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Aleister

Ao no Kanata no Four Rhythm New Translation Project

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A small weekly update (16/12/2016)

Hey guys here you go a new update.

Aokana Common Route is 38% translated now! 

Progress: 5180/14891 (34%) >5780/14,891 (38%)

We hope to have done the translation of the common route by the coming first months of next year.

Anyway, that's all and thanks for your support!

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Hey there guys! 

Here we show another weekly update:

So, first, by christmas holiday Albert is out for a while, and def is busy with finals, so from here the progress will be a bit slow for some days. Anyway, here's the current progress.

Common Route is 44% translated now!

Progress: 5780/14,891 (38%) > 6587/14,891 (44.23%)

 So, here you go. Sorry for the small update and merry christmas!

here my present for you 

(Wait, but this was for valentine day... well, don't matter)

692640.png

Edited by Aleister

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Yo,

astro here, and I just read your updated patchv2. In case you don't know who I am, I'm a professional freelance translator, and a friend of Kionachi - the main scenario writer for AoKana. While I don't speak for Kionachi, I honestly find this patch to be an insult to the years of sweat and blood he put into putting this story and world setting together. Now, with my frustration out of the way, please don't take this personally because I'm just speaking about the quality of the script from an objective standpoint - I'm not here to flame you. Seeing that it's Christmas, I'll try to word this as nicely as I possibly can.

Bottom line: find a new translator. Your current TL has very limited understanding of the Japanese language. The entire script is littered with errors, so it's not something you can just TLC, or have other people pick out errors and fix. As it stands, the entire thing needs to be redone from scratch because of how inaccurate it is.

Sure, some fans might not care about quality as long as it's in English, but they honestly might as well be reading a fanfiction at this point because that's how bad and frequent the errors are. The readers are not going to be reading AoKana - they're going to be reading a butchered interpretation. If you love and care about the game as much as I do, please consider taking this advice to heart.

And if you don't believe me, I've taken a look at the first 50 lines of your script, and then some. There were significant errors in every other line. If this is the quality I can expect in the very beginning of the game, I'm scared to see what the rest of it looks like:

                                                                                                          

If the images don't load, refresh the page (or alternatively, click on them to open them in a new window).

 

Your TL:

d32d2ee1bd399b855b2446e43a13a566.png
Original line:「そしたら、飛んでってやるから。で、助けてやる」
My Rough TL: "If you do that, I'll come flying, and I'll be sure to save you."
Comments: 飛んでってやる is short for 飛んで行ってやる, and ~てやる is used when you're doing something for somebody.

>One line later

Your TL:

c3a0dcd0705a768f7999fc7f2e2befce.png

Original line:「おう、絶対にだ! なんせ空はどこへだってつながってるからな」
My Rough TL: "Yeah, promise! Besides, no matter where we are, we're always connected by the same sky."

                                                                                                          

04210be02a9b1dcec3b07cb3c0707c3a.png

Original line: この世には無限の世界が広がっていて、俺はちょっと背伸びするだけで、そこを見ることができた。
My Rough TL: I believed that if I just reached out, I'd be able to see the world that spanned infinitely.
Comments: First issue is that this TL is wrong on a mechanical level. Next, the previous line is 何にだってなれると思っていたし、誰にだって勝てると思っていたし、どこにだって行けると思っていた。Though not blatantly stated, it's still talking about what he thought back then, not what was necessarily true)

>One line later

Your TL:

92af04897fbfc292ddd4a97a0505f0a7.png

Original line: 空に、手を伸ばすだけで。
My Rough TL: --Just by stretching my hand out towards the sky.
Comments: This line is connected to previous line, but even with that mistaken presumption, there is no basis for the TL in the Japanese.

                                                                                                          

Your TL:

f5dd571e0bf17dc3c76a5cf6953f6614.png

Original line: 小さかった頃に見上げた空に、いちばん近くにいるのが、自分だと思っていた。
My Rough TL: I was under the illusion that I was closer to the sky than anyone else.
Comments: Where exactly does it say 'neighborhood' anywhere in the line?

