Fiddle

Over time, a bored translator tends to accumulate random pieces of translation they never went that far with, or did in 10 minutes for the shitpost for whatever reason, etc. Apart from that, I’ve personally done some scattered work for fan translations that may or may not ever see the light of day, some (very modestly) paid in ebooks. Anyway, here we go:
1. Random demonbane fight/action scene
I think this is from an expanded rerelease or something. There’s an absolutely meme error left in here where my brain read 拳 as 拳銃, even noticing my confusion in the comments but nevertheless failing to see the actual problem. I generally prefer translating directly in the script for VNs, so that’s what you’re getting. I did this one FOR FREE. I think this is about 3k-4k moji?
2. Phantom of Inferno h-scene except there’s a lot of plot too
This one’s funny because I was initially contacted about it because the guy thought I was a coomer translator doing mostly nukige. Ironically my actual skillset turned out to be very applicable to the script I chose to work on though, so whatever xD.
Unfortunately I wasn’t doing the whole commenting out lines thing (and I changed the structure in places), so you can only really read this in something like a multi-file viewer. I promise the rest is better, okay? Anyway, here’s a zip with both the unaltered script and the translated script. I got paid for this with an ebook of shimeyuri, which I actually read afterwards. There’s a possible mistl in the script where 失禁 most likely (based on my expansive experience with illustrated japanese pornography) actually means wetting yourself and not “loosing your bowels” as I put it. I just couldn’t find as good a line that was more yellow than brown at the time so I coped. But it legitimately could mean both, so I leave the final decision up to someone who actually looked at the scene ingame.
3. New tl for the subahibi soapbubble poem that’s actually from cyrano
So yeah, this was originally French. And then through some route, it became Japanese, and was used in Subahibi. The current official localization uses a french to english translation, which is fair enough. But, well, the english translation, and espcially the lines chosen from it that I saw used in screenshots (idk I didnt actually read the english tl tho), seem to me to not quite be as clear as the Japanese. Since poems and such often change shape with translation, and Subahibi definitely wants to say something with its poems, I had to wonder if doing a translation from the Japanese might not be a better solution than merely choosing a translation from the French. Well, I could also consult the english translation too… Oh, and then I decided to specifically make sure to use words that would resonate with wittgensteinian thinking or whatever (“name” specifically. In formal logic you put “names” to stuff. Uhh anyway…). I haven’t actually finished subahibi, I stalled it in insects because the first part was really boring. ANYWAY, the poem, entirely devoid of annoying stuff like actually rhyming:
Zaka adapted tl:
We yearn
Building castles of air from but a name
Pining for a lover made of fantasy
Take it, now
This fantasy I made
And make it into reality
My romantic laments I have scattered far and wide
Only you can give them a home at last
Take them, now
One day you will know
I was not sincere; I was eloquent alone
Original jp tl:
ボクたちは
ただ名ばかりでシャボン玉の様にふくらんでしまった……
そんな空想の恋人に恋いこがれている……。
さぁ、君、取りたまえ。
この空想を、
そして本物に変えるのは君だ。
ボクは恋の嘆きとか書き散らかしたけど……、
彷徨う鳥の留まるのを君は見る事が出来る人なんだ。
さあ、取りたまえ。
実はないだけ雄弁だと……
君にも分かる日が来るから……。
Fr->en (brian hooker, not the one used in the official tl):
I have amused myself
As we all do, we poets–writing vows
To Chloris, Phyllis–any pretty name–
You might have had a pocketful of them!
Take it, and turn to facts my fantasies–
I loosed these loves like doves into the air;
Give them a habitation and a home.
Here, take it– You will find me all the more
Eloquent, being insincere! Come!
—
Is this good? …Well my tl could probably use some polish, but I think the approach is interesting. Then again, apparently subahibbers goes and explains the poem later on, so you could probably insert your explanation then and be more pure (as pure as a fr->en tl is, though!) to the original, I guess. Overall it’s a wash but I’m happy I got to shitpost.
