Ask a Fuwan (Advice thread)

[Tyrael]

All right, dear fuwans I have another problem I need your advice on.

Wednesday I received a message from a girl I went to college with for three years. We were not particularly close, but we got along pretty well. I can even say I did kind of like her back then but I never acted on it because she was a very shy girl and I was scared I might scare her off. She was never the type to talk much, but I noticed she felt comfortable enough around me to open up a bit and have a somewhat normal conversation. Since she was very shy and also had a very soft voice (she told me she was unable to speak up any more than her normal voice, which was hell during presentations and such) she'd get drowned out very fast in group conversations which meant I had to talk to her in private (more or less) quite often if something was bothering her. Anyways, fast forward to this week, I receive a message from her asking how I'm doing and what I'm studying in uni now. Please note we haven't seen or talked to each other since graduation (september last year) so I was kind of suspicious at first (what does she want from me?) and I answered with a brief summary of how my life has been so far and asking her how she's doing. She seems fairly enthousiastic and asks me when my exams will be ending, hinting at the possibility of us meeting up after that. Of course, my heart nearly exploded after seeing that, but I responded with a relatively long message (she asked a couple of questions after all) and half an hour later I added that my exams were ending the 23rd (I forgot the most important part, I'm smart like that). Now, I know she saw my answer since facebook gives you a timestamp when people have read your message, but it's four days later and she still hasn't answered me back... Now, I know she's been online because I have seen her like people's pictures (thank you FB wall). So, is she toying with me or am I just being paranoid?

[hsmsful]

All right, dear fuwans I have another problem I need your advice on.

Wednesday I received a message from a girl I went to college with for three years. We were not particularly close, but we got along pretty well. I can even say I did kind of like her back then but I never acted on it because she was a very shy girl and I was scared I might scare her off. She was never the type to talk much, but I noticed she felt comfortable enough around me to open up a bit and have a somewhat normal conversation. Since she was very shy and also had a very soft voice (she told me she was unable to speak up any more than her normal voice, which was hell during presentations and such) she'd get drowned out very fast in group conversations which meant I had to talk to her in private (more or less) quite often if something was bothering her. Anyways, fast forward to this week, I receive a message from her asking how I'm doing and what I'm studying in uni now. Please note we haven't seen or talked to each other since graduation (september last year) so I was kind of suspicious at first (what does she want from me?) and I answered with a brief summary of how my life has been so far and asking her how she's doing. She seems fairly enthousiastic and asks me when my exams will be ending, hinting at the possibility of us meeting up after that. Of course, my heart nearly exploded after seeing that, but I responded with a relatively long message (she asked a couple of questions after all) and half an hour later I added that my exams were ending the 23rd (I forgot the most important part, I'm smart like that). Now, I know she saw my answer since facebook gives you a timestamp when people have read your message, but it's four days later and she still hasn't answered me back... Now, I know she's been online because I have seen her like people's pictures (thank you FB wall). So, is she toying with me or am I just being paranoid?

I'd say that the best thing when it comes to relationships irl is to expect the worst so expect that she's toying with you. There's still a big probability and I mean a very big probability that she doesn't know what to do now since she's terribly shy according to what u said. So you have to consider that and ask her later on (not now thou, make it a bit closer to 23rd like ask her on the 20th or smth , that's how I see it.)

[starlessn1ght]

All right, dear fuwans I have another problem I need your advice on.

