Steve's light novel in a "VN style" crowdfunding - announcement and discussion

[Steve]

Hello Fuwanovel, I would like to let you know about a project I've been working on for the past months.
I just now finally started a fundraising campaign on indiegogo so if you feel like supporting me, there is that option.


It is a light novel in the writing style of visual novels (that's why I chose this section, there is no LN talk forum) about all the mysteries of a particular Broken World.
Of course it has some changes since it is in a book format and so the lines can be longer and are not limited to the game window, but the feeling I am aiming for is the same as of a VN.

Anyways to read more about the project and all the options to support it, please visit:

A PROMISE FROM THE BROKEN WORLD - PROJECT PAGE

 

UPDATE: second part of chapter 1 (following the events of the prologue) is available HERE


And one more time as a reminder, only donate to the project if you want to support me. It is after all not only a project for this one novel but also a project to give me a chance to show what I am truly capable of and help me become even better at it.

---

Please also use this topic to ask any questions about me, the project, the style used, the story and the characters or even the funding options. I will do my best to answer them thoroughly while avoiding any spoilers of the key events of the book (at max it will be some very vague hint in a spoiler tag).

And lastly... May the love and the lolis be with you~

[Kendjin]

I was gonna donate $50, but apparently you don't do Boy Love

 

and yes I am still reading through the stuff, stupid work getting in the way.

[Steve]

I was gonna donate $50, but apparently you don't do Boy Love

 

Maybe just for you I would do an exception... if it is a BL story between you and Tay

[shcboomer]

Maybe just for you I would do an exception... if it is a BL story between you and Tay

I thought it was always Ken x solidbatman, where did I go wrong?

[Mr. Meogii]

Maybe just for you I would do an exception... if it is a BL story between you and Tay

 

._. Shut Up and take my Money!

 

I Really hope this becomes a success for you. I'd donate but I have debit card restrictions

[OriginalRen]

Glad to see you are following through with this idea, and I wish you the best of luck in your project. If I may though, I would like to offer a few suggestions that might help promote your material better.

 

First, in your description of who you are and your idea behind the project, you mention your passion for visual novels and Japanese 2D animation. As a possible donator to your project however, I find it poor taste as a reader to include the fact that you feel the need to explain how you are labeled as being delusional and how people bash you for loving 2D. My suggestion? Don't include this. Be proud of the project you are doing and don't downplay yourself. Talk about your passion for the idea and how you are proud of what you are doing, but don't include something people can look at you negatively for.

 

Second, you talk about how your English grammar might not be the best in the world when creating this story. Don't say that! People don't want to donate money to a project they feel might be "decent" at best. As a possible donator, I want a complete project that I know will be a joy to read. I understand that honesty is important, but if you feel that your grammar might not be the best, find someone as passionate as you to help edit and work on the English with you. If I were to donate $100 for an h-scene as you mention in your rewards tab, I would not be happy knowing I would be taking a gamble based on your statement about the quality of the end product.

 

Finally, you talk about where the funds for the project will go. As a donator, I don't want to pay for your personal life needs such as food and rent, and as such I would remove these things entirely. In many people's case, I want the money I donate to go toward exactly what it is I am paying for: your project. In other words, I am not donating to a charity for Steve, but rather a funding for a project that I am excited to see come to fruition. Again, I understand the intent behind saying this, but it is unnecessary in the end. So long as I believe my money is going toward what I paid for and you complete the things you promise, what you do with the extra funds is none of my concern.

 

Overall, the quality and presentation in the link are useful and you do a good job of explaining things where lingo may be confusing, but these are just some points I feel you can change which will make people more interested in donating is all. Regardless, best of luck.

[Steve]

Thank you for the feedback Ren.

 

First, in your description of who you are and your idea behind the project, you mention your passion for visual novels and Japanese 2D animation. As a possible donator to your project however, I find it poor taste as a reader to include the fact that you feel the need to explain how you are labeled as being delusional and how people bash you for loving 2D. My suggestion? Don't include this. Be proud of the project you are doing and don't downplay yourself. Talk about your passion for the idea, and how you are proud of what you are doing, but don't include something people can look at you negatively for.

