Jump to content

Fuwanovel Creations for Fuwanovel.


Story Decision  

6 members have voted

  1. 1. Story

    • Okami's Story
      1
    • Stanley's Story
      1
    • Arturia's Story
      0
    • Okami's Idea of Arturia's Story
      6

This poll is closed to new votes


Recommended Posts

I really like the last Minami Drawing Zucco.

Also the newer versions of the others..

 

As for the first chapter rewrite, I am thinking what i can do is, start a rough draft of the manga...Like the panels and positions..That way it would be easier to convert the text to Manga aswell would help Zucco with the Art...

Or if you want i can rewrite it then do the panel..

 

Up to you two.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks!

 

Well... I kinda wanted to do the panels too... What if you first posted the rewrite first, and then we both try doing our versions of panel and decide together how will the final version be? Or if you want we can divide who does the panels for each scene...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks! And feel free to give suggestions to paneling in the rewrite!

 

Edit: I just finished reading your topic "Into the Night". It's really interesting... Dammit, now I want to see it going forward too! Shame we all have too spend so much time in the real world...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I just finished 3rd chapter, but first...

 

Zucco R1, R2, etc are regions I explain it in a post where I posted a map, but here I will copy paste explanation in case You didn't see it "R1, R2, R3, etc. Are the regions of factions, the bigger number of regions means bigger influence so capital is always in biggest number."

As for drawings I like Minami and Noel, Minami does look a little bit more mature, but it doesn't really get in a way I like her anyway.

I like #2 Hiori eyes more as they suit her more as well as expression but the rest I like #3 more, why not try combining them?

 

Arturia write it in a way you think is best and if it is needed, we can change some things later.

 

 

Chapter three (escape from the claws of cannibals)

 

Noel, Kouga, leader of the station, his assistant and Leader of units that are defining a line are sitting in station, the attacks have stopped for a moment so they gather in station to discus wath to do next, knowing that reinforcements will be late.


Kouga asks leader of units that are defining a line if she thinks that they could manage to defend a line for one more day if they were to move the line of defense to the station as the station has faw canons attached to roofs and some computer controlling weapons, he asks her because as their leader she should know the abilities of thouse soliders the best.
She answers that she was appointed as their leader just day before Kouga and Noel gotten here so she is not completely sure hoewer she thinks that even with the station as their defending line they couldn't last another day.
After that they decide that they should retreat to Yorkwing. Their plan of retreat is that they hold a line while civilians evacuate and then they escape too blowing up bridge to Yorkwing behind them so cannibals can't follow them.
Also, as they can't just leave the station to cannibals as this station has a decent armory the last soliders to retreat would shut down a main competitor of station from outside, as all doors in station are automated with computer shut down, they won't be away for canvas to open them as no matter in wath numbers they are they won't be able to crush the door with their outdated weapons and offcourse they can't restart a computer eather.
Noel and leader of defense lines are chosen for this task together with faw special soldiers usual as one of military personnel from the station that runs computers ah he is needed so that shuting down computers takes alot less time.

Yorkwing, somewhat later that day, Orion and 3 girls are sitting in their room inside of inn  resting before they are to continue toward the second group of freedom fighters.
Orion and Akeno are fighting about small things as usual and Hiori is teasing them for it as usual, Ririn is siting on bad quietly listening to them.
Little bit after Hiori and Akeno go to take a bath and Orion stays alone with Ririn, as he sees that she is really down, he starts talking with her, first he starts small talk but then it turns into deep conversation about her onichan.
She tells him that it is her fault that he died that he should save him, Orion tells her that it isn't and that there wasn't anything anyone could have, done he also tells her that he died  fighting in wath his beliefs so that he himself probably didn't regret it.
He didn't really presude her that it isn't her fault but atlest he give her a little bit of comfort, in the end of the conversation she tells him that she is glad that she met him and the other two.


