A dilemma of Siblings: To Fix or Not To Fix?

[babiker]

Been a while since I made a thread over here, let alone a serious thread... But any who, as the title suggests, I currently have a lot of trouble getting along with one of my siblings. In particular, my sister. 

To give you a bit a of a backstory, I've been closer to my sister than to anyone else in my family, probably to anyone else I've ever met. She's a year older than me, and since I was little I would depend on her for pretty much everything. A friend (my only friend at the time) to play with, a walking-talking wikipedia, an emotional bank to listen to all my problems-you name it. We've always had almost identical taste and interest; she watched what I watched, she read what I read, and vice versa. Sometime around middle school however, things started to balance out. She entered her "teen" years way before me, but ya know, girls are girls: This period of time is much harder on them. She started complaining and confiding in me way more than I would in her. At first I found this rather refreshing, considering I was the younger one. It felt like an honor just listening to her problems (God how silly that sounds to me now lol). For some reason, her stories never bored me. This is just your average girl drama; she doesn't like me, she didn't say hi to me, what did I do brah?!?! And things along that line. She was a little cranky now and then but the fun we had together greatly outweighed her temper tantrums. 

We reached the peak of our bro/sishood in high school, when neither of us was an idiot anymore and our hobbies were still pretty close. I started spending a little too much time on games in this period, and less time with her. Our tastes also started to differ slightly, I started finding trouble enjoying the over-emotional drama novels she seemed to love, while she found my fantasy epics tedious. But we were still super close, and I felt nothing could ever pull us apart.

Then university happened.

University was beyond anything we, in particular she, had expected. My sister entered medicine, which as you may know pretty much saps every last minute of your everyday life. She no longer had the time to even have much drama in her life, let alone having any to tell me. Her free time became extremely limited, and she preferred spending it on her own interests that had grown ever so far from mine. During this period, I developed a rather abnormal love for animu and eventually, visual novels. Silly and dumb as it may sound, the generic 2D girls on the screen telling me their silly everyday problems eventually filled the void I had. I use to struggle to find time to chat and have fun with my sis during her early uni days, but now... I no longer felt the need to. 

After about a year of this being the status quo, I felt bad for kinda ditching my sister for a bunch of virtual girls, so I tried to bridge the gap between us during the summer. I tried to get her into anime, and the results were really meh. About one out of three shows I'd suggest, she would like, the rest she'd distaste with vigor. This really got to me for some reason. I thought I at least knew my sister's taste, but apparently I was wrong. After a while I got fed up of her trashing all muh animu (it got to the point that I was beginning to dislike them for no reason myself), so I tried to get her into VNs.

Yup, I tried to get my sister into Japanese adult visual porn books.

Without getting into the embarrassing details, it failed. Big time. At this point I felt exhausted, and finally gave up on trying to get her interested in any of muh stuff. At that point it felt more like I was forcing my interests onto her, so I stopped. I accepted the fact that our interests have grown separately and that we no longer have much to enjoy together.

Then it dawned on me that she really wasn't interested in regaining the strong relationship we once had. This was a hard pill to swallow, but eventually I accepted it as well. Her not caring made it a lot easier for me to not care too. Problems between two sides can only be fixed if both are willing to fix the problem.

... And that leads us to our current status. The status of, well, almost no relationship at all. 

So the question is more or less, is this a problem that should be fixed or ignored? I've tried what I could, to no avail. I really dislike the current, extremely shallow relationship we have, but I don't think it's in my power to change it.

[Narcosis]

The story of my life.

From my experience, unless one or both of you are super emphatic and guilty about it, not much can be done; I'd say it's more or less normal in that period of life. What I can confirm, tho, is that once she graduates, things might change again. Actually, it's a given. It happened in case of my sister. We really grew apart during her university days, but once she graduated and came back with her 'boyfriend' (), things changed drastically. I'd say it's not exactly the same as it used to be, but nevertheless, we restored the bonds that once tied us together. I'm actually amazed it came so naturally, as if nothing happend to the point, it left me confused for quite a bit as how to react; luckily, her boyfriend is a super cool guy and literally became a bandaid in our relationship.

I'd say, don't fret about it that much. Just be yourself and keep reminding your sis, you're still there for her. She's propably before the period, where an adult person actually comes to understand, how important and precious family bonds are.

[Nosebleed]

3 hours ago, babiker said:

Yup, I tried to get my sister into Japanese adult visual porn books.

Social Suicide 101.

But I think you might be exaggerating by claiming she doesn't want to have any sort of relationship with you. I mean, I don't know your family so I can't be sure, but it sounds to me like you just have separate interests and it's a bit harder to talk about common things now than it was before. This doesn't mean she doesn't care for you though, it's just that you have your own lives to worry about now and don't need to be on top of each other's business constantly.