Wednesday I received a message from a girl I went to college with for three years. We were not particularly close, but we got along pretty well. I can even say I did kind of like her back then but I never acted on it because she was a very shy girl and I was scared I might scare her off. She was never the type to talk much, but I noticed she felt comfortable enough around me to open up a bit and have a somewhat normal conversation. Since she was very shy and also had a very soft voice (she told me she was unable to speak up any more than her normal voice, which was hell during presentations and such) she'd get drowned out very fast in group conversations which meant I had to talk to her in private (more or less) quite often if something was bothering her. Anyways, fast forward to this week, I receive a message from her asking how I'm doing and what I'm studying in uni now. Please note we haven't seen or talked to each other since graduation (september last year) so I was kind of suspicious at first (what does she want from me?) and I answered with a brief summary of how my life has been so far and asking her how she's doing. She seems fairly enthousiastic and asks me when my exams will be ending, hinting at the possibility of us meeting up after that. Of course, my heart nearly exploded after seeing that, but I responded with a relatively long message (she asked a couple of questions after all) and half an hour later I added that my exams were ending the 23rd (I forgot the most important part, I'm smart like that). Now, I know she saw my answer since facebook gives you a timestamp when people have read your message, but it's four days later and she still hasn't answered me back... Now, I know she's been online because I have seen her like people's pictures (thank you FB wall). So, is she toying with me or am I just being paranoid?

 

Maybe she found another dude on way home and doesn't want you anymore... That's what you should expect from all girls in the world.

[Cyrillej1]

All right, dear fuwans I have another problem I need your advice on.

Wednesday I received a message from a girl I went to college with for three years. We were not particularly close, but we got along pretty well. I can even say I did kind of like her back then but I never acted on it because she was a very shy girl and I was scared I might scare her off. She was never the type to talk much, but I noticed she felt comfortable enough around me to open up a bit and have a somewhat normal conversation. Since she was very shy and also had a very soft voice (she told me she was unable to speak up any more than her normal voice, which was hell during presentations and such) she'd get drowned out very fast in group conversations which meant I had to talk to her in private (more or less) quite often if something was bothering her. Anyways, fast forward to this week, I receive a message from her asking how I'm doing and what I'm studying in uni now. Please note we haven't seen or talked to each other since graduation (september last year) so I was kind of suspicious at first (what does she want from me?) and I answered with a brief summary of how my life has been so far and asking her how she's doing. She seems fairly enthousiastic and asks me when my exams will be ending, hinting at the possibility of us meeting up after that. Of course, my heart nearly exploded after seeing that, but I responded with a relatively long message (she asked a couple of questions after all) and half an hour later I added that my exams were ending the 23rd (I forgot the most important part, I'm smart like that). Now, I know she saw my answer since facebook gives you a timestamp when people have read your message, but it's four days later and she still hasn't answered me back... Now, I know she's been online because I have seen her like people's pictures (thank you FB wall). So, is she toying with me or am I just being paranoid?

Do you like her, and want to try dating her?  She's made the opportunity for you to follow-up, so~  if you want to try, why don't you ask her "will you be doing anything after the 23rd?" and see if she replies.  If she does, maybe ask her if she wants to hang out or do anything together.

 

If she doesn't reply after that, then you could easily assume she's not interested in spending time with you.  In the end, I don't think you really lose anything by asking.  Could always play it off as just wanting to hang out as "friends" or w/e because haven't seen each other in a long time.

 

It depends on the girl... so you said she's shy, so might have asked out of curiosity because she's been wondering about you. And if she's really that shy, she may be waiting for you to make the first move to re-connect.

[rainsismyfav]

Imo, don't leave the conversation hanging. If you're this curious about her intentions, you should have ended your conversation with a clear question. An example would be "do you want to do anything after my exams are done?" "wanna meet up sometime after my exams are over??". Ask clear questions. Now if she doesn't follow up you can take the silence as a no. But at least you won't be confused on a maybe state and start speculating things. If you just explained and answered her questions plainly, it's like you're waiting for her to ask the BIG questions. I say take the initiative. Like Cyr said "you don't really lose anything by asking" --- in this case, asking directly.

 

I have learned to have my side of the communication very clear and I usually try to make my intentions/feelings clear as well. That way, their answer will be clear as well, and doesn't leave much room for confusion.

[arakura]

Since when do people just mess with you out of nowhere? Is that something that happens to you often? I wouldnt read into anything tbh, she hasnt given you much to work off of. Maybe she just wanted to know what's up with you. Mabye she thought that reconnecting would be fun but then realized that she made a mistake or something. Maybe she got flustered and didnt know what to say. Figure it out or don't (lol), but reading into it won't help :/

Talk to her if you're interested, don't if you're not.

