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Kirashi

I have a question for the people here living with their girlfriend/wife

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Hi guys,

I recently started to live with my girlfriend, we are somehow happy but there is something that bother me:

Did you guys tell your waifu that you are playing VN? We're at home almost at the same time, we are always busy and even in my free time if I tried to play VN, she would see it or hear it because it's not that big at home. The only way for me to play would be at night because she knows I don't sleep that much, so I tried this sometime and one night she sneeked behind me because she thought I wanted to contact someone and cheat on her. (I was playing lol when it happened, guess I was lucky for once)

But I cant keep going like this, I feel like I have to give up on VN, I don't want to tell her I learned japanese because of those game, and then she see me as a pervert...

I wanted to know how guys did you do? Did you tell her? Do you keep it a secret? I would like the advice of people that have/had the same issue.

Thank you.

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I've never had a GF, so what could I know... (maybe that's why I'm reading VNs :P )

Nevertheless - I think almost everybody would agree, that communication is essential for good relationship. Also, sneaking/hiding won't work forever. So you two should definitely talk it over. You don't want to spend all your time pretending - that's exhausting.

Edited by adamstan

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This pretty much all relates to how she feels about it.

It's like porn, honestly (assuming you are playing the porn type VN's and not, say, Steins;Gate). Some women are okay with it as long as it doesn't detract from them, hell because it's a VN it might be "better." Others are completely against it.

So you got to ask yourself, does she like anime/manga and understand what a VN is. The whole "I learned Japanese because of those games" is a point that isn't needed to make you can easily just be like "yeah i thought it would be fun to learn" kinda thing.

But if you want to play VN's, she has to know, and if she has to know, she has to be okay with it. ESPECIALLY if you are doing something "sneaky sneaky" behind her back. You can just tell her "look VN's are like reading a book, I can't do them with you around because I get distracted from the immersion required to fully enjoy it. So like reading a book it is best to have some seclusion/privacy while doing it. Hell you could even do something like watch a movie or whatever you do in the mean time"

My wife loves VN's especially the yaoi ones from Nitro+, So yeah I get the jab every now and then about the VN porn games but I never hide it from her, If i'm playing those kinds of games she just goes and plays something/watches something/does something else.

Now taking all this into account, if she IS the type to go ape shit over this stuff, then yeah you gotta either break it if VN's are more important to you or resign yourself to the fact you gotta give it up. If she REALLY does not like VN's then it's just going to put a strain on the relationship.

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My wife tolerates my weirdness and even helps me creating my (SFW) VN with suggestions, image editing and whatever.
Though I still prefer to be alone when I get to non-vanilla sex scenes lol.

Edited by Frullo NDE

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You'll be in trouble if she catches you fapping to your favourite waifu in some vn. Tell her what you do, but don't say it's a porn game. You play them for the story, but unfortunately some do have porn in them. Take her opinions into consideration and make compromises where you can, but don't be a yes man. Changing yourself against your nature to suit her can be destructive later.

Better to be upfront than being caught later and scramble for an utterly lame excuse.

That's what i'd do anyway.

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stay with ur wife and give up on eroges, or keep it a secret from her. If she knows you are into perverted anime games, you are only giving her ammunition to talk shit about you in the future and everyone will have a very negative opinion of you, she could even report you to the authorities. do not trust your girlfriends with this stuff, it's just too risky.

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Well, if she's going to leave you because you play porn games or because you're an otaku, not sure if it spells success for your relationship in the future.

I'm with my gf for many years now, we were living together on and off in the past and for a few months now it became pretty much permanent. Experience tells me that full transparency is the best approach - I'm not really an eroge fan, but if I'm playing something with h-scenes I just tell her to avoid awkward situations. We even read some eroge EVNs together. She's particularly anti-porn, but I can still make it work, so it's probably not impossible in other cases. If VNs are important to you, dropping them out of fear just feels unhealthy.

That being said, if she cought you playing Maggot Baits all of the sudden, or fapping to loli h-scenes, I can imagine her freaking out. It's up to you two to communicate properly and decide what's acceptable for both sides. If she's a reasonable person, I'm sure you can introduce her to the topic and at least learn whether she has a problem with it. There's a chance you're worrying over nothing - and if you were right, you simply shouldn't be forced to pretend you're someone else to the person you want to build a relationship with. 

 

14 hours ago, Being said:

stay with ur wife and give up on eroges, or keep it a secret from her. If she knows you are into perverted anime games, you are only giving her ammunition to talk shit about you in the future and everyone will have a very negative opinion of you, she could even report you to the authorities. do not trust your girlfriends with this stuff, it's just too risky.

Does this come from experience? :s

Edited by Plk_Lesiak

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She doesn't know VN at all, I'll have to explain from the very beginning. She likes anime/manga so I think it might be okay it I use Stein Gate as an example, but I most likely play 18+ VN in japanese. Those are not nukige because I am not into this stuff. I thought about explaining VN with something soft like Stein Gate or chaos Head Noah, but the main problem is that she doesn't know what VN are at all, and let's say, if I start to explain "see, VN are those things like SG, it's like reading a book" and then later she sees me playing another VN, she will ask me "what is this one?" and sooner or later, with a little search on the net, she'll discover that I hidden that most VN are porn game.

