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Looking for feedback on OELVN demo


pnadadeath

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I can't play it right now, but I bookmarked it for later.

It's seems like an interesting concept, and it doesn't look bad for a solo project.

Also I created a VNDB page for your game.

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I just finished reading your demo(all in one sitting). I think it only took me around 25 minutes(I'm a fast reader as well so that may have played a part). I really enjoyed the concept of humanity leaving the Earth and branching out into different parts of the Universe and developing new technology and advancements. With the way the Fata Humani are referenced throughout the game it almost fills you with a sense of expectance and dread as the reader. Okay, getting into the characters I really enjoyed how you characterized Rio and showed her thought processes. Rio feels like your average teenage girl who has a hard time dealing with people and a bunch of external stimuli. She reminds me of myself :D. I also liked the relationship between Rio and her sister Oro. The way they interacted with each other at home really visualizes a realistic sibling relationship. the introduction of the "nosy" girl in the beginning after Rio was brooding over her "low" test score. Definitely reminds me of a few real life interactions I've had with people. Anyway, onto the background music. I enjoyed everything I heard so far in the demo. The BGM sounds very calming and tranquil. Lastly, the only things I would say need improvement are 1) Grammar and 2) The art. Considering that you're making this Visual Novel all on your own, I think you're doing a great job. You probably don't have any other people to check over your grammar and to proof read your scripts but hopefully you can find somebody to help you down the line.

Anyway I wish you the best of luck on this project :D

Edited by shuak
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Finished the demo.

Overall impressions:

I enjoyed.

The setting was interesting, with an entire futuristic societal system, the fact that there was a E.T. race communicating with humans. The characters are also pretty decent, they're releatable, I personally liked the inner monologue of Rio. There are some typos here and there that need to be fixed (try using MS word with you use a windows system, since there is an auto corrector function. You can also use an auto corrector online), and the overall art quality isn't the best thing in the world, but it's not that bad either, I liked that you opted to use 3DCGS+Sprites, I think it works better with that type of fururistic universe. 

I'm curious to see what you could come up with I the future!

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Thanks the feedback. It is very helpful, mostly I need to check that the story is conveying what I am going for.   Typing in word is probably a very obvious solution to misspelling, I honestly didn't think fi that for some reason,  

I feel I must mention that the bg music is all from soundimage.org, so it's freely available. 

 

I really hope to just have good enough art to give direction to a real artist. 

 

Though if anyone wants the three d sprite models I can provide them and make put on blendswap. 

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