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アナタは暇な大学生。

近所には大の仲良しさんの双子の美少女・西村ななみちゃん、このみちゃんが住んでいます。

 

I see those lines as

You're a bored college student.

In your neighbourhood live two extremely friendly beautiful twin girls, Nishimura Nanami-chan and Konomi-chan.

 

 

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I'm not trying to replicate childish speech so much as avoid using phrases that sound inappropriate for a child to use.  In fact, I lean towards replicating Japanese speech patterns where possible because that's what lolicons would expect, especially those looking to play a game in Japanese (here I translated a description for the game to list on VNDB).

 

My hangup here was 「わぁ…よかった…」, which I translated as "Thanks oniichan!".  That doesn't quite capture Nanami's character; she's shy and a bit precocious.  The literal translation is something like "That's a relief... (I thought you might refuse)" or "I'm glad...", but those don't seem like natural responses in English.  I ended up going with what I felt was a natural response, but ended up sacrificing a bit of her character.

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The simple answer is "use simple words." However, it's hard to do that with such short examples.

(Also, while this is personal preference, I generally try to avoid using "onii-chan" in English when the person is not literally the speaker's brother--most of your audience will know that it means "brother," but few will know that it also means "mister.")

 

also what Ittaku said re: the first two lines.

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The rest seems fine except for the last line which the translation is a little off.
 

Here's some more suggestions, taking into account your request to keep Onii-chan, 3rd person speech, shyness and the childish speech.

 

「このみに勉強教えてくれる、おにいちゃん?」
 
"Onii-chan, will you teach Konomi?"
 

「いいよ、僕でよければ喜んで」

 
"Sure, if you want me to, I'd be glad."
 
「わぁ…よかった…」
 
"Wah... lucky..."
 
「わぁーい、やったーっ!」
 
"Yay, goodie!"
 
こうして、ななみちゃんとこのみちゃん、そしておにいちゃんの “いけない夏休み” が始まったのです。
 
And thus begins Onii-chan's "summer vacation of wrongdoing" with Nanami-chan and Konomi-chan.

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It just means "western thing" (as in european/american). Like, western-style food, or western-imported stuff. He says that the best porn is the western one, basically.

 

edit: actually there's an entry for 洋モノ on weblio. This is just a casual モン instead of the full モノ.

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Ahh, okay, didn't spring to my mind to check a japanese dictionary/reference site. What about かぎる? Does he say that western porn 'hits the limit' or is at the limit as in there isn't anything better?

 

@Parallel Pain, in the dialogue it says the old man loves American porn (peeps call him メリケン something-something..). It said in the dialogue the 'gravures' were American, so it's all-western porn. 

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I'm having problems with the meaning of this conversation, gonna put the entire dialogs:

 

ええと……? 『香蕉愛衣佳さんへ。 お話ししたいことがあります。放課後、4組の教室前に 来てもらえますでしょうか』」

名前は……うん、無いみたいね。

「わ、わあぁっ! 声に出しちゃダメだよぉ!」

律「別に誰も聞いてないから、気にする必要ないって。 それより、これってまさか……」

「う、うん……やっぱり、そうかな」

律「そうね……ちょっと驚いちゃったけど」

「……果たし状、だよね?」

律「んなわけないでしょ!?」

愛衣佳のボケっぷりに、頭を抱えたくなる。しかも多分、本気だ。

「違うの?」

律「違うわよ。どう見ても、ラブレターでしょーが」

「……へ? らぶ、れたー?」

律「なにを驚いてんの」

「え……だ、だって、私だよぉ? ラブレターなんて送って、どうしようって言うの? 果たし合い?」

律「どうあっても果たし合いたいの、愛衣佳は?」

 

 

So basically, 2 girls talking about a letter that one of them received anonymously, that says to met her in front of a classroom to talk about something blah blah it doesnt matter :P, and this is what I don't understand, she is kinda "slow" or naive so she mistake this love-letter (or it seems that way for her friend) for a 果たし合い which means a duel.

I don't get the joke, is it common to be called for a duel? I understand that her character is innocent and naive but am I missing something, is it a known joke in japan or is it a common thing to be called for a duel? Maybe a duel means something else :huh:

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It's common (manga?) culture for delinquents to call out other delinquents to a duel through letters in the shoe rack.

Just about as often as love letters are thrown in shoe racks.

As such, when a character finds a letter in his/her shoe rack, you can expect him/her to wonder aloud whether it's a letter of challenge or a love letter.

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I don't suppose anyone will know what ハミガキ粉カスタード actually is?

It seems literally to translate to "toothpaste custard" (lol)

 

Edit: I'm blind. The next sentence explained it.

"Custard with a toothbrushing effect"

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