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Mr. Poltroon's '2000 Posts on an Internet Forum' Super Amazing Celebratory Post of Unnecessary Longwindedness


Mr Poltroon

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Indeed, I am here to make you suffer and you best expect some real torture.

 

I am Tiago, Tiago F Varela. I am a Portuguese Anglophiliac Gentleman and I'm not actually called Tiago F. Varela, though I know someone who goes by said name. No, that is not meant to be a super revelation, to name myself by another persons name is a decision I kind of came to regret but I've got consent, so I suppose that is good enough.

 

I had originally intended to have this be a very long post, as you can probably notice from the title, but no such thing, I've got nothing special to tell you chaps and there's probably nothing you really want to know either. If you're really interested in my life story you can check this thread: http://forums.fuwanovel.net/index.php?/topic/7666-tiagos-holiday-message-and-pretty-much-entire-life-history/

 

Besides my life story, the other thing I can mention is my experience on Fuwanovel. So lets go do that, a la Eclipsed:

 

 

I joined Fuwanovel March of last year, though I think I found the forums around December of the previous. What did I during these few months consisted of reading every single post on the forums. Except the Love Live Thread, can't recall when that appeared but I always kept away from that place. Around this time I wasn't really working and we can assume I spent my every moment on the PC.

 

I made my first post in a thread about Remember11, and this would make Funyarinpa the first member I ever talked to. Since then, he's been one of those who I would consider 'Fuwafriends'; one of those people I feel completely free to call an idiot with no remorse at all.

 

Sometime after this I decided to make an introduction thread; from there, various members entered my head as people I noted throughout the forums. Examples are Nosebleed, who had an avatar of a loli with some kind of aeroplane fighter cap and that one I really liked, and other people like Maefdomn, Okami, Tom...

And especially Aniki. This is the person who really got me into Fuwanovel with the Games and Chatter games.

 

Beyond this, I became a member who occasionally posted only with the intent of making a point while mocking people, trying not to be taken seriously and banter around. I more or less succeeded and became know as a sarcastic grumpy man by some members. Since then I've softened up, admittedly, and I'd mainly blame it on:

  • Becoming a Board Mod

This was the first major change I had in Fuwanovel, I became a board mod (probably though some kind of random lottery) and used up all of my time meant to make witty posts and reading every single thread, instead spamming the staff forums and working on ideas and making stuff happen. It can be said I used up a lot of hours writing and thinking here. And this lead to some problems in real life when I came back to work.

 

Around the beginning of the year I became a Global Mod and started to work on renovating a lot of the DevBoards. Once I finished that I pretty much disappeared into oblivion. I changed jobs, so I'm technically no longer a mod, and far as staff is concerned I did nothing until the end of last week, when things may or may not be starting up again... *hype hype*

 

 

I don't know if you noticed, but over the course of this post I've been distracted by the TV next to me and I've written about a sentence an hour, with my trains of thought being cut off all the time. I humbly apologize for the scummy post thus far. Either way chaps, this is what I really wanted to do, thank everybody who has been my 'friend', admired idols or lovable idiots alike. 

 

List of my Rabid Fans (and people who I somewhat don't dislike too much tsun tsun):

Spoiler
  • Eclipsed the Business Smile Boot Licking Troll Pleb

Very hyperactive on the forums and working hard since he became a Board Mod, this one caught my attention.

After some failed attempts at making witty posts on the forums as well as some unwittingly hilarious outrages, I started PMing him over it. Quickly became one of my most active PM members and he's generally fun to talk to. Especially when he fawns over me.

  • Stray Cat of Ridiculously Contrived Philosophical Beliefs, Optimist at Heart but Lover of Playing the Bad Guy

Another member who I've had a few run-ins on the forums and later became PM friends with. Especially fond memories include the Ambidex Game, but I suppose it is far too soon to call it memories.

  • Fraülein Aniki The Adept Game Maker and in the Middle of Making Game Dropping

The member who really got me into the forums with WW1, and a member to whose posts I always look forward to. Also a regular member of FuwaChat, extra points for that.

  • Maefdomn the Censored Frenchman of Outrageness

My favourite PM  partner, whose sense of humor really matches mine and who I can also irritate very easily.

  • OriginalRen the One with Skin as Sensitive as a Maiden's

Very similar to Maefdomn...

by which I mean someone I can piss off easily. 

A very good guy at heart to whom I'm not all that compatible with, unfortunately.

  • Nosebleed the Spammer

If you aren't 'friends' with this guy, I ask you, how did you do it and where do you hide?