                                                                                                          

Your TL:

98440d9195f083e6d0c56f211f0a1e3d.png

Original line: これがあれば、どこへも行けると。
My Rough TL: As long as I had these wings, then I could go anywhere.
Comments: The これ in this line refers to his 'wings.' Again, the interpretation of the line was way off.

                                                                                                          

Your TL:

912a1d24b0bac61da6e455815f98ffbf.png

Original line: 誰よりも先に、彼方へ行けると。
My Rough TL: ...I should be able to reach the other end of the sky before anyone else.
Comments: Lack of understanding of the basic quotation particle, と as well as potential form of 行くbeing 行ける. Rather than 'want to go,' the Japanese line is saying 'able to go.'

>One line later

Your TL:

8d03c5390c58fdb24bb87ba7d7321e67.png

Original line: そう、信じていた。
My Rough TL: That's what I believed.
Comments: They mistook the そう here as a statement of affirmation because your translator wasn't even aware that と was a quotation marker.

                                                                                                          

Your TL:

4d871acb9dee8b29201e60d8c29a9403.png

Original line: ……だから、その時が来た時、俺は本当に、何も見えなくなってしまった。
My Rough TL: ...And that's why, when that day came, I was blind to everything else.
Comments: ...I'm sorry, what? This is not Kionachi's writing. In fact, this is blasphemous to the author's vision and hard work - this is not how he meant for people to experience 'AoKana.' Again, this is not AoKana. You are just rewriting the entire game at this point.

                                                                                                          

At this point, I decided I've had enough, and CTRL-skipped at random to see how far this patch goes.
And, well, while not entirely surprising... I somehow stopped at another error. I either got lucky, or every other line must have been translated entirely wrong (if you consider the previous examples, the latter seems fairly plausible).
To make matters worse, what I stopped at was a slice-of-life scene. There is nothing tricky or confusing about the language used here - it's literally basic kindergarten-level Japanese, and I'm not saying that to be mean because that's actually the case. The errors are arguably worse here than before, even.

                                                                                                          

Your TL:

e8422fe3d988de06492055736b565fa6.png

Original line: 「乗るよ相談? 料金はうどんいっぱい!」
My Rough TL: "I'm here to listen, you know! Instead of a consultation fee, you can pay me in lots of udon!"
Comments: For starters, the question mark in the Japanese line is only there for tone purposes - the line is by no means a question.
Comments: Second, the verb is 相談に乗る, which means to lend someone an ear and give them advice/counseling. God knows how you managed to change this into a noun.
Comments: 料金 also doesn't mean 'free.' The two sentences in your TL have NO coherency. Did it never strike you as odd that the conversation suddenly jumped from this 'mysterious counselor' to 'free udon' when you were working on this? Heck, even the random mention of 'free udon' is completely bizarre. I'd like to know where you can eat udon for free. What kind of establishment serves free udon and doesn't go out of business?

>One line later

Your TL:

8dd4893caea3ca240b6101c29b6b8274.png

Original line: 「じゃあなみさき。また明日」
My Rough TL: "Bye Misaki. See you tomorrow."
Comments: I don't know what to say, honestly.

>One line later

Your TL:

a9dfff63c5f638b15935ff9a8f2bfea5.png

Original line: 「あはは、みさき、日向くんにご飯たかるの失敗しちゃったね」
My Rough TL: "Ahaha. Misaki, your attempt to bum food off Hinata-kun failed magnificently."
Comments: You'd think your translator would've caught onto his previous mistake by now. Also, yes, 飯たかる means to sponge food off somebody, not to have a romantic dinner date with them like your TL implies.

                                                                                                          

Just to be sure, I decided to give you the benefit of the doubt and do yet another random skip, and...

