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Plk_Lesiak

Graphic designer needed for a shitty job (literally)!

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Hello there!

I was recently going through a major number of notoriously bad VNs and came up with an idea for a new segment for the blog, focused solely on said shovelware. As the games in question are not really worth of formal reviews, I've decided to create a separate format and separate rating system for those. For that reason, I'm in need of three original, cartoonish graphics representing the three possible ratings:

1. Smelly Poo (It stinks!) - for those really shitty, gross VNs with little or no redeeming qualities

2. Rabbit Poo (Better just ignore it...) - for those VNs that are just of poor quality, but don't stand out very much in any way

3. Golden Poo. Shiny! (But the smells is pretty bad...) - for VNs that are definitely still bad, but have some kind of charm or strong elements that make them amusing and possibly worth experiencing by yourself

In my vision, the ratings would be represented by round badges, featuring the name of the rating as listed above (probably the name of the badge in the upper part and the description in the bottom part), along with an appropriate illustration. I'll be willing to pay for it, if someone's willing to make it in an appropriately decent quality. :3

Where the fuck do I get these ideas from? :s

Edited by Plk_Lesiak

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10 hours ago, Plk_Lesiak said:

The offer is a serious one though, including the possibility of payment. :] 

I guess, the title looked so shitty, so the real graphic designers decided to stay away from it. :isla:

Also, congrats on the 1000th post! It was quite a shitty place to have one if you ask me. ;)

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10 hours ago, Plk_Lesiak said:

The offer is a serious one though, including the possibility of payment. :] 

What is the price of a good graphics artist anyway? If you can provide a translator or an editor for me, then I could be talked into investigating if I can provide you with some serious shit.

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2 hours ago, tymmur said:

What is the price of a good graphics artist anyway? If you can provide a translator or an editor for me, then I could be talked into investigating if I can provide you with some serious shit.

The price is pretty much always "a lot", especially from the Eastern-European perspective. :> This would be a pretty minor commission though and I don't really need it made in super-proffessional quality, so I've decided for this little crowdsourcing effort. :3

And sadly, as much as the righteous cause of exposing the Western audiences to the glory of Musumaker is close to might heart, I'm currently not in possession of any JP-ENG translator or editor slaves I could delegate to your project. If I aquire any I will gladly exchange them for crappy artwork. ^^

Edited by Plk_Lesiak
Crap, I've missed adding the shit pun at my first try.

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Infinite poop. You sit on the toilet to poop, but the poop never stops coming out of your butt. You have to start flushing the toilet every two minutes to keep up. You try to pinch your butt closed but that makes your insides hurt. The poop accelerates. You call 911. The paramedics call for doctors. The doctors call for specialists. The story trends on Twitter. You turn down talk show appearances. Your septic tank fails. People form a cult. Your toilet is finished. Volunteers arrive with buckets and shovels. You are completely used to the smell. The poop accelerates. You are moved to a stepladder with a hole in the top step. The poop accelerates. The shovelers abandon the buckets and shovel directly out the window. The poop accelerates. A candlelight vigil forms around your house. One of the workers falls over and can't free himself. The poop accelerates. A priest knocks over the stepladder and tackles you out the window. You land in the pile. The poop accelerates. The force now propels you forward and upward. Vigil goers grab at your legs. The poop ignites from their candles. The Facebook live event hits 1 million viewers. The poop accelerates. You are 30 feet in the air. The fire engulfs the vigil and your house. 60 feet. The poop accelerates. The torrent underneath you is deafening. 5 million Facebook live viewers. You try to close up shop but your butthole disintegrated long ago. 120 feet up. Your house explodes. The poop accelerates. 1000 feet. You are now tracked on radar. You try to change your angle of ascent but you should have thought of that way earlier. The poop accelerates. 4,000 feet. NORAD upgrades to DEFCON 3. Concentric circles of fire engulf your city. The poop accelerates. You have broken the sound barrier. 30,000 feet. You no longer take in enough oxygen to sustain consciousness. 60,000 feet. CNN is reporting on all the world records you've broken. 200,000 feet. You are no longer alive. The poop accelerates. Your body disintegrates but your poop contrail remains. NASA can no longer track you. You break the light-speed barrier and we can no longer bear witness. The poop accelerates. Forever.

This is why you never trust laxatives.

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5 minutes ago, Kenshin_sama said:

5 million Facebook live viewers.

The crazy part is that it could happen. People watch the craziest things. There is a TV "documentary" about finding the dirtiest toilet in the UK and it's half an hour or something just with recordings of dirty toilets, not to mention reading shitty forum threads.

