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Confession: I learned that my grandmother had a stroke this morning, and I didn't really feel all that sad.  I'm actually more worried about how it'll affect my grandfather.  As shitty as this sounds, I've pretty much cut all emotional ties to her.  She's racist, sexist, verbally and emotionally abusive in the extreme, and just generally not a nice person.  She's pretty nice to me and her other grandkids, but not to anyone else around her, and that has basically made me hate being around and interacting with her.

I know I should feel scared and sad, but I don't really feel anything like that.  My second thought (after something along the lines of "Holy shit, that's terrible") was, "Well, maybe now she'll shut her mouth for once".  For context, the stroke apparently affected the speech center of her brain.  I feel pretty ashamed of my feelings and that thought, but I just can't make myself forgive her for the way she's acted and the things she's said and done in the past.  I guess the fact that I feel shame for feeling that way means something, but I still feel like a terrible person.

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8 hours ago, Zenophilious said:

Confession: I learned that my grandmother had a stroke this morning, and I didn't really feel all that sad.  I'm actually more worried about how it'll affect my grandfather.  As shitty as this sounds, I've pretty much cut all emotional ties to her.  She's racist, sexist, verbally and emotionally abusive in the extreme, and just generally not a nice person.  She's pretty nice to me and her other grandkids, but not to anyone else around her, and that has basically made me hate being around and interacting with her.

I know I should feel scared and sad, but I don't really feel anything like that.  My second thought (after something along the lines of "Holy shit, that's terrible") was, "Well, maybe now she'll shut her mouth for once".  For context, the stroke apparently affected the speech center of her brain.  I feel pretty ashamed of my feelings and that thought, but I just can't make myself forgive her for the way she's acted and the things she's said and done in the past.  I guess the fact that I feel shame for feeling that way means something, but I still feel like a terrible person.

I think it's pretty normal not to feel anything when something bad happens to a loved one, though apparently it's more normal to feel sad.

I don't think I ever got sad at news of someone dying, which isn't to say I didn't care about the people who did die.

I dunno, probably not the most reliable person out there to talk about this, ugh. 

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You must've been exposed to quite the amount of BS and darkness from your grandmums to harbor such feelings, I barely ever got to see my paternal grandpops (outta state) so when he passed the most I could feel was indifferent / that's unfortunate

I did have those fkin random nightmares throughout my life though where my parents or another direct loved one died and so i bawled so hard in the dream i legit woke in tears

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11 hours ago, Zenophilious said:

Confession: I learned that my grandmother had a stroke this morning, and I didn't really feel all that sad.  I'm actually more worried about how it'll affect my grandfather.  As shitty as this sounds, I've pretty much cut all emotional ties to her.  She's racist, sexist, verbally and emotionally abusive in the extreme, and just generally not a nice person.  She's pretty nice to me and her other grandkids, but not to anyone else around her, and that has basically made me hate being around and interacting with her.

I know I should feel scared and sad, but I don't really feel anything like that.  My second thought (after something along the lines of "Holy shit, that's terrible") was, "Well, maybe now she'll shut her mouth for once".  For context, the stroke apparently affected the speech center of her brain.  I feel pretty ashamed of my feelings and that thought, but I just can't make myself forgive her for the way she's acted and the things she's said and done in the past.  I guess the fact that I feel shame for feeling that way means something, but I still feel like a terrible person.

I totally get you, I was never close to my grandmother on my father's side and pretty much never saw her until two thirds of my life had past. My siblings and my dad would visit her once in a blue moon and she seemed decent, except I could never understand a fucking word she said because her first language was Korean and she barely could speak English. Which stressed both of us out, since neither of us could understand what the other was saying. 

I learned later on that she wasn't the most stable person, she came from a life of poverty and my biological grandfather just kinda swooped in, knocked her up, than left. So, she had to raise my dad and his brother by herself, which if the drunken ramblings of my father are to be believed, involved screaming, bamboo beatings, and harsh punishments for trying to get a part time job to help feed the family. 

I did gather that recently, until she had a stroke which prevented her from moving very well, she would beat her and my er - (is step-grandpa a term? well anyways my dad's stepfathers') dogs and she still had a habit of screaming. Oh and apparently the reason I never saw her before my teenage years was because she was against my dad marrying a non-korean, so that was nice. Although she apparently did visit us a handful of times when I was super young and tried to make me take a bath in near boiling water, while my Mother wasn't paying attention. 

I still make the effort to tag along with the fam whenever they go to say hello at the retirement home she now resides at. I still don't really understand her and I don't think we could have ever been close, but she knows she doesn't have very much life to live and seeing her grandchildren is one of her few pleasures left. As much as I talk shit about not caring about other people, seeing the complex look of happiness and sadness on her face (since she doesn't know if this will be the last time she will see my family before she kicks the bucket) is quite gut wrenching........ although I wish she would stop complaining about my hair. 

Edited by Soulless Watcher
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14 hours ago, Kaguya said:

I think it's pretty normal not to feel anything when something bad happens to a loved one, though apparently it's more normal to feel sad.

