Jump to content

Fuwanovel Confessions


OriginalRen

Recommended Posts

24 minutes ago, Kurisu-Chan said:

i love studying in academics field and all, i'm really good at that, gets lot of praise from professors because of my willingness to work and all...

Have you worked any jobs related to your field? The thing about school is that it doesn't focus enough on the application of the knowledge, just the acquisition--even in the applied fields. Perhaps doing an internship/co-op, schedule permitting, would help give you a bit more confidence in what you do, if you haven't already.

30 minutes ago, Kurisu-Chan said:

i have 0 self-confidence, i never praise myself, even when i do something really cool, even when i receive compliments from people, i just don't accept them

I'm similar in this regard. I can't accept praise unless I firmly believe what I did/have is praiseworthy. Having high standards is good, but going about it this way probably isn't the most healthy xD.

32 minutes ago, Kurisu-Chan said:

i just felt..."nothing" i felt joy for other people, but not for myself.

Sounds like you did get a bit of joy out of it, even if you think it's only about others. There's no reason making other people happy can't make you happy.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 6/9/2018 at 7:24 PM, Kurisu-Chan said:

Confession : i got my first level at masters degree in telecommunications and networking and...

While i love doing what i do, and i love studying in academics field and all, i'm really good at that, gets lot of praise from professors because of my willingness to work and all...but, i still don't find anything good about my self.

I have to explain myself, i have 0 self-confidence, i never praise myself, even when i do something really cool, even when i receive compliments from people, i just don't accept them, all i do, is assume that people wants to murder me, people wants to use me, people just wants to mess with me.
I still have zero self-confidence, despite being a popular guy, despite being pretty good at what i do, but i still can't praise myself, i feel like a lowly worm whom can't even do anything...I am unable to feel satisfaction in my actions, no matter what i do.

when i got my bachelor degree, i didn't feel any "real" joy, i did have joy, but it only lasted for a few minutes, before going back into full 0 confidence.

I made a game, and was helped by a team of really cool people whom i kept contact with...But i didn't feel like "i" did something, despite being the main programmer, i just felt..."nothing" i felt joy for other people, but not for myself.

Maybe you're the type who cares more about others than you do yourself? Try doing something for someone else's benefit and see if it helps. I read about it somewhere that some rich people do community service and give to charity as a form of therapy, and it might work out in your situation too.

Edited by Kenshin_sama
Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 6/10/2018 at 7:24 AM, Kurisu-Chan said:

Confession : i got my first level at masters degree in telecommunications and networking and...

While i love doing what i do, and i love studying in academics field and all, i'm really good at that, gets lot of praise from professors because of my willingness to work and all...but, i still don't find anything good about my self.

I have to explain myself, i have 0 self-confidence, i never praise myself, even when i do something really cool, even when i receive compliments from people, i just don't accept them, all i do, is assume that people wants to murder me, people wants to use me, people just wants to mess with me.
I still have zero self-confidence, despite being a popular guy, despite being pretty good at what i do, but i still can't praise myself, i feel like a lowly worm whom can't even do anything...I am unable to feel satisfaction in my actions, no matter what i do.

when i got my bachelor degree, i didn't feel any "real" joy, i did have joy, but it only lasted for a few minutes, before going back into full 0 confidence.

I made a game, and was helped by a team of really cool people whom i kept contact with...But i didn't feel like "i" did something, despite being the main programmer, i just felt..."nothing" i felt joy for other people, but not for myself.

I understand your predicament, however let me ask you something... What do you expect to get out of your education or masters degree once you completed them all and such? What's your endgame or if there's any in the first place? What's the purpose of all the time spend on your education? Is it worth it? If you end up loathing yourself? Why do you have to subject yourself to suffering in such a way? Was it your choice? Does it give meaning to your existence? :rize:

 

The behaviors that you exhibit is often a sign for people who lack ambition, or sense of purpose and direction in their lives. They often choose to follow the crowd without distinguishing themselves to the masses... 

 

Its time to throw away your academic textbooks and start reading self development or self help books. Learn to live your life! :wafuu:

That's something schools, university cannot you teach, you'll have to find it yourself. I realized it the hard way! :makina:

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ignoring the self-development and self-help books advice, i think you guys are totally missing the point, or maybe i didn't explain myself well.

It's not that i lack ambition or anything, i lack self-love, i just can't love anything i do, anything i try. I might be the best human being in existence, become richer than anyone here, but still, i just can't appreciate myself, it's really impossible.

And yes, no need to even speak to me about these "self helping" gurus or "how to become a master entrepreneur or anything", Machiavelli and Sun Tsu are enough for me. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

19 hours ago, Kurisu-Chan said:

Ignoring the self-development and self-help books advice, i think you guys are totally missing the point, or maybe i didn't explain myself well.