[Kenshin_sama]

When you said you sent a fairly lengthy text, how long are we talking here? It may not be the case for everyone (regular forum-goers are especially good about this), but I've come to learn that some people can be overwhelmed by lengthy messages and won't always be able to reply. It can be especially hard for her if she's shy. I'd recommend doing what the others suggested and asking her a brief question that would be easier to reply to, and maybe things will turn out for the better.

[Sovereign1612]

All right, dear fuwans I have another problem I need your advice on.

Wednesday I received a message from a girl I went to college with for three years. We were not particularly close, but we got along pretty well. I can even say I did kind of like her back then but I never acted on it because she was a very shy girl and I was scared I might scare her off. She was never the type to talk much, but I noticed she felt comfortable enough around me to open up a bit and have a somewhat normal conversation. Since she was very shy and also had a very soft voice (she told me she was unable to speak up any more than her normal voice, which was hell during presentations and such) she'd get drowned out very fast in group conversations which meant I had to talk to her in private (more or less) quite often if something was bothering her. Anyways, fast forward to this week, I receive a message from her asking how I'm doing and what I'm studying in uni now. Please note we haven't seen or talked to each other since graduation (september last year) so I was kind of suspicious at first (what does she want from me?) and I answered with a brief summary of how my life has been so far and asking her how she's doing. She seems fairly enthousiastic and asks me when my exams will be ending, hinting at the possibility of us meeting up after that. Of course, my heart nearly exploded after seeing that, but I responded with a relatively long message (she asked a couple of questions after all) and half an hour later I added that my exams were ending the 23rd (I forgot the most important part, I'm smart like that). Now, I know she saw my answer since facebook gives you a timestamp when people have read your message, but it's four days later and she still hasn't answered me back... Now, I know she's been online because I have seen her like people's pictures (thank you FB wall). So, is she toying with me or am I just being paranoid?

If she doesn't put in any effort to actually keep the coversation going she probably doesn't care about you and just asked out of boredom,and

if something like that happens again you can be pretty sure she's not interested in you that way.(that's what i'm thinking)

Forget her and don't focus on the past , if you find someone who really cares about you, you don't need to try to keep the conversation going it just happens naturally.

Edited June 14, 2015 by Sovereign1612

[Flutterz]

I say start a conversation with her, if she's as shy as you say she is she might very well be waiting for you to do it.

[Tyrael]

When you said you sent a fairly lengthy text, how long are we talking here? It may not be the case for everyone (regular forum-goers are especially good about this), but I've come to learn that some people can be overwhelmed by lengthy messages and won't always be able to reply. It can be especially hard for her if she's shy. I'd recommend doing what the others suggested and asking her a brief question that would be easier to reply to, and maybe things will turn out for the better.

[Flutterz]

I honestly don't feel like chasing her would be the correct thing to do here, since it might make me come off as desperate? To be continued...

[Cyrillej1]

When you said you sent a fairly lengthy text, how long are we talking here? It may not be the case for everyone (regular forum-goers are especially good about this), but I've come to learn that some people can be overwhelmed by lengthy messages and won't always be able to reply. It can be especially hard for her if she's shy. I'd recommend doing what the others suggested and asking her a brief question that would be easier to reply to, and maybe things will turn out for the better.

I've been guilty of this... I'm sorry to the people I've done this to. -_-;

 

To the people who are saying she's just playing around....  I don't think so.  Look, she just asked him several questions... and he just answered them plainly with no follow-up.  There's no reason for her to ask or say anything more, unless he or she decides to keep the conversation going with questions or w/e else.

 

She asked me like four questions at once so I think my reply was justified

 

Okay so, I left her with another message ( I small jab on my part) so we'll see how it goes. I honestly don't feel like chasing her would be the correct thing to do here, since it might make me come off as desperate? To be continued...

I don't think you'd come off desperate just by showing your intention or interest.  I actually think girls tend to like it when the guys are brave enough to take initiative.