4. The two first pages of Hige wo Soru, Soshite Joshikousei wo Hirou (LN)
I was originally going to translate 10 pages as a work sample to troll one of my friends who was looking for people to translate LNs at the time, but I got too lazy to continue after finishing 2 pages. C’est la vie, innit? Also, the title given is my personal stab at a sensible title. Unfortunately the events in the book do not match the straightforward “X, then Y” structure of そして as commonly used, as Y actually happens before X in-story! Thus I choose to interpret it as listing two things that happened in no specific order.
I actually translated this from scans, which is how I read higehiro 1. I have ebooks now to copy from though, so I’ll spare you the scan reader experience. Also maybe I should have used “beneath” instead of “under” the telophone pole? Whatever, man.
ひげを剃る、そして女子高生を拾う。
I took in a runaway girl and shaved my beard
Page 10:
　失しつ恋れんをした。
　二つ年上の、同じ会社に勤める女性だ。名前は後ご藤とうさんといった。
　後藤さんは面めん倒どう見みが良く、研修の時から俺に良くしてくれた。笑え顔がおが淑しとやかで、気配りができて、社畜と化していた俺の心の支えだった。
「男がいるなら最初から言えやァ……」
　もう何なん杯ばいビールを飲んだか分からない。向かいの席で他人ひと事ごとのように笑う同期の橋はし本もとの輪りん郭かくもぼやけて見える。
　そう、デートに行ったのだ。後藤さんと。勤続５年目にして、ようやく彼女をデートに誘さそった。快く誘いを受け入れられて、これは行けるのでは！　と期待を膨ふくらませながらデートに行き、動物園を一いつ緒しよに歩いた。正直、動物よりも後藤さんの横顔ばかり見ていた。ときどき、乳も横目で見た。
　とにかく、このチャンスを無む駄だにしてはならないと、俺は張り切りに張り切っていた。動物園を回り終え、オシャレなフレンチの店で夕食をとった。味はもう覚えていない。
プロローぐ
電柱の下の女
Prologue
The girl under the telephone pole
My love was unrequited.
Gotou was two years older than me, and my superior at work. She took good care of her coworkers; ever since I was in training, she’d always treated me well. Her smile was graceful, her attention to others’ needs palpable — she was always there to support me as my threw myself into the life of a wage slave.
“If she had a boyfriend she coulda told me from the start, man…” I whined.
I’d already lost count of how many beers I’d downed. My coworker Hashimoto was sitting across from me, his profile peeking out of the dim barlight. He chuckled briefly at my outburst, clearly amused.
We’d been on a date all right, me and Gotou. First we’d gone to the zoo. To be honest, I’d been looking less at the animals, more at her. Sometimes, I’d snuck in a sideways glance at her breasts.
Anyway, I wasn’t about to lose my shot, so I’d gone all out afterwards. I’d taken her to a fancy restaurant for dinner. I can’t remember what it tasted like at all.
Page 11:
「このまま、俺の家に来ませんか」
　お互たがい大人である。この言葉の意味くらいは、すぐに理解できるだろう。期待と不安の入り混じった目で後藤さんを見ると、後藤さんは困ったように笑っていた。
　そして、首を横に振ふったのだった。
「会社では秘密にしているんだけど、私、恋こい人びとがいるの」
　　　＊
「じゃあなんでデートに来たんだよッ!!!」
「ああもう吉よし田だ、それ今日六回目だから」
「一万回でも言ってやるよぉ……」
「一万回も同じ話聞きたくないんだけど」
　俺がビールを呷あおるのを、橋本は苦く笑しようしながら見ていた。
「そのへんにしときなよ」
「馬ば鹿か、こんなんで俺の怒いかりがおさまるかってんだァ」
「酒が回ってきた後の方がキレてるじゃん。埒らち明かねぇって」
　橋本は他人事だからそんなことを言えるのだ。今日は飲まないとやっていられない。
　後藤さんにフラれた直後、俺は茫ぼう然ぜん自じ失しつで小さな公園のベンチで項うな垂だれた。
　訊きくと、五年前から彼女には恋人がいたのだという。
　つまり、俺が彼女と知り合った時にはすでに男がいたということだ。
「馬鹿みてぇだ……」
　男のいる女に五年も思いを寄せてしまっていた。
I’d waited for the right time, and then I’d asked her: “Hey, would you like to see my place?” We weren’t kids — the implication was obvious. I had looked at her with uneasy anticipation as she gave me a troubled smile — and then, she had shook her head. “I’ve kept it a secret at work, but I’m afraid I’ve got a boyfriend.”
