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Just venting about anxiety disorders and how sucky they are. Time to get personal.


Mugi

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I don't really have anywhere (or anyone) else to vent to about this, and i'm feeling extremely frustrated about whats been going on with my head over the past two or three weeks. Maybe some of you go through, or have gone through the same thing and can relate here. Anyways, I have had an anxiety disorder for..i'd say almost two years now (or at least that's when I got it diagnosed).  It started back when I was still a sophomore in High School, I wasn't really into drugs, though I did smoke Cigarettes, and I ended up coming over to a friends house that wanted to get high. I took a hit off the bong he had, and all seemed well, though it didn't really seem to do much, or so I thought. A good half hour or so after that I was lying on the couch he had in his room, taking a sip of Coke when I started feeling this odd warm sensation in my chest, which quickly escalated into what I ended up discovering to be a panic attack. I called my Mom to come pick me up (and subsequently told her about what I did, out of fear for my own life, since I thought I just had some sort of heart attack/stroke) and she assured me that everything would be okay. I end up going to the doctors the next day, who think I am some crazy paranoid schizophrenic because I am freaking out about it, thinking it's some life threatening issue, and the guy issues me medicine for schizophrenia. That obviously doesn't work and the symptoms get worse, to the point where I am having panic attacks back to back for hours on end, sometimes losing days worth of sleep. I don't know how I didn't go insane. 

Fast forward a bit. I finally get into this mental clinic place for teens with mental problems as an out-patient, though most of the kids there were for being suicidal/having anger problems/etc so I couldn't really relate to anyone and felt a little isolated. Towards the end of me going there I was finally given medicine to help deal with my anxiety, which worked great until these past few weeks. It all started a little before my parents left for vacation in Cancun. Whenever I would try and fall asleep, I would jolt awake as if my heart had stopped and I would be too terrified to fall back to sleep. Eventually that started to fade, and I could sleep a bit easier, but over the last couple weeks (this past week in particular) it feels like this is hell on earth. The jolting awake thing is back, except now there's usually a shocking feeling in my foot when it happens, my panic attacks have gotten worse to the point of completely mimicking the symptoms of a stroke and a heart attack at the same time, my back muscles have been pretty stiff, and I've had tremors in my arms and legs as well. I thought that it could be ALS, as some of the symptoms match, but seeing as how they have come and gone and twitching doesn't occur in ALS victims until the muscle has lost function, I don't think it's that. Also i'm only 19 and it doesn't run in the family, so I feel like it's highly unlikely. Probably anxiety induced BFS, from what my research has brought up, but only time (and a doctors visit) can tell, I suppose. 

Anyways, i'm not entirely sure what the point of this post is, but venting my frustration with whatever the hell is going on with me has made me feel a little better. Not even sure if i'll post this, but I probably will just because I took the time to write it, would be a waste not to post it. I guess this could give some of you who don't experience this insight about what it feels like. Does anyone else go through anything like this? What are your experiences with anxiety, if you have any? Feel free to vent as I did. :amane: 

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I have been dealing with social anxiety for about 5 years. It has primarily been difficult for me to be around large groups of people, especially strangers. Also being in unkown environments has been terrefying, making me just want to run and hide. It made being at school, trying to get work and going to social gatherings very difficult. Something as simple as visiting my relatives at their summer place was enough to make me just shut myself in my room, as I was scared of the new place that I had never been to before, (despite the fact that the only people I was going there with was my family.) It was extremely annoying and frustrating. My absence in school has pretty much always been crazy high. We are talking 40 days + of absence every year.

 

I was able to get over the worst of it after a couple of years with a therapist, who helped me a great deal. I still feel it, and it still makes trying out new things terrefying, like starting a new school / university, moving to a new city and traveling to an unknown country. It's scary as fuck, and I have to focus on the things I learned in therapy in order to get through it, but I have come a long way and it isn't holding me back much anymore. I still sometimes find myself hit by panic attacks, though I'm able to keep them in check fairly well.

It's really difficult to give someone in similar situations advice, because the truth is, everyone experiences these things differently. What helped me might just piss off someone else. Social anxiety comes in many forms, and they really only have one thing in common: they all fucking suck.