It's not that i lack ambition or anything, i lack self-love, i just can't love anything i do, anything i try. I might be the best human being in existence, become richer than anyone here, but still, i just can't appreciate myself, it's really impossible.

And yes, no need to even speak to me about these "self helping" gurus or "how to become a master entrepreneur or anything", Machiavelli and Sun Tsu are enough for me. 

Umm... Is that so? Well at least I tried :maple:

Machiavelli and Sun Tsu principles and writings, while highly efficient in the area of politics, business and the military. However its somehow very pragmatic, cold, ruthless, necessary evil.

Love is illogical since emotions couldn't be measure by practical, conventional means. Certain conditions must be met if you want to achieve love and happiness... You already know that for your a highly intelligent, academic individual... 

Keep in mind your also a human being with a living soul whether you believe in the Gods or whatsoever that requires emotional nourishment from time to time, by now your aware what is going to happen if you neglect that other part of yourself. love is like oxygen, without it, there's no reason for being alive in the first place :sachi:

If Machiavelli and Sun Tsu are the only people you draw upon inspirations, your missing quite a lot, nonetheless its not my place judge people's taste in reading materials or precepts of their lives. Your very entitled for your own good... 

Anyways I won't troubled you and many thanks for your time in listening, wish you all the best and hope you'll find whatever it is your looking for in this lifetime.........

 

On a unrelated topic, if you guys have a GOG.COM account, they're giving a free game today, still have a couple of hours before the offer expires! get it now for anybody's who's interested! Free game is always a good game especially from GOG!:wahaha:

 

 

Edited by Templarseeker
Link to comment
Share on other sites

4 hours ago, Templarseeker said:

Umm... Is that so? Well at least I tried :maple:

Machiavelli and Sun Tsu principles and writings, while highly efficient in the area of politics, business and the military. However its somehow very pragmatic, cold, ruthless, necessary evil.

Love is illogical since emotions couldn't be measure by practical, conventional means. Certain conditions must be met if you want to achieve love and happiness... You already know that for your a highly intelligent, academic individual... 

Keep in mind your also a human being with a living soul whether you believe in the Gods or whatsoever that requires emotional nourishment from time to time, by now your aware what is going to happen if you neglect that other part of yourself. love is like oxygen, without it, there's no reason for being alive in the first place :sachi:

If Machiavelli and Sun Tsu are the only people you draw upon inspirations, your missing quite a lot, nonetheless its not my place judge people's taste in reading materials or precepts of their lives. Your very entitled for your own good... 

Anyways I won't troubled you and many thanks for your time in listening, wish you all the best and hope you'll find whatever it is your looking for in this lifetime.........

 

On a unrelated topic, if you guys have a GOG.COM account, they're giving a free game today, still have a couple of hours before the offer expires! get it now for anybody's who's interested! Free game is always a good game especially from GOG!:wahaha:

 

 

I'm sorry, i dunno why i answered with such anger yesterday, btw, it bothered me all day, but since i posted it, i didn't want to errase that.

One thing i have to precise, i am not a robot, i'm not 100% pragmatic, i act with emotions, i experience fear, love, pain, anger, disdain...etc so that is not the problem here, i think. 

Let's add more.

I purposely hide information about myself, if one thing, the information war taught me that who controls the intel dominates the battlefield, which is why i never, ever say everything about myself, i purposely chose to release specific information about myself in order to provoke specific reactions from specific individuals.
I know you are trying to profile me, because of the few informations i released to you, the thing is : how much reliable do you think these intel are?
 

Operation Fortitude, General Patton was charged with "leading" a fake army, the german brought into the information because, after all, it's Patton, you aren't wasting the best general of your army into some kind of fake army, right? The first enemy of mankind, is preconceptions, they are likely to become your downfall, one day or another.

Which is why i never really say everything i know, love, like, experience, adore...etc.

ANd maybe that's why i am never happy with myself, i try too much to protect myself, because i know what awaits people who don't protect their lifes. 

Edited by Kurisu-Chan
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well I for one have read KS and I recommend it. Don't expect a super production value, but for what it is, it's pretty damn good. 

Though as usual, don't read something if you don't feel like it. No matter how good something is, if you have the wrong attitude it will leave a bad aftertaste. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Confession: I'm rereading Umineko, I'm in Episode 1, and I relate to Rosa extremely deeply. I'm not happy about this because Rosa is an emotionally (and even possibly physically) abusive mother. And I see how I behave, think and feel in everything she does (in terms of my relationship with my little sister).