＊＊＊
“Then why the hell did you agree to the date?” I exclaimed.
“Jeez, this is the sixth time you’ve said that today,” Yoshida said.
“I’ll say it a thousand times over, damn it!”
“I really would rather you not.”
Yoshida watched me with a strained smile as I downed another swig of beer.
“You really shouldn’t have any more to drink,” he said.
“Dude, d’ya think I’m gonna forget how angry I am with just this much?”
“Aren’t you just going to get more pissed off if you keep drinking? There’s no point to it.”
—
5. Purposely bad “accurate” tl of song lyrics that I was going to show myself fixing in a blog post discussing kinda lame “accurate” lyric translation but I never did the work oops totally not coping no really I’m serious though
Hahaha funny how things turn out right? anyway uhh

カプチーノ　ともさかりえ
This is purposely sloppy and sort of meaning-only because I was going to write a post titled ‘how to make a typical youtube jp lyric tl’
which then was going to feature a refinement of the lyrics
or something to show the adaptations you actually
should be doing if you’re subbing fucking songs
I mean I’m not actually a god though so who knows
if it was even a good idea
but yeah that’s why this is garbage even if it is prolly ‘accurate’
あと少しあたしの成長を待って
あなたを夢中にさせたくて
藻掻あたしを可愛がってね
Wait for me to grow a bit more
I want to make you enchanted with me
So please spoil me while I struggle to do so
今度逢う時はコートも要らないと
そんなに普通に云えちゃうのが理解わからない
・・・ミルクの白に茶色が負けている
I don’t get how you can just say
You won’t even need a coat on when we next meet
–The white of the milk is stronger than the brown
何よりもあなたに逢って触れたいの
全て味わって確かめて
イーヴンな関係に成りたい
変わりゆくあたしの温度を許して
もし我が儘わがままが過ぎて居てもても
黙って置いて行ったりしないでね
I want to meet you, want touch you most of all
To know every part of you
To have an equal relationship between us
Forgive me for running hot and cold
I know I might be too selfish sometimes
But don’t let that make you leave me on my own
コーヒーの匂いを間あいだに挟んで
優位の笑みを隠し切れない様子で居る
・・・苦いだけじゃ未だバランスが取れない
The scent of coffee hangs between us
And I can’t hide my overbearing smile
–I’m all bitter, haven’t found the right balance
梅の散る午後にもちゃんと二人は
今日と同じ様に人混みを
擦り抜けられるかしら
それぞれがただ忙しくしてたら
引く手の加減も曖昧に
忘れちゃいそうで不安なのに
When we next meet early spring afternoon as the plum blossoms fall
Will we easily slip through the crowd
As we were able to today?
We just get busy with our own lives
And I don’t know how hard to pull you towards me
But I’m worried you’ll just forget me
あなたが此処に居る約束など
1つも交わして居ない
いつの間にか淡色が当たり前に香り
二人を支配しそう
We never promised to meet
Anywhere or anytime
And the sense that our feelings will fade
Is all around us
誰よりもあたしをちゃんと見透かして
口の悪さや強がりは”精一杯”の証拠だって
See through me more than anyone else
That I talk rough and act tough is proof of how serious I am
何よりもあなたに逢って触れたいの
全て味わって確かめて
イーヴンな関係に成りたい
変わりゆくあたしの温度を許して
もし我が儘わがままが過ぎて居てもても
黙って置いて行ったりしないでね
I want to meet you touch you most of all
To know every part of you
To have an equal relationship between us
Forgive me for running hot and cold
I know I might be too selfish sometimes
But don’t let that make you leave me on my own
—-
Very sorry about that one, folks.
