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Soradragoon

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The truth did not know where to put this post, I've been a little over four months completely off. The truth is I've been through a lot, for the ones that dont know me, I am a 24 year old Spanish boy informatic engineer and passionate about VN, JRPGs ... 
 
Not that I do, but somehow I would like to share what has happened in these 4 months, think not ill of me; it's just that I do not usually share this kind of stuff, but now I feel the need to. Hope not hate me for that. 
 
It starts almost 6 months ago when one night they called me to tell me that a very good friend of mine had died a few days ago in an avalanche, the news left me pretty fucked; She was not only a good friend was as we say here my rock. She was the only person who really knew stop me when necessary or encourage me to continue when I needed a boost. She never shut anything ... I'm a bit obtuse at times and need to be told things clear, she never shut up if she knew that I was wrong, she told me so to my face, calling me asshole if necessary. 
 
His death left me in a state that had not ever been, there are things I could never tell and I can no longer do so. I was always in love with her but sometimes by context, sometimes by cowardice, I never said what I felt. I'm sure she knew it, but I never dared to tell her for fear of losing the only person who "really" knew me. She was my best friend and my platonic love.
 
She was gone and the world came over me, as I am a computer engineer before, here in Spain is not easy to get a good job when I finish studying I started working for a small company that made web pages for hotels and similar . The truth was a shitty job, hard work and little pay what most fucked me, what I was doing, what could make anyone with a java course and a minimum computer skills. At first I did not care, I was starting my first job so I could not complain much, but ... my personal situation was pretty bad for the first time in my life I could say it was all up to the hilt ... all gave me equal.
 
The contract with the company expired, they offered me to renew but reject it. The work did not fill me and really did not want to spend more time there. I was pretty depressed and return to old vices that had left behind. My friends, my family were worried about me, trying to help as they could but as I said once before I do not like to open up (ironically I'm doing now), so I basically told them that nothing happened while I was still in my own self-destructive spiral. 
 
I felt ... really do not think I can describe it, I disgusted me myself yet I did not care. I spent a month locked up at home smoking hachis (weed, not the same but ... anyway).
 
Until my sister came for me one day at my house and dragged me to a family meal, it was not a family meal; My sister had an idea of ​​what was happening and to put it in some way she throw the dice.(I will always be grateful for that).I had not seen the mother of Sara (now I realize it's the first time in this post I mention her name) from the funeral, when I realized it was too late, just this act of my sister made ​​me realize the piece of shit in which I was becoming. 
 
 
My pain was not even a tenth of his but our situations could not be more different: She struggled to accept her daughter dead. instead I fled to forget that I had lost my best friend. We talked for a long time, I feel like crap when I say this but somehow she made me turn on the switch, and that's something I should have done by myself and I acted like a person and not a shit. 
 
Over the next few weeks I try to correct what I had done wrong. Try to act like a person. Things were slowly returning to normal, well normally say maybe it's not as accurate but the pieces were to fit but not like before (sorry I can not explain this better). 
 
And so came September, I needed to find a job so I started it. After a couple of weeks I got a call from a German company they were looking for people to work in a newly opened office in Lyon (France). The truth is that the work seemed to be just what I needed, but supposed to move and although my French is lousy say I was very rusty, I did not know well what to do, so I told them I still had things to do and if I was them posibe decision in mid-October. I expected his answer was a resounding no but to my surprise they told me that there was no problem.
 
And so it goes, I have not yet made a firm decision but I think I'll walk away maybe a change of scenery is what I need, a different context, different people ... Obviously I have a ways to go but the first step is always it is the most difficult. Do not get me wrong I do not post this for comfort or because I need someone to tell me that everything will go well, posting this because I needed some form of release. As I said I am not a very open person and usually hate talking about these things but strangely after writing this huge post I feel better. 
 
Moving on fuwa still seems like when I left, lolis lolis and .. nah just kidding xD. Now I'm back here I hope for a more regular basis, depending on whether I move or not, it is possible that this a couple of weeks, a little busy, but I'm back. Thank you all for reading this huge post, really thank you. Fuwa rulez !!
 
Pd: Sorry for the poor english.
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Welcome back Soradragon. The two of us didn't interact that much while you was more active on fuwa but I do remember seeing you here and there. I completely understand why you made this post and why you choose to tell us your story, as there is a saying some things you can only tell to a stranger. We here are Online friends but IRL we are strangers and you wanted to tell your story to someone but you didn't want to open up to someone who you know IRL eater because you found it uncomfortable or you just didn't really wanted to talk about it or some other reason but you still wanted someone to hear your story, and interent of just a thing for that. And you probably choose Fuwa out of all places because of it's friendliness and because you expected for people here to not  mock your problems or to half-assdly tell you "Hang in there" "It will be better" or something similar.  So I won't tell you any of those things, what I will tell you is you know your life the best, so you are the only person that can tell what is best for you now.

