

I bid you farewell!

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Welp i guess I should add my 10 cents of input 

Posted this on deviantart awhile ago i don't remeber if it was anygood but oh well

Chapter 1: Kid A



The pavement can get awfully hot in the middle of summer, especially on bare feet. It seems that after all the months of rough treatment my feet are finally beginning to adapt to the long journeys that i force upon them. The blisters that were on my heels are now beginning to heal and the amount growing to replace them is slowly dwindling away. I guess you could consider that a small amount of solace in a life that seems to grow harder every day.

Crumbling ruins of families old and once cherished homes constantly remind me of the cruel reality. Again, i ask myself how someone like me has even survived in a way such as this. A violent broken world is no place for someone as weak as i am.

For the second time so far, i have wondered away from the closest thing i have to a family because my head's to fragile to deal with the stress. Selfishly leaving all my responsibilities to the ones that i call my kin. I know that once again I'm going to greet them with a fake sheepish grin and give them some excuse about where i was.

I shake my head to kill all the heavy thoughts. If i walk in without a smile than i did this for nothing. I can see our house emerge from the surrounding buildings. A large run down factory that we have been living in for the past few months. Its such a cold place, both ends and means. I know beggars can't be choosers but it just depresses me.

A wall of eerie coldness hits me as i enter. Maybe if I'm lucky i can slip into bed before anyone sees me and act as if i just slept in but hopes of avoiding the issue crumble as I'm met with a deathly scow.

"Where the hell have you been?"

Why is it that of all the people that you could run into it’s always the one that you want to avoid most that you meet? Mia, the nagging voice in your head in which you become so accustomed to that you cannot live without.

“Nowhere, just around”

She looks rather pissed off... Well at least i know that if she murders me i will have a witness. Next to Mia sitting calmly on a roughed old recliner was Luke who seemed to contrast Mia’s aggravation remarkably. Well into a book and almost done a cigarette he seems to somehow be enjoying himself.

“Did you by any chance find any treasures on your journey?”

His tired uncaring tone was as calm as his cigarette but also as un-healthy. Only seventeen, is he even allowed to be smoking that thing? Though i guess something like that dosn’t matter anymore.

“Oh. That’s a shame”

Saying that he once again covers his face with a book and falls back into his own realm of existence. I guess you could say I’m jealous; to be able to truly relax seems to be so hard at the moment.

“You know Sora had to do all your jobs while you were gone”

Mia’s scolding is so loud in this foggy mood. It seems that Luks calm attitude just fervour aggravated her. Whatever the case it seems like i still have more to take before she’s done.

“Its fine, she did a better job than he would have anyway”

As Luke waved off Mia’s statement on my behalf, he motioned towards a rather furious looking girl sitting on a pile of metal bars. Sora is an elusive creature to say the least. She has an evil stare that can kill which is presently aimed at Luke.

“Shut up”

The lecture i’m getting from Mia has nothing on Sora’s. I let out the first laugh for about a week. Luckily, i have mastered the art of the silent laugh, the last thing i want to do is remind her whose jobs she was doing in the first place.

“You’re still mad about that? Look it was my understanding that you were bored though meanwhile i was having fun sleeping in. I thought that you would appreciate the extra work.”

Oh, i get it now. I have to say i feel sorry for Sora, i too, have fallen victim to one of Luke’s schemes. If I had to guess, i’d say that Mia asked him to do my jobs first but he said something like. Me? Ive too much to do ... but i heard sora say she wanted something to do. Wriggling out of work is one of the few things he’s good at.

We were both being stared down by two different foes. Its like we could set them off with one false move. Lucky a soft voice steals the attention away from us.

“Umm. is breakfast ready?”

Kid A. The one we call ‘The kid’. It’s not her real name of course though even if it were we wouldn’t know. I found her crying alone in a house fire not too long ago. She was bleeding from her head looked frightened. I panicked and carried her here. After Mia bandaged her up Luke tried to figure out about her but had a hard time. Be it from the head wound or the trauma of the fire she had amnesia. She couldn’t even remember her own name. So then Luke decided on ’The Kid’. He said something about a game he once played whatever the case it stuck and that’s what we call her.

“Its twelve’o’clock! Why would it be breakfast time?”

As per usual, Sora has nothing nice to say. How can she be so blunt to a little girl? She’s nineteen shouldn’t her maternal instinct be kicking in ... or something. Does she even have one of those? Without thinking, i say what’s on my mind. Bad choice. Now her all-powerful not to mention evil kaleidoscope eyes are focused on me. She points at ‘The kids’ Chest and voices her rebuttal.

“She dosn’t look like very much of a kid to me”

Oh no a grin has appeared on Luke’s face. I know what he’s thinking, were all thinking it to. He’s about to say something No boy should ever say to a teenage girl.

