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So to start off, I'm McMuffin, I'm an aspiring writer that desperately needs someone to tell him how much he sucks. So to make it simple I have a question, would you (the reader) like to read and then critic my work?
It doensn't matter if you hate it or love it, both negative and positive feedback would be much appreciated.

To start off I'll leave you with something I wrote a very long time ago
I call it Ashes

Until ashes we meet again.
It was late autumn, the sky had never looked darker. Black smoke filled the air choking any nearby life. A small girl, with all of her might, kicked down her front door escaping with her life. 
Two years later
The small girl left the school and made her way down 1st street towards her house. The sky was darkening and the air was crisp and cool. Turning down the alley way she grabbed a large red canister and fixed the nozzle. She arrived at the black charred gate that led to the back yard of her house which she had lived in two years before, the house was now a pile of ashes. The girl made her way into the living area, she could remember the house so well. She withdrew a picture, her mom, dad, and little brothers smiling faces shined deeply into her soul. She laid the picture at her feet, her tears stained the picture. She grabbed the red canister, pouring a large around herself. She let out a wail and her tears fell faster. She lit a match and stared at it a while, “I’ll be just like my family,” She whispered between sobs, “Ashes.”

Now first I apologize for the darkness of the story, it was a depressing time for me. Anyway that's just a small sample of the things I've written (not all are as dark I assure you)

So to finish off, I'll just say thanks to anyone who does decide to help me. Anyway again thanks I appreciate any and all criticism. 

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It's a nice read ^_^

I think the setting was well written. 

My English isn't fantastic, but was there perhaps a typo over here? Pouring a large...? 

13 hours ago, StuffiMcMuffinz said:

pouring a large around herself

I don't really know why but this part sounds a bit weird. I'm not 100% sure if there's anything wrong though. 

13 hours ago, StuffiMcMuffinz said:

She arrived at the black charred gate that led to the back yard of her house which she had lived in two years before, the house was now a pile of ashes.

Overall I think it's pretty good (at least for an amateur such as myself :sachi:)

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12 hours ago, Limerence_ said:

I don't really know why but this part sounds a bit weird. I'm not 100% sure if there's anything wrong though. 

I agree with that, it sounded a bit off to me as well even after re-reading it a few times. Other than that it was a pretty good read despite the overall darkness of it, I do love me some dark themed reads.

Not sure how qualified or not I am to say that's it's pretty good but it's my honest opinion.

 

Keep it up and you'll improve more and more in no time. :sacchan: 

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