That being said, my advice would be to try and find a psychologist who you feel really comfortable with. A professional wont do shit if you don't feel like you can talk to them about anything. (After all, if you aren't giving them all the correct info they need, actually coming up with a way to help you wont be easy.) If you can find someone like that, someone you can really talk to and open up to, then it becomes a lot easier. First of all, you have someone to talk to about it, which helps in itself. But you will be able to get help from a professional, who will hopefully be able to figure out what you need to do to get over the problem. Or at the very least, teach you how to keep it in check. It was the latter for me. I didn't need any medication, I simply needed to pull my shit together. :wahaha:

(My psychologist was quite blunt, but that was what made me like her so much. It was so easy to open up to her. Speaking to her about my problems was like second nature to me.)

Don't know if this will help anyone at all, but that's at least my history with social anxiety.

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Guess I might as well post about mine, even though I've mentioned it several times in the confessions thread. My social anxiety has to do with new situations, especially talking to people and especially talking to people I don't know. As a result, it's pretty easy to avoid it by sitting at home, and in the situations where I do go out not talking to anyone. Turns out that's a pretty good way of having literally no friends. :makina: It's pretty terrible when I don't avoid it though, it's manageable when I go somewhere new or I talk to someone I know decently well (although it's still way more stressful than it should be), but when I have to talk to someone I don't know I basically just BSOD, I just freeze up and can't do anything, let alone talk normally.

I've been seeing a therapist for a few weeks now but I can't say it's really been helping much.

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6 minutes ago, Flutterz said:

Guess I might as well post about mine, even though I've mentioned it several times in the confessions thread. My social anxiety has to do with new situations, especially talking to people and especially talking to people I don't know. As a result, it's pretty easy to avoid it by sitting at home, and in the situations where I do go out not talking to anyone. Turns out that's a pretty good way of having literally no friends. :makina: It's pretty terrible when I don't avoid it though, it's manageable when I go somewhere new or I talk to someone I know decently well (although it's still way more stressful than it should be), but when I have to talk to someone I don't know I basically just BSOD, I just freeze up and can't do anything, let alone talk normally.

I've been seeing a therapist for a few weeks now but I can't say it's really been helping much.

Yeah I have the same problem with social anxiety as well. Turns out that yeah you don't really make friends, so I only have one IRL friend at this point, who i'm not even that close to. But hey, who needs friends when you have waifus amiright :wahaha:

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19 minutes ago, Mugi said:

Yeah I have the same problem with social anxiety as well. Turns out that yeah you don't really make friends, so I only have one IRL friend at this point, who i'm not even that close to. But hey, who needs friends when you have waifus amiright :wahaha:

I don't even have 1 friend IRL :amane:

Also >waifus

1tH5E9V.png

:makina:

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I've had panic attacks a few times over the last year too. It usually comes with physical pains, slight vertigos and headaches that last days or even weeks afterwards. Not very pleasant, although it's been getting better lately. It took me a while (several months) to realize I was actually getting panic attacks and that it wasn't "normal" to freak out over what I had so I never went to see a psychiatrist though. Only pointless medical exams to check if there wasn't something wrong.

You probably know that already but be wary of what you can read on the internet. Sometimes reading other people with symptoms similar to yours help easing the anxiety, but sometimes it just makes it worse as you become persuaded you have some horrible illness and are going to die soon.

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7 minutes ago, Funyarinpa said:

I'm sorry you suffered so much pain. I can't relate, but best of luck. There'll always be somebody to listen to you, never forget that. It'll be okay.

Thanks. If it does turn out to be something serious like ALS, I just hope I can survive long enough to play P5. That's the biggest thing I want to do before I die, or so i'll say until I complete it and say the same thing about the next game :amane: 

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Uhh, I dunno, while I fail at making friends IRL, it's always weird for me hearing about these kinds of things. I guess I do sorta get it? Since when it comes to making conversation, yeah, I blank out, but I've never honestly worried about that kind of thing. I've always taken some level of pride and extreme comfort in the prospect of overcoming challenges alone and being able to perform at a pace I set for myself, without worrying about other people and how they think about me or how they work. I always thought of dealing with other people IRL as just a pain and at some point lost interest in doing so.