Our relationship is kinda vanilla, that's why I don't really want to tell, maybe at ressort at worst...

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3 minutes ago, bakauchuujin said:

Btw you say she likes anime and manga, what types does she like? For instance if she is okay with things like harem ecchi it is probably a lot easier to tell her than if she only watch things that have no ecchi at all.

She is reading the manga "stray dog", I don't know this at all, I think it's a shoujo but I am not sure. About anime she liked elfend lied and another nakige (I forgot the name). We are kinda far from VN...

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6 minutes ago, Kirashi said:

Those are not nukige because I am not into this stuff.

If that's the case, and she's into manga/anime, you should really be able to explain it to her. You can even ask her upfront if it's ok with her if you play a game with hentai scenes from time to time, it's not like she's unaware you might consume porn - pretty much everyone does.

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I think honesty and communication is the cornerstone of a successful relationship and the lack of it can be its death. The fact that she's already into anime and manga should make it relatively easy for you to discuss it with her. Vns are like some weird bastard child of both of those after all, and vns are routinely made into lesser anime and manga adaptions anyway.

Who knows if you take your time and explain what a Vn is to you and why you like it she might be interested enough to try one for herself. Then bam! you've got another thing in common.

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You're draining away energy that should be going towards the wife. It's cheating on her, one way or the other. Then again, if relationships could feasibly last more than a couple years in real life, than it wouldn't be the case that this sort of thing always happens. So whatever.

 

Regardless, you shouldn't be hiding anything from your partner, ever. That's like the biggest no-no. You will be much, much happier once you've come clean with absolutely everything in your life to your partner. You know you want to, that's why you made this thread. Just confess it all and get it off your mind. You'll become closer because of it. If you don't, and you get caught and appear to be hiding something, you'll instead become much more distant unless you happen to get quite lucky and it leads to forgiveness and mutual understanding even under those circumstances.

 

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1 hour ago, Corrupted said:

You're draining away energy that should be going towards the wife. It's cheating on her, one way or the other. Then again, if relationships could feasibly last more than a couple years in real life, than it wouldn't be the case that this sort of thing always happens. So whatever.

 

Regardless, you shouldn't be hiding anything from your partner, ever. That's like the biggest no-no. You will be much, much happier once you've come clean with absolutely everything in your life to your partner. You know you want to, that's why you made this thread. Just confess it all and get it off your mind. You'll become closer because of it. If you don't, and you get caught and appear to be hiding something, you'll instead become much more distant unless you happen to get quite lucky and it leads to forgiveness and mutual understanding even under those circumstances.

 

I guess every man on this planet is cheating on their wives by watching porn.

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Just now, Stormwolf said:

I guess every man on this planet is cheating on their wives by watching porn.

Not every man on the planet watches porn. But yes I'd say it's cheating, in a way. But it wouldn't be an issue if it's something you're open about and everybody's consenting. It's when you do something behind someone's back that you create bad feelings.

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You can either tell the truth, or test the water a little using a friend.

Say that a friend plays VNs (explaining what it is) and from what he says it seems pretty interesting and you want to read some too and try.

You can even try to interest her with some Otome VNs (if she can read English, as we both know how most French are ^^') saying said friend told there was some for guys and for girls too, to prove it's not just some perverted game, but something directed to both gender.

But yeah, otherwise the truth is the best, but generally I'd think she'd know from the start. I mean, pretty much all my friends (so people I'm close to, male and female) know I play VNs and what it entails. I at least don't want to hide what I like to the people I'm close to.

Edited by Riku

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The fact is, it's been 2 month we live together and almost 7 months we know each other, so I am affraid of 2 things:

- The fact that I never told her before, if I come to ask her for permission, it will feel like I hidden I liked those things until now

- She is kinda vanilla, I was thinking about telling her but I don't know how, because as I said in my first point, I never told her, and if I do nowshe may say "gosh and you waited all this time to tell me that?" and if I try to explain her what are VN, saying "see hony? those are porn game(nuki) and those are not, even with 18+, I read them for the PLOT"

I can try to make it sound like it's for a friend, maybe it's the best idea...

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She will eventually find out (or you'll quit playing), you should tell her, if she thinks that you're a perv or whatever, you just need to explain what a VN is, if she's still thinking that it is cheating, it means that what will happen is bound to happen, you shouldn't stop playing because she tells you to, in a relationship both you and she need to adapt at each other, not change what one truly is to make the other one happier, if you need to change to stay with her because she said that if you don't stop she'll break the relationship, that means that she doesn't want you, she wants the other guy that she's trying to turn you into, and as i said, to maintain a stable relationship, one must not change, but adapt.