“Sora you know just because your nineteen year old flat cheated freak of nature dosn’t mean...”

He wasn’t even given time to finish his sentence before his chair landed on top of him. I know from past experience not to get involved. Instead, i turn my back to the horror unfolding behind me and do my best to ignore them.

“I‘m afraid you‘ll have to settle with left over’s.”

Mia points to the remains of a meal. Now that I think about it, i got up too early to have breakfast. I need to be fed too. Thank god for ‘Kid A’. The disappointed eyes of a child are a good thing to have on your side.

“Let me look at your head”

Before she had any time to feel disappointed i decide to distract her. I guess you could say i’m a little overly concerned. I mean it’s not bleeding anymore or anything but, i cannot help remember the scene when i found her. Jesus! I didn’t know the human body had so much blood.

“Is it sore or anything”

She stiffens a little as i touch her head. I guess she’s still a bit jumpy from the experience but that’s to be expected. Something like that is pretty horrific, especially for a child. I hope she’s able to recover. I heard of people who never recover from trauma, instead it stays with them forever. I hope that isn’t the case for her.

“Umm... Are you done yet?”

A jolt of surprise runs down my spine as her voice reminds me where i am. It appears i have been looking at her head for quite some time now and am getting a somewhat concerned look from Mia. Maybe ‘The Kids’ not the only one with trauma from the experience.

“If you guys are hungry i haven’t eaten my breakfast yet”

Luke looks lie he was slain by Sora. Lying flat on his back smoking a cigarette he looks remarkably calm, considering the weight of a person that’s crushing his chest. I can see that Sora is still pouting even though she is literally using Luke as her personal stool, part of me wonders if we have a killer living with us.

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Well, here's something I started writing and got surprisingly immersed in. There is every chance that it'll just be abandoned all of a sudden, but for now I quite liked it. Then again, I'm the author. 

Anyone mind saying if it's readable? I don't mean the language, I have no doubts I use at least understandable English, but I would quite like to know if it's incredibly boring when you're not the one writing it.

 

Linkity link link

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Well, here's something I started writing and got surprisingly immersed in. There is every chance that it'll just be abandoned all of a sudden, but for now I quite liked it. Then again, I'm the author. 

Anyone mind saying if it's readable? I don't mean the language, I have no doubts I use at least understandable English, but I would quite like to know if it's incredibly boring when you're not the one writing it.

 

Linkity link link

I read it, and it seemed pretty solid. The one thing I'm sure could be done just a tad bit better was when it mentions son, and 

 

it turns out to be a daughter. That threw me off just a bit. Continuity wise it doesn't make sense, but only from the fact that she referred to herself as son moments earlier.

 

Well, that's my two-cents on what you've got. Interested to see more. And from what I can surmise, the King may have some ulterior motive regarding... something. Haven't a clue as to what it is yet, or if it's anything at all, but the fact that he's a bit late seems fishy to me. Then again, that may just be me, considering the kinda shit I've been able to come up with in the past... well, he is a king, so he could just be doing King things. Whatever that may entail.

 

When did you start writing that? Do you have any plans on where your headed with the plot - if it even has a major one in the first place - at this point?

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I read it, and it seemed pretty solid. The one thing I'm sure could be done just a tad bit better was when it mentions son, and 

 

it turns out to be a daughter. That threw me off just a bit. Continuity wise it doesn't make sense, but only from the fact that she referred to herself as son moments earlier.

 

Well, that's my two-cents on what you've got. Interested to see more. And from what I can surmise, the King may have some ulterior motive regarding... something. Haven't a clue as to what it is yet, or if it's anything at all, but the fact that he's a bit late seems fishy to me. Then again, that may just be me, considering the kinda shit I've been able to come up with in the past... well, he is a king, so he could just be doing King things. Whatever that may entail.

 

When did you start writing that? Do you have any plans on where your headed with the plot - if it even has a major one in the first place - at this point?

I'll share with you what I can. 

 

The son/daughter may be confusing, but it was done on purpose. Up until then there had been no mention of the author's gender. I was playing with the fact that under most cases on would assume there to be a male protagonist. Additionally, women weren't known to write during this time (which I make of point of leaving undefined beyond somewhere medieval). To avoid as much confusion as possible I mentioned the gender immediately after.

 

I started writing this... a year ago. It was originally in Portuguese back then until I dropped it. Yesterday I was rereading it and my interest sparked, so I continued the story in English (because I prefer writing in English now, god if I know why). I decided to rewrite (since I think translating isn't all that good, but I kept some parts the same and used some Portuguese vocabulary like "choler") what was originally in Portuguese. Then next days are all original content written today. 