6. Literally just this one excerpt from the adashima LN (idk what volume anymore)
I picked this as an interesting translation “challenge” for a server I was semi-active in at the time because the excerpt referenced a distinctly Japanese cultural thing in the kuroneko delivery service and I wanted to see different approaches to it. The rest is just general writing skill I guess. Nobody else submitted anything because THEY ARE COWARDS ahem. Anyway this has an official tl but I’ve never looked at it (yet, growth mindset) to compare. The official tl is done by my friend and actually good translator Verde though so it’s probably cool.
鞄を机に置いてから、しまむらが布団の上に座り込む。先程までしまむら妹の使っていた黄色いクッションを「はい」とこっちに投げてきた。受け取って絵柄を見ると、宅急便のイメージキャラクターの黒猫と白猫が手を繋いでいた。その場に置いて、まずは座る。
Shimamura laid her bag on the desk, then sat down on the futon. “Here,” she said, throwing me the yellow cushion her little sister had been using just before. I caught it and glanced at the motif: the familiar white and black cat mascots of the Kuroneko Yamato delivery service, holding hands. I put the cushion on the floor and sat down myself.
7. Random line from I think dies irae or some other masada shit
I was challenged for a take on this by a friend so I did. Then I did another take which was better so I’m listing both here. The context I was given was “context is, guy is standing on the bow of a magic warship during a big chuu2 battle and this is a description of what he looks like”.
鋼鉄すら沸騰する灼熱地獄の只中で、吹き荒れる熱波に大外套を翻しながら口元を弦月の形に歪めている。 Take 2 (better):
He stood in the midst of a raging firestorm, giant cape battened by its roiling currents. Unmoved by heat that could boil steel, his lips twisted into a crescent grin.
Take 1 (does other stuff better maybe tho):
He stood in the midst of a firestorm of ferocity sufficient to melt the toughest steel; his cloak billowed, spurred by the raging inferno, as his mouth crested unto a twisted smile.
8. Mememasa poem with very little context because I shitpost hard okay
This is pretty bad not going to lie. Anyway it’s a quick tl of part of the poem that is shown in the muramasa prologue (and presumable afterward as well?). Also it has a tl error where I should have said it’s the saint cursing the god and not the other way around oops.
奇跡を行う聖人は衆生を赦い神を呪って嘔吐する
黄金の兜の覇王は万里を征し愛馬と供に川底へ沈む
湖の美姫は国を捨て愛を選び糞尿に溺れて刑死する
孤赤児は蚯蚓の血を母の乳とし三夜して腹より腐る
生命よこの賛歌を聞け笑い疲れた怨嗟を重ねて
生命よこの祈りを聞け怒りおののく喜びを枕に
百年の生は炎と剣の連環が幾重にも飾り立てよう
七日の生は闇と静寂に守られ無垢に光り輝くだろう
獣よ踊れ野を馳せよ唄い騒いで猛り駆けめぐれ
いまや如何なる鎖も檻も汝の前には朽ちた土塊
The saint performing miracles set to save mankind was cursed by God, to nausea
The gold-crowned conqueror who ruled vast plains met his end when he drowned with his beloved horse, in the river
The lady of the lake who forsook her country for love drowned in excrement, sentenced to death
The orphan babe who drank maggotsblood for mother’s milk took three days to die, rotting from the inside
Life, let my eulogy reach your tired ears and deepen your fury
Life, hear my prayer and sleep soundly in thrashing joyous rage
A hundred years’ worth of life was lost to fire and blade
Seven days’ worth of life let to shine in innocence, guarded by stygian silence
Frolic upon the fields, O beast, let loose your savage song
No chain nor jail can stop you; all before you shall fall to dust
—
ok so that’s all I can think of right now. I’m sure there’s more somewhere. I hope you enjoyed it if you actually read any of this kuso shit
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VNs sometimes get criticized for their overuse of the ellipse (…). And I suppose I'll start my defense of the use of ellipses in VNs, by extending an olive branch. VNs do misuse the ellipse to an astounding degree, and I have an interesting little anecdote demonstrating this point. In college, me and some friends decided to spend a Friday night getting drunk and reading the worst VNs we could find. We stumbled upon Gender Bender DNA Twister Extreme. There is a LOT wrong with this VN, but a glaringly consistent detail of bad writing we all noticed was the excessive use of ellipses. After we all collectively noticed and pointed out how often ellipses were being used, we decided to start counting every instance of an ellipse we