 

I guess for an anxiety, I do sorta have trouble speaking up in front of an audience. I don't think it's THAT bad, but I've had a time where I had to go up for a speech and honestly ended up crying in front of everyone as a result of freezing up and being unable to speak at all out of the pressure. But eh, I've never had anything beyond that.

53 minutes ago, Flutterz said:

I don't even have 1 :amane:

We're totally real here

55 minutes ago, Mugi said:

Yeah I have the same problem with social anxiety as well. Turns out that yeah you don't really make friends, so I only have one IRL friend at this point, who i'm not even that close to. But hey, who needs friends when you have waifus amiright :wahaha:

Ye

 

Also, find it nice that you shared, dunno if that helped with the anxiety at all though, hope it did.

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40 minutes ago, Mugi said:

Thanks. If it does turn out to be something serious like ALS, I just hope I can survive long enough to play P5. That's the biggest thing I want to do before I die, or so i'll say until I complete it and say the same thing about the next game :amane: 

I feel you there though, I had exactly the same feeling about clannad, and I don't even regret that thought afterwards

Whatever you can do to find meaning in your life, just do it. There's no pressure to do it right, no one owes you anything. In the end, your happiness is all that matters, and how you make it is completely up to you. 

Just don't kill anyone, ok? :kappa: 

Seriously though, don't hesitate to get all the help you can get, from us or from professionals

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3 hours ago, Mugi said:

Whenever I would try and fall asleep, I would jolt awake as if my heart had stopped and I would be too terrified to fall back to sleep. Eventually that started to fade, and I could sleep a bit easier, but over the last couple weeks (this past week in particular) it feels like this is hell on earth. The jolting awake thing is back, except now there's usually a shocking feeling in my foot when it happens, my panic attacks have gotten worse to the point of completely mimicking the symptoms of a stroke and a heart attack at the same time, my back muscles have been pretty stiff, and I've had tremors in my arms and legs as well. I thought that it could be ALS, as some of the symptoms match, but seeing as how they have come and gone and twitching doesn't occur in ALS victims until the muscle has lost function, I don't think it's that. Also i'm only 19 and it doesn't run in the family, so I feel like it's highly unlikely. Probably anxiety induced BFS, from what my research has brought up, but only time (and a doctors visit) can tell, I suppose. 

Hmmm, sounds like you're leaping to some pretty serious conclusions. I'm gonna use google to present a milder alternative:

Quote

Have you ever woken up with a sudden jolt just as you’ve started falling asleep? Or maybe it felt like you were falling?

It could be that it felt like you were having a huge muscle spasm. You may have even felt a small shock sensation or a bouncing feeling.

A hypnic jerk is an involuntary twitching of a muscle, or muscles (the myoclonus as mentioned above). They usually occur just as you’re falling asleep, during what’s known scientifically as the hypnagogic state of consciousness.

When you experience a hypnic jerk it often causes you to wake up suddenly. And when you wake up you may feel like you’re experiencing a sudden and dramatic falling or jolting sensation.

It’s during the phase of falling asleep that several unusual phenomenon may take place. For example, I discussed in a previous article the various sleep paralysis experiences people have. Those often come with bizarre or frightening hallucinations and even out-of-body experiences.

Luckily there’s nothing to be worried about – hypnic jerks along with these other phenomenon aren’t dangerous. They may be unsettling or annoying, but you don’t need to fear going to sleep just because they may happen to you.

So now you know that the hypnic jerk is a twitching of the muscles. But what causes the muscles to twitch in the first place?

As is often the case in the complex world of sleep, scientists still aren’t 100% certain about the cause. However, they do believe that the following factors can all contribute to hypnic jerks happening:

Anxiety.
Stress.
Alcohol.
Caffeine.
Heavy exercise late in the evening.
Sleeping in an uncomfortable position.
Being very tired or fatigued.

If you’re experiencing what you think are hypnic jerks, for some people it could be something more serious like Sleep Apnea.

If you have breathing difficulties when sleeping, or wake up with a gasp or croak it may be wise to consult a medical professional to rule out Apnea.

A doctor would also be able to rule out the possibility of epilepsy. A small number of people with epilepsy only experience seizures during the sleeping hours.

If you also experience strange or uncomfortable sensations in your legs, or have regular twitching during the day or evening then it’s possible that you may have restless legs syndrome. Again this would need to be diagnosed by a medical professional or sleep expert.

