life changing vn

[aoishiro]

family project, kazoku keikaku.

 

it's been 8 years since i first play this game, still haven't finished it. in fact could not finish it.

i don't have the strenght to finished it, to cheat on matsuri in fact.

it's the vn, that changed my life perspective. in the moment of my deepest sadness, i always play the bgm, cry and felt better.

 

i'm a man, who lost his father 1 year ago to lung cancer, he's a heavy smoker, no surprise there. age 74. now i live alone with my 75 years old mother. i'm 27 years old. a normal healty, average looking guy. i've got 3.85 gpa in financial management.

 

i'm a very recluse person inside, but on the outside i can act pretty well. i have a good job with 3 subordinates working under me. but i kept my secret inside of me, that i love a vn so much, it drives me on how to live my life.

 

now i fell in love with one of my subordinates who is already married for just 3 years with 2 years old baby she and was 1 or 2 year older than  me. she is a strong woman who carried her family. meaning she made most of the money in her family, still taking care of her husband and child while having occasional fight with the mother in law. i was mesmerized by her determination, her integrity and at the same time. felt so shitty... of course she doesn't know, she says she feels lucky to have me as her boss..

 

i don't feel good right now, so i turn back to the things i loved so much. kazoku keikaku. cause listening to the video 'sakura anatte deatte yokatta' isn't enough anymore.

 

------

after so many years, i've decide to share my 'feelings' on the best most human clannad predecessor vn.

 

kawahara matsuri. a girl who live in a cardboard box after her parents death.. 16 years old, school at the morning. work at a factory at the afternoon till night, go back to the cardboard box to sleep. rinse and repeat.

 

sawamura tsukasa. if i'm allowed to answer the question 'who am i in one sentence' that would be sawamura tsukasa. he's the personification of myself. every thought of his, every decision presented to him. every decision he made. every feeling he had, every laughter, anger, anoyyance, everything..... is me.

 

there is no other character in anything... that i could relate more than sawamura tsukasa in family project.

 

that is on of the reason why this vn is so so special to me, it felt that it was written FOR ME..

 

 

back to matsuri. strong on the outside but very fragile on the inside. working so hard trying to be accepted, afarid of rejection. dont't care about her limit, work work and work to make other people accept her and love her. she wants a family.... a happy one even if its a fake one.

 

in her route, tsukasa and her fiunally buy a house a small flat which used to belong to his family. a cheap one with no bath. no money or anything. but they are happy... the moment when she waited for tsukasa in the dark hoping that he woulnd't leave her, touch me so much that it probably the last thing i would remember on my dying breath.

 

 

i'm normal in fact so normal that i just want someone like her in real life. someone who is strong, determined, but still fragile on the inside. ....

 

im saying all of this, the deepest thought on my mind in a forum to complete strangers, cause im so miserable right now, i felt like going insane. i don't do diary. i want someone somewhere to read this...

 

if you don't care or care enough to ridicule me, thats all right. even if theres only one person who could share my feelings. thats good enough...

 

i really love her .couldn't act on it of course, i don't want to be the bad guy.

 

thank you, whoever you are if you read this far... thank you

 

 

 

 

 

[Kyoroto]

My friend, I respect the fact that you had the courage to tell us about your current state in life.

I might not have alot of experience in this kind of stuff since I'm just a highschool student but keep in mind that life has it's struggles.

"Remember that happiness is a way of travel, not a destination" - Roy Goodman

May I wish you all the very best future

Salute.

[Carronade]

im saying all of this, the deepest thought on my mind in a forum to complete strangers, cause im so miserable right now, i felt like going insane. i don't do diary. i want someone somewhere to read this...

[Zalor]

Thanks for sharing this, if it's any consolation. In fact your situation reminds me of a quote from an anime, "Hidden feeling? How painful they must be."

 

Although significantly younger than you (still in high School like Kyoroto) I can definitely relate to the pain of having feelings for somebody you can't have. Although my situation is far less complicated than yours.  

 

It's also kind of nice to have a VN you can return to when feeling down. The visual novel I always return to is Kanon. 

 

I think the reason the themes of unrequited and repressed love have been popular since medieval court poetry (and probably even before that), is because it is something everyone can relate to. 

[Supah Kawaii Weeaboo]

There are times when I have wondered if an electronic game can be anything other than a frivolous distraction. It's easy for me to consider video games to have no merits. But when I'm *not* being cynical, I remember all the life lessons that I learned from Persona 4, the mix of upbeat and mellow scenes in Dragon Quest 9, the slow but moving moments in Private Nurse, the characters' struggle to survive in Hakouki, and a bunch of other good examples.

 

if you don't care or care enough to ridicule me, thats all right. even if theres only one person who could share my feelings. thats good enough...

 

 

There have been times when I have been isolated and miserable. It doesn't help that I'm an introvert who has trouble trusting people. Every day is a struggle against apathy and negativity. A few things which have helped me include...

 

* Seeking a professional counselor, writing down notes each session, and trying to follow through on advice.

* Seeking activities outside of home and work. If you live near a decent size city, then look for local groups on Facebook or Meetup.com. You can definitely search the latter site by location and by interest. Consider attending a group in your area, and giving them at least two chances.

* Trying to incorporate exercise into my life.

* Thinking about priorities. I'm striving to have both short-term and long-term goals, and considering how I will achieve them.

 

I do not want to give unwanted advice, and I do not want to ask too much. Think about which of these you might find beneficial. Then when you have time, take the first step.