 

As for plans, I'm afraid you'll be spoiled on some things if you really want to know:

A year ago, the original story was supposed to be about Florence, a poor woman who lived in a monastery all her life, left when she was 16 and met the love of her life in a tavern she worked at to make a living. Turns out the love of her life was the king (whose name I've got no way to translate, since it's literally "Count"), at the time prince, who had issues of his own. In order to write this I decided to write this I had meant to start by describing the kingdom and the Royal family and adding a big "but it was not always so" at the end, sending it to a flashback of Florence's life.

 

In the end I got sidetracked and decided to make a story about two princess', one evil and one good and about how they reconcile and the bad princess falls in love and becomes much nicer, yada yada. Since I don't like 3rd person narration I went and added a middle, neutral sister (narrator was originally meant to be Florence but I decided that another sister would feel more natural).

When I went ahead and started writing what I ended up with was these three sisters, Sophie, the bad princess, Bianca, the good princess, and Camilla, the narrator. It wasn't meant to be a diary but I turned it into that as well.

 

In the end I dropped that plot point and am looking at something much more generic. Each princess gets assigned a servant and who better to fall in love with a la shoujo manga?

 

That's the gist of the future plans. Here's some more minute intricacies of the plot, bigger spoilers inside:

Sophie and Camilla end up becoming the big plot point as will be shown in the next day with them constantly sparring with Sophie trying to pull pranks on everyone and Camilla doing some awfully aggressive self defence. Since Camilla is meant to be a genius Sophie stands no chance but the servant she gets assigned to her is also a mastermind himself and fierce planning and battles should start from here (if I can actually write such a thing).

Not quite sure who falls in love with who but I intend to fit some kind of romance in here (another thing I probably can't write).

 

The King is quite the chess-master and I left it open in case I ever wanna take the plot to the Kingdom as a whole and all the politics and intrigue.

 

Camilla is psychologically dependent on the King. I am writing with the intention of this being the case, but I'll probably never mention it since she's the narrator and she wouldn't say such things. There's already a couple of hints, even if subtle, that the King is someone different to her. Can you find them? (I point them out in the spoiler underneath).

-He's the only one she calls dad. She either calls anyone else by name or using a more formal word: "Father, Mother, Sister"

-During dinner time, only Bianca and Florence were eating. Conrad a Sophie were shouting at each other so it's understandable. But Camilla didn't begin eating in order to wait for the king. She makes no mention of this, however.

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I'll share with you what I can. 

 

The son/daughter may be confusing, but it was done on purpose. Up until then there had been no mention of the author's gender. I was playing with the fact that under most cases on would assume there to be a male protagonist. Additionally, women weren't known to write during this time (which I make of point of leaving undefined beyond somewhere medieval). To avoid as much confusion as possible I mentioned the gender immediately after.

 

I started writing this... a year ago. It was originally in Portuguese back then I dropped it. Yesterday I was rereading it and my interest sparked, so I continued the story in English (because I prefer writing in English now, god if I know why). I decided to rewrite (since I think translating isn't all that good, but I kept some parts the same and used some Portuguese vocabulary like "choler") what was originally in Portuguese. Then next days are all original content written today. 

 

As for plans, I'm afraid you'll be spoiled on some things if you really want to know:

A year ago, the original story was supposed to be about Florence, a poor woman who lived in a monastery all her life, left when she was 16 and met the love of her life in a tavern she worked at to make a living. Turns out the love of her life was the king (whose name I've got no way to translate, since it's literally "Count"), at the time prince, who had issues of his own. In order to write this I decided to write this I had meant to start by describing the kingdom and the Royal family and adding a big "but it was not always so" at the end, sending it to a flashback of Florence's life.

 

In the end I got sidetracked and decided to make a story about two princess', one evil and one good and about how they reconcile and the bad princess falls in love and becomes much nicer, yada yada. Since I don't like 3rd person narration I went and added a middle, neutral sister (narrator was originally meant to be Florence but I decided that another sister would feel more natural).

When I went ahead and started writing what I ended up with was these three sisters, Sophie, the bad princess, Bianca, the good princess, and Camilla, the narrator. It wasn't meant to be a diary but I turned it into that as well.

 

In the end I dropped that plot point and am looking at something much more generic. Each princess gets assigned a servant and who better to fall in love with a la shoujo manga?

 

That's the gist of the future plans. Here's some more minute intricacies of the plot, bigger spoilers inside:

Sophie and Camilla end up becoming the big plot point as will be shown in the next day with them constantly sparring with Sophie trying to pull pranks on everyone and Camilla doing some awfully aggressive self defence. Since Camilla is meant to be a genius Sophie stands no chance but the servant she gets assigned to her is also a mastermind himself and fierce planning and battles should start from here (if I can actually write such a thing).

Not quite sure who falls in love with who but I intend to fit some kind of romance in here (another thing I probably can't write).

 

The King is quite the chess-master and I left it open in case I ever wanna take the plot to the Kingdom as a whole and all the politics and intrigue.