 

Once again welcome back and I hope you still can enjoy a good VNs dissipate everything that happened to you.

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soda dragon!!! welcome back!!!

 

​im glad to hear things are turning around for you, sorry to hear about your friend. im still around all the time, find me here,steam,irc or the skype and we will catch up. and if you go to France send me pics of the catacombs . yeah fuwa hasn't changed much in the time you were gone but hold on to your seats as change is coming and it seems the changes will be rather awesome. 

 

i leave you with a photo of a soda dragon as a welcome home gift. 

 

chinese_soda_tab_dragon_by_juwlbug101-d4
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Welcome back Soradragon. The two of us didn't interact that much while you was more active on fuwa but I do remember seeing you here and there. I completely understand why you made this post and why you choose to tell us your story, as there is a saying some things you can only tell to a stranger. We here are Online friends but IRL we are strangers and you wanted to tell your story to someone but you didn't want to open up to someone who you know IRL eater because you found it uncomfortable or you just didn't really wanted to talk about it or some other reason but you still wanted someone to hear your story, and interent of just a thing for that. And you probably choose Fuwa out of all places because of it's friendliness and because you expected for people here to not  mock your problems or to half-assdly tell you "Hang in there" "It will be better" or something similar.  So I won't tell you any of those things, what I will tell you is you know your life the best, so you are the only person that can tell what is best for you now.

 

Once again welcome back and I hope you still can enjoy a good VNs dissipate everything that happened to you.

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Welcome back!

 

You're actually one of the first people I came to "know" on this forum (I cannot really use that word without quotes in this context), due to our common interest (Zero Escape). I realized later that you'd gone, but it's often for people to withdraw from online forums- I just... moved on. 

 

I just... have no idea what to say. I've personally never have had to go through such a painful process. I cannot understand you. It'd be an insult if I so much as pretended to. 

 

Just remember that others here have gone through similar hardships. I'm not saying that to diminish the scale of this last few months of living hell for you- but some people here might understand. Understand just a little, and maybe support you a little bit further so. 

 

We might not be able to do much. Maybe nothing at all.

 

But remember: We are all here to provide an online shoulder for you to lean or cry on, if you ever need to, even if that's all we can do.

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Welcome back here :))))) !!!!

 

I'm really happy that you mustered up the strength to overcome. Welcome back and I really hope all goes well with you and your new possible job :). Take baby steps and you'll be Fine :)

 

Welcome back to Fuwa. :)

 

Thanks both of you for the welcome and thanks for reading the post, really I thank you.

 

 

Welcome back!

 

You're actually one of the first people I came to "know" on this forum (I cannot really use that word without quotes in this context), due to our common interest (Zero Escape). I realized later that you'd gone, but it's often for people to withdraw from online forums- I just... moved on. 

 

I just... have no idea what to say. I've personally never have had to go through such a painful process. I cannot understand you. It'd be an insult if I so much as pretended to. 

 

Just remember that others here have gone through similar hardships. I'm not saying that to diminish the scale of this last few months of living hell for you- but some people here might understand. Understand just a little, and maybe support you a little bit further so. 

 

We might not be able to do much. Maybe nothing at all.

 

But remember: We are all here to provide an online shoulder for you to lean or cry on, if you ever need to, even if that's all we can do.

 

The truth is that it is costing me find the words to express what I feel right now. all of you are doing much more than I could expect, I hope to return the favor someday. You're an honest person Funya, thanks for having wasted time reading the post.

Let's fight for save the zero escape series. See you on the forums Funya ;)

 

 

welcome back

 

Welcome (back) to the forums...

 

Its a good sign when members leave for whatever reason but eventually come back to Fuwa :)

Welcome home! Hope to see you on the forums

 

Thanks for the warm (re)welcome and for reading this post. See you on the forums Heizei.

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Thanks to all of you for reading this post, I'll be thinking for a while, I will take the job I dont know if this is the right choice or not but I feel that way. 's like everything around me had frozen, I can not go back to see how things were before. It's a strange feeling, I guess a change of scenery it's what i need.

 

Welcome back! I don't think we've talked much but I've certainly seen you around. :)

Have a moe:

ou5u.jpg

 

Welcome back the community, Sora. Sorry to hear of your troubles. I hope to continue to see you around. 

 

I wasn't here when you were active on fuwa, but I wish you luck in your endeavors! It's great that you're in a better place today as losing someone really close to you can fuck someone up for much longer than 4 months if they don't have good people around them to be supportive. Once again, welcome back!

 

 

I really thank all of you who have read this, I hope I can return the favor someday.

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