I have actually been reworking this part few times but I have found out this to fit the best. To an everyday person browsing indiegogo it might sound weird, but I am trying to target a very specific demographic - yes it is not the best idea for a project like this to target niches, but my dream is not to become famous in the word, rather just successful in that one niche.

This description I gave is a representation of me I would like to be known as (and pretty much already am) and so I would rather sacrifice a bit of fame for the integrity of my mindset.

I want the people contributing to love the final result and if they get turned out by this paragraph, chances are they would not even like the final result to begin with. I do not want to misrepresent the project to make people donate and then be disappointed.

I hope this explains the reasoning for that.

 

Second, you talk about how your English grammar might not be the best in the world when creating this story. Don't say that! People don't want to donate money to a project they feel might be "decent" at best. As a possible donator, I want a complete project that I know will be a joy to read. I understand that honesty is important, but if you feel that your grammar might not be the best, find someone as passionate as you to help edit and work on the English with you. If I were to donate $100 for an h-scene as you mention in your rewards tab, I would not be happy knowing I would be taking a gamble based on your statement about the quality of the end product.

My intention there was not to justify poor English, I am after all very confident in my ability to write in the language. I was merely trying to point out that I will not be experimenting with difficult levels for the sake of it being difficult (take it as a moege level of Japanese VS a Light game or something).

However seeing that it gave the wrong message, I will consider reworking this part. Thanks for pointing that out.

 

Finally, you talk about where the funds for the project will go. As a donator, I don't want to pay for your personal life needs such as food and rent, and as such I would remove these things entirely. In many people's case, I want the money I donate to go toward exactly what it is I am paying for: your project. In other words, I am not donating to a charity for Steve, but rather a funding for a project that I am excited to see come to fruition. Again, I understand the intent behind saying this, but it is unnecessary in the end.

Usually funds of a project involve the salary to the employees that work on the project, since I am the only one working on this that would be me. I was just trying to point out that the money will not go towards my savings or anything as a salary would, rather it will just be used to sustain myself on the minimal cost possible. Saying that everything will go only towards the publishing costs and fees would be untrue - the payment fees will be between about 9% to 14% (including transfer fees and all) and publishing will involve listing fees on the websites. In a case of successful funding, I will also try to use the remainder of the money on ISBN registration as an official work, which would be around $300.

So in my opinion removing this part would just bring questions about where the money is going if even with the potential ISBN registration the cost doesn't get to this sum. The living expenses are a big part of the funds and being honest with contributors is very important for me and so I included it.

Anyways thanks for the feedback, I will think about how to change some of the stuff based on your comments.

[Clephas]

If you really do have problems with English writing, I'd suggest bringing in a skilled amateur writer and handing them an outline, with detailed setting and character descriptions, and asking them to do the scut work.  I used to do the same thing for people that had ideas but couldn't quite get them down on paper in their own hand.  It isn't something the majority of authors do, but a small minority do it that way.  You can then go in afterward and edit it, add on to it, or trim it as you feel necessary... or you can do it the other way around, if your own style is important to you.  You can do the actual rough writing yourself, then have a more skilled English-speaker come in after you to fix language that won't work for an English-native audience.

 

Edit:  Generally speaking, people who read heavily are far less forgiving than your average otaku, so you will end up facing certain unavoidable problems in attracting people like that to your work.

[Steve]

If you really do have problems with English writing, I'd suggest bringing in a skilled amateur writer and handing them an outline, with detailed setting and character descriptions, and asking them to do the scut work.  I used to do the same thing for people that had ideas but couldn't quite get them down on paper in their own hand.  It isn't something the majority of authors do, but a small minority do it that way.  You can then go in afterward and edit it, add on to it, or trim it as you feel necessary... or you can do it the other way around, if your own style is important to you.  You can do the actual rough writing yourself, then have a more skilled English-speaker come in after you to fix language that won't work for an English-native audience.

 

Edit:  Generally speaking, people who read heavily are far less forgiving than your average otaku, so you will end up facing certain unavoidable problems in attracting people like that to your work.