Vileor, some soliders are helping civilians to evacuate while the rest is waiting in and around a station expecting attack at any moment.
Noel and leader of defense line are talking about wath will probably happen after they get to Yorkwing, they also have a little chat about their life stories.
At that moment one of the soldiers comes into a room and says "They are coming... All of them".
Fighting starts, and it is alot longer than last time.
After a while leader of station contacts Noel via phone (not classic phone, military divace for talking, the one that polices uses too, can't remember the name for it at a moment) a tells her that last of the soliders are in the jeep and are going to evaluate.
Noel and her group head toward the place where they should shut down a computer. They get there and person that's job is to shut it is doing it while the rest are covering him.
After a faw minutes big group of cannibals starts attacking them, they have problems holding them off, peron shuting down the computer is shut in an arm, he shuts toward Noel that he just needs to take out a battery in order to finish it but can't do with one arm.
Noel gives a command to the rest of her group to go to the cars and be ready to move she will take out a battery and be right behind them.
Person that where shuting down a computer shouts her that she just needs to take it out and to just leave it there after as it would just slow her down if she were to take it with her and it doesn't matter if the battery stays as ones out it won't be of any use as only someone with high computer skills knows how to turn on a computer back on so just returning battery in won't do a thing.
Group runs in a military cars and Noel runs toword a part computer, she starts to take out a battery but it is stuck.
One of cannibals comes faw matters from Noel and he points his shotgun at her, both her hands are tied to battery and she doesn't have time to react, in that moment a masked cannibal that seems to be a leader shouts "No stop him right away".
Other cannibal faw meters from the first one throws his knife at cannibal pointing a shotgun at Noel, knife hits him right at heart and he falls down dead, at that moment Noel manages to take out a battery turns around and run in a car, car starts right away and they manage to run.
Cannibals are standing around part of the computer that was used to shut down a main computer.
One of cannibals comes to masked cannibal and says "Why did you order to stop him? Now they shut that thing and we can't get in"
Masked cannibal answers: "It doesn't matter, I can turn it on, but if he were to shoot at it I couldn't do that"
Other cannibal "If they could stop it working and unable as to enter just by shooting at that thing, why would they take all that time to shut it down another way. It looked to me like you didn't want that girl heart".
Masked cannibal "are you questioning me?"
Other cannibal answers with fear in his eyes "No, no I wouldn't..." Masked cannibal shoot him in a head, then he turns around toward the other dozens cannibals looking at him "they just didn't want to damage their computer they thing they will manage to take this place back from us"
One of cannibals in group "We were all leaders of tribes, but all we could do was killing each other, but you united as, you showed as a way, you promised as victory against factions and the first we got right now we believe in you".
Other cannibal in group "But wath will we do about him (showing at dead cannibal that was shot by Masked cannibal) he was a fool but he was one of ex-leaders. When you united as you become our new leader, but you appointed as ex-leaders of tribes as your right hands with him dead his clan... Pardon me his unit might betray as."
Masked cannibal: "Don't worry about it I predicted that he will be a problem so I have always sent his unit at first lines. Most of his unit is dead the ones that survived I will appoint to part of your unit. Now let me open a thouse doors for you we will need weapons from this armory if we are to continue our conquest."

Yorkwing, Orion and girls are coming to gathering place of the second group of freedom fighters, they ask to see a leader.
After the guard sees Ririn he nods and takes them to see their leader. When they enter a room that the guard has shown them, they see a Girl somewhat older than them sitting in a chair.
She says "I already heard wath happened, we have alot to discus."
 

 

 

Before I start writing Chapter Four (Storm is coming) I will write names, personalities and designs of SCs as well as wath kinda relationship do MCs have between themselves.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Alright, good work as usual Okami..i will get to work on first chapter now..I am not perfect either in my english, Like vocabulary, grammer and spelling..but will do my best xD.

 

Edit: Just read the Chapter 3..Really got me on my seat there Okami..Great work...I think i have noticed something..Most of your story is abou 70% narration..i dont see anything wrong with it...but if i were to help with the dialogue im sure the drama and suspense in the story will triple..

 

and once im done we can go over it and improve it...

 

Can't wait for those names and chapter 4, Keep it up Okami.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

ok well, here is part one of chapter one..i underestimated on how long this will be with dialogue..so for now ill put them into parts..Um i already managed to see i may of made a mistake though, the way i worded or the part of speech might seem a bit older then what we wanted them to be..but try imagine them a bit younger xD.

 

I will add in Brackets my thoughts on the parts of the story.



Chapter one.