I don't think I ever got sad at news of someone dying, which isn't to say I didn't care about the people who did die.

I dunno, probably not the most reliable person out there to talk about this, ugh. 

The closest I've ever come to that before was emotional numbness, which I'm definitely not feeling right now.  I just...don't care.  That's never happened to me before, in regards to a family member getting seriously ill and possibly dying.  In the past, I cried a lot and got really depressed.

13 hours ago, Eclipsed said:

You must've been exposed to quite the amount of BS and darkness from your grandmums to harbor such feelings, I barely ever got to see my paternal grandpops (outta state) so when he passed the most I could feel was indifferent / that's unfortunate

I did have those fkin random nightmares throughout my life though where my parents or another direct loved one died and so i bawled so hard in the dream i legit woke in tears

Yep.  Didn't really notice it as much when I was a kid, as I could pretty easily entertain myself and block out the worst parts, but as I grew up, it became more obvious just how awful of a person she could be.  I'm actually amazed her own children even speak to her.

I once had a nightmare that my entire family was being mauled to death by tigers while I ran away.  I think I woke up screaming.  I had some really messed up nightmares as a kid  :sachi:

13 hours ago, Soulless Watcher said:

-snip-

Thanks for the sympathy, and the story.  I feel pretty much the same way you described at the bottom of your post.  I don't want to deprive her of any happiness she gets from seeing her grandkids (that's all she does anymore besides sit in a chair and watch TV), but her personality makes spending any longer than a day around her very, very hard.

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35 minutes ago, rainsismyfav said:

My life of a working man straddled with student loans: \(^o^)/   (^o^)/ ...    (°o°)    (°-°)         (°.°) ...     (・.・;)(・・;)   (°°)   (´・ω・`)      ( つ Д `) Sayonara $$$

and it's Balenteen's Day!@# Gotta spend dat doe on dem flowers and grills yoo

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Just now, Eclipsed said:

and it's Balenteen's Day!@# Gotta spend dat doe on dem flowers and grills yoo

I might not have doe, but I spent time and energy on the grill, while the grill spent the last two weeks on Digimon World and became a Master Trainer.

I shall become the best loan-paying corporate-working Digimon ever existed. :D

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I did it, I fucking watched whole 322 eps of a portuguese telenovela (dubbed in Italian), the urge to do strange things out of your confort zone is dangerous sometimes... Better stick with asian stuff as usual.

Now I'm watching some episodes of one of the most... prominent tv-show of Berlusconi's trash tv of the early 90s... they made a cover of rossini's "la calunnia" to mock the haters, at a certain point the host stated that Berlusconi's oppositors were allied with satan... fucking geniuses in their own way...

Edited by WinterfuryZX
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Just now, Kurisu-Chan said:

Ohoho, that's so easy for you.

 

Not for me, i hate that expression. 

Actually it is, it's called

1.) Say it smoothly like "I want this pizza about as much as I want you"

2.)wait for the right moment or something, like say your both alone, having a good time and drop the bomb

3.) Write a note or something 

4.) Chocolate only fails .00000000000000000000001 times and that's when she thinks your calling her fat

ill think of more later

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15 minutes ago, Kurisu-Chan said:

Confession...

 

I just don't know how to tell the girl i love that...well...i love her. 

It sounds obvious, but my biggest lump of advice would be don't ask her around people - you're asking for trouble, it puts both of you on the spot and it's just a fucking awful idea. If you've got the luxury of being reasonably good friends with her, then that'll make it easier - you don't have to drop the l-word (and I wouldn't tbh), just ask if she'd like to go somewhere with you (even if it's just grab a tea or coffee or whatever your poison is). If not, I wouldn't just drop the bomb on her. Unfortunately my experience with the latter stops there.

If you're friendly with the same people, then that can help too - just test the water, ask them if you reckon she'd be interested at all. They might be fucking useless, they might outright say no, but they might also say it's worth a shot, and that helps a lot with the old confidence.

It ain't easy fella - took me 4 months to get the balls up to ask my better half, and even then I was nervous - but if you don't, you'll kick yourself more. Best of luck for when/if you do it :sachi:

Edited by AaronIsCrunchy
"around people" is probably more accurate than "in public".
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14 minutes ago, Kurisu-Chan said:

Confession...

 

I just don't know how to tell the girl i love that...well...i love her. 

How familiar are you with her? Are you just acquaintances or is she a friend? That will change your approach, I think.

I second the notion of telling her in private. That said, I don't know shit about love (except that I might be friendzoning my best female friend). But I feel like you'd regret it if you never told her.

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Confession: Further confirming my horrible sense of humor, I watched the Lego Batman movie and really enjoyed it. Was really surprised to see Will Arnett was doing the voice of Batman when the credits rolled, then thought back and was not even remotely surprised. He was perfect. It's no surprise to see him rock a ridiculous over-the-top comedy role like Lego Batman, though I still can't get over how good he was in The Secret World of Arrietty as a rock-solid calm-as-can-be father. Anyway, surprisingly entertaining movie, and well worth the $0 I paid for it (yay office field trips).

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