Jump to content

Fuwans, How Do You Bond With Your Siblings?


Recommended Posts

I have a sister who is 3 years older than me. Seeing that I had was diagnosed with Tourette's Syndrome when I was 5 years old, growing up was always odd for me. It was a disease that a lot of people didn't understand, and even to this day it's hard to hold back at times. No matter how much we age, I am always the little brother to her and am always looked down upon as being the idiot when it comes to certain things. While I enjoy doing introverted things and having a lot of "me" time (so much so that relationships are sometimes a challenge starting out), that doesn't mean I am less intelligent about things currently happening in the world. I think that no matter how much older we get, I will always be that little brother to her. I don't think it's until parents get to be a certain age that siblings start to bond a lot more.

The same thing was true with my mom and dad. My mom was the youngest of 3, and to this day she is still the baby of the group. Don't get me wrong though, I love my sister and we get along a lot more than we used to back then. Honestly Nosebleed, I think it just comes with age. Your sister is going to be going through puberty and that's going to cause a huge divide in what sorts of things she likes and doesn't like. I think that once you get to be older, you'll appreciate being around each other a lot more, but that probably won't happen until you reach the age where your parents are too old to do things anymore.

Can't say, since I have never been in the older setting before; I have always been the youngest. Still, take time to chat when you can and try to enjoy her company as best you can. ^_^

Link to post
Share on other sites

I have an older brother, 4.5-year age gap. We definitely did not get along for the first ~14 years of my life, until the day he left for college - probably 60% of the time we were normal human beings around each other, and the rest of the time we fought (verbally, physically). Pretty much starting the day he moved out, we never fought again, and now we get along really well (we live pretty far apart now, but I visited him for a couple weeks last year and we did stuff like throwing around a baseball - good times).

At the time we just needed to not be around each other all the time, and we also both needed to mature emotionally (especially me). So, this part is less of advice, and more of something to keep in mind for the future: even if the relationship isn't great now, or even a few years from now, and even though it seems like you've had a long time to try to build that relationship, you've still go ta lot of time left to bond. Better if you can do it now, of course, but there's no reason to give up hope any time soon.

Regarding your strong dislike for physical affection, this is good advice:

get over it

It's definitely something you can ease yourself into - start by getting used to patting her on the shoulder, for instance. But you really do need to work on this angle in particular if you want to bond with her - physical contact is obviously very important to her. I'd venture that it's very important to you, too, and that that's exactly why it makes you so uncomfortable. If you can get over that gap yourself, then you really will be close.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I have two sisters, one of which is a few years younger than me and attends the same college. The other is currently in highschool. I kinda have to interact with with the college sis, since I'm forced to eat lunch with her. See she has a stalker.... a BIG Mexican stalker, now I'm no Donald Trump supporter, but when a dude that scary sits next to you without invitation regardless of race.... you have a reason to be afraid. So my spindly ass has to act as stalker deterrent, but it isn't all bad. She is the one who got me into otaku culture, so we can conversations about the latest anime.

I spend less time with my younger sister, since we currently live in different cities, but when we talk we get along well enough. She likes telling me about her wonderous adventures with her friends, like the time a worker at a hipster starbucks gave her a live pigeon that she took to a friends house. Occasionally she shows off her drawings and prototype manga to me, I'm quite jelly of her skillz.

I don't think we are all that close in a "family" sense, but more like trusted friends that we can ask a favor or two from.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I have a brother who's 4 1/2 years older than me. For the first 13-15 years of my life, I was his favourite chew toy. -.- Bullied me to no end, he did. And I wasn't passive in that either, since I tended to try to get him back. (Key word being try.) But once he moved out of my parents house, our relationship started getting much better. Now, he lives on the west coast, and I live on the east, and we very seldom speak to each other, but we get along fairly well. Last time I saw him we got into a shouting match and damn near started a fight, but a few hours later, everything was chill.

Basically, what I'm saying is my brother and I get along pretty well. No, really, I mean it. :wahaha:

Everyone has their own way of interacting with others, and the same goes for siblings. What works for some people might not work for others. Just try to be a little more honest about how you feel with your sister if you want to be closer to her. It might just be all the both of you need to get the ball rolling.

 

Or we could just trade. :illya:

Link to post
Share on other sites

Like a spartan :sachi:

I have a brother who is 11 years younger than me and it's pretty tough to play with him. He lives with my father so I don't see him to often (every weekend/other weekend, sometimes not for three weeks) and that makes it difficult. He really does love me and I want him to have good memories and have fun, but I don't really know how to go about it. I will watch Pokemon with him, play Yu-Gi-Oh, sword fight, etc. but it's pretty hard for me to show continued interest in the actual playing. 

