Surviving The Abyss( My Own Created Story)

[shuak]

Heyyo, I'm currently writing a story in an effort to develop my writing skills as well as for my own enjoyment. Thinking back, I posted one of my very first story/ideas on  this forum a few years ago. I still don't consider myself that great of a writer but would love it if any of you would to take the time to read the prologue and tell me what you think about it(feedback). If you see any cliches please point them out.

Genre: Pyschological, Horror, Adventure, Action

Synopsis: The time is 2045, with the introduction of many Homeless Prevention Centers or "HPCs",  the United States is now on its way to becoming one of the cleanest places on the face of the planet making way for advancements in education as well as large technological advancements in cities that no longer had the homeless. Kai is a  16 year old troubled high school student with a habit of needing to have everything  under his control. How will he react when the daily aspects of life he took for naught vanish  leaving him  in  a foreign  world in which he has no power?

There will be two  prologues before the initial first chapters as to introduce the main characters that will be focused on.

Spoiler

------ Prologue Part 1 ------

"I'll see you all tomorrow class is dismissed!" announced Lousler with an uneasy smile, a slim yet young fair-skinned individual with thick black hair kept in a ponytail standing 6 feet tall, who had since the beginning of the school year been ridiculed for his unusual methods of teaching and who also was teaching literature in PS 39, Kai's 8th and last high school class period. He had a habit of grinning whenever he felt uncomfortable and as he had been teaching the class for over half a year now, Kai easily picked up on it. The class of course, had already been packing up. Nobody cared about what Lousler had said. Phones had been taken out and students were already leaving in groups. And even then Lousler still grinned. Is there a point in announcing dismissal if people are just gonna leave before it Kai thought. Of course in his mind, he understood Lousler's uneaseness towards the students but still couldn't understand the fake smile.

"Out of all the things to do when you're nervous, why smile? To establish a false sense of confidence? You should just rule with full authority bending the students to your every wim. That's the only way they'll respect you." Kai uttered to himself. As someone with few friends —and someone who in his mind was always hated—he could easily fathom why someone would try so hard to be liked but he still couldn't accept it. He'd rather it be him versus the world. How Lousler managed to smile in front of a class who openly bashed him was also something that went over his head. He just hides behind that smile pitifully Kai thought a frown beginning to appear on his face.

"Not that it really bothers me," Kai murmered to himself followed by a deep sigh. He stood up and scanned the classroom as he did everyday. Students were checking out of the classroom faster than best sellers in a bookstore. For some reason being unaware of anything horrified him. Ever since middle school it had become a habit to know what ever is going on. Even though Lousler had urged him to sit near the front of the classroom at the beginning of the year, Kai paid him no heed and almost instantly chose a seat near the window in the last row of the classroom. Kai was eccentrically calm for someone of his age at 16. He had a light-brown skin tone matched with a growing mustache as well as his curly hair topped off with emerald eyes. He didn't think of himself as handsome, but his posture as well as his habit of slyly smiling unintentionally probably made it seem otherwise. Of course, to Kai, his unusual habit of smiling had nothing to with nervousness. It had been his way of coping with the horrors of his past. One he'd rather not get into. With the nod of the head, Kai began to survey the room with his fierce gaze. A gaze other people weren't particularly fond of which he could tell by the occasional sucking of teeth classmates would give him. Who cares what they think though, he reassured himself. After surveying the room for a bit  he seated himself again as he was in no rush to go "home" or rather where he  stayed. Putting aside this grievance Kai decided to lighten himself up.

There's nothing in this world I can't decifer! he  chuckled as he thought this and not much later a grin appeared on his face. It wasn't hard for him to cheer himself up, he was a one man team after all. The classroom itself was as modern as they come, equipped with about 20 standard steel desks and posters all over the wall of established poets as well as famous quotes, a whiteboard and a doc-cam used to project videos from a laptop. It was actually pretty neat compared to the old chalk boards and the wooden desks his middle school had. Well of course, his financial situation was different then. With the abundance of funds his father was getting as an army veteran, his life changed dramatically even allowing him to be able to go to a private school such as this. Seeing as how his teacher Lousler was a huge fan of poetry, it was not surpising to see all these posters with quotes from famous poets on the walls, however one poster with a quote engraved on it stood out the to him.

"I don't hate you for killing my children, but I do hate you for making me kill yours." For some reason these words seemed especially personal to the 16 year old Kai and it had nothing to do with his father being an army vet, but he did not care enough to delve further into the matter.

"You gave me a 91 on this paper because you didn't agree with my interpretation of the poem not because it was flawed!" a girl boldly chimed, her voice echoed throughout the room as she pointed her finger at Lousler. She had long, straight, blond hair and stood a commanding 5'11 with a fair complexion and light blue eyes. Without a doubt she was cute, but he thought at least that much was what most of the students considered her. Although she didn't seem to have too many friends due to her loquacious personality. Reina bested Kai in height who was in his mind a "pitiful" 5'10 in comparison to his father who stood a towering 6'4. He had a strange habit of judging someones height upon first meeting  them which stemed from his own  insecurities. This girl was Reina Stuart, a girl who Kai felt he had seen all too much of as they shared four classes together. In the times he spoke to her he found out two things about her. She was loud, talked too much, and was insanely smart. Just last week she started a conversation with him about the meaning of a poem that frankly he didn't give a damn about but of course he couldn't say that because her mother was the principal of the school. Being the daughter of the principal, her intelligence wasnt very surprising, what had shocked Kai was her hardheadedness. With girls as cute as her just coming to him out of the blue, he started to think that maybe he was a chick magnet and that there were tons of girls waiting to ask him out but were too afraid.