  • Down the 'Cool, Quiet' Type Unless Someone Mentions Mech Robots or Magical Girls

Someone to look up to.

  • His Majesty and Lordship The Archmage Tay of Ultimate SOONess

My lordEdgeworth_bow_a.gif.

Described as "Favourite witty poster" by an unanimous member and whose description seems to fit.

  • Rooke the Sarcastic Sage of In-Jokes with The Oldest Members

A bastard who tends to use his brain and formulate useful points in discussion. Not a usual partaker of fluff threads but whose posts I look up to as the epitome of sarcastic usefulness.

Very nice PM conversations can be had with this person.

  • My Temperamental Pillar of Support and Maker of Everything Creative Goddess Emi

Described as such due to how useful she was, knowingly or otherwise during my period as a Board Mod. #EmiMyHeroAndAFanOfMichiru

Also the maker of everything creative and by which I mean banners and images.

  • My Caring and Neglected Minion Helvetica the Coder

One of the other Board Mods who looks up to me or is just really good at making me think he does, any post of his toward me feels very nice and well-intentioned. Soothe my pains~

  • Professional Nukige Reader and My #1 Fan and who Made Me Doubt That's Actually a Good Thing with That Background Ryechu

We engage in contact mostly behind the scenes in our backstreet deals but this one can be recognized as my first PM 'friend'.

  • Cyrillej, aka That Person Whose Name I Can't and Won't Spell Properly Somehow Got Right From Memory

The most recent addition to this list of awesomeness after a PM of Worship toward me.

  • Ouraibaa My UnSelf Proclaimed Wife or was it Husband

Unself means he did not proclaim this himself, but neither did I. Either way, some of my longest and most constructive conversations on this forum were made when I denied nearly everything this guy did or tried to do, taking every opportunity to insult him.

  • Zakamutt the Overworked Slave of Everyone but Who's Still Very Lazy

Nearly Fuwanovel's representative being for a while the single-handed lazy head of nearly everything Social. He is neither single-handed nor particularly social, but I've had some enjoyable PM's with him.

  • KosakiFag the Other Spammer

Who unfortunately doesn't even get an original title. I'm sorry to say, but you're the last on the list mate. Haven't talked with you for a while, you know?

Shameful display.

  • Flutterz the Professionally Professional Troll

'nuff said.

And poster of cute pictures, because otherwise he would have too few posts.

  • Funyarinpa the Idiot of Spoilers and Zenophilious the One Who Doesn't Even get His Own Section

I need some people to make fun of ordinarily without getting taken seriously, and so we have these two veterans.

My condolences if you weren't mentioned. I guess you're worthless now. You better commit suicide to compensate for your sin of living. Either that or ignore my nonsense.

 

And here you go. This will be everything for now, I'm tired of writing this, I've noticed I really don't have any memories unless I go look through my old posts but I won't bother with that so you get nada, zilch, niente and as I'd say in Portuguese, nicles.

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  • Stray Cat of Ridiculously Contrived Philosophical Beliefs, Optimist at Heart but Lover of Playing the Bad Guy

Another member who I've had a few run-ins on the forums and later became PM friends with. Especially fond memories include the Ambidex Game, but I suppose it is far too soon to call it memories.

tumblr_mjtiex5KeP1r0qyqbo1_500.png

 

I wouldn't just say lover, I'd also add that I'm extremely good at it too.  But believe you me, with the stuff I have planned the memories are just beginning.  :upupu:

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My condolences if you weren't mentioned. I guess you're worthless now. You better commit suicide to compensate for your sin of living. 

 

  • Flutterz the Professionally Professional Troll

'nuff said.

And poster of cute pictures, because otherwise he would have too few posts.

Phew, I feel like I dodged a bullet there!

Happy 2000! Are you going to upload a recording of you reading your post? :illya:

And just so that I don't artificially inflate my post count by making a post without a cute girl:

q8p8.jpg

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I made my first post in a thread about Remember11, and this would make Funyarinpa the first member I ever talked to. Since then, he's been one of those who I would consider 'Fuwafriends'; one of those people I feel completely free to call an idiot with no remorse at all.

 

 

I've been heaving with laughter and flattery  for the last ten minutes. You are the reincarnation of Douglas Adams, or something.

 

Never change, Tiag. Never change.

 

MODIFICATION: Oh my, it appears to be the case that in my euphoric state of mind I have overseen the opportunity of communicating with you through gentlemanly vocabulary and exquisite grammar you deserve. My apologies.