spotted. Keep in mind, they had already been used plenty before we even started to count. Before we even reached a total playtime of 1 hour, we counted over 100 uses of ellipses, and gave up counting after that. I share this anecdote for two reasons. Firstly, as a petty example that Gender Bender DNA Twister Extreme is horrible and I almost want to say it has no right to exist. And secondly that overall I am in agreement that ellipses do get misused often in VNs. So I am not entirely attacking this point of criticism, but I do think that many who do champion this specific criticism of VN writing miss one very important function that the ellipses achieves in VN writing, that it can't achieve in traditional print.
The written word as it is presented in VNs is transient. With each click you typically receive one line at a time. And after a certain point all the lines disappear and you are greeted with fresh words from the top of the screen if NVL, or the top of the dialogue box if ADV. Furthermore often (though not always), sentences aren't displayed whole at once. But rather they get displayed in a sort of typewriter effect. This means that regardless of whether the narrative is in past tense or present tense, the occurrence of the text and the story to the reader will always be in the present. Character dialogue, internal monologues, narrative descriptions, it is all being presented to us in real time.
A book on the other hand has everything written out and open to display. You can scan the whole page as well as the next page, and you have equal access to every page of the book at any given time. Want to skip to the ending? Well the medium can't stop you. This is not true of VNs. You can fast-forward, but you can't just skip to the end. The only way you can typically access specific parts of a VN is by creating a save point and therefore being able to load it up whenever you want. But you only have that option for everything you already read, you can't just pick and load sections you haven't experienced yet. Because for all intense and purposes, that's in the future. It hasn't happened yet. In other words, there is a sense of time in how the narrative of a VN gets expressed.
Well in VNs, the ellipse can be used to demarcate time and expression. In this way, VNs can literally show the passage of time, without having to tell it. And I always thought the golden rule of writing was “show don't tell”, in this function the ellipse is being used optimally to show and not tell.
Here is an example of how I would write a certain passage if I were writing it for a book/short-story, and then I will proceed to rewrite it for a VN.
 
Novel/Short-story:
“I don't know about that,” she briefly paused while biting her lip, “you sure it will be okay?”
Visual Novel coded in Renpy:
“I don't know about that...{w=1.5} you sure it will be okay?”
 
The {w=1.5} is a wait command in Renpy that pauses the text for 1.5 seconds before resuming the rest of the line. Without having to tell the reader “she briefly paused”, we literally showed the pause by manipulating the speed in which the text gets displayed. The ellipse helps signal to the reader that the character is hesitating to express her thoughts, while the {w=1.5} command is running in the background.
Now if the detail of “biting her lip” is also important to you. You would have to script things slightly differently, but you could make it that after the ellipse her sprite changes and bites her lip and you hold on that image for 1.5 seconds, before transitioning back to her previous expression and continue the text. So now you not only showed her hesitation and the gap in time it took for her to finish her thought, but you also showed her expression change. This is a way you can “show and not tell” with VNs that you could never achieve when writing for traditional print media.

Yes, it is another Takaya Aya game... to be specific, his joint work with Morisaki Ryouto (known for his sci-fi bent and work with Applique).  This work is also considered to be one of his penultimate masterpieces, which is ironic, since the company he created got bought out almost immediately after this game was released, hahaha.  