My mother and her brother don't talk often even though they live close to each other. Once every week they might meet or talk on the phone, but they each have their lives now, and I suspect the same could be applied to you here. My father has 2 brothers as well and one of them is our neighbour, but they still don't talk that often. Regardless, both my mother and my father love their siblings and whenever they're together they have a good time.

My sister and I don't talk too much because of our  separate interests as well, but I still don't hate her, and I don't think she hates me either.

I would suggest, instead of trying to force the relationship, just accept that your sister has a lot of things to worry about now and it's not really your place to change that forcefully. However I would also suggest talking to her once in a while. Ask her how her day's been going, ask her if anything new happened, that sort of general questions that everyone can answer and strike a conversation with without being overbearing. 

 

[Zidan209]

Wait when she gets a boyfriend, then attack him with otaku stuff, maybe he will make her like it more than you.

[Mr Poltroon]

You do appear to be exaggerating in regards to her current attitude, not that I'd know. Either that or this period of her life really is absolutely time consuming and energy-draining.

I don't believe there's much that can be done, and I think that family is family and that's enough of a bond, but instead of trying to get her into your hobbies, especially when her free time is limited, have you tried getting into hers?

[babiker]

2 minutes ago, Tiagofvarela said:

have you tried getting into hers?

Somewhat, but not much considering she doesn't do all that much now. She seems to enjoy Disney movies movies in general a lot, and they feel really childish to me. I don't mind watching one every now or then, thing is I never know her own schedule and the only response I get from asking is "not now".

[Mr Poltroon]

1 minute ago, babiker said:

Somewhat, but not much considering she doesn't do all that much now. She seems to enjoy Disney movies movies in general a lot, and they feel really childish to me. I don't mind watching one every now or then, thing is I never know her own schedule and the only response I get from asking is "not now".

Sounds like a perfectly good justification for her apparent attitude, but maybe it's just me.

Also, how can you not like Disney films, blasphemer!?

[Narcosis]

18 minutes ago, Tiagofvarela said:

Also, how can you not like Disney films, blasphemer!?

Unless characters start dying like flies and things become edgy, I don't see a reason to like their movies in another thousand years

[bigfatround0]

You guys should bond over some nice, wholesome anime. I recommend Oreimo or Yosuga no Sora.

[Narcosis]

1 minute ago, bigfatround0 said:

Yosuga no Sora.

Troll detected

[bigfatround0]

5 minutes ago, Narcosis said:

Troll detected

It's a heartfelt romance anime about the struggles of a guy and his sister and the hardships they face as they move and try to survive in the country by themselves. Its pretty much a masterpiece if I do say so myself.

[Yuuko]

I only know how to help with imoutos or twins.

[VirginSmasher]

2 hours ago, bigfatround0 said:

You guys should bond over some nice, wholesome anime. I recommend Oreimo or Yosuga no Sora.

Nothing like bonding over a little Yosuga No Sora. 

[Darklord Rooke]

She's extremely busy. She's extremely tired. Her interests don't exactly align with yours.

Here's the thing, relationships take work. Like a lot of work. And when the two of you don't have a whole lot in common, it takes even more work. If she's coming home extremely tired everyday and barely has time for herself, then it's a given that she'll barely have the energy to put into any other relationship. She may have a couple of close friends who she can relax with, but you shouldn't force the issue with her. Focus on your own life for a while. If the two of you are as close as you say, your 'family bond' will still be there later in life, but just because you're family doesn't mean you'll be ever present in her life - she has her own life to lead and you have yours.

A person can change a staggeringly amount in their late teens and their twenties - their personality their interests. It's not unusual to grow apart, and in fact is one of the many reasons why high school friends lose contact with each other. But yes, you will lose a lot of relationships through your life, and a lot of relationships will change through your life - time marches on and all that jazz.

[kingdomcome]

 

I never was really close with my sis until she recently got married... Now we're like bros, she's a good wingman.

It's probably the time of life she's in, after the whole university thing she'll probably change her attitude towards you.

[arakura]

I'd try to talk to her more casually, without asking a lot from her. At least you can maintain contact until she's ready to put some effort into you.

[Snailmusk]

Perhaps the Visual Novels gave you a false impression of how sibling relationships work. 'Nee-chan' moves on, and so do you. It's not really the kind of relationship that you can settle for being 'friends' either, because living under the same roof for so long changes people in ways that can't be altered so easily. 

Things'll probably get pretty stagnant for some time, maybe just a few years, who knows. The end goal though, is one of you is gonna get in trouble and need some leveraging; it's gonna happen. It's not the same as when you were kids, but I don't think it ever will be. They become a mix between a parent and a friend, which might be a bit disappointing. But hey, that's what friends are for. 

Or something.