Anyways, I vote for the anime watching as well.

Edited by LiquidShu
Link to post
Share on other sites

Hmm, well since i'm almost a decade older than my sister i'm the one responsible for leading her down the wrong path and i take that task very seriously. I always strive to be a bad influence on her life and bring her morals to ground zero but unfortunately i have failed by to do so by finishing college, getting a good job, buying a house and pissing on the neighbor's shrubbery every now and then. I hope one day she will do me pround and become a NEET, then i'd be promptly murdered by our loving parents. Stay out of school kids. 

-Totodile. 

a531468301f76e9aed47aa315e1af189.jpg

 

Link to post
Share on other sites

Heh, surprisingly enough I have that problem myself... What makes it surprising in my case is that I've had a rather strong relationship with my sister since we were small. Of course, the fact that we're very close in age (she's one year older) and that I more or less had no other friends when I was younger helps a lot, and makes my case considerably different from yours. The main reason for us two growing apart is that our interests have differentiated widely, we both use to read the same novels, watch the same movies/ anime and talk all day about them and stuff happening in our lives.  Now we watch and read very different stuff, and both our lives are basically just studying for uni so there's really not much to talk about.

I have tried to connect again, but ended up failing spectacularly. I tried to make her watch madok magica thinking she'd love it, and apparently she really disliked it (note: most girls hate madoka for some reason, not sure why :c). After that I tried a few others, the only one she really liked was FMAB, at which point I had understood that she liked fast paced stuff (like AoT) which I rarely watch anymore, and so again we ran out of things to do together.

As for your case, I simply recommend you do the same thing. Watching anime with someone else feels very different from watching it on your own, so be prepared. I'd also recommend you not rewatch something for her sake as you'll then greatly notice the effect of her judgement of the show on you. Pick something that she'd probably like and that you can enjoy too, preferably family friendly :sachi: (Summer Wars/ Ghibli movies work wonders)

I hope she has better taste than my sister :P

 


I have no idea how watching an anime with my sister will be like, but it seems like it's worth a shot. I also don't mind watching girly kids' anime (that's what I do on a daily basis to begin with:Kappa:)  so that's always a plus (and an excuse to finally watch Precure).

At least this was my train of thought so far. Any opinions?

Basically this, do it

Edited by babiker
Link to post
Share on other sites

I am the third of five children, two brothers and two sisters and I have a different relationship with all of them.

My Older brother is four years older than me. A few years ago I realized that I idolize him. Everything he would do I would try to emulate, he played guitar so I did, he played gridiron so I joined etc. There was a period where he was a bit of a bastard when he went to high school, and as if to personify how much I look u to him, this was what made me afraid of high school; I was worried I would change like my brother did. He moved interstate the other day and I'm really sad to see him gone but my relationship with him is still really good.

My older sister is one and a half years older than me. she has had the most consistent relationship with me, She is the one II feel I can talk to the most and am able to open up to the most.

My younger brother (two years younger) on the other hand I hated as a child. I'm not exaggerating, I loathed him, we fought constantly and I recall once even asking him to get out of my life. oddly enough we got very this very easily; one day I just said to him "let's knock it off" and we've been on good terms ever since. 

My younger sister is four years younger. She and I have the closest thing to a stereotypical anime bond; I tease her a lot, we have polar opposite personalities and tastes and I can be very protective of her. Sometimes I do hate her guts and she annoys me more than any other sibling but I still worry about her a lot, especially given some of the people in her friend-circle.

Overall I've got a pretty good relationship with my siblings. If I ever left my room I might even interact with them, but lets not go crazy here.

Link to post
Share on other sites

My sis is the best person in this world. Not only she doesn't call me anymore, but she even bought me a present last time I totally didn't liked.

But seriously, I think we already talked about that a lot on TS. If you need more "life counselling", you'll have to wait till evening :Kappa:

Link to post
Share on other sites

My sis is the best person in this world. Not only she doesn't call me anymore, but she even bought me a present last time I totally didn't liked.

But seriously, I think we already talked about that a lot on TS. If you need more "life counselling", you'll have to wait till evening :Kappa:

You sure have it tough! I have a brother who is 21 years old. He is NEET and lazy as fuck (he never goes out) to the point he asks for money instead of earning it (when he got kicked from university, he didn't do anything 8 months. He just stayed home, didn't even go out, and played games). Also, he is pretending to be a girl when he is talking with other "girls" because he likes "yuri" so much. Fucking disgusting...