 

Camilla is psychologically dependent on the King. I am writing with the intention of this being the case, but I'll probably never mention it since she's the narrator and she wouldn't say such things. There's already a couple of hints, even if subtle, that the King is someone different to her. Can you find them? (I point them out in the spoiler underneath).

-He's the only one she calls dad. She either calls anyone else by name or using a more formal word: "Father, Mother, Sister"

-During dinner time, only Bianca and Florence were eating. Conrad a Sophie were shouting at each other so it's understandable. But Camilla didn't begin eating in order to wait for the king. She makes no mention of this, however.

Ah, I see. I don't want to spoil it for myself, so I won't be opening the spoiler tab. Thanks for marking it. I had just wondered whether there was anything major planned or not I wasn't asking for the details.

 

On an unrelated note I checked out your profile and quite enjoyed your about me thing. Also, seeing your YT, I'll say that I like your accent quite a bit, though I can't place exactly where it's from.

 

Also, I see that you liked my post that had my story. What are you thoughts on it?

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Ah, I see. I don't want to spoil it for myself, so I won't be opening the spoiler tab. Thanks for marking it. I had just wondered whether there was anything major planned or not I wasn't asking for the details.

 

On an unrelated note I checked out your profile and quite enjoyed your about me thing. Also, seeing your YT, I'll say that I like your accent quite a bit, though I can't place exactly where it's from.

 

Also, I see that you liked my post that had my story. What are you thoughts on it?

I really did write all my plans uncalled for, eh? It was useful to concretely note my plans down anyway, given how I keep changing them.

 

So, after reading my about me page which mentions I'm Portuguese about 30 times you go into my YouTube and can't figure out where my accent is from? I see... Makes sense.

 

As for your story:

I had no issues reading and no problems understanding it. The main character engaged me enough for me to proceed and read until the end.

 

The main character seems to be rather powerful, couldn't understand if she was just that good or has some kind of unfair advantage. She apparently breaks stuff out of fury. She's somewhat careless, perhaps due to overconfidence on not ever feeling threatened? Is her dominant had something special? Actually, which is the dominant hand? She understood the spies and she has some kind of secret. Is she even Polish?

 

Edit: She tried to hide she was fighting, why was this?

 

The or-tever guy was mentioned a couple of times. Couldn't really understand his role but he was actually even more dangerous than the protagonist.

 

The military boss guy was the only other named character and he has no real personality from what I gathered.

 

Note: You spelled "upperhand" differently the two times you wrote it. "upperhand" and "upper hand".

 

Edit: You don't actually need to straight up answer the questions ;P

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I really did write all my plans uncalled for, eh? It was useful to concretely note my plans down anyway, given how I keep changing them.

 

So, after reading my about me page which mentions I'm Portuguese about 30 times you go into my YouTube and can't figure out where my accent is from? I see... Makes sense.

 

As for your story:

I had no issues reading and no problems understanding it. The main character engaged me enough for me to proceed and read until the end.

 

The main character seems to be rather powerful, couldn't understand if she was just that good or has some kind of unfair advantage. She apparently breaks stuff out of fury. She's somewhat careless, perhaps due to overconfidence on not ever feeling threatened? Is her dominant had something special? Actually, which is the dominant hand? She understood the spies and she has some kind of secret. Is she even Polish?

 

Edit: She tried to hide she was fighting, why was this?

 

The or-tever guy was mentioned a couple of times. Couldn't really understand his role but he was actually even more dangerous than the protagonist.

 

The military boss guy was the only other named character and he has no real personality from what I gathered.

 

Note: You spelled "upperhand" differently the two times you wrote it. "upperhand" and "upper hand".

 

Edit: You don't actually need to straight up answer the questions ;P

I couldn't place your accent because, for whatever reason, it reminds me of the British accent, but at the same time seemed different, which is why I was curious.

 

I've got a couple ideas in mind as how she's so strong. None of which will be revealed just yet. And yes, she is very overconfident. Her dominant hand (right) has more power behind it. You'll notice that I specify which hand she uses almost every time she uses them. I never specified that she understood the spies. Only that she was able to tell.

 

She tries to avoid scrutiny as much as possible, she'd rather hide bodies/place blame elsewhere, rather than answer questions as to why she killed the two in the forest/branded the two outside her living quarters as spies without justification. And yes, there is a reason for nearly all of her actions thus far. They just aren't apparent, and hopefully won't be for a while. :P

 

Well, sanahtlig, whom I had a conversation with about my story in this thread, had said he was the antagonist. Would you agree or disagree?

 

How should I rectify that problem? What should I add to his character to make him more in depth regarding his personality?

 

I spelled them differently? Well, crap. I'll fix it shortly.

 

And yes, I'm being intentionally vague. Hopefully you enjoyed what you read.

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