And most rarely of all, is the possibility of exploding head syndrome. This sleep disorder is also harmless and is characterized by a very loud noise in your head. It could sound like a bang or any other loud noise, and will wake you up suddenly.

For the majority of people though, the hypnic jerk is a common and harmless phenomenon.

Avoid the vicious cycle of worry

Hypnic jerks can become cyclical if you start worrying about them. This is a very common thing that happens with many sleeping difficulties. 

So in the same way if you worry about hypnic jerks you may start to get less sleep and become more fatigued. Being fatigued is thought to contribute to the frequency of hypnic jerks, and so it’s more likely you’ll experience them.

You now know that hypnic jerks aren’t dangerous and that many people experience them. So hopefully you can start to relax about them and not go to bed thinking about them.

 

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I think with social anxiety and talking to other people, what has helped me is remembering is that most people in the world are nice people and that nothing really bad can happen from speaking up. Also to sort of continue on Rooke's quote, I've found that keeping healthy habits has increased my confidence around others in social situations.

Just remember that we're always here together.

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5 minutes ago, Rooke said:

Hmmm, sounds like you're leaping to some pretty serious conclusions. I'm gonna use google to present a milder alternative

I read about this, as well as one other thing that I can't remember the name of that was pretty similar. I just thought that those made you feel like you were falling right as you were going to sleep, didn't think it could be something as serious as feeling like your heart stops followed by getting tazed in the foot. That has me the least worried, though, as they normally go away after a few tries. The biggest fear I have is with the tremors and stiff back, which can be caused by anxiety, but are also symptoms of other diseases like ALS. The worst thing about anxiety is that it can simulate almost every other serious disease out there, so i'm never going to know if it's really serious or if it's just my brain tricking me. I just don't want to write something off as anxiety and have me be a vegetable half a year later :amane: 

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That's horrible. I'm so sorry to hear about what you're going through. I can say from experience that talking about your anxiety does indeed work well as a coping mechanism. Don't be afraid to speak your mind a little when you need to. :)

Like you, I've been suffering with anxiety for quite a while. I've had a few traumatic experiences being in the military, which is basically the result of work-related stress and a general feeling of uselessness. After being in for 2 years, I eventually became suicidal and eventually released for mental health reasons. Since then, I've adopted the life of a do-nothing shut-in and had many difficult circumstances in life that made it nearly impossible for me to recover on my own.

If you don't mind at all, I'd like to share a few things I've learned from therapy. I don't know if you've heard these suggestions already, but I'll post them just in case you haven't. They really do help.

 

The medicine I'm taking has been off and on for me, but I can thankfully say I've had a good experience with them. A good friend of mine also suggested taking supplements for calcium and magnesium, and that has helped me out also (even more so then the medication I got). If you can stand the smell, valerian root can help with sleep deficiency (try to stay on a sleep schedule too). Sad thing with medication and supplements, however effective they are in treatment, can only help with the chemical imbalance that attributes to your anxiety disorder. The mental aspect of it is the hardest part to overcome. It'll take some time and persistence, but you'll be able to get recover eventually.

According to what my therapist told me, the key to combating the thoughts that drive your anxiety is thinking logically. You don't necessarily want to make yourself null to anxiety as it's a necessary safety mechanism that helps humans to stay alert and alive. But you have to think rationally about what it is you're afraid of. Is it understandable to have the kind of fear you're having? Does it make sense to be in a panic over this kind of thing? Why am I do afraid of this? If you make a habit of asking yourself questions like these when you start to panic and thinking about your fears more objectively, it becomes much easier to cope with anxiety. It's easier said then done, I know, but it'll come to you eventually.

I can't stress enough how much it helps to do breathing exercises. If you can help it, do not skip out on those! They work wonders for nervousness.

 

19 minutes ago, Mugi said:

I read about this, as well as one other thing that I can't remember the name of that was pretty similar. I just thought that those made you feel like you were falling right as you were going to sleep, didn't think it could be something as serious as feeling like your heart stops followed by getting tazed in the foot. That has me the least worried, though, as they normally go away after a few tries. The biggest fear I have is with the tremors and stiff back, which can be caused by anxiety, but are also symptoms of other diseases like ALS. The worst thing about anxiety is that it can simulate almost every other serious disease out there, so i'm never going to know if it's really serious or if it's just my brain tricking me. I just don't want to write something off as anxiety and have me be a vegetable half a year later :amane: 

Have you tried talking to your doctor about it? Right now, your fear is rational and needs to be addressed. If you're able to get some some kind of assurance from your doctor that you don't have it, then you'll have one less thing to worry about.