The year is 2139, Earth has fallen and torn into rebellious factions.
(First page covers just that with a nice view of the mining towns map..(just an idea)).

(Mission Begins)

*Scene* A dirty back road, following along a bus.
(we have to discuss what panels will go with what speech but for now).

Mercenary : Look here, I know you are worried about this whole situation but there’s nothing to worry over.( Reassures the bus driver with a smile on his face.)
Bus Driver : I see. I will take your word, I was getting worried due to how the mining town has not seen any soldiers in a while. (Here he looks at the road and turns to the mercenary now and then with a concerned look.)
Mercenary : Well I can’t blame ya. With the news about a fight brewing nearby, especially with the precious cargo you got here.( he finishes his sentence with a chuckle and turns to the back of the bus).

*change focus to the kids in the back*

(I will name them Kid#1-#9 for now..can use the art to tell whos who.)

Kid#4 : HA, I win again. How many times does that make it . ( he exclaims with a glowing smile.)
Kid#2 : don’t get ahead of yourself, lets change games. Starting to get bored of this already.(this can be one of the girls, showing a bored face looking out the window.)
Kid#8 : (thinking then) how about Shiritori?.
Kid #1-7 : Rejected!!.( they all say at the same time.) (can have different expressions on them, like some laughing at the rejection.)

Mother of one of the kids : Look, we nearly there. Don’t worry I am sure you will all enjoy it there.( she reassures them with a gentle smile).


*scene change to dig Site.*

Bus pulls up and guards let them inside.
All the Mc’s are looking out the 2 windows together, pressing their heads against one another.
( im sure from Okami’s part of the story it seems the parents are already living their).
As the bus passes a few buildings the main building comes to view where there are a couple of adults standing there.
Three of the children get up quickly and run out the bus once it stops.
Kid#7 : Dad! Mom!..( he runs to them and hugs them).
Same with the other 2.
The other children are looking for their parents but some of them are working.
Leader of the site : Welcome my young ladies and gentlemen. I hope the trip was alright.( he says the last line to the mother who accompanied the kids).
Mother : Yes it was quiet the trip but it was worth it when you see the faces on these happy kids.( She shows her gentle smile again.)

Leader : Well enjoy your stay and get some rest, I will see the rest of you tomorrow. You may take the rest of the day off.
(they all thank him and go enjoy the time together.)

Later that night.
(Scene change to Orions room).

(ok here the 9 kids are here the 7 Mc and other 2 random ones you will see what im going to do with them later.) ( well the readers wont know their names just yet but this dialogue will show them.)
Mahiro : Alright, now why did we all sneak into Orion’s room?
(a close up of Mahiro with a grunted expression.)
Minami: oh come now Mahiro-chan, of course we came because we heard it was going to be fun!
(she exclaims with a cheerful smile)
Mahiro : *sigh* Minami, I guess I should of known when it comes to you and the word “Fun”.
With that Minami chuckles.

Kouga : So, got anything planned Orion. Calling us here must mean you have something in mind?.
They all pause and look at Orion, here you can do a nice picture of him haha..

Orion : Let’s see. Since we don’t know the area and walking around is plainly boring. How about we do a small test of courage?
Akeno : look here Orion, we just got here and you already want to fool around!!.
She shouts at him( I read the character design on her and her being strict would go well here, showing her manner of speech.)
Hiori : Now now Akeno-Chan. We had a long and boring trip here, so why don’t we enjoy ourselves tomorrow hehe.(she laughs at the end with a sinister smile)
Orion : Well I do understand that it isn’t save to do a test at night without good knowledge of the area, so me and Mahiro will go and check it out tomor--.
(he tries to explain to them with a concerned look.)
With a surprised face, mahiro instantly interupts
Mahiro : wha-… Wait Orion, what do you mean you and me. I have my own plans for tomorrow, don’t think you can drag me into this.
With an unhappy face, he turns away.
Minami : there there Mahiro –chan, we all know you want to do the scouting yourself.
With a gleaming smile she pats his back.
Mahiro : … i-I don’t know w-what you’re talking about Minami.
Shocked at how accurate Minami words were he stutters.
(by the way the other 2 random kids are just listening in.)

