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Dumb Shit You've Done As A Kid And Kept Secret


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As I was getting lunch I remembered some dumb stuff I used to do when I was younger that i hid from everyone in my family and all my friends and I wondered whether anyone else did anything stupid and hid it.

When I was younger, I got in trouble a lot with my mum and she almost always used to send me to my room for a few hours. If I ever got hungry or thirsty, I always didn't want to talk to my mum so I went to the bathroom and ate toilet paper or drank the tap water. Now that I think back on it, I always feel like a retard.

Edited by ERO!
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>Be me
>Be in middle school
>Then best friend keeps showing off his new hat
>Decide to prank him during class and hide it
>Wait for class to move to adjacent room
>Hide hat in my backpack
>Friend comes back
>Notices his hat is missing
>Start giggling internally and wait for him to panic a little bit more before telling him
>Backfired, friend hurries to tell the teacher his hat was stolen
>Ohshit.jpg
>Teacher was the really mean kind who took no shit from anybody
>Teacher yells at everyone to come together
>Asks for the perpetrator to fess up
>Says we'll have to copy 50 pages of our workbook for the weekend if nobody says anything (this was quite a lot for 12 year olds)
>Silence
>Too scared of what the hell might happen to me if I admit to it now so I don't say a word
>Teacher is about to blow a fuse
>Fearing higher authorities will be called, I propose we search our backpacks
>Thiscanwork.avi
>As the classroom starts searching, I slowly reach into backpack and grab the hat
>"O-Oh hey, I  found it!" I say in the most fake-sounding surprised tone I could muster
>Teacher is now sure the culprit is among us and asks who it is once more
>I'm already too deep into this mess to fess up now
>No answers
>Entire classroom is dismissed, their spirits drained in preparation for the long weekend of copying 50 pages of a technical workbook full of complicated terms

TL;DR: Wanted to prank my friend, forced the entire class to have a shit ton of homework for the weekend.

Edited by Nosebleed
Made it greentext format for extra dankness
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Wait...so ur not a retard anymore???

-Always thought Egypt were in middle east not in Africa

-eating/drinking soup with a straw.

-Tried my sister's bra

-Munching on a pencil

-Munching on a pen

I miss my childhood...

I still am but I didn't realise till then. I embrace my retardocity now. 

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I tried to have sex with a toilet paper roll, which didn't work out too well. Also tried to stick it in various lotion/shampoo/soap bottles, but it never fit. I also used to take school library books and sell them at the local book store..

Oh, and when I was in kindergarten I had a crush on this girl, and when another guy tried to sit next to him I bit his arm really hard. And one day my friend shoved his ass in my face while I was trying to play a game, so I bit it as hard as I could..he needed stitches and it's probably still scarred, and I had the cops called on me. 

Edit: I forgot a good one. A long time ago I told my female cousin that my male cousin was in love with her and bought her a ring, and was going to ask her out. She ended up avoiding him for a pretty long time, and eventually figured out that I was lying. I can't remember if they both got really mad or just didn't say anything, I think it was the latter though. 

Edited by Mugi
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I tried to have sex with a toilet paper roll, which didn't work out too well. Also tried to stick it in various lotion/shampoo/soap bottles, but it never fit. I also used to take school library books and sell them at the local book store..

Oh, and when I was in kindergarten I had a crush on this girl, and when another guy tried to sit next to him I bit his arm really hard. And one day my friend shoved his ass in my face while I was trying to play a game, so I bit it as hard as I could..he needed stitches and it's probably still scarred, and I had the cops called on me.

i actually had the cops called on me too. When I was 10 or 11 I stayed out till like 6:30pm without contacting my mum and when I got back the police were there and I found out that she called them thinking that I'd been kidnapped or something. I felt so embarrassed. 

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I tried to have sex with a toilet paper roll, which didn't work out too well. Also tried to stick it in various lotion/shampoo/soap bottles, but it never fit. I also used to take school library books and sell them at the local book store..

Oh, and when I was in kindergarten I had a crush on this girl, and when another guy tried to sit next to him I bit his arm really hard. And one day my friend shoved his ass in my face while I was trying to play a game, so I bit it as hard as I could..he needed stitches and it's probably still scarred, and I had the cops called on me. 

Edit: I forgot a good one. A long time ago I told my female cousin that my male cousin was in love with her and bought her a ring, and was going to ask her out. She ended up avoiding him for a pretty long time, and eventually figured out that I was lying. I can't remember if they both got really mad or just didn't say anything, I think it was the latter though. 