                                                                                                          

Your TL:

8725342ebb8f3d14309f906d51fa6aca.png

Original line: 「オレの情熱を試しているということだな、確かにそうだ、一度や二度ぐらいで揺らぐと思っていたオレが甘かったんだ!」
My Rough TL: "You're just testing my passion, I see! I must admit, I was too naive for thinking I could change your mind after only the second attempt!"
Comments: Unfortunately. your translator didn't understand the nuance in this line at all. Their interpretation of 一度や二度ぐらいで揺らぐと思っていたオレが甘かったんだ is completely offbase.
Comments: The verb 思う (Japanese for "to think") is completely missing from your TL.
Comments: When Shion says 'waver,' he isn't talking about himself, or else he would not have said 揺らぐと思っていた (it's really weird to say "I was naive for thinking I would 揺らぐ(waver) after the first or second try).
Comments: This line is setting up for Shion's next line (below), which was actually very cleverly written in the Japanese considering the context of the situation. This is what I meant by butchering Kionachi's work, and why I'm so ticked off right now.

>One line later

Original line: 「わかった、君のその挑戦、受けて立とうじゃないか! この青柳紫苑、三顧でも九顧でも礼を尽くそう!」
My Rough TL: "I got it, I'll accept that challenge of yours! As long as I bear the name of Aoyagi Shion, I'll come back a third time -- even a ninth time if I have to!"
Comments: Just three lines ago in this scene, Shion called Masaya 'Zhuge Liang.' Historically Liu Bei succeeded in recruiting Zhuge Liang after going through the trouble of paying him three visits in person. This is Shion's second 'formal' visit to Masaya - the next would be the third. Hence, "I'll come back a third time -- even a ninth time if i have to" is a huge reference to Zhuge Liang, as he only gave in after the third time.

                                                                                                          

By this point, I felt like I've already seen enough...

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1 hour ago, astro said:

Yo,

astro here, and I just read your updated patchv2. In case you don't know who I am, I'm a professional freelance translator, and a friend of Kionachi - the main scenario writer for AoKana. While I don't speak for Kionachi, I honestly find this patch to be an insult to the years of sweat and blood he put into putting this story and world setting together. Now, with my frustration out of the way, please don't take this personally because I'm just speaking about the quality of the script from an objective standpoint - I'm not here to flame you. Seeing that it's Christmas, I'll try to word this as nicely as I possibly can.

Bottom line: find a new translator. Your current TL has very limited understanding of the Japanese language. The entire script is littered with errors, so it's not something you can just TLC, or have other people pick out errors and fix. As it stands, the entire thing needs to be redone from scratch because of how inaccurate it is.

Sure, some fans might not care about quality as long as it's in English, but they honestly might as well be reading a fanfiction at this point because that's how bad and frequent the errors are. The readers are not going to be reading AoKana - they're going to be reading a butchered interpretation. If you love and care about the game as much as I do, please consider taking this advice to heart.

And if you don't believe me, I've taken a look at the first 50 lines of your script, and then some. There were significant errors in every other line. If this is the quality I can expect in the very beginning of the game, I'm scared to see what the rest of it looks like:

                                                                                                          

If the images don't load, refresh the page (or alternatively, click on them to open them in a new window).

  Reveal hidden contents

Your TL:

d32d2ee1bd399b855b2446e43a13a566.png
Original line:「そしたら、飛んでってやるから。で、助けてやる」
My Rough TL: "If you do that, I'll come flying, and I'll be sure to save you."
Comments: 飛んでってやる is short for 飛んで行ってやる, and ~てやる is used when you're doing something for somebody.

>One line later

Your TL:

c3a0dcd0705a768f7999fc7f2e2befce.png

Original line:「おう、絶対にだ! なんせ空はどこへだってつながってるからな」
My Rough TL: "Yeah, promise! Besides, no matter where we are, we're always connected by the same sky."