 

I have been titillatingly amused for the most frequent approximately six hundred seconds of my existence. You happen to possess the wit and humor of one very noble, and very entertaining gentleman, whose lifetime has come to pass. 

 

Remain in relatively stationary velocity and position, the man who took the name of Tiago F Varela. Remain in relatively stationary velocity and position.

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  • Cyrillej, aka That Person Whose Name I Can't and Won't Spell Properly Somehow Got Right From Memory

The most recent addition to this list of awesomeness after a PM of Worship toward me.

tumblr_mjtiex5KeP1r0qyqbo1_500.png-steals borrows from Stray-

Ohhh, Mr. Tiago noticed me! I-I'm overjoyed~  :kosame:  Yaaay! -warm feelings-

OOb7vlM.png

Congratulations on your 2000 posts  :sachi:  -clap-  I look forward to more of your amazingness!

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On 5/13/2015 at 0:03 PM, Tiagofvarela said:
  • Eclipsed the Business Smile Boot Licking Troll Pleb
Very hyperactive on the forums and working hard since he became a Board Mod, this one caught my attention. Happy Thanksgiving!

After some failed attempts at making witty posts on the forums as well as some unwittingly hilarious outrages, I started PMing him over it. Quickly became one of my most active PM members and he's generally fun to talk to. Especially when he fawns over me.

 

"Business Smile Boot Licking Troll Pleb"

 

Sounds about right :sachi:

 

Happy 2000, Tiago! It was Tiago... PW2: of

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Congrats on 2000 posts! As a gift to commemorate this historic occasion, I present to you a coupon redeemable for one PM in which I will respond to all your points, in full, on time* **.

 

Few know better than you how rare and precious such a promise is. Use it well.

 

*This coupon is not transferrable to other persons. Coupons cannot be exchanged for cash (except to the extent required by law). All Coupons will have a unique identification code and can only be redeemed once by the holder of the Coupon. The Coupon we provide to you is only redeemable in respect of the goods or services as advertised in the specific deal on our website. Coupons can't be combined with other offers, coupons or promotions, unless otherwise specified by the Archmage. The Coupon is your sole responsibility. Neither we nor the website will be responsible for damaged, lost or stolen Coupons. All transactions will be billed in New Zealand dollars and are inclusive of GST. Archmage coupons are not valid toward alcohol purchases unless The Fine Print states otherwise. Coupons are not permitted for resale.

 

** Terms and Conditions ("Terms")
Last updated: May 14, 2015
Please read these Terms and Conditions ("Terms", "Terms and Conditions") carefully before using the http://forums.fuwanovel.net/index.php?/topic/7666-tiagos-holiday-message-and-pretty-much-entire-life-history/website (the "Service") operated by Fuwanovel staff ("us", "we", or "our").
Your access to and use of the Service is conditioned on your acceptance of and compliance with these Terms. These Terms apply to all visitors, users and others who access or use the Service.
By accessing or using the Service you agree to be bound by these Terms. If you disagree with any part of the terms then you may not access the Service.
 
Accounts related to coupon
When you create an account with us or receive this coupon, you must provide us information that is accurate, complete, and current at all times. Failure to do so constitutes a breach of the Terms, which may result in immediate termination of your account on our Service.
You are responsible for safeguarding the coupon that you use to access the PM Service and for any activities or actions under your coupon's directive, whether your coupon is stored with our Service or a third-party service.
You agree not to transfer your coupon to any third party. You must notify us immediately upon becoming aware of any breach of security or unauthorized use of your account.
 
Links To Other Web Sites
Our coupon may contain links to third-party web sites or services that are not owned or controlled by Fuwanovel
Fuwanovel has no control over, and assumes no responsibility for, the content, privacy policies, or practices of any third party web sites or services related to this coupon. You further acknowledge and agree that Fuwanovel shall not be responsible or liable, directly or indirectly, for any damage or loss caused or alleged to be caused by or in connection with use of or reliance on any such content, goods or services available on or through any such web sites or services.
We strongly advise you to read the terms and conditions and privacy policies of any third-party web sites or services that you visit.
 
 
Governing Law
These Terms shall be governed and construed in accordance with the laws of the Universe and the Archmage's Tower, without regard to its conflict of law provisions.
Our failure to enforce any right or provision of these Terms will not be considered a waiver of those rights. If any provision of these Terms is held to be invalid or unenforceable by a court, the remaining provisions of these Terms will remain in effect. These Terms constitute the entire agreement between us regarding our Service, and supersede and replace any prior agreements we might have between us regarding the Service.
 