****warning this post talks mostly about porn and ero things, proceed at your own risk***

LMFAO, i remember trying to have sex with whatever object was in the bathroom, including shampoo bottles :wafuu:, one day i tried doing that in a shampoo bottle and it got stuck...i felt so scared and never tried it again lol

but the weirdest thing about my childhood was that i didn't know what masturbation was (or how to masturbate) until i was about 16....not that i didn't feel horny before 16, i just didn't know how to relieve myself, so i basically spent around 5 years of my life feeling so horny with no relief :ph34r: looool the thing is, i had never even knew what girls looked like naked, and i had never tried to browse porn website cuz we had only one computer at home and i was so scared that my parents would find out :wafuu:, my first time ever seeing a girl naked was maybe when i was 15, i accidentally switched to a porn channel (i had no idea those things even existed), it was one of those 'solo' porn videos, it was a woman only wearing a bra and a bikini and she started slowly getting undressed, i was the only one at home so i was glad and i kept watching lol so when i saw her breasts i was shocked to find out that females have similar nipples like males (i always thought they had something different there lol) so anyway... yeah you can guess how turned on i was seeing that for the first time, but...i didn't know how to masturbate so basically i was only torturing myself lol

anyway, i think it was only when i was 16 till i had my first orgasm lol i came across a channel that had a lesbian porn video, and a few mins later i had my first orgasm (without even touching myself), and i didn't even know what was going on so i thought there was something wrong with me, i think i passed put for a few seconds and then i couldn't move my knees so i felt that i did something wrong and felt so guilty lol but after a few months i found out about everything :D

sorry i guess the post went farther ahead than the original question but the thread reminded me of that lol if my post is against the forum rules you can just remove it :P

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I tried to have sex with a toilet paper roll, which didn't work out too well. Also tried to stick it in various lotion/shampoo/soap bottles, but it never fit. I also used to take school library books and sell them at the local book store..

Oh, and when I was in kindergarten I had a crush on this girl, and when another guy tried to sit next to him I bit his arm really hard. And one day my friend shoved his ass in my face while I was trying to play a game, so I bit it as hard as I could..he needed stitches and it's probably still scarred, and I had the cops called on me. 

Edit: I forgot a good one. A long time ago I told my female cousin that my male cousin was in love with her and bought her a ring, and was going to ask her out. She ended up avoiding him for a pretty long time, and eventually figured out that I was lying. I can't remember if they both got really mad or just didn't say anything, I think it was the latter though. 

****warning this post talks mostly about porn and ero things, proceed at your own risk***

LMFAO, i remember trying to have sex with whatever object was in the bathroom, including shampoo bottles :wafuu:, one day i tried doing that in a shampoo bottle and it got stuck...i felt so scared and never tried it again lol

but the weirdest thing about my childhood was that i didn't know what masturbation was (or how to masturbate) until i was about 16....not that i didn't feel horny before 16, i just didn't know how to relieve myself, so i basically spent around 5 years of my life feeling so horny with no relief :ph34r: looool the thing is, i had never even knew what girls looked like naked, and i had never tried to browse porn website cuz we had only one computer at home and i was so scared that my parents would find out :wafuu:, my first time ever seeing a girl naked was maybe when i was 15, i accidentally switched to a porn channel (i had no idea those things even existed), it was one of those 'solo' porn videos, it was a woman only wearing a bra and a bikini and she started slowly getting undressed, i was the only one at home so i was glad and i kept watching lol so when i saw her breasts i was shocked to find out that females have similar nipples like males (i always thought they had something different there lol) so anyway... yeah you can guess how turned on i was seeing that for the first time, but...i didn't know how to masturbate so basically i was only torturing myself lol

anyway, i think it was only when i was 16 till i had my first orgasm lol i came across a channel that had a lesbian porn video, and a few mins later i had my first orgasm (without even touching myself), and i didn't even know what was going on so i thought there was something wrong with me, i think i passed put for a few seconds and then i couldn't move my knees so i felt that i did something wrong and felt so guilty lol but after a few months i found out about everything :D

sorry i guess the post went farther ahead than the original question but the thread reminded me of that lol if my post is against the forum rules you can just remove it :P

quick quesion. In whatever country you live in,  are porn channels free? If not who's 0aying for porn channels in your house?