                                                                                                          

04210be02a9b1dcec3b07cb3c0707c3a.png

Original line: この世には無限の世界が広がっていて、俺はちょっと背伸びするだけで、そこを見ることができた。
My Rough TL: I believed that if I just reached out, I'd be able to see the world that spanned infinitely.
Comments: First issue is that this TL is wrong on a mechanical level. Next, the previous line is 何にだってなれると思っていたし、誰にだって勝てると思っていたし、どこにだって行けると思っていた。Though not blatantly stated, it's still talking about what he thought back then, not what was necessarily true)

>One line later

Your TL:

92af04897fbfc292ddd4a97a0505f0a7.png

Original line: 空に、手を伸ばすだけで。
My Rough TL: --Just by stretching my hand out towards the sky.
Comments: This line is connected to previous line, but even with that mistaken presumption, there is no basis for the TL in the Japanese.

                                                                                                          

Your TL:

f5dd571e0bf17dc3c76a5cf6953f6614.png

Original line: 小さかった頃に見上げた空に、いちばん近くにいるのが、自分だと思っていた。
My Rough TL: I was under the illusion that I was closer to the sky than anyone else.
Comments: Where exactly does it say 'neighborhood' anywhere in the line?

                                                                                                          

Your TL:

98440d9195f083e6d0c56f211f0a1e3d.png

Original line: これがあれば、どこへも行けると。
My Rough TL: As long as I had these wings, then I could go anywhere.
Comments: The これ in this line refers to his 'wings.' Again, the interpretation of the line was way off.

                                                                                                          

Your TL:

912a1d24b0bac61da6e455815f98ffbf.png

Original line: 誰よりも先に、彼方へ行けると。
My Rough TL: ...I should be able to reach the other end of the sky before anyone else.
Comments: Lack of understanding of the basic quotation particle, と as well as potential form of 行くbeing 行ける. Rather than 'want to go,' the Japanese line is saying 'able to go.'

>One line later

Your TL:

8d03c5390c58fdb24bb87ba7d7321e67.png

Original line: そう、信じていた。
My Rough TL: That's what I believed.
Comments: They mistook the そう here as a statement of affirmation because your translator wasn't even aware that と was a quotation marker.

                                                                                                          

Your TL:

4d871acb9dee8b29201e60d8c29a9403.png

Original line: ……だから、その時が来た時、俺は本当に、何も見えなくなってしまった。
My Rough TL: ...And that's why, when that day came, I was blind to everything else.
Comments: ...I'm sorry, what? This is not Kionachi's writing. In fact, this is blasphemous to the author's vision and hard work - this is not how he meant for people to experience 'AoKana.' Again, this is not AoKana. You are just rewriting the entire game at this point.

                                                                                                          

At this point, I decided I've had enough, and CTRL-skipped at random to see how far this patch goes.
And, well, while not entirely surprising... I somehow stopped at another error. I either got lucky, or every other line must have been translated entirely wrong (if you consider the previous examples, the latter seems fairly plausible).
To make matters worse, what I stopped at was a slice-of-life scene. There is nothing tricky or confusing about the language used here - it's literally basic kindergarten-level Japanese, and I'm not saying that to be mean because that's actually the case. The errors are arguably worse here than before, even.

                                                                                                          

Your TL:

e8422fe3d988de06492055736b565fa6.png

Original line: 「乗るよ相談? 料金はうどんいっぱい!」
My Rough TL: "I'm here to listen, you know! Instead of a consultation fee, you can pay me in lots of udon!"
Comments: For starters, the question mark in the Japanese line is only there for tone purposes - the line is by no means a question.
Comments: Second, the verb is 相談に乗る, which means to lend someone an ear and give them advice/counseling. God knows how you managed to change this into a noun.
Comments: 料金 also doesn't mean 'free.' The two sentences in your TL have NO coherency. Did it never strike you as odd that the conversation suddenly jumped from this 'mysterious counselor' to 'free udon' when you were working on this? Heck, even the random mention of 'free udon' is completely bizarre. I'd like to know where you can eat udon for free. What kind of establishment serves free udon and doesn't go out of business?

>One line later

Your TL:

8dd4893caea3ca240b6101c29b6b8274.png

Original line: 「じゃあなみさき。また明日」
My Rough TL: "Bye Misaki. See you tomorrow."
Comments: I don't know what to say, honestly.