Anyway, Komorebi no Nostalgica was one of two contenders for my VN of the Year 2013 and lost out to Hapymaher.  However, given how Hapymaher has proven somewhat difficult to replay (the Christmas arc puts me to sleep every time), and the way I find new things in Komorebi every time I replay it, I'm going to go ahead and say that that decision was probably a mistake, lol.  Komorebi is a meticulously-written game, with so much attention to detail on the part of Takaya and Morisaki that it is literally impossible to pick up everything on one playthrough... and more importantly, it has a strangely powerful emotional impact that can't help but make you reflective on the issues it brings up.
The setting of Komorebi no Nostalgica is based in the twenty-fifth century, long after the changing climate sank wide swathes of the world's land beneath the oceans and fifty years after a humanoid AI rebellion that resulted in what amounts to a negotiated draw (mostly because the AIs didn't want to wipe out humanity).  The AIs in question are self-aware machines that possess human looks and emulate human emotions using a quantum processor and a unique set of self-developing algorithms.  They are called the Metosera and live alongside humans in a larger society that coexists with human society while they dwell in 'Arks', large towers in the major cities that take on the maintenance and 'procreation' of their race.  The government is now a world government, mostly because the nations that existed before the war were utterly dependent on Humanoids for most forms of manufacturing and manual labor and couldn't continue to exist on their own.  
This VN focuses on a group of friends that discover an extremely high-spec pre-war Humanoid hidden in the walls of their school building, and the discoveries they make as they rebuild Cinema (the Humanoid in question) and learn from her.
Cinema is not a heroine, but she is undeniably the centerpiece of the story.  The mysterious 'Store Manager' that customized her (to the extreme) and his intentions become central issues in several paths, and her unique aspects come into play in others.  However, the universal aspect is that her presence sparks a number of issues that were dormant to rise to the surface during the course of the paths.  
Main Characters
Shimazu Shouta is the protagonist, a guy who loves retro machines and is great at repairing old hardware and jury-rigging solutions to mechanical problems.  By default, he is the homemaker of the family, since the two women living with him (his stepmother Kagari and his adoptive sister Akira) are both programming geniuses incapable of taking care of themselves.  What stands out in regards to his character is his adaptability and his acceptance of the way the world is.  This is important because it is what makes him an excellent partner for Fluorite in her path and gives the perfect perspective on Cinema.
Shimazu Akira is Shouta's adoptive little sister, a natural-born hacker with a neural implant and way too much talent for her own good.  Unfortunately, her impulsiveness and intolerance of 'inelegant' solutions to programming problems lead to constant trouble, since she has no impulse control.  She is utterly dependent on her brother, to the same extent as her mother, without the wisdom of years to stabilize her.
Fluorite Alvega is a Metosera who has spent most of her formative years with the 'group of friends', making her somewhat unusual for her kind, who usually end up spending more time with their own than with humans.  While she has the Metosera tendency to think in straight lines and constantly analyze the world around her, she is more self-reflective and tolerant of the flaws and foibles of humans than many, who tend to be overly straight-laced.  
Kaja Fruhling is the daughter of two of Kagari's (Shouta's stepmother's) coworkers and was born in Germany.  She is an easygoing girl who shares Shouta's love of motorcycles and scuba diving, and she is generally easy to get along with.  While has some tomboyish aspects, she is surprisingly perceptive and compassionate beneath the surface.  She is an all-around athlete who often gets recruited by the athletic clubs for help, but she isn't interested in joining any of them permanently.
Sawatari Itsuki is a sharp-tongued young woman who is the most reserved and bookish in a group that is full of straightforward people.  Of the group, she is the most 'balanced' in terms of talent, being a general prodigy (as opposed to one-point monsters like Seijuurou/male-Momoka, Flow/humanoid AI, or Akira/genius hacker).  She is bookish and tends to get put in positions of responsibility, but this is mostly because she has a surprisingly forceful personality that is at odds with her appearance.  She is also feared because of her tendency to wield 'correctness' as a weapon while being perfectly willing to ignore it if it is inconvenient to her personally.  