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42 minutes ago, Kenshin_sama said:

Infinite poop. You sit on the toilet to poop, but the poop never stops coming out of your butt. You have to start flushing the toilet every two minutes to keep up. You try to pinch your butt closed but that makes your insides hurt. The poop accelerates. You call 911. The paramedics call for doctors. The doctors call for specialists. The story trends on Twitter. You turn down talk show appearances. Your septic tank fails. People form a cult. Your toilet is finished. Volunteers arrive with buckets and shovels. You are completely used to the smell. The poop accelerates. You are moved to a stepladder with a hole in the top step. The poop accelerates. The shovelers abandon the buckets and shovel directly out the window. The poop accelerates. A candlelight vigil forms around your house. One of the workers falls over and can't free himself. The poop accelerates. A priest knocks over the stepladder and tackles you out the window. You land in the pile. The poop accelerates. The force now propels you forward and upward. Vigil goers grab at your legs. The poop ignites from their candles. The Facebook live event hits 1 million viewers. The poop accelerates. You are 30 feet in the air. The fire engulfs the vigil and your house. 60 feet. The poop accelerates. The torrent underneath you is deafening. 5 million Facebook live viewers. You try to close up shop but your butthole disintegrated long ago. 120 feet up. Your house explodes. The poop accelerates. 1000 feet. You are now tracked on radar. You try to change your angle of ascent but you should have thought of that way earlier. The poop accelerates. 4,000 feet. NORAD upgrades to DEFCON 3. Concentric circles of fire engulf your city. The poop accelerates. You have broken the sound barrier. 30,000 feet. You no longer take in enough oxygen to sustain consciousness. 60,000 feet. CNN is reporting on all the world records you've broken. 200,000 feet. You are no longer alive. The poop accelerates. Your body disintegrates but your poop contrail remains. NASA can no longer track you. You break the light-speed barrier and we can no longer bear witness. The poop accelerates. Forever.

 

  Reveal hidden contents

This is why you never trust laxatives.

 

this is what I'll tell people now if they ask me my opinion of Muv Luv Extra

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1 hour ago, tymmur said:

The crazy part is that it could happen. People watch the craziest things. There is a TV "documentary" about finding the dirtiest toilet in the UK and it's half an hour or something just with recordings of dirty toilets, not to mention reading shitty forum threads.

I agree, Facebook would be all over that shit.

38 minutes ago, Funyarinpa said:

this is what I'll tell people now if they ask me my opinion of Muv Luv Extra

Always happy to provide ammunition. :)

Edited by Kenshin_sama

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What's this? There ares still no replies yet to this shitty request? :pyaa:

Listen to me, all of you shitty artists at Fuwa. I know where you are hiding inside the forums :reeee:

I don't  care if it's full of shit in here :reeee:. Someone get out and answer this shit-stink of a request before I take a bucket full of shit and shove it up all of your arses:reeee:

The request is so shitty-ily simple as well; it doesn't matter if it's bull shit, dog shit, or any other kind of shit, as long as it's good (and original) shit :mare:

Act now, and you will get rewarded with a shit-full of $$$ by @Plk_Lesiak :Chocola:

I'm warning you Fuwanovel, if no one replies soon, I'll gonna shit this place up real good :reeee:

latest?cb=20120311062648  pile-of-shit.jpg 

 

Thank you very much for your attention to this shitty matter, ladies and gentlemen :sachi:

Edited by phantomJS

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41 minutes ago, phantomJS said:

What's this? There ares still no replies yet to this shitty request? :pyaa:

Listen to me, all of you shitty artists at Fuwa. I know where you are hiding inside the forums :reeee:

I don't  care if it's full of shit in here :reeee:. Someone get out and answer this shit-stink of a request before I take a bucket full of shit and shove it up all of your arses:reeee:

The request is so shitty-ily simple as well; it doesn't matter if it's bull shit, dog shit, or any other kind of shit, as long as it's good (and original) shit :mare:

Act now, and you will get rewarded with a shit-full of $$$ by @Plk_Lesiak :Chocola:

I'm warning you Fuwanovel, if no one replies soon, I'll gonna shit this place up real good :reeee:

latest?cb=20120311062648  pile-of-shit.jpg 

 

Thank you very much for your attention to this shitty matter, ladies and gentlemen :sachi:

If there's a shitload of money on offer I just might consider it. 

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I kind of regret not being able to help you out here, with you being so generous as to give away game codes on the other thread, but ah well. I guess I can throw some directions to some decent artist that can do stuff for commission ($25, I think?), but not sure if that is what you are looking for.

Kind of wish I had learned to paint, apparently it is supposed to be pretty fun. Guess I will leave that in the to do list for now.

Edited by Weiterfechten

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21 minutes ago, Weiterfechten said:

I kind of regret not being able to help you out here, with you being so generous as to give away game codes on the other thread, but ah well. I guess I can throw some directions to some decent artist that can do stuff for commission (25$, I think?), but not sure if that is what you are looking for.

Kind of wish I had learned to paint, apparently it is supposed to be pretty fun. Guess I will leave that in the to do list for now.

Thank you for your consideration. :) I actually have some go-to fan artists that I can turn to if necessary, so I'm not without options. I just took this opportunity to reach out to the community a bit and also get some feeback on the idea itself (I take the intensity of the shit-puns as a positive reaction... Of sorts. ;p). It would be much less fun to just commission it quietly from someone on deviantART. ;)

Edited by Plk_Lesiak

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2 hours ago, Plk_Lesiak said:

(I take the intensity of the shit-puns as a positive reaction... Of sorts. ;p)

Really? I thought all the puns are based on the fact that the entire topic absolutely stinks :gasp:

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