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quick quesion. In whatever country you live in,  are porn channels free? If not who's 0aying for porn channels in your house?

ummm we were using a satellite connected with the tv, meaning that you could stream pretty much any channel in the world, the channels i was referring to were German i think, they only had 'softcore' porn that's why it was free, they didn't actually display any porn movies or something like that. i do remember most of the other porn channels were 'locked' and you could only stream them if you subscribed.

Edit: why are you asking, you interested? :makina:

Edited by MikeY91
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Up until I was twelve I ate everything. That is, literally everything.

I'd munch rocks. I'd gnaw at my scissors. I broke a phone like that. My clothes back then all had holes. I swallowed a marble. I ate books. My nails are permanently short. My pens were always destroyed before they ran out of ink. Many pencils were broken in half.

Nowadays I don't do it as much. I've switched to metallic pens and I only occasionally attack plastic or paper objects.

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I've pissed in restaurants plant pots when I was younger. Can't really recall much stupid things I've done....

Oh yeah. I thought women gave birth and pissed through their asshole when I was younger. But that's prbly pretty common..

Edited by Bolverk
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Ah I was thinking which one to write, and I remembered one that I mentally blocked out for a few years. I live alone with my mother and she loves lighting scented candles because of the smell, I was using a tissue when my mom was in the kitchen and it caught fire, me being the genius I was at 9 years old instead of stomping on it or something I threw it out my window, on the third floor, landed right on one of my neighbors patio chairs, which then caught fire, obviously I told my mom and we ran down and told him. He understood the mistake and explained that he was meaning to throw the patio out, so it was no big deal. But dear god was I stupid.

Edited by Godskrieg
Typos, typos everywhere.
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When I was a young I had a habit of just taking off my clothes. I grew up in a poor neighborhood in the Philippines and everyone was broke. So boys were just going shirtless all the time. Of course my poor innocent mind was like, "Hmmm I feel kinda different. I should take off my clothes too." The boys didn't mind since they were little kids too and didn't know much about sexuality. It went on for a while unnoticed since my parents are never home and I am always alone in my house. Also, people easily mistaken me for a boy since I didn't fix my hair and acted like a tomboy... I wasn't very feminine and got into fights a lot.

Then one stranger came to me and asked if I should come with him (while I was naked). This is as we know it, a pedophile. Luckily a cop was in the area and arrested him and the cop called my parents. They were worried sick of what just happened and lectured me that I should keep my clothes on from now on. They bought me a full closet of dresses... as punishment?

Edited by CeruleanGamer
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Taking 200 free calenders from the train station and sold it for 0,50 (DM or € I don#t remember anymore) each to the others in school, nobody ever noticed.

I've done things like this a lot

I've also stolen R$ 50 [15 dollars nowadays, or something like that] from my grandmother and threw it on some people from school :< And when I was 5, I had a girlfriend, but sent a love letter to another girl - my first cheating <3

Edited by Silvz
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When I was a young I had a habit of just taking off my clothes. I grew up in a poor neighborhood in the Philippines and everyone was broke. So boys were just going shirtless all the time. Of course my poor innocent mind was like, "Hmmm I feel kinda different. I should take off my clothes too." The boys didn't mind since they were little kids too and didn't know much about sexuality. It went on for a while unnoticed since my parents are never home and I am always alone in my house. Also, people easily mistaken me for a boy since I didn't fix my hair and acted like a tomboy... I wasn't very feminine and got into fights a lot.

Then one stranger came to me and asked if I should come with him (while I was naked). This is as we know it, a pedophile. Luckily a cop was in the area and arrested him and the cop called my parents. They were worried sick of what just happened and lectured me that I should keep my clothes on from now on. They bought me a full closet of dresses... as punishment?

You were literally a female Gray Fullbuster. Amazing.

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When I was little I used to walk in the roof of my house, in a little tiny thin wall that connects my house with the house of my neighbor, to be honest I don't know how i didnt fall, looking back it was really stupid, I used to do it pretty much everyday, I knew it was dangerous because I did it when my parents were not watching me.

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Breaking into a recycling center, thrice, activating the alarm everytime, just so we could get wooden planks for our wooden huts in the woods, running away in the woods as the cops arrived. Almost getting caught once, but we knew the woods better. Never got caught.

Felt like a thug everytime. But really, it was just a recycling center.

Edited by Guest
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