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17 minutes ago, Kenshin_sama said:

hat made it nearly impossible for me to recover on my own.

If you don't mind at all, I'd like to share a few things I've learned from therapy. I don't know if you've heard these suggestions already, but I'll post them just in case you haven't. They really do help.

  Hide contents

The medicine I'm taking has been off and on for me, but I can thankfully say I've had a good experience with them. A good friend of mine also suggested taking supplements for calcium and magnesium, and that has helped me out also (even more so then the medication I got). If you can stand the smell, valerian root can help with sleep deficiency (try to stay on a sleep schedule too). Sad thing with medication and supplements, however effective they are in treatment, can only help with the chemical imbalance that attributes to your anxiety disorder. The mental aspect of it is the hardest part to overcome. It'll take some time and persistence, but you'll be able to get recover eventually.

According to what my therapist told me, the key to combating the thoughts that drive your anxiety is thinking logically. You don't necessarily want to make yourself null to anxiety as it's a necessary safety mechanism that helps humans to stay alert and alive. But you have to think rationally about what it is you're afraid of. Is it understandable to have the kind of fear you're having? Does it make sense to be in a panic over this kind of thing? Why am I do afraid of this? If you make a habit of asking yourself questions like these when you start to panic and thinking about your fears more objectively, it becomes much easier to cope with anxiety. It's easier said then done, I know, but it'll come to you eventually.

I can't stress enough how much it helps to do breathing exercises. If you can help it, do not skip out on those! They work wonders for nervousness.

 

Have you tried talking to your doctor about it? Right now, your fear is rational and needs to be addressed. If you're able to get some some kind of assurance from your doctor that you don't have it, then you'll have one less thing to worry about.

Thanks, i'll try those out next time i'm at the pharmacy. I've been trying to think more logically and take deep breaths for the past couple days, and it does help. And not yet, it's a weekend, I need to get my mom to call the family doctor and see when I can get an appointment. Might take a week or two though to get me in. Hopefully she takes me in sooner, because if this doesn't let up (and god forbid if it gets worse..) I think I will actually lose my sanity. 

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Just now, Mugi said:

Thanks, i'll try those out next time i'm at the pharmacy. I've been trying to think more logically and take deep breaths for the past couple days, and it does help. And not yet, it's a weekend, I need to get my mom to call the family doctor and see when I can get an appointment. Might take a week or two though to get me in. Hopefully she takes me in sooner, because if this doesn't let up (and god forbid if it gets worse..) I think I will actually lose my sanity. 

Sure, no problem. :)
Try to find ways to counter your negative thinking.
I've told my mom about my concerns. I now have an appointment scheduled with the doctor. This is a genuine concern, but there's nothing else I can do about it and I just need to wait patiently.

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Well I don't know how long this post will be but here it goes. I was diagnosed with clinical depression, social anxiety and social withdrawal around 9 years ago, so well into my early teen years. In my case I started basically shutting down, I found it hard to be around people, much less having dialogues with them, as well as even be able to do anything for myself. I used to be a perfect attendance student, but I ended up turning into someone that couldn't go without having at least 1-2 absences per a week or two. I would have massive anxiety attacks over the silliest things and I couldn't imagine myself in a sate of peace, I always had to be either down low in my depression or worrying about something I had to do, which would always lead to anxiety attacks. I had no life nor anything to live for at that point, I found joy in nothing, even though I was already initiating myself on the "weeb way".

 

Amidst all of this I started therapy, I've had about 3 different therapy "cycles", in total 4 psychologists and 2 psychiatrists, each one with their medication prescription for me. They all ranged from side effects to overall strength of the drug, to the point that my metabolism was affected permanently. Therapy really had it's ups and downs with me, while I can say that I did get helped a bit in one of those "cycles" I only got to control myself, even if only partially, after I tried to get myself to think about anything I would want or enjoy in life. Since I was basically wallowing in despair because I didn't envision any future for me, I wasn't happy with the path I was taking(at this point in time it was my enrollment in an engineering degree) and I couldn't think of anything else.