Orion : well, Wouldn’t want your parents to worry. So with that lets get back together tomorrow around noon. Oh and see you at around 10:00 am Mahiro.
Mahiro : Wha-!!
With a shocked expression he can’t form any words.



 

that would be the end of DAY1...i know, i think i over did it.. but then again i feel that a bit to little information in the beggining was bad..after this part i plan to get them to go to the cave at night, and then Rouria will attack them at same time..the 2 random kids will go and see what the noise was about, but never returned...and there but will get the rest done soon.. Enjoy.

 

Edit: By the way thanks for that AMV Okami, It was great.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Arturia I like how you write dialogs, don't worry about overdoing it, it's better to have god longer chapters then shorter rushed ones anyway, so I think you should continue like that and make dialogs shorter only in action scenes.

 

True, there are faw small things I need to point out that need to be changed, first is Hiori dialog you have written that based on her grown-up personality, but in Q&A I given to Zucco's questions I said that Hiori unlike others who didn't have much of personality change after becoming older, Hiori when was a child was different she was more quiet and shy and she become like she is today after days at NSA. Also for a first page I would write a history of the world up to year  2140 in style of historical fact, as I said before and then add a line, now it is 2041 (as the beginning of a story is the best place to explain a situation of world that manga takes place in). (2139 is the year when war breaks out and 2141 is the year when the scene at dig site is happening). And I don't think it's appropriate for kids to call each other with honorific chan. The rest is pretty good.

 

I hope we get more soon, I will write SCs personalities and designs tomorrow as well as MCs relationships.

 

PS: I think we need to move the status of amateur work from our title as up till now we are doing better job than half of professionals :D .

 

PPS: I would like to change a name "Apachi warriors" into "Black Ronins" as I don't really like the name "Apachi warriors" I just used it for a moment as I couldn't think of anything decent at a moment. And I also think that name Black Ronins suits them well as Ronins are samurais without master and before they finish their training and get chosen by one of the factions they don't have a master so they are trained as Ronins and Black because of their black uniforms that they wear at NSA.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ah yes Black Ronins would do just fine...and thanks, i often get told my Dialogue is like forming a poem for some unknown reason..

Haha i thought as much when i made the dialogue of them sounding a bit older, i will try and change it a bit later...In terms of the chan, i just wanted her to seem to have a closer relationship to Mahiro then the others. i will change it then.

As for the beggining i was a bit sceptical about having the introduction as the history, but i will add that to the beggining.

 

Thanks for pointing it out, i will get back to it in a bit.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

SCs

 

Leader of defense lines in Vileor:


Name - Saya
Personality - ?
Disain - ?

Leader of Raepista sneek in team (chapter 4):
Name - Karin
Personality - She is survivor, do wath needs to be done kind, she is very similar to Mahiro in many ways, intelligent, manipulative, usually not revealing her plans, unpredictable. She has high military skills.
Design - Long straight black hair, tall, similar to Komachi Tsugumi + + from ever17

Leader of second group of freedom fighters:
Name - Ayane
Personality - A little bit childish when off duty, but when it comes to missions she is very serious and will do anything she can to save the lives of her people. She is kind and gentle.
Design - little bit shorter, orange-yellow tied heir with hairstyle similar to Misao Minakami from Asura Cryin' and face and expressions similar to Yuri Nakamura from Angel Beats.

 

Leader of first group of freedom fighters:
Name - Aikawa
Personality - Average Japanese old-fashioned older guy.
Disain - Same as personaity he is average Japanese old-fashioned older guy, someting like this.

Ririns onichan:
Name - Tatsuki
Personality - Kind, genki guy. (I won't go too deep into his personality as he dosn't have much "screen time" anyway)
Design - Short blue hair, similar face and hairstyle to this version of Pinion from Suisei no guarantee with different expressions and a little bit younger looking than him.

 

Leader of station in Vileor:
Name - Sanada
Personality - Average older Japanese guy (but unlike Aikawa not the old-fashioned one)
Design - Short gray hair, short facial hair, the guy in his 40-50s, moustly average looking.

His assistant:
Name - Will [Wilfred]
Personality - ?
Disain - ?

Military personel from Vileor that was apointed to shut down compiuter:
Name - Kanato
Personality - He is your classic geek type, has high computer skills.
Design - Short black hair, average hair-style, face and body build similar to Keima Katsuragi from The World God Only Knows.