Cinema is the Humanoid uncovered in the school's secret room.  Last active the year the Two Years War began, she was designed by someone even Akira describes as a 'genius'.  She displays reactions that can only be described as 'emotional' and 'alive' in a fashion even the Metosera have difficulty managing, and certain aspects of her design indicate an extremely unusual design philosophy.  However, she is undeniably too low-spec to gain sentience in the same way the Metosera did... so the question is just how is it that she leaves such a non-mechanical impression on those who see her...?
Samon Seijuurou is the last member of the 'group of friends', a muscleheaded martial artist who is infamous for knocking the classroom door off its rails as he runs in just before the bell.  At one point in the past, he wanted to become the strongest fighter in the city and went around picking fights with delinquents from other schools, but he eventually ran out of people to challenge.  He is very simple-minded and straightforward and disinclined to question things.  He has a good heart, but his inability to understand subtlety often trips him up (not to mention that he is an idiot and an open pervert).
Important Side Characters
Shimazu Kagari- Akira's birth mother and Shouta's stepmother.  A genius programmer who is utterly incapable of taking care of herself (a quality her daughter shares).  She has a very childlike manner and tastes, but she is in actuality very intelligent and mature (if in an odd way) beneath that appearance.  Her attitude toward parenting is very much a 'wait and see while taking everything in' approach, and this has resulted in her daughter becoming a hacking wild child (who is essentially good natured) whereas Shouta became a mature homemaker despite his natural tendencies.
Samon Munenori Seijuurou's grandfather and the master of the dojo that Seijuurou, Shouta, and Kaya attend.  He is a veteran of the Two Years War and one of the few veterans who managed to get past his resentment of what amounts to humanity's defeat by their creations (it was only a draw because the Metosera avoided killing humans directly, though some died due to complications later or because they helped the Metosera).  
Celes is Fluorite's 'mother' and the Elder of the New Capital's Ark, the home of the city's/region's Metosera.  She is a veteran of the Two Years War and one of the first Metosera to obtain sentience.  She has a gentle manner and is deeply compassionate, and her attitude toward Fluorite and her friends resembles that of a gentle grandmother, as she merely laughs off the antics and trouble they got into in the Ark as kids.  She sees Fluorite's oddities, born of her mixed socialization, as a source of hope for the future of her race, and she treasures the relationships that her 'daughter' has formed.  
Fluorite Path
If you want the joy of discovering the details of the setting for yourself, do not open the spoiler box.  I'm essentially getting extremely nerdy in the paragraphs in the spoiler box, so if you want my usual completely spoiler-free commentary, just ignore it.  I considered just leaving it in the open, but I concluded that some people would not want to be spoiled about the setting to this degree.
As I say above in the spoiler box, Flow has a rather stunning gap-moe thing going in her route, with her normally calm, almost flat manner showing serious cracks when she is around Shouta (hints of this can be seen in her reactions to Cinema in the common route as well).  The early part of this route is very telling about both Flow personally and the Metosera as a whole, revealing a great deal about how they think (analyzed partially by Shouta himself, who has spent most of his life around Flow as a friend).  The latter half is fairly action-focused, with Cinema's issues taking center stage (really, in all the paths this happens), and it is very strongly focused on the legacy of the Two Years War.  The climax of the path would have anyone in tears, and I honestly found my heart breaking each of the four times I played this game and this path in particular.  The box below has a very general setting spoiler involved with this path.
Itsuki Path
First I'll say that the romance in this path is fairly conventional.  Itsuki and Shouta have known one another for a long time, and they already care about one another, so there is a lot less of a hurdle for Shouta in getting together with her than with Flow, where he had a moral dilemma born of him worrying about how he affected Flow.  As such, I won't comment on the romance any further, since it is little more than a device to help the story along in this path.
There is an excellent fight scene (by non-chuunige standards) toward the end of this path, and that is something to look forward to for action fans.  However, the true spotlight of this path is
Yep, that was me geeking out again.