 

Ok, I edited that part as I see it was misleading people. I have no problems writing in English, my thoughts about the stories and chapters before I go to bed and such are all in English and my dreams are also in English - with that I feel very confident I can do it without a person writing it for me or rewriting parts of it.

(I usually say under 10 words in Czech in a day, mostly just greetings to family members. I never use it on the internet)

 

You can see the prologue part as an example, I am pretty satisfied with it to say the least.

All I really wanted to say with that paragraph was that people who are used to reading the Otaku games and novels should have no problems reading this LN.

[Heizei_koukousei]

Finally, you talk about where the funds for the project will go. As a donator, I don't want to pay for your personal life needs such as food and rent, and as such I would remove these things entirely. In many people's case, I want the money I donate to go toward exactly what it is I am paying for: your project. In other words, I am not donating to a charity for Steve, but rather a funding for a project that I am excited to see come to fruition. Again, I understand the intent behind saying this, but it is unnecessary in the end. So long as I believe my money is going toward what I paid for and you complete the things you promise, what you do with the extra funds is none of my concern.

I find myself agreeing with this point. Everything you wrote is very professional except what was written under the "What I need and where does it go" subheading. You want include the fact that the money will be sustaining you as you go through the writing process but saying that you won't buy pizza or alcohol with the money brings questions to my mind that would never have popped up had you not mentioned it. Calling the money your "salary" is different than saying you won't buy luxuries with the money. I would never have considered "hey this guy is going to buy booze with the donation money". If you say these things, it takes away from your credibility. You might want to leave the bullet list but remove the short paragraph that follows.

 

Usually funds of a project involve the salary to the employees that work on the project, since I am the only one working on this that would be me. I was just trying to point out that the money will not go towards my savings or anything as a salary would, rather it will just be used to sustain myself on the minimal cost possible. Saying that everything will go only towards the publishing costs and fees would be untrue - the payment fees will be between about 9% to 14% (including transfer fees and all) and publishing will involve listing fees on the websites. In a case of successful funding, I will also try to use the remainder of the money on ISBN registration as an official work, which would be around $300.

So in my opinion removing this part would just bring questions about where the money is going if even with the potential ISBN registration the cost doesn't get to this sum. The living expenses are a big part of the funds and being honest with contributors is very important for me and so I included it.

 

This response is the type of thing I would expect to see under that subheading. Mentioning living expenses is perfectly legitimate because it is involved in the allocation of funds. However, saying you wont buy cigarettes or alcohol is not necessary.

 

 

I would be quite interested in reading a LN written by you. We all just want to see you have the best possible chance of reaching your goal

Anyway, good luck!

[Steve]

Thanks nose. I ended up removing the paragraph after all.

 

Btw often times the first thing that comes to mind when I see donations and such is "oh they are probably gonna buy beer with that money" xD

But I guess its not on everyone's mind.

 

 

Keep the feedback coming, it is definitely appreciated

[Darklord Rooke]

Hmmm… I think it would be more accurate to call this a LN in first person present rather than a LN in a VN style. I entered this thread expecting some sort of amalgamation between the mediums, and was a little disappointed. VNs don’t own the first person present style (The Hunger Games was written in this style, for example) and not all VNs are written in first person present. You’re basically writing a novel, which is admirable, but there’s no need to confuse people with such a vague connection to the VN medium.

 

That being said congratulations. I wish you luck with not only its completion, but eventually turning it into a kickass VN.

[Clephas]

Two major points... avoid webslang and if you need to use otakuslang, make sure you include a glossary for those not fully familiar with it. 

[Steve]

Hmmm… I think it would be more accurate to call this a LN in first person present rather than a LN in a VN style. I entered this thread expecting some sort of amalgamation between the mediums, and was a little disappointed. VNs don’t own the first person present style (The Hunger Games was written in this style, for example) and not all VNs are written in first person present. You’re basically writing a novel, which is admirable, but there’s no need to confuse people with such a vague connection to the VN medium.

 

That being said congratulations. I wish you luck with not only its completion, but eventually turning it into a kickass VN.

 

It is definitely true that there are novels in both present tense and first person and the combination of the two.