-She's kind to a fault. Same here. (Except for one person she gets angry at extremely easily, which others don't know about. Same here.)
-She doesn't fare well when placed under personal scrutiny. Same here.
-She is infuriated by a relatively innocuous trait of her child Maria (tendency to say "Uu- uu!" before and after almost every damn sentence), to the point of shouting at her, telling her to repeatedly stop it, and ultimately shouting at her face and slapping her over it. Same here. (Rosa's justification for this is that this causes Maria to get bullied at school. I can relate to that feeling.)
-She can't help but escalate the arguments between her and her child. Same here.
-A few hours into the VN, Maria and Rosa have an argument in a garden (Maria's looking for something that's not there and throws a tantrum), and it escalates to the point Rosa keeps shouting in Maria's face while she's on the ground and continues to slap Maria. This fight ends in Rosa shouting "Fine then, look for it yourself!" and going back indoors, right when a downpour starts. And Rosa hasn't actually done this to hurt Maria any further- she's left Maria alone because she fears she'll hurt Maria even more in her current state, she leaves Maria to keep herself from harming her daughter. And this really, really fucking got to me because that's what I've wanted to do for a while, get away from my sister as much as possible so that I don't end up hurting her. 

It's depressing to see this character (Rosa) hurt someone extremely deeply, and understand and relate to (almost approve) what they've done, all the same. And just as depressing to know I think and feel and act the same way and that I won't change.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I went to the beach for the first time in like 15 years :michiru:

The last few months I've been attending swimming lessons. Though I could swim reasonably well for an amateur, I didnt feel confident enough to swim in open water. The thing is, being in the sea, a boundless space totallly out of control, and where to make it worse I can't even see what's under my feet if the waters are not clear enough, makes me feel pretty anxious. And yeah, I know, what the fuck do you think there could be in the water besides some random jellyfish? But still, it makes me extremely unconfortable. Perhaps some of you can relate. Anyway, I'm working on it, and today was a good first step.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, Thyndd said:

I went to the beach for the first time in like 15 years :michiru:

The last few months I've been attending swimming lessons. Though I could swim reasonably well for an amateur, I didnt feel confident enough to swim in open water. The thing is, being in the sea, a boundless space totallly out of control, and where to make it worse I can't even see what's under my feet if the waters are not clear enough, makes me feel pretty anxious. And yeah, I know, what the fuck do you think there could be in the water besides some random jellyfish? But still, it makes me extremely unconfortable. Perhaps some of you can relate. Anyway, I'm working on it, and today was a good first step.

The sea is horror. Who knows what's under the water. What if some fish eats me?!?!?
More realistically, I fear stepping on something that may cut my feet or hurting myself on a rock, so yes, the sea is not for me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, Thyndd said:

I went to the beach for the first time in like 15 years :michiru:

The last few months I've been attending swimming lessons. Though I could swim reasonably well for an amateur, I didnt feel confident enough to swim in open water. The thing is, being in the sea, a boundless space totallly out of control, and where to make it worse I can't even see what's under my feet if the waters are not clear enough, makes me feel pretty anxious. And yeah, I know, what the fuck do you think there could be in the water besides some random jellyfish? But still, it makes me extremely unconfortable. Perhaps some of you can relate. Anyway, I'm working on it, and today was a good first step.

I don't know, I never really had this problem. Did you try to go underwater and reach the bottom with your feet? If you feel that there's actually something under you this feeling may go away. Just don't swim to where it is too deep of course. You should be sure that you can return to the surface at any moment. And be careful with your ears if you put your head underwater. I learned this the hard way. :makina:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, Thyndd said:

I went to the beach for the first time in like 15 years :michiru:

The last few months I've been attending swimming lessons. Though I could swim reasonably well for an amateur, I didnt feel confident enough to swim in open water. The thing is, being in the sea, a boundless space totallly out of control, and where to make it worse I can't even see what's under my feet if the waters are not clear enough, makes me feel pretty anxious. And yeah, I know, what the fuck do you think there could be in the water besides some random jellyfish? But still, it makes me extremely unconfortable. Perhaps some of you can relate. Anyway, I'm working on it, and today was a good first step.

TBF, sea can be dangerous for an inexperienced swimmer, like everybody of water that isn't a well-guarded pool. If you can, find a beach where you have safe depth marked by lines, you have nothing to fear in one of those. After you feel more confident with you swimming skills and get accustomed to big water, you should be ok in the sea, unless you do something really reckless. :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

38 minutes ago, Dreamysyu said:

I don't know, I never really had this problem. Did you try to go underwater and reach the bottom with your feet? If you feel that there's actually something under you this feeling may go away. Just don't swim to where it is too deep of course. You should be sure that you can return to the surface at any moment. And be careful with your ears if you put your head underwater. I learned this the hard way. :makina:

I dunno if I feel prepared to go diving just yet :makina: If it doesn't happen to you I guess it's pretty hard to understand where I am coming from. Let me make clear that it's not a rational fear, though calling it a phobia would be an overstatement. In the pool I have no problems at all, I can swim and dive easily, so unless we're talking about choppy sea, this is just a mental issue. 

