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A story about myself and 1000 posts AMA


SilverLi

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Alright. I promised this a month ago or so in Fuwa's confession thread and I never really got to it. Now that I have acquired 1000 posts I think it is time to do it. I have been a registered part of this community since May 2014. But I was a long time on and off lurker since 2013. The old Fuwa was a great place to find stuff you can't find anywhere else. It was easy to access and I never had any problems installing the old torrents with some minor guidance or the guides on every torrent page. I'm actually happy we are doing the same but legalized today. But never mind that.

I know I was one of the fanboys about the Majikoi translation in late 2014 - early 2015. My first VN was Ever17. Got to love the suspense and with some external music it was epic. But what got me hooked at the medium was the famous flashgame Love Hina and a friend of mine recommended me to watch the animes Code Geass and FMA:Brotherhood. I loved the setting and gameplay Love Hina had. It was easy and not mindless clicking. Sadly a very few VNs got the gameplay element today. Sengoku Rance is a game I regard as my favorite because of the replayability and awesome "simple yet difficult" gameplay.

 

Let's talk about me. Hopefully most of you older members at least recognize me by name. I'm not the most loud and memorable person, that's my own opinion. But before we begin with my story I don't want to feel any pity. There is nothing wrong with me and there isn't anything special about me. I just want to share my story.

So what's special about me? Some of you may know it and others don't. I'm born with a double sided cleft lip and cleft palate (CLP Wiki but warning if you are sensitive). Around 1/1000 babies born got this at birth in Sweden. On average a total of 100 babies got this every year, different complex problems. Some may only have a single sided CLP for example. I got the worst kind where more or less everything between nose and mouth was a big hole at birth. Multiple operations after birth to stabilize. If you are interested in what it looks alike you can search for cleft lip and palate (just warning you if you are sensitive. Ain't gonna link something here. The wiki above is good.). I have in my whole life been that boy which had problems making friends except two core friends since I was 6.

When I was young I had air going through my mouth and nose resulting in lisping. This was fixed when I was ~15 and with a lot of training with a speech specialist. I have done continuous operations throughout my years of different magnitudes. But some of my biggest one resulted in taking bones from my hip and transplant it to my palate, moving my whole upper jaw 1-2 cm forward and removing the hole through my mouth to the nose. This is just 3 of the total of 16 operations I have done in my life. The moving of my jaw was the most painful by far. I had some kind of device in my chin which you screwed two turns every morning and day for a month. It felt throughout my whole bone in my face and is most likely the most uncomfortable pain I have ever felt. You feel it inside of yourself and you twitches in your whole body.  I'm still not finished with my life and I am currently in progress to my next big operation sometime next year hopefully where I am going to move the lower jaw backwards.

Problems I have had during all my years are missing teeth, discolored front teeth and braces on both inside and outside my teeth.I begun with bracers and orthodontic before I was 10. My upper lip are much smaller than my lower lip even though I have done plastic surgery about it. I have always had problems with dry lips.

I have always had a rather low self esteem and was bullied for a while. An easy target because I am different. I was a bullhead and easily angered up to 6th grade (12 -13 y/o). I would storm out from anything and I was literary boiling for 10 minutes. It was a silly behavior but I changed to a calm, collected person later on. Most likely the opposite. Occasional anger burst happened up to the 9th grade and it would be directed towards the person who made it. Nothing dangerous except I was probably stamped as a racist when I called a teacher of mine a couple of things in 8th grade. I have a strong sense of right and wrong and this teacher was messing around joking during classes with persons I despite. He had problems with my speech (because he wasn't born in Sweden) which has always been a trigger for me. If you are lisping and not paying attention it is kind of a slurry speech. If you don't hear what I say the second or third time you were dead to me. Bullhead indeed when I was young... So when we had a written anonymous survey about him and the class I was more than nice. My homeroom teacher recognized my writing and hell broke out.

I was so damn ignorant and classmates always had fun mocking me for it. Not that I cared except it was embarrassing, I knew they didn't have ill intent. I never had any interest in anything except soccer, gaming and my friends. So you can probably relate when you are absolutely clueless about for example the opposite gender at the age of 15. I knew the differences but I couldn't name what's what and when someone asked me in a tricky way I wouldn't answer because I didn't know. They were already in puberty and interested in that when I didn't care. Yes I am interested in girls today if you wonder. 

At the age of 15 a lot of difficult operations begun as I mentioned above. I moved whole cheek, fixed the lisping and so on. It ruined my active life because I couldn't even jog for a whole year. When you are very active this was a torture. In the end I quit soccer a year or two later because I was missing so much and never got back in the form I once was in. I still regret this today but when your biggest perks was endless lung capacity and that special "soccer intelligence" nobody else had you have a huge mountain to climb when you lose your fitness. From running nonstop during 100 minutes to a wreck in 5 minutes. And this was when our team was elite testing us before we took the next step to the reserve team. This was devastating and I will probably never forgive me for giving up on that. But start over 1 year behind every other player (no pre season training etc.) 3 times in 2 years could probably break anyone.

I still got my childhood friend today and during senior high school I begun to find some others I still am spending time with. I'm not really affected by anything today and indifferent towards unknown people. No need to get mad. I have some people I will despise for the rest of my life but I also got friends I still meet whenever we got spare time and an empty schedule. I'm working today and living in an apartment. I'm content and happy about my life.

 

Let's celebrate this as my 1000th post and an AMA. Ask anything you want. If you are interested in more details feel free to ask.

/SilverLi

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Your story was interesting. You've been through a lot and its great that you're in a much better place now. Life certainly has a way of toughing us up and well, sometimes breaking us. I can relate to having a strong sense of right and wrong and sometimes letting my heart dictate my actions on the matter. I'm happy about it in a way :sachi:.

Congrats to you reaching 1000 posts, and cheers to a 1000 more mate. 

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You finally managed to reach the four-digit numbers, congratz

You've been through some less-enjoyable times in your life, but you overcame them, so you should be proud

As for the question, many go through bullying, myself included, so how do you feel about bullying of today, its shift towards cyber-bullying, but also the steady downfall of bullying overall?

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Don't have any question here, but regardless congratulations for the 1000th posts here (Will I have 1000 posts here? Let's see it later). That's some interesting past you got there, although if I may honest here I don't understand too much though (But I guess bullying was some sort of global problem here, and so does low self esteem). For last word here, hope we could meet each other here more in the future.

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4 hours ago, Arcadeotic said:

As for the question, many go through bullying, myself included, so how do you feel about bullying of today, its shift towards cyber-bullying, but also the steady downfall of bullying overall?

Bullying today is way worse today because of cyber bullying is always present sadly because of smartphones and 24/7 connection towards Internet. You are always available today which could mean you could always be a subject of downgrading bullying. But I also think the toxic behavior of the Internet overall is making everyone immune to some degree. I wouldn't call it good because toxic give birth to even worse behavior. I don't think bullying is decreasing sadly. It is more "floating" today and harder to define and discover. I never had any social life on Internet when I was young. So I just had to go through the day and then just shake it off. But today you can get bullied during daytime in School and then you try to handle the evening/night with the toxic Internet. Not a good combination. That's why we got so many suicides in low ages today. They are never free from the bullying until it is too late.

Hard to talk about on the spot. But the morals of too many humans are so low today. You are not respected and many likes to make fun of you without even meaning something bad. For example a really bad CS:GO or Dota 2 game is equal to toxic flaming and hate if you have a bad game. That doesn't help anybody even though it is just 50 minutes of my life. 

My only recommendation is that you are nice and at least listen to people. Be constructive and give feedback. If they don't take it well just ignore it. You never know who is behind the screen. A lot of younger persons affected by bullying will open up eventually. Even if you can't meet them you can always be that moral support they may need. At least make their evenings pleasant. That's why I always try to be nice. It is always nice to talk to people from other cultures too.

Thank you all for your words!

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3 hours ago, Flutterz said:

Gz on the 1000 posts!

Random question: what are your thoughts on the economic situation in Greece?

Haha. I think they have themselves to blame. There is no need to save an economy when it goes to hell anyway. But I am not knowledgeable nor I care about the subject so sorry if I offend someone. But that's my opinion. It is a waste of money and they are bound to do the same mistake again. Humanity never learns except when they really mess up.

 

3 hours ago, Limerence_ said:

Since I forgot to ask a question in my above post, I'll ask one now. 

How has Visual Novels impacted you as a person?

Most likely in a darker way than I want to imagine and admit. I see it as a hobby on the side. I had feels before I started reading VNs. But I begun to enjoy the written word a lot more even though I am a bookworm. Books are so underrated by this community. Right @Rooke

But VNs have introduced me to the darker themes and fetishes.

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47 minutes ago, SilverLi said:

Books are so underrated by this community. Right @Rooke

Darn tootin' (brushing up on Yank slang).

Sorry to hear about your misfortunes, much respect for your resilience. Congrats on your thousandth post :) 

Also I wouldn't worry too much about losing your match fitness, it happens to people all the time. I mean, you get injured, you need surgery, you're out for half a year to a season and BAM no match fitness. But it comes back, no worries.

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