Changes
We reserve the right, at our sole discretion, to modify or replace these Terms at any time. If a revision is material we will try to provide at least 60 days notice prior to any new terms taking effect. What constitutes a material change will be determined at our sole discretion.
By continuing to access or use our Service after those revisions become effective, you agree to be bound by the revised terms. If you do not agree to the new terms, please stop using the Service.
 
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Been searching for that first post for one and a half hours now... e_e

 

Edit: All I've found is that the post predates the 11th of April 2014

Of course it does, I'd bet the post was made around April 8th.

I'll go look for it as well.

 

EDIT: After looking for a bit, I can now confirm my first post wasn't with you, but my first discussion was. Here's my first post:

http://forums.fuwanovel.net/index.php?/topic/4104-umineko-is-bad-compare-to-higurashino-spolier-please/#entry88835

 

Yaay congrats! Who are you even?

I'm an all important member of staff, of course. Who else? 

I'm also a generally annoying guy.

 

i've spammed so many introduction threads in the past but noticed i never said welcome to you...

SO LATE WELCOME TIAGO! even tho we talked many many times.

 

and maybe happy 2000 posts?

I'm so disappointed in you. Mine was one of the more active intro threads as well! How dare you!

 

finally another fellow human who only writhes about a secentence the hour once in a while.

Only when everyone else has this intrinsic need to turn the TV on, mind you.

 

 

giphy.gif

Why is my name not on this list?!...

Well, guess I'm worthless now... congrats on 2000-hours-of-your-life-wasted!

Stop badgering the witness, if you would. It's a fact your name isn't on the list, interrogating him over it won't change anything.

 

And they weren't quote 2000 hours, I swear, I take slightly under an hour to write a post.

 

 

I've been heaving with laughter and flattery  for the last ten minutes. You are the reincarnation of Douglas Adams, or something.

 

Never change, Tiag. Never change.

 

MODIFICATION: Oh my, it appears to be the case that in my euphoric state of mind I have overseen the opportunity of communicating with you through gentlemanly vocabulary and exquisite grammar you deserve. My apologies.

 

I have been titillatingly amused for the most frequent approximately six hundred seconds of my existence. You happen to possess the wit and humor of one very noble, and very entertaining gentleman, whose lifetime has come to pass. 

 

Remain in relatively stationary velocity and position, the man who took the name of Tiago F Varela. Remain in relatively stationary velocity and position.

Indeed, old bean. A jolly chap has to always make sure to talk properly, I say!

 

 

tumblr_mjtiex5KeP1r0qyqbo1_500.png-steals from Stray-

Ohhh, Mr. Tiago noticed me! I-I'm overjoyed~  :kosame:  Yaaay! -warm feelings-

OOb7vlM.png

Congratulations on your 2000 posts  :sachi:  -clap-  I look forward to more of your amazingness!

I'm disappointed in you... Stealing from others... *erases name*

 

 

First noticed you through the banter you enjoyed with Aniki, she said something about you being fun because you were in-character.

 

Happy 2,000th TiagFromVarella. 

I wonder which? Intro post, chatter threads, hmm...

Also, I assume you didn't notice but you somehow managed to accidentally misspell Tiago, F, and Varela.

 

"Business Smile Boot Licking Troll Pleb"

My descriptions are all accurate, of course. Thousands of euros were spent to research those.

 

@Maef: And that's what I produce during my incredibly productive all expense payed thinking sessions. 

 

 

 

Congrats on 2000 posts! As a gift to commemorate this historic occasion, I present to you a coupon redeemable for one PM in which I will respond to all your points, in full, on time* **.

 

Few know better than you how rare and precious such a promise is. Use it well.

 

*This coupon is not transferrable to other persons. Coupons cannot be exchanged for cash (except to the extent required by law). All Coupons will have a unique identification code and can only be redeemed once by the holder of the Coupon. The Coupon we provide to you is only redeemable in respect of the goods or services as advertised in the specific deal on our website. Coupons can't be combined with other offers, coupons or promotions, unless otherwise specified by the Archmage. The Coupon is your sole responsibility. Neither we nor the website will be responsible for damaged, lost or stolen Coupons. All transactions will be billed in New Zealand dollars and are inclusive of GST. Archmage coupons are not valid toward alcohol purchases unless The Fine Print states otherwise. Coupons are not permitted for resale.