However it is not the only part I take from the "VN style" I mentioned. The idea of dialogue lines in a fluent fashion without interruptions and descriptions of each line is also one of the VN distinctions. It is true that the Japanese LNs often have that too, but not really to this extent.

Last thing is the content as well, the focus on the romance should also point more towards a VN than a novel in a sense that the first part can be called a "common" route of sorts introducing other characters, with later parts of the story shifting focus back to Chiiko and the "true" route leading to the end of the book and the final resolution.

 

The reason I decided to use this tagline and include the "VN style" in the description is that the original script and idea is actually a script for a VN I've been working on for quite a while now.

However after doing some research I discovered that starting a project for a VN would require much larger funding goal (at least 10k but most likely even more) and so I decided to tone it down a bit and just focus on the writing part - the only part I can do.

In about June of this year I changed it to a full length LN and since then I have been deciding which events including the other heroines I can keep and which events will be not fit the linear story and will have to be dropped (and potentially left for a spin-off if this ends up being successful).

 

 

Two major points... avoid webslang and if you need to use otakuslang, make sure you include a glossary for those not fully familiar with it. 

 

I indeed plan to have either a separate version with comments or a version with comments you can toggle on and off, explaining all the terms that people might not know. However there might still be some technical barriers for the latter option, especially on mobile devices and such, so I might have to go with the separate version.

 

But overall I do not plan to overuse the otaku slang, that means if there is a little sister it will be a little sister and not an imouto. Onii-chan is one of the words that are cringeworthy for a lot of people when put in English and so I decided to use that in the original form. From other things that might make an appearance it would be words like tsundere.

 

And as you could have noticed from the prologue, I mentioned "manga" - for words like these (anime, manga, etc) I will definitely not be using the western alternatives such as comic and cartoon, as I am trying to go for the authentic feel of post-apocalyptic Japan (mostly mountains).

 

However even people not familiar with the otaku culture should know what those things are.

 

 

PS: As for web slang, I do not plan to use that at all. Similarly you don't have to worry about memes like Kappas and Dogez appearing there... unless there is that mythical creature Kappa somewhere in the story (spoiler alert: there isn't)  xD

[arakura]

To be honest, I think that the changes Ren suggested would help you generally appeal to people. But I value the bluntness and the honesty, so I have to say I like it. When I see a novel project that wants a thousand dollars, I fully expect a large amount to go to the writer, to make it a more feasible task. While I do think that the explanation you wrote in this thread is much better in terms of nicely explaining things, I don't support the obfuscation of information in order to make your project seem like anything other than what it is. I approve of your choices in general as far as your straightforwardness goes. (And to be honest, I'm expecting a lot of it to go to living or 'salary' costs, so it makes you seem very legitimate when you don't try to hide the facts)

The one thing I wasnt too sold on was the part about your writing. I think you could make it clearer that you're actually quite proficient with the language. It wasn't too unclear, but you definitely undersell your skills in that regard

I downloaded the Prologue and haven't read it yet, but I'm excited to! hehe

[Steve]

Thanks for the comment, arakura.

 

The one thing I wasnt too sold on was the part about your writing. I think you could make it clearer that you're actually quite proficient with the language. It wasn't too unclear, but you definitely undersell your skills in that regard

I downloaded the Prologue and haven't read it yet, but I'm excited to! hehe

 

I have actually rewritten that part so I'm not sure if you are referring to the new wording or not. In the new version I focused on giving a message that it is going to be easy to read for the sake of the people reading it, to not diminish the enjoyment of the story by making readers lookup difficult words and their meaning all the time. I want them to immerse with the protagonist and try to solve the mystery of the world as he does.

It is after all a cute and romantic story, just with some deep reasons behind all the stuff happening

(FAVORITE games have had big influence on my mind in the past years so it should be expected to see similar themes xD Less of the "Key style" mysteries and more of the "Irotoridori no" mysteries)

[arakura]

I'm referring to the original, Ill re-read it in a bit!

[Steve]

Btw about a week ago I released another 10 page sample following the events of the prologue - it is the second part of chapter 1. First part is a flashback not directly following the prologue and as so it is not included (that and also that part is not fully done yet).

 

You can check it in the UPDATE POST on the project page.