 

My "goal" turned out to be a pretty hedonistic one, as I've decided to basically just throw myself into my interest in Japanese and whatever comes will be what comes. So while I don't know what I'll end up doing, in a way not really ending my worries for the future, I was kind of able to hold off on a lot of those immediate worries that triggered my attacks. It's not the most elegant way of doing things, but since I had some knowledge on what cause part of my attacks, it was somewhat easier, in a very loose sense of the term, to try to do something about it. The rest of my "social" related attacks and problems still exist, but I was able to build up some resilience, or rather I basically try to flow things into not thinking about it, even if I fail a lot at it. Even today my father can't understand why I lost contact with everyone I once called a friend, since it was a mixture of me not really having much in common with them as well as my social withdrawal and anxiety, although I was able to make some connections as of late in real life, with our very own Nosebleed being one of them for example.

 

All in all, I can only tell you cliche lines or thoughts regarding your situation or what you should do. In my opinion while professional help wasn't really for me and I was much better off trying to(key word) solve or subside my problems by myself, your case might be different so do try it as a way out of this, however I'll always be a bit cynical towards meds even if I know that there's nothing wrong per se about them, I'm just prejudiced. Anyway I hope that this made sense to anyone or even in the context of this thread in general, and goddamn did I write more than I expected.

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6 hours ago, Polycentric said:

I think with social anxiety and talking to other people, what has helped me is remembering is that most people in the world are nice people and that nothing really bad can happen from speaking up.

Just a different point of view, I've found that my fears are more related to being a nuisance to others and not realizing it than a fear of them actually doing something to me.

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I don't sign into Fuwanovel anymore, but I will sign in to comment in this thread.

To anyone in here who suffers from any form of stress related illnesses or anxiety, I want you to know that you can and always should reach out to those who ease your mind. You are safe, and should find areas in your life that make you feel safe. Everyone has a different story, but if you feel the need to talk to someone or have someone constantly remind you that it's okay to be you and that you are safe, then reach out to me. Social anxiety, PTSD, depression: it can all relate in some way or another, and it's important to know that you have someone to lean on. Even if I need to sit in a Skype call with you everyday for the next year, it doesn't matter because no amount of time should ever be put on curing those thoughts.

Depression is a giant pit. It's a giant pit that keeps pulling you back in should you manage to climb out. Curing depression has no time limit, and nothing of that sort, be it anxiety or something else, should either. If it takes 10 years of talking to you to help remind you that you are a good person and that you are safe, so be it. Remember that you are safe and that you have me and a lot of other people to reach out to. If you want me to do some gentle hand movements (something I believe more people should do for calming stress and anxiety) to help you sleep at night, let me. No matter what it takes I will personally make sure to let you know you are safe. If not me, anyone. Even if you don't have suicidal thoughts and even if you are able to function on a daily basis, do not let this go. Depression is easy to hide (trust me, I know very well how to do it), but that doesn't mean it's easy to conquer. Do not bottle your anxiety up and don't face it alone. Trust those you want to reach out to, but at the same time, know that strangers will listen. If they don't, reach out to another, and keep doing it until you exhaust yourself. Anything that allows you to get your mind of battling something that should never be taken lightly is okay.

Sometimes we are dealt a hand that sucks, and unfortunately we do need to make the best of our situation, but you are safe. What matters is now and moving forward. What happened in the past will be difficult for you mentally. Some memories never leave us, but it's about letting those memories not have a great impact on you. You are safe, and you do have the strength to overcome what has happened to you. Life sucks, but it is important to try and let you get on the path to healing and better well being. Treat your mind with respect, and give your mind and body the proper nutrition and rest if deserves. Don't face this alone and don't hide it if you feel others can't help you.

Happiness is important. For me, it's not being stressed or having any sort of negativity in your life. Happiness doesn't always mean you always have a smile on your face, and it doesn't mean things don't bother you. Ask yourself what happiness means to you. Find out what makes you happy and aim for those goals. We will always have struggles and always be tested in life. Some of us don't have it easy financially, physically, mentally, or otherwise, but always doing your best is important. You are not alone, remember that. I am pulling for you, and many others are as well.