Ok... let me make an analogy. Imagine you are at an unfamiliar place that's in complete darkness. It's kinda that sort of feeling. It's not that I feel that there's "something" dangerous under me, like a kid would fear a monster under their bed, it's more like everything around me makes me feel uneasy. The thing is, this didn't happen to me when I was a kid, and I don't remember any traumatic experience that could've caused it :yumiko:

14 minutes ago, Plk_Lesiak said:

TBF, sea can be dangerous for an inexperienced swimmer, like everybody of water that isn't a well-guarded pool. If you can, find a beach where you have safe depth marked by lines, you have nothing to fear in one of those. After you feel more confident with you swimming skills and get accustomed to big water, you should be ok in the sea, unless you do something really reckless.

Yep. To be fair, there's no chance I would do something reckless in my current state of mind though :makina: The thing is, I feel confident enough about my swimming skills (though obviously not overconfident, which would be a huge mistake), after all the hard work I've been putting into it. And I came to the realization that no matter how much I improve, I'll never feel comfortable in the sea unless I just man up and actually get into the sea. 

Edited by Thyndd
Link to comment
Share on other sites

4 hours ago, Plk_Lesiak said:

TBF, sea can be dangerous for an inexperienced swimmer, like everybody of water that isn't a well-guarded pool. If you can, find a beach where you have safe depth marked by lines, you have nothing to fear in one of those. After you feel more confident with you swimming skills and get accustomed to big water, you should be ok in the sea, unless you do something really reckless. :)

The sea contains dangers much more sinister than "safe if you can reach the bottom". You need to know about rip tides and how they can affect the beach you are at. To put it simple, when high tide ends, the water has to go somewhere and it's out into the ocean. If the bottom acts as a wall, the water will flow out through holes in the barrier. This can create currents so strong that no human can swim against them and if you are caught, you are flushed out. If that happens, you need to try to circle around it and see if you can get in next to it rather than through it. If this is caused by rock formations, they can be fairly predictable. Sand on the other hand moves around and a rip tide might not be at the same location two days in a row.

Spoiler

 

There are other dangers as well. For instance boats and ships. Apart from the obvious getting hit by reckless tiny boats near the beach, big ships can be an issue as well. A ship creates waves. One at the front where it pushes water to both sides, essentially plowing through the water and one from the rear where the propeller is active. Those two waves can travel for several minutes before hitting a beach where they will be noticed as two waves, which are noteworthy stronger than the other waves. There are actually speed restrictions for ships in place in order to protect beaches from this issue. Once in a while a ship is caught speeding.

 

When the wind goes towards land, all the water will flow inwards. However it doesn't stack up on the beach, meaning it has to go out again. In some cases it will do this at the bottom, meaning if you stick your legs too deep, they can be caught in a current flowing outwards despite the water visibly flowing inwards.

 

Does this mean entering the water is reckless? I will compare it to driving a car. There are dangers, but if you know them and know how to avoid them, then it's not a huge issue. If you don't know about the dangers or rules and just do something, it can become unacceptably dangerous. A quick google search tells that in California, 58k were rescued and 60 drowned. It doesn't explicitly say how long it took to make those statistics, but numbers I have seen earlier indicates that it's likely in a single year. Australia had 74 who drowned in 2016 while taking a recreational swim.

 

If you plan to get into the water, I recommend you do some research on rip tides first.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

20 hours ago, tymmur said:

 

  Hide contents

 

 

I take it no one knew much about rip tides back then? I can understand if the woman who got caught was unaware, but I'm surprised to see the rescue team make the same mistake of swimming against it.

As a Floridian, I ended up going to the beach with either of my parents on a near weekly basis when I was younger, so I'm somewhat familiar with rip tides (my parents called it an undertow at the time, which is inaccurate). I've never had to do it personally, but I was aware of them since my mom never failed to repeat her warnings every time we went to the beach. :) If you do get stuck, you can get out of it a lot more easily if you swim parallel to the shore. Most riptides aren't that long (usually less than 30 feet), so it won't take nearly as much effort as swimming against them. And when you do get out, swim diagonally.

Edit: I'm not sure if they do this in any other state with a beach, but I know the news stations here in Florida will give a rip tide risk assessment (low, medium, high, etc) along with the weather forecast. Might be worth your time to check those out.

Edited by Kenshin_sama
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...