"I must be out of my mind" Kai giggled at his imagination. The more he thought about their last encounter the more he began to smile his perfectly straight teeth now visible.

"I'll never talk to her again." Kai assured himself as he glared at Reina. Of course with him being in the back, he knew she wouldn't notice at least he hoped that we be the case. As he came out of thought he realized their argument had escalated quite a bit. Kai wasn't one to care about others business but he felt an argument between this Reina and his teacher Lousler would be a spectacle to behold. Of course, his habit of wanting to know everything also would not allow him to leave.

"My opinion had nothing to do with it, as the rubric handed out last week states, you are graded on being able to connect relevant places in the poem with your argument which you actually did pretty well, but in the end you still couldn't bring it all together. Is a 91 not being generous enough? Maybe I should drop it!" Lousler inquired with a crack in his voice  as well as his signature smile. Kai cringed once again as he watched his gold awful smile. 

"Must be afraid she'll tell her mommy on you." Kai murmered. But in reality he knew that with the principal being Reina's mother things were much more complicated than what it seemed. This time, and this time only, he gets a pass for being uncomfortable seeing as how this girl has his job in the palm of her hand Kai thought. In the front of the classroom both Reina and Lousler began writing on the whiteboard in attempt to prove ones point over the other. Still, in Kai's eyes, the passion in which she tried to argue her point showed at least that she would try to win the argument her own way without using her connections.

"She's weird, but at least she isn't a total bitch." As Kai said this he started leaning in to their argument once more. 

"Still I think the only reason you gave me a 91 is because you just can't UNDERSTAND my argument fully!" There was a ferocity in her eyes that made it seem like she had all day to argue.

"And whose job is to make their argument clear and precise enough for their reader to understand easily?!" He did have a point there Kai thought. Watching them go back in forth was enjoyable and Kai let out a chuckle, but this chuckle wasn't the result of them. It was of course the pleasure he felt in being able to understand everything going on around him. The teacher and the student arguing as if they were ready to start fist-fighting, the students who left quickily as if they had an after school activity or just didn't wanna be there, and the students who lazily packed up while checking the latest updates on social media. Being able to understand everything as if he was an omnipotent being, that was what Kai enjoyed the most. Unaware that this need to keep everything he could within his grasp came from his disgustingly harsh childhood, Kai began to walk diagonally out of the classroom being sure that he dodged each oncoming desk leaving the two idiots to argue amongst themselves. As he headed down the marble steps of the schools stairwell he looked at the posters splattered throughout the hallway of  famous people who had donated to the school. Musicians, Actors, Poets, Goverment officials, basically a bunch of rich people with no other use for their money or those who wanted to establish themselves as generous in the eyes of the public Kai thought. In Kai's mind there was no person in the world that helped those less fortunate out of the goodness of their heart. That's bullshit, Kai thought. He personally knew how people only helped you if it benefited them, but Kai also knew that was the way the world worked. As he reached the first floor the hallways overflowed with students. One look around and the school's dress code was apparent. The majority of students conisisted of Seniors like Kai who had a custom dress code. Button-downed cream colored shirts with a stiched in golden lion that represented the school's mascot. The other grade levels all had their own individual floors and also ended classes earlier and as such it was rare to see them.

"See you tomorrow Kai!" a collage of faceless beings said from behind as Kai made his way out the schools exit. He of course didn't care who it was and offered only an lackluster wave in return. A little flustered and angry as he finished waving good bye to the faceless students Kai sucked his teeth.

"Oh , so you do know I exist." While Kai knew not having many interactions with his own classmates was his fault too at that moment in time he wanted to blame it all on them. He wasn't mature enough to accept all his short-comings. As he began his way down the neatly organized street he gave his school building one last look. 

 

"Doesn't look like a school at all," Kai remarked as he scanned it. It was almost tall enough to be considered a skyscrapper. A grey building seemingly like one of those buildings you see in a downtown area. With the strict uniform system and the tall-building, Kai felt as if he were leaving work. 

"Well the point of a school is to prepare you for work, I guess." he murmered to himself. He was in no rush of course to get home, as the place labeled "his home" in his mind was just the location where he slept. Before sinking into deep thought he delve deep into his pants pocket grabbing his golden smartphone along with his earplugs. This phone had recently been released and had fully functional touch features given to him as a gift from his father. After turning on some music, Kai inserted the earplugs into his ears and carried on. With the pesky sun glaring down at him on this hot spring day, Kai decided it was time for him to pick up his pace. His body went into autopilot seeing as this mundane walk home had already been engraved in every fiber of his body. The streets, the buildings, this whole city had been engraved in his mind. With the exception being that the streets looked extremely cleaner with the new government policy and the creation of"HPC" or Homeless Prevention Centers. Unlike traditional shelters, these were state of the art facilities created in an attempt to help erase homelessness which had seen a recent increase in the last decade. Of course Kai didn't believe such a thing could ever fully erase homelessness.

"But still though, to get rid of this many homeless people this quickly. The government actually got something right. We'll see if it lasts." he chuckled a bit as he said this and continued his walk home unaware of how unappreciative he had been of his newfound life and calmness.

------ Prologue Part 1  End ------

 

[Abyssal Monkey]

Does this story perhaps feature my hearth?

At least the name Lousler gives hope that you won't name people Japanese names for no reason? Especially in a setting of the US.

[shuak]

1 hour ago, Abyssal Monkey said:

Does this story perhaps feature my hearth?

At least the name Lousler gives hope that you won't name people Japanese names for no reason? Especially in a setting of the US.

As much as I want to name him Shu, unless i'm making him Asian there really wouldn't be any reasonable justification for it >.<