 

Masked cannibal:
Name - Mao (Real name Yukimura)
Personality -  Quiet, intelligent, merciful, unpredicted, mysterious.
Disain - He is somewhat bather build then the average person, his face is always covered with a samurai mask (till really late in the manga) and he has a long blue heir.

 

Where "?" stands I need to think more about it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

HMm i enjoy those designs there..I feel like that Masked cannibal you have there as a deeper part in the story then you letting on xD.. for some reason from my dialogue and this guy, an idea poped up thinking that one of those 2 kids who dissapeared on the night is him, but that was just an idea i thought xD..anyway ill continue my part 2 in a bit.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Good job, you two, It's getting pretty interesting!

 

I agree with Okami that the first page should give a brief descrition of the world history. By the way, what do you think about making a new calendar starting on the year when World War III ended, and writing the dates as 10 Before Peace or 74 After Peace instead of 2067 or 2041, without letting the readers now exactly how far in the future the story takes place?

 

Also, I'm not sure about using japanese honorifcs... Oh, I don't mean I'm against it, but how about trying to use forms normally used in english? like using titles (sir,  sire, milady, your higness...) surnames, first names or nicknames depending on the relationship betwen characters? In particular, I think Minami calling Mahiro by a friendly nickname would work well with story. And I must agree that Hiori seens out of chacter...

 

Other than that, I like the way you write! And I don't think you overdid it... Familiaring the readers with characters in the begging of the story is a good thing! Also, I really like stories that beguin with a warm atmosphere, and then let things scalete to something darker.

 

By the way, what do you think about making some make-belive setting or role-play for the test of courage? Like... they are adventurers exploring a dungeon, looking for a dragon, or maybe even rounins infiltrating enemy territory... And if those two random characters are given a bigger role later in the story, maybe some element of this make-believe could return as well. The masked man could were an acessory, (maybe even his mask) call himself by some name or use some symbol that would sugest a conection with the kids (Albeit he himself might not be one of them). On the other hand... I feel it would be more realistic and add more tension to the story if they simply died in the bombing, so i'm not sure if this is a good idea or not...

(edit: and more than that, I don't know if works well with Okami's setting or not)

What do you think, Okami? Either way, I thiink they should have at least as much screentime as the main characters in the first scenes, and they should also be quite proactive if they are going out by themselves. (Maybe they are the oldest mebers of the group, and feel responsible for the rest of the group? not much older, just a year or two... Also, how about making them brothers?)

 

And Okami, I would not describe someone who suddenly shoots his allies or send them to the front lines in order to get them killed as "merciful"...

 

Ps: I'm not going to have much free time in the next 3 days, so I will probably begin the names only after that.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Its alright Zucco, Well as for my idea of those 2 kids, it was really just a thought and if Okami doesnt want it then its cool..

I think the thought of them role-playing would be ironic when later the group would be reffered to as Black Ronin..Maybe that would make them nostalgic and long for thier childhood friends..In a bit i will rewrite a bit of the first part and then head onto the second..

 

If there are any other questions about my first part just tell me so i can change it.. Anyway going to get started in a bit.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Zucco I wanted to say merciless instead of merciful, it's just a writing mistake. As for your suggestion about using new calendar I am not totally against it, but I think it is easier to get a historic part using normal calendar. For using Japanese honorifics, I am neutral, not against it neather I Instit on them, true if we decide to use them then we should use them more correctly. And I think that role-play for the test of courage isn't realy neded as just it being test of courage is enogh. As for masked cannibal I already have big plans for him and making him into one of the other two children wouldn't fit in.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Here are two SCs that I didn't finish yesterday.

 

Saya:
Personality - classical military woman, true, she lacks confidence in being a leader, She does what she is commanded to do and doesn't ask many questions, but she has always questioned her decisions when she is the one giving orders.
Design - Short black hair, average build, similar hairstyle and face to marry from game devil may cry 3.

 

Will [Wilfred]:
Personality - Has strong sense of justice, always has something to say when someones making military plans, acts more as a leader then as an assistant.
Disain - Man in his late 20s, short light red hair, average face and build.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My cashier work ended this monday, so now I'm back! Ended up not drawing much this weekend since I got hooked to Oyasumi Punpun, but now I'm catching up.