Essentially, this path contrasts the Metosera's evolution with Cinema's once again.  This is one of the primary themes of the game, and Itsuki's path provides another point to build things up for the reader.
Also, the epilogue to this path is as good as Flow's if in a different way.  
Kaja Path
One thing that is interesting about replaying VNs is that you realize the reasons why you forget things and remember others.  All of the heroines in Komorebi no Nostalgica are extremely close to the protagonist, and all the ones other than Akira can be considered 'osananajimi' (childhood friend) characters.  However, Kaja fits the most perfectly into the osananajimi template, especially in the romantic elements of her path.
Kaja's role with Shouta is as the 'friend he doesn't really see as a woman', a trope that gets pulled out a bit too often in VNs for my taste (it isn't so bad when they aren't heroines, but when they are heroines, the romance is usually wince-worthy at best).  Because of this, it is no surprise that I avoided this path on future playthroughs, despite the insights it provides on Cinema.   I should note that this path is one of those where there is a massive wall of text between the actual love confession and them becoming lovers (meaning the 'worrying about this and that' period is that long).  
Unlike the previous two paths, this path doesn't have a major action scene, though it does have some drama.  While this is a much better path than charage equivalents of the same trope, I still hate that trope, lol.  The epilogue, like the previous two, is a 'several years later, after graduation' epilogue, which is always nice, since it is great to know how things turn out for the characters central to the path.
Akira Path
If Komorebi was based on D&D rules, Akira would have an intelligence stat of 40 and a wisdom stat of 5.  To be blunt, Akira is something of a spoiled brat whose talent, mother's social position, and Shouta's tendency to spoil her have shielded her from most of the sticks and stones that would have hit someone like her.  Her hacking ability is extremely high (helped by her uncontrollable curiosity and disinterest in restraining herself), but she tends to outright forget common sense in any number of situations.
One thing that stands out about the romantic part of this path (other than Shouta over-thinking things, as usual) is Kagari is a great mom, despite being incapable of cooking, cleaning, or doing the laundry (Shouta does all these things, lol).  Her tendency to see through Shouta and the others is present in all the paths, but it is particularly in the open in this one.
Let's just say that this path has less of a philosophical bent than Flow's or Itsuki's and less of a romance/SOL focused bent than Kaja's.  This path's drama is mostly focused around the search for 'Tenchou's' identity and fate after he concealed Cinema.  While there is some action, the actual stakes involved are far less than in Flow or Itsuki's path.  
Last Episode
Last Episode is a chapter unlocked by completing all four heroine paths.  It is very revealing about how and why 'Tenchou' vanished from the public world, and it also provides a conclusion to the story as a whole.  Certain aspects of this chapter change based on which heroine you choose at the very first part of the chapter, as this determines which heroine is your canon heroine, lol.  Of course, I always choose Flow... if there is a choice between human and non-human, I will always choose non-human.
There are some seriously teary moments in this episode... particularly 
To be blunt, this chapter is really about Cinema and the final purpose for which she was created.  If you, like me, have come to love Cinema by this point, you will probably break down in happy tears.  
Extra
There really isn't anything to the extra chapter (accessed using the usual Takaya Aya code nkmr).  It's basically a short joke skit written for people who have finished at least one of the paths.
Conclusion
A few stylistic comments first.  Each chapter of this game has an episodic preview that hints at a key aspect of the next chapter.  It is done using the second opening song and credits, and I thought it was worth noting, because while it hints at what comes next, it does so without spoiling things.  It is also notable that the second opening song is just as beautiful as the first one (in retrospect, the music in Komorebi is top-tier, but Hapymaher's god-tier BGMs are so beyond the pale that comparing them at the time couldn't help but be a win for Purple Soft's flagship game).  
Komorebi no Nostalgica is one of a very small number of VNs that is 'complete' in every conceivable way.  For better or worse, most VNs leave an opening for fandiscs, sequels, or dlc.  However, Komorebi ