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Just venting about anxiety disorders and how sucky they are. Time to get personal.


Mugi

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I don't really have much experience with depressions and stuffz since I am just moody, I am rarely depressed for a long period of time and depression and other negative feelings are usually changed into anger which I vent off on people around me.... especially my family... poor guys

If I ever found anything annoying about the advice of talking about your worries to other people , it's that the relief never really made me any better and for some reason everyone I talked to either makes a big deal out of my worries leading to an increase in my worries or ridicules my worries making my anger increase (thanks, parents and most adults I know). So I have taken a liking to keeping things to myself and just throwing my worries in chats from time to time when I like reach my limit. Other than that, I don't really talk about my worries that much because I have really reached the conclusion that no one can help you with your worries or make them better except time and yourself. Plus I sometimes fail to find the truth about my worries... like what am I actually worrying about? since you know feelings are vague after all.... 

I do really need to change my personality a bit, like stop being such a worrywart who worries about everything in life. Thing is that sometimes I worry about silliest things like how I will go to school today, how long it will take , am I late yet... am I looking good, who will be there blah blah blah , my mind is really working all the time thinking and worrying about everything. At this very moment, I am worrying about whether or not I should post this post, whether or not I am wasting my time since I am not studying and what my parents would say if they come back home and find me like this.

Additionally, I reach the point where my anxiety and fear are associated with some physical pain like my hands shaking, or sudden jolts and pain in my foot or having parts of my mouth feel hurt like they are burning.... dunno what to call that but the doctors say they are due to anxiety. I have also faced an additional thing in college which is my eyes twitching too hard which the oculist also mentioned to be due to anxiety and fatigue like every physical pain in my life. I have also gotten worse at dealing with my anxiety which leads me to the point where my anxiety just turns into pure anger that makes me do things I shouldn't and make people have the bad image of me... I mean last night a friend of mine brought me a present and send it with my sister and because of worrying about how to repay my friend and how I will explain this gift to my parents and many other shit, I lashed at my sis for bringing it to me and even told her she should have told my friend to take her present and go away. Even thou I apologized to both my sister and my friend. 

I am the kind who waits for time to make his anxiety better, especially that the main source of my anxiety is nearly over... once and forever. The exams of last year in highschool which determine which college you will go to or so the system is here. Public college have ridiculous high degree in order to get there because they are basically free and I can't afford private college. And being the 3rd world country we are, my parents want me to go after medical career which doesn't so bad in itself given how much prestige and respect one gains from the society :sachi: 

 

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Alright, just got back from the doctor. Seems that all of this is just anxiety like I thought, and she upped the dosage of my current medicine as well as giving me a new antidepressant to help me sleep better. Lets just hope that works well, side effects can be a bitch. On another note, my body is still sore from the panic attacks I have had over the last 24 hours :amane: 

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This will sound really vague, as in your case it's obvious the shit has already hit the fan, but. Everyone should take it easy and strongly avoid sources of stress. Dedicate time to things you enjoy and make you feel at ease and relax. No matter what they are (eroge are okay, by the way; it's the effect, not the source that's important). Exercise or go for walks in your free time if you're able to. Always keep yourself in good form mentally, morally and physically.

Sometimes this won't be effective, that's why relaxation and meditation are in high demand today. Hopefully you can find some of this around your place, try it and see if it works.

Even though it's hard to understand at first, the definitive method of bypassing pain, worry and so is to "live in the present": experience it, focus in your surroundings, your physical state, your breath, ambient sounds, etc, and clearing your mind of thoughts like "it's good/it's bad/I like it/I dislike it". Just focus on the sensations. To do this, however, you've got to develop your attention.

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