 

Akeno

akeno__fuwanovel_creation_15__by_zucco1-

Doesn't look much like Okami's descripition, but I think she is fine like this. Posting #1 down for comparision.

 

fuwanovel_creation_10__akeno__by_zucco1-

 

Children

children_01__fuwanovel_creation_16__by_z

Hiori, Orion and Akeno

Sorry, Okami, I was having some difficulty drawing Orion #5's spiky hair, and i actually like this version better anyway. Is it Ok if I keep him like this?

Also, overall i like how this drawing turned out, but Orion and Akeno might be looking more like 8 than 6... I used some pictures for comparision and they seem to be anatomically correct, but maybe I should re-draw their faces?... Or do you guys think they are fine like this?

 

Pages 1-3

 

I did two versions for the first two pages. Sorry, Arturia, I only just saw that you where going to write the history part yourself... Well, I'm not fully satisfied with the ones down here either way, (at least, I want to add a paragraph about the neutral territories and dig sites) so please post your ideas to!

 

Also, about the world map, I only noticed it after drawing it but... Isn't it a bit weird that Rouria and Raepista are fiercily fighting for territory when there is a few hundred kylometers of desert betwen the two factions while Midoristal, wich is between the two factions, pratically doesn't get involved? Or is there some deeper reason to make the world map like this? Either way, I used a different map in each version, so please tell me wich one you guys think that works best with the story. (Or even sugest a third version with the desired changes!)

 

Edit: for the sake of simplicity I omitted some information in the world map, but we can add them later in maps of smaller scales.

 

Any critics or suggestions are welcome!

 

Version 1

fuwa_page_01b_by_zucco1-d747mku.png

fuwa_page_02_by_zucco1-d747mne.png

 

Version 2

fuwa_page_01g_by_zucco1-d747mqn.png

 

fuwa_page_02g_by_zucco1-d747ms3.png

 

Oh, and don't worry, I got a bit carried away this time, but once I have Arturia's rewrite of the first part I will try to do a proper name for the rest of the chapter before drawing the finished version.

 

By the way, this is pretty random, but don't you find it hard to write in english without using the world "I"?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I see how greatly the art changes the view on the first page...and as for the Younger version i think they look good..Especially Hiori as i have that same habit of puting my arm behind my back and holding my other arm xD..

As for character design's i would leave that to Okami as he has a broader feel to the story..

With the first Chapter rewrite...Sorry i kind of got distracted with other things, I will continue with it soon...And ya i did rewrite how the history went in the beginning xD..

 

Well it is kind of a small rewrite nothing major changes of yet but will post later what i changed.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Glad to have you back Zucco, unfortinutly I will be on staled with a project until end of week as my PC gone broke and I need to wait for some parts that I ordered so I can fix it (posting from friands PC right now).

 

As for disains... I like #2 Akeno's eyes more and I think they suit her batter then eyes of #1 one but other then that I like #1 disain more, (maybe combining them would be the best choise, eyes of #2 one and rest from #1 one). As for children I like Hiori but i think that Orion looks a litle bit fat in a face (+ I like #5 heirstyle more but if you have a problem drawing it I gues this one is ok too) and Akeno isn't bad but if we disade to go with her #1 disain with #2 ones eyes then we need to change her child version too.

 

As for Pages 1-3 I like version 1 more but we need to hear Arturia's version of history first and then to disade if there will be neded some changes to thouse pages.

 

 

Also Zucco if you have time maybe you could draw other disains (As I think we should have disains prepered before strarting with drawing of pages).

 

.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well i guess if you guys want my history first i have already done it but the rest still got to go a bit further so ill post the rehistory i have though off...

 

Chapter one.



Earth, 150 years ago was united and peaceful..
Until.

War fell upon the world once again but due to the power each nation had, this war wasn’t like any other.
It raged on and then 9 years had passed. But that wasn’t the end of it.

Nuclear warfare was upon the world.
Their actions and thoughtless deeds cost more greatly then they would ever imagine..
Two more years had passed and due to the countless Nuclear strikes on the earth. The Geography and landscape of the world had become rough and rigid where most of the world’s land was submerged under the sea.