Learn what it takes to make you feel safe and at ease. We can't always rely on the same thing to always have access, but always remember that people are there for you. Focus on the present, where you are right now. That's what's always important. Don't hang on to those troublesome thoughts or worries, always try to think positive as best you can. That doesn't mean to ignore the things you need to take care of, but it's okay to feel good and be happy. You do no need permission to feel happy. You are you and you choose how to be happy and feel good. Do others make you feel happy? Then let them make you feel that way. I am always here for you and so are others. Please know that. You deserve to be happy.

There are always those who are not as good as we wish, but there are more good people in the world than you may think. It's okay to surround yourself with those people, you never need permission. You decide who enters your life and what influences it. It's okay to say goodbye to things if you can't handle certain situations, environments, or people. Find a spot that has a positive atmosphere. A bed is something I find that always works. Being in a bed and talking to a friend while being cozy might be yours.

You are you, and you have permission to make yourself happy. I am here for you, so don't ever forget that.

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This obviously depends on where you live, however, today we live in a society that demands absolute physiological perfection in order to turn the wheels of the capitalist machine. People with "disorders" do not function well with manual labor and thus are punished by society and forced to conform. For example, I have aspergers and I used worked for a service station designed to give people in front of a super market free goods and help them with any problems. One day there was a huge crowd and after working for 3 hours straight I asked my boss if I could take a 15 minute break to cool off since I was starting to have a panic attack. He allowed it, however I then developed 2 consequences for it; 1.) The time I spent to cool off was removed from my lunch break. 2.) I was then fired when my boss realized that I had aspergers and attempted to cut my pay because of the break I asked for. 

Instead of forcing people to accommodate, I guess it's a radical idea for me to believe that work places should adjust themselves according to the workers' needs. Just saying, this shit is going to bite you in the ass once you head into the work force. 

Not really sure how I can help with your anxiety attacks, I guess you could "reach out" but the problem with this is people will just help you "patch" the problem with a band aid, but never actually attempt to accommodate it (like what your doctor did by giving you schizophrenic medication). Usually anxiety is triggered by some kind of stressful stimulant, however I am not sure how smoking weed would trigger this multiple times over and over, even long after the weed is extinguished form your body.  

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3 minutes ago, Orcka said:

This obviously depends on where you live, however, today we live in a society that demands absolute physiological perfection in order to turn the wheels of the capitalist machine. People with "disorders" do not function well with manual labor and thus are punished by society and forced to conform.

It's not unique to the modern world. Generally we're far more accepting of things than in the past. As in there are more protections in place for the worker than there used to be, mainly because it's easy to have 'more protections' when there used to be 'no protections.' So while workplaces are still demanding in that they will try and choose only the best workers, there are now limitations to what they can do.

There are also different degrees of welfare you can go on if you have a mental disability, once again in the past there was none. In the past if you couldn't get a job because of your psychological condition, you'd be forced into crime (which would likely result in your disfigurement or death) or be homeless and on the street. Or maybe if your family were rich, you'd be reliant upon your family. However if your family were rich and your mental illness embarrassed them, they may have paid a mental institution to keep you (look up 'trade of lunacy.') In fact, it didn't matter if you had a psychological condition or not they may have paid a mental institute to keep you anyway, especially if you proved to be ... difficult (mental conditions are an imprecise science, after all.) And in the Georgian era (I think) some mental institutions (being privately run organisations) would charge money and people would come and observe the inmates like a zoo. Apparently it was quite popular.

Comparatively we're a little better off in today's world ;) 

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7 hours ago, Rooke said:

Comparatively we're a little better off in today's world ;) 

I never stated it was better before. :amane:

Seriously, did you just write all of that to tell me something I already knew? 

Well except on what you said about people in poverty. Now a days, most people with psychological problems who cannot afford medical attention end up being homeless or in jail. Not really sure how that has changed? 

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Hey guys, just wanted to give a little update, I was able to get an appointment with my doctor for tomorrow morning, whice is pretty crazy since it normally takes at least a week. I'll let you all know what happens. Also loving how much support this thread has gotten, though it pains me to know that others have to go through anything like this.

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