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PRologue [Mystery] [Psychological] [Drama] [DEMO]


HSelf

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After receiving a weird mail consisting of nothing more than an unknown address, Michael—who’s
normally so indifferent and placid—finds himself mysteriously and almost unconsciously drawn to it.
So much so that he decided to ditch afternoon classes in order to follow a lead that probably doesn’t even exist.

But what was at first ‘probably not even worth the effort’ degenerated quite rapidly into something
much more significant than that. Indeed, now here he stands, in the middle of a room somehow nostalgic yet
so creepy no one would ever feel compelled to connect it with their own memories. This dark, eerie
room… Full of birthday decorations even though the building has long since been deserted. His
birthday party from seven years ago, recreated almost to the perfection. Its sole purpose? 
Making him remember that night... That night when he lost his entire self, and all of his memories. 

The night of his parents’ murders.

And as though this situation wasn’t already enough, a Voice, mechanical and almost joyful,
proclaims from the other side of the line to be the one behind it all. It continues on with 
nonsensical words, one after the other. Things Michael doesn’t even comprehend. But he does catch 
the Voice’s parting words. The Voice’s threat. Something about the importance of his friends, and 
to what length he needs to go in order to save them.

This is the story of a young man who’s desperately trying to cut himself out of the world surrounding him, and
the choice he’s ultimately forced to make in order to save the few friends he has.

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- 300,000+ words (25+ hours~ of gameplay)

- 25+ CGs

- 25+ custom backgrounds, and 20+ more 'generic' ones

- 7+ endings

- A true route

- Original soundtrack

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Progress:

Scenario: 88%

Sprites: Main Characters: 6/6, Side Characters: 1/???
Background: ???
CG: 8%
Programming: 4%
Music: 15%
GUI: 90%

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Writer: HSelf
Programmer: HSelf
Sprite: Gato Hayakawa
Background: Vui Huynh / minikle
CGs: Winnetou – AD / Prophosphere
Miscellaneous: Velm
Music: Emmanuel Turpin

Follow us on twitter for more updates!

Questions:

- Does the story sounds interesting to you?
- Do you like the art style?
- About choices in visual novels in general. Do you prefer having lots of choices, but more meaningless ones (skipping insignificant events/changing some dialogues)? 
Or do you prefer having a restricted amount of choices, but more meaningful (which branches the story)? 
Or maybe a mix of them both, which might give the illusion of a more concrete experience?
- Do you have any tips or advice to give regarding the summary/character descriptions? Or do you feel that the premise of the story is well conveyed? 
While I tend to be more minimalist on those kinds of things, some might prefer a more tangible approach.
- Any suggestion/critic/commentary? Anything would be helpful.

Edited by HSelf
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2 hours ago, HSelf said:

- Does the story sounds interesting to you?

It sounds moderately interesting. From what you've described, Michael seems like a character I'd like a great deal, and together with a decent premise, it should make for an enjoyable tale.

2 hours ago, HSelf said:

- Do you like the art style?

Yes, it's very appealing to me.

2 hours ago, HSelf said:

Or do you prefer having a restricted amount of choices, but more meaningful (which branches the story)? 

This is my preference. However, I would not at all be opposed to having less "meaningful" choices (i.e. ones that only change dialogue) as long as they actually provide a whole different scene, or a sizeable amount of text when selected, and not legitimately one sentence of new information.

2 hours ago, HSelf said:

- Do you have any tips or advice to give regarding the summary/character descriptions? Or do you feel that the premise of the story is well conveyed? 

In reference to the summary, I think it's not especially well conveyed, but I don't know if there's anything concrete I could suggest to improve.

First off, I feel that to an extent, it assumes the reader is already invested in this story. I think it should try to grab the reader's attention better; perhaps, focus more on the precognition and try to make it more mysterious. Additionally, I'd say it's a bit too long and meanders between too many things it wants to convey. Make it more concise, improve "flow", and reduce the amount of "But why...?" questions, as while that can provoke a sense of mysteriousness, it's used much too often here.

The character descriptions are fine as they are, I'd say.

3 hours ago, HSelf said:

- Any suggestion/critic/commentary?

Fix the typos and grammatical errors.

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11 hours ago, Barktooth said:

It sounds moderately interesting. From what you've described, Michael seems like a character I'd like a great deal, and together with a decent premise, it should make for an enjoyable tale.

Yes, it's very appealing to me.

This is my preference. However, I would not at all be opposed to having less "meaningful" choices (i.e. ones that only change dialogue) as long as they actually provide a whole different scene, or a sizeable amount of text when selected, and not legitimately one sentence of new information.

In reference to the summary, I think it's not especially well conveyed, but I don't know if there's anything concrete I could suggest to improve.

First off, I feel that to an extent, it assumes the reader is already invested in this story. I think it should try to grab the reader's attention better; perhaps, focus more on the precognition and try to make it more mysterious. Additionally, I'd say it's a bit too long and meanders between too many things it wants to convey. Make it more concise, improve "flow", and reduce the amount of "But why...?" questions, as while that can provoke a sense of mysteriousness, it's used much too often here.

The character descriptions are fine as they are, I'd say.

Fix the typos and grammatical errors.

Thank you! Your comments are really insightful. I'll work on my summary and try to come up with something a bit easier for the readers to size up the story. Please give me your opinion again when that time comes ^_^  

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