Due to the immense destruction on the world, Most of the weaken countries had banded together and formed a peace treaty and to disarm all Nuclear warheads.

Years passed and nearly all countries have sided with the treaty of peace, but some countries opinions differed from one another.
And so in an act to secure peaceful life under their own rules, All countries banded together to form Three Nations..
Rouria
Midoristal
Raepista.


Now begins the new chapter in the life after World War 3.. How will it unfold.


The year is 2139, Earth has fallen and torn into rebellious factions.

(Mission Begins)

Thats the end of it and then begins the Bus drive...

 

If there is any need to change it tell me and i will go ahead..Well as for the years of course the might be need to change as well but we will see.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Arturia, thanks! I too have the habit of holding my other arm from behind... Either that, putting my hands in my pockets or playing with whatever object is withim my hands reach ^^;

As for characters design... Please, give your thoughts too! You are as much a part of this as me or Okami. It's true that Okami has the broader feel for the story, but that does not mean the characters must look exactly like he thought, as long as they fit their characterisation. Actually, being the one who originally created the characters, he is almost certanly biased towards the ones that look the most like his original image. The same way, being the one who drew them, I'm bound to be incapable of looking at them objectevely. (expecially right after I finished a drawing. Taking a second look at it later helps, but does not solve the problem.) So, having your opinions helps a lot! (Moreover, with only two people making choices it's preatty easy to get a tie betwen two options)

With the chapter rewrite, don't worry, there is no need to rush it. As I said before, I've been pretty busy last week so I didn't have time to draw it anyway. Also, I'm planning to do at least one full body drawing for each character that appears in the chapter before doing the names.

 

By the way, does Noel's older brother appear in this chapter? He could be one of the two random children, and they could assume he died in the bombing. Well... If we do that, it would certanly have a huge effect on Noel... It could even be related to how hard it is for her to part with others. What do you guys think?

 

Okami, it a shame your computer broke. I hope you manage to get it fixed soon!

it's funny that you liked Akeno #1 better... That might actually the drawing i like the least out of all the ones i posted here... And, other than the ponytail, I'm pretty satisfied with how #2 turned out. Well, I will try to do something we are both okay with! I'm posting all versions I've done of Akeno thus far:

fuwanovel_creation_10__akeno__by_zucco1-

akeno__fuwanovel_creation_15__by_zucco1-

akeno__fuwanovel_creation_17__by_zucco1-

Tell me if you guys like any of them!

 

About the drawing of the children... I used some drawings from Studio Ghibli as reference and tried to make their faces round to make them look young. Did it make Orion look fat instead?... Anyway, is it better now?

children_01__fuwanovel_creation_16__by_z

just click the image, it will appear normally...

 

Also... I don't know what should I do about the world map... I did the main continent big so I could draw it better and so it would cover both really hot and cold climates, but from the story's point of view it's size makes no sense... Maybe It would be better if I placed it over Africa, or even drew something closer to Africa in shape? Also... should i make Rouria, and Raepista neightbours or not? as I said before, i think it works better with the story, but if there is some reason to put them in the opposites ends of the continent could you share it, Okami?

 

Oh, about the SCs Okami described, I do plan to post at least one drawing for each before doing the names for their first appearences, but it's not my priority right now. I might do some of them earlier if I feel like it tought. (In particular, I wanna try drawing that masked guy)

 

Arturia, the way you wrote the history part kinda ressembles a narrator. I actually started reading it in Morgan Freeman's voice at some point. ^^; Still, to be honest, i liked your dialogues better...  Still, there are parts of it I would like to use, in particular the descripition on how the geography was changed. I will post an edited version of the first pages later. By the way... Why are the factions descibed as "rebelious"?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ahh i see sorry i only realised now about that part..might of been an error..but it could refer to the anti-government factions, the cannibels and other things like that..

 

as for The character drawings, i liked number 5 and 6, probably due to the hair..

 

With character designs, i will have to read the characters again and think about what would be best in my mind..but keep it up they coming along nicely.

About noels brother, i cant remember if he was mentioned somewhere, might have to reread later...if hes there it would be interesting if he was one of the 2 children i had mentioned, he could be a few years older then them and he went out the cave and told the rest to wait there..that could be a theory.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...