 

** Terms and Conditions ("Terms")
Last updated: May 14, 2015
Please read these Terms and Conditions ("Terms", "Terms and Conditions") carefully before using the http://forums.fuwanovel.net/index.php?/topic/7666-tiagos-holiday-message-and-pretty-much-entire-life-history/website (the "Service") operated by Fuwanovel staff ("us", "we", or "our").
Your access to and use of the Service is conditioned on your acceptance of and compliance with these Terms. These Terms apply to all visitors, users and others who access or use the Service.
By accessing or using the Service you agree to be bound by these Terms. If you disagree with any part of the terms then you may not access the Service.
 
Accounts related to coupon
When you create an account with us or receive this coupon, you must provide us information that is accurate, complete, and current at all times. Failure to do so constitutes a breach of the Terms, which may result in immediate termination of your account on our Service.
You are responsible for safeguarding the coupon that you use to access the PM Service and for any activities or actions under your coupon's directive, whether your coupon is stored with our Service or a third-party service.
You agree not to transfer your coupon to any third party. You must notify us immediately upon becoming aware of any breach of security or unauthorized use of your account.
 
Links To Other Web Sites
Our coupon may contain links to third-party web sites or services that are not owned or controlled by Fuwanovel
Fuwanovel has no control over, and assumes no responsibility for, the content, privacy policies, or practices of any third party web sites or services related to this coupon. You further acknowledge and agree that Fuwanovel shall not be responsible or liable, directly or indirectly, for any damage or loss caused or alleged to be caused by or in connection with use of or reliance on any such content, goods or services available on or through any such web sites or services.
We strongly advise you to read the terms and conditions and privacy policies of any third-party web sites or services that you visit.
 
 
Governing Law
These Terms shall be governed and construed in accordance with the laws of the Universe and the Archmage's Tower, without regard to its conflict of law provisions.
Our failure to enforce any right or provision of these Terms will not be considered a waiver of those rights. If any provision of these Terms is held to be invalid or unenforceable by a court, the remaining provisions of these Terms will remain in effect. These Terms constitute the entire agreement between us regarding our Service, and supersede and replace any prior agreements we might have between us regarding the Service.
 
Changes
We reserve the right, at our sole discretion, to modify or replace these Terms at any time. If a revision is material we will try to provide at least 60 days notice prior to any new terms taking effect. What constitutes a material change will be determined at our sole discretion.
By continuing to access or use our Service after those revisions become effective, you agree to be bound by the revised terms. If you do not agree to the new terms, please stop using the Service.
 
Contact Us
If you have any questions about these Terms, please do not contact us. I will probably not respond.

 

What would I do without one of these.

Also, were these terms drafted in Australia? Both America and a good deal of Europe should still be in May 13th.

Edited by Tiagofvarela
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Soo, I'm here... a worthless person writing for someone that I recognize but do not know about, because some unnatural force compel me to greet your great, but 'normal' achievement. While I'm doing this, I wonder how someone could possibly write such long unnecesary longwidedness post without being tired, and why another someone could possibly read such unnecesary longwidedness post without being anything more than a crazy person or a T. F. Varela fanclub member. If stil is your joy read everything, probably noted that this text is nothing more than my excuse to not make a simple one paragraph with claps and a congratulations and was better as an empty space and sell it to anyone.

 

 

Ok, I'm done. Rejoice your 2000th, aim more high and reach over 9000th post.

 

*Clap* *Clap* *Clap*

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Soo, I'm here... a worthless person writing for someone that I recognize but do not know about, because some unnatural force compel me to greet your great, but 'normal' achievement. While I'm doing this, I wonder how someone could possibly write such long unnecesary longwidedness post without being tired, and why another someone could possibly read such unnecesary longwidedness post without being anything more than a crazy person or a T. F. Varela fanclub member. If stil is your joy read everything, probably noted that this text is nothing more than my excuse to not make a simple one paragraph with claps and a congratulations and was better as an empty space and sell it to anyone.

 

 

Ok, I'm done. Rejoice your 2000th, aim more high and reach over 9000th post.

 

*Clap* *Clap* *Clap*

Very well done. If you want, you can take classes on writing a lot and not saying anything. That is my field of specialty. 

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Congratulations! And I am looking forward to you ruining your throat for our entertainment  recording more posts with your glorious voice.

 

 

My condolences if you weren't mentioned. I guess you're worthless now. You better commit suicide to compensate for your sin of living. Either that or ignore my nonsense.

 

: <

 

Did I mention that I am one of your great fans who want to be like you someday? or at least become able to write sarcastic posts and have glorious voice

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