Just tell her, if she breaks up, then that's what is bound to happen, and if you change in other to be what she expects, then you wont be yourself anymore, if the love truly is mutual, she'll understand, if she don't understand and accept it, then she loves not you, but the guy she's trying to make you into (and if that's how she's like, then what stops her from breaking the relationship, seek another guy and trying to change him the same way she's trying to change you?), it's better being alone than being with someone that doesn't love you.

 

Only my opinion tho.

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It's pretty easy actually... Time to choose which matters the most in your life, The Visual Novels, Eroge and all that wonderful steamy, sexy stuffs, or abandon them all for your girlfriend's sake... :vanilla:

At the end of the day, something or someone's going to end up being a opportunity cost between those two but you need to make a decision. You cannot have them all I'm afraid :yumiko:

People who are truly in love with each other should be willing to accept both each others beauty's and flaws whatever it may be...

If she has a problem with your hobbies and interests, your also at fault here, since you didn't knew her good enough and decided to live with her right away...

Well cannot really blame you, sex is always good! :mare:

However I consider freedom far more important than trying to justify a relationship which could be detrimental to my growth as a human being... 

That's why I prefer 2D Anime Girls or Visual Novel Eroge Waifus or whatever the heck you call them since they'll never judge and rebel against you :wahaha: 

There's nothing wrong in being exactly the way you ought to be...

We have to be what we are, so we don’t have to present a false image.

Try asking her this question... 

If you love me the way I am, “Okay, take me.” If you don’t love me the way I
am, “Okay, bye-bye. Find someone else.”

She's not going to be last girl you'll meet, let this be a lesson and find a better partner that is willing to accept and compromise for your sake in any given situation as that the real measure of true love... Don't settle for less!:maple:

As for me... In real life, I don't really have any girlfriends since I'm not the kind of person who likes to be entangle in certain situation or relationship I do have casual relationships or flings in the past... However I decided to throw all of those away in favor to pursue true power and spiritual enlightenment lol:Chocola:

And to play more Eroge games baby!!! :sachi:

Anyways all jokes aside you're the only person in the whole world who holds the solution to your predicaments.... 

   

 

Edited by Templarseeker

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On 22/09/2018 at 9:36 AM, Kirashi said:

The fact is, it's been 2 month we live together and almost 7 months we know each other, so I am affraid of 2 things:

- The fact that I never told her before, if I come to ask her for permission, it will feel like I hidden I liked those things until now

- She is kinda vanilla, I was thinking about telling her but I don't know how, because as I said in my first point, I never told her, and if I do nowshe may say "gosh and you waited all this time to tell me that?" and if I try to explain her what are VN, saying "see hony? those are porn game(nuki) and those are not, even with 18+, I read them for the PLOT"

I can try to make it sound like it's for a friend, maybe it's the best idea...

At that point then, easiest thing to do it just play them when you have time but if the topic gets brought up (say like if you are talking about or referencing say, Fate/Stay Night or Steins;Gate) you can go a bit more into the source material which is a VN.

I myself on many occassions have gone into F/S N and the VN only stuff a LOT. And then if she asks about the source material bring up that it originally was a visual novel. And if she asks what a VN is just say what it is, an interactive novel in game form. (If people remember the goosebumps books that allow you to make choices and jump pages this is a prime example). You can just clearly say "It's a game that focuses almost entirely on the story and less on the "gameplay."

There is no need to hide the fact they have porn anymore than saying your reading a book that happens to have erotic scenes in it. And if you are playing a porn game just bring up 50 shades of grey. Some books, like visual novels, have porn in them and some have them as their main focus. 

Drip feed her only if she asks, and if she ever talks about hiding it or not telling her merely bring up the fact that 1) You weren't hiding it it's just a type of thing you need to be immersed into reading (like a book) and 2) You didn't tell her whatever because she never asked.

Hell later on you can even bring up stuff like "Daibanchou" which has a LOT of gameplay, but has sex and bring up how people play it for the gameplay but it happens to have sex stuff in it.

tl;dr, if she asks, answer the question directly, but also make references to media today such as books (the best example as it has more porn/erotic scenes than really anything else) or movies in that, those mediums contain sex/porn but you read them for the plot and such.

The main thing is that this needs to come out eventually and you can't lie, something like this with lying will always end up in your face and they will, among other things, find you untrustworthy and that's the worst.

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I told her. She thought it was porn until we read a VN together (that was plot focused of course). She changed her tune and helps me once in a while with editing. Getting your significant other involved with your work once in a while can actually help increase your intimacy in a relationship. As long as you aren't stupid and get her involved in guro or something like that.

Some people aren't as open-minded as my girlfriend though, so use discretion when deciding whether or not to tell a girlfriend/boyfriend this. 

Edited by AdventSign

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It's a hard choice, I thought about to tell her, but she is the kind of person that would "accept" without saying too much at first hand, then use it as a weapon when we have an argument. That's the kind of person she is. I don't even come here as much as I did.

I'll wait some time before telling here, but it will be a hard decision...

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