Oh, did I also mention he sent me and my father a letter to court, just to get money from us (he thinks the fact he didn't get any alimony after getting kicked out of school and doing for 8 months is wrong)? Fun.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I have a big sister who's thirteen years older than me. We had an argument about something really stupid four years ago and haven't talked to each other ever since. She visits mom's house with her husband and kids every saturday and it's really awkward for everyone involved, because we ignore each other with a passive hostility for almost half a decade by now.

 

I'm not very good at being a little brother. 

 

Link to post
Share on other sites

I have a big sister who's thirteen years older than me. We had an argument about something really stupid four years ago and haven't talked to each other ever since. She visits mom's house with her husband and kids every saturday and it's really awkward for everyone involved, because we ignore each other with a passive hostility for almost half a decade by now.

 

I'm not very good at being a little brother. 

 

this sounds awkward as FUCK

Link to post
Share on other sites

i never really got along with my little (2,5 years younger) brother very well, at least not in my mind, until i moved out into a student house.

not having had to live with him for over 2 years now has really improved our interaction during the weekends i do see him.

not sure if this is in any way helpful to your situation, but it's interesting nonetheless

Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm the youngest out of 3, and have two older brothers. The second eldest  was the one who got me into anime/gaming in general, and I've always had a pretty good relationship with him, with a few arguments that turned physical every now and then. We share a birthday despite not being twins (born 3 years apart), and because of that we spent a lot of time together. I rarely talk with him now, as he's busy with work and recently got married, but when we do its for a good bit of time.

My oldest brother on the other hand is a different story, somewhat. When we all were at my parents' house we'd constantly fight, exchange insults, and basically hated one another. This lasted for a few years, until he moved out, and I matured a bit (I was a bit of an asshole as a child, I admit)  and after that we got along much better than we ever had. Basically all it took for us to bond was to not see each other for a while. 

TLDR: Communication and fights 

Link to post
Share on other sites

If you're not used to do stuff with her I'd definitly recommend doing something that doesn't require to much interaction to begin with. Going to see a movie is a great way to bond with people you're not used to spending time with. I'm pretty close in age to my younger siblings so I've never really taken them to places but when I was a kid I remember loving being taken to the cinema or some other fun place like a zoo or museum by an older relative or family friend. In the cinema in particular you're just going to be sitting and quietly watch the movie but it'll still be fun for her because you still did it together and you'll have something to talk about afterwards.

Since she actually wants to interact with you I doubt there's a need for you to do anything particularly special or planned out. A good way to start could just be to start asking her stuff. Like how her day was or if there's something she's been into lately, you don't have to have any long conversations but just having someone showing interest in you usually makes people feel liked.

Link to post
Share on other sites

A little "update" after a couple weeks.

I really appreciate everyone who's dropped by this thrad and left their opinions and experiences. It's quite surprising how many different relationships you can with your siblings and I learned quite a bit from all this. (Mainly that there's no one single way to properly deal with your sister)

After making this thread, I've become a little more proactive in talking to my sister, although we don't make much small talk yet. I mostly tend to listen to whatever she has to say, but I do try to talk back rather than just walking away now.
I've begun helping her with her homework more frequently and actually staying with her in the room rather than just answering her when she has a question and leaving. This also led me to learn I suck at 5th grade math problems, but on that end both me and my sister could relate.

Not much has happened since, but we are going to the movies this Sunday and, as some already suggested, this should be the easier way to get along without an excessive amount of interaction, so I'm looking forward to it.

Not sure if anyone would be interested but I figured, as the one who made the thread, I'd let you know I did try to do something about the whole situation and things are going okay~

Link to post
Share on other sites

I know I'm late, but when I saw your first post, it occurred to me that you actually like your sister. This thread is like a sign of caring, when people don't care, they won't bother to think about "topic". The problem is the "output", you don't know how to act in these situations. It's just like the baby when they hit you with something and they thing that's the correct thing to do. Even though they actually like you.

I'm glad things are good with your sister now.

As for math problems, I hope this site will help.

Link to post
Share on other sites

My older sister (3 years older, specifically) and I get along fine, but we're not particularly close.  We never really have been - our interests are mostly too far apart and our personalities are completely different.  But, that said, we do both share a liking for skiing and scuba diving, and will go out and do such sports together if we happen to be together on a family vacation.

It's probably a good thing I never had a younger sister though.  I probably would have been an overprotective older brother and spoiled her rotten.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I speak with sister once in 2-3 monthes, and meet in person once in half year, even that she lives in 15 minutes by car from me... She is younger for 6 years, if this matters. Seems we're not really close with her, but if something needed I would definitely be first for help.

I do not know, if I like this or not, but this is how all evolved since childhood. Maybe I would like to be closer with her, or maybe it is ok this way... Seems more the latter. I like to be alone with my thoughts.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

×
×
  • Create New...