>One line later

Your TL:

a9dfff63c5f638b15935ff9a8f2bfea5.png

Original line: 「あはは、みさき、日向くんにご飯たかるの失敗しちゃったね」
My Rough TL: "Ahaha. Misaki, your attempt to bum food off Hinata-kun failed magnificently."
Comments: You'd think your translator would've caught onto his previous mistake by now. Also, yes, 飯たかる means to sponge food off somebody, not to have a romantic dinner date with them like your TL implies.

                                                                                                          

Just to be sure, I decided to give you the benefit of the doubt and do yet another random skip, and...

                                                                                                          

Your TL:

8725342ebb8f3d14309f906d51fa6aca.png

Original line: 「オレの情熱を試しているということだな、確かにそうだ、一度や二度ぐらいで揺らぐと思っていたオレが甘かったんだ!」
My Rough TL: "You're just testing my passion, I see! I must admit, I was too naive for thinking I could change your mind after only the second attempt!"
Comments: Unfortunately. your translator didn't understand the nuance in this line at all. Their interpretation of 一度や二度ぐらいで揺らぐと思っていたオレが甘かったんだ is completely offbase.
Comments: The verb 思う (Japanese for "to think") is completely missing from your TL.
Comments: When Shion says 'waver,' he isn't talking about himself, or else he would not have said 揺らぐと思っていた (it's really weird to say "I was naive for thinking I would 揺らぐ(waver) after the first or second try).
Comments: This line is setting up for Shion's next line (below), which was actually very cleverly written in the Japanese considering the context of the situation. This is what I meant by butchering Kionachi's work, and why I'm so ticked off right now.

>One line later

Original line: 「わかった、君のその挑戦、受けて立とうじゃないか! この青柳紫苑、三顧でも九顧でも礼を尽くそう!」
My Rough TL: "I got it, I'll accept that challenge of yours! As long as I bear the name of Aoyagi Shion, I'll come back a third time -- even a ninth time if I have to!"
Comments: Just three lines ago in this scene, Shion called Masaya 'Zhuge Liang.' Historically Liu Bei succeeded in recruiting Zhuge Liang after going through the trouble of paying him three visits in person. This is Shion's second 'formal' visit to Masaya - the next would be the third. Hence, "I'll come back a third time -- even a ninth time if i have to" is a huge reference to Zhuge Liang, as he only gave in after the third time.

                                                                                                          

By this point, I felt like I've already seen enough...

Thanks for your feedback, and don't worry we do not want to make an unnecessary drama too, so we will recheck /redone the script from scratch along with the other translators.

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Nooo, oooohhhh what?!?

I just find out that this is getting another re-do translation-wise and so far it seems people said that it needs mucho gusto help. Tragic.

 

 

Still, I do hope you find someone to get it properly translated and continue working diligently until it's completed, I'd love to read Misaki's route

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I have to agree with astro, im learning japanese by myself and think i could do better than that... so that i'd be willing to help this project. Just thinking that could be nice to play this game, contribute to spread this game, and learn more japanese. (idk if you're "stable" enough to need more help)

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Not really surprised anymore after few groups dropped this project,

but I really hope that "soon" this VN will be translated.. I really liked the art, and Rika too..

the anime didn't do much justice for me, It's a VN adaptation for god sake.. at least include some romance in it.. T_T

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For anyone still interested, they posted an update on their wordpress saying that they aren't dropping the project completely, but rather trying to improve their skills and recruiting more translators before resuming the project. At least it's something, eh?

https://aokanatl.wordpress.com/2017/03/05/about-our-dropping/#more-66

Edited by Syforc3

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53 minutes ago, Syforc3 said:

For anyone still interested, they posted an update on their wordpress saying that they aren't dropping the project completely, but rather trying to improve their skills and recruiting more translators before resuming the project. At least it's something, eh?

https://aokanatl.wordpress.com/2017/03/05/about-our-dropping/#more-66

maybe MG or Sekai will pick it up lol

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