 

You only come off desperate when she doesn't reply to your intentions or says no... and you keep bothering her, trying to constantly get her attention when she isn't interested.  And, only if you make a girl feel like she could be replaced by any other girl as long as you could get a date (or not be alone).

[Tyrael]

I've been guilty of this... I'm sorry to the people I've done this to. -_-;

 

To the people who are saying she's just playing around....  I don't think so.  Look, she just asked him several questions... and he just answered them plainly with no follow-up.  There's no reason for her to ask or say anything more, unless he or she decides to keep the conversation going with questions or w/e else.

 

I don't think you'd come off desperate just by showing your intention or interest.  I actually think girls tend to like it when the guys are brave enough to take initiative.

 

You only come off desperate when she doesn't reply to your intentions or says no... and you keep bothering her, trying to constantly get her attention when she isn't interested.  And, only if you make a girl feel like she could be replaced by any other girl as long as you could get a date (or not be alone).

 

I did ask her back some questions, which is why I was surprised she wasn't answering I didn't give a dry answer lol. In fact, I was so busy thinking of things to ask that I forgot to mention the most important thing at first (when my exams were ending) which I had to send in a seperate message half an hour later since I suddenly realized I had forgotten that (she hadn't yet read it by this point). The weird thing is that when she said hello, asked me how I was and what I was studying now I did get a pretty fast reply to my answer which contained the big question ofc (like an hour later) but when I replied to that I got radio silence which is just super weird to me. 

[LiquidShu]

Hey Fuwans,

 

Currently I am on break from school. I was planning to start learning Japanese while on break but a different opportunity has presented itself. If I so wished I could take Piano classes from a friend of my mothers. Japanese and Piano have been things I have wanted to learn for some time. I probably won't be able to get to both of them at the same time so which do you guys suggest? Just looking for peoples opinions to help form my own. 

[Kenshin_sama]

As someone who's in the midst of studying now, I find that it's not that hard to learn Japanese by yourself and you can start at it any time. I don't have experience with piano, but I can imagine it being very difficult to learn without a teacher. If someone's giving you the opportunity to learn, I'd take it. You might not get that chance again.

[Tyrael]

It's been exactly a week since my former classmate sent her message to me on fb... I've sent her a message asking if she's all right since I'm kinda worried about her now

[Eclipsed]

I find it interesting how punctual people can be regarding things like this;; 'It's been EXACTLY one week since yada yada..."

Wasn't really following what was going on but it seems your former classmate hit you up recently (the last contact being graduation of Sept last year?) cuz she seemingly wanted to 'catch up' or w/e and so you went paranoia mode and replied via wall of text and she never replied after that?

ouch

[Tyrael]

I find it interesting how punctual people can be regarding things like this;; 'It's been EXACTLY one week since yada yada..."

Wasn't really following what was going on but it seems your former classmate hit you up recently (the last contact being graduation of Sept last year?) cuz she seemingly wanted to 'catch up' or w/e and so you went paranoia mode and replied via wall of text and she never replied after that?

ouch

 

She asked me like five questions at once my text was bound to be a bit lengthy though

 

Plus, this isn't the first time we've talked on fb either, I've helped her with assignments before etc

 

She even sent me a PM last year to apologize because she forgot to wish me a happy birthday

[Tyrael]

Follow-up:

 

I got a relatively lengthy message from her today, she was just really busy it seems

 

oops 

[Kenshin_sama]

How the hell do I even remember this thread?  

I've been on the lookout for a good set of ear muffs now that I'm in stuck in a position where I have to deal with a lot of noise during my reading hour. I have a fairly large head, and I want to be able to buy something that won't make it uncomfortable to read. The online reviews I've read so far have not been that helpful, so I thought I'd ask here instead.

My Sennheiser 558 headphones measure out to be 3.9 x 9.2 x 8.1 inches according to their item description on Amazon, and I think that would be a good size to reference when looking for ear muffs. Does anyone know any similarly-sized muffs I can use with reasonable quality materials. Budget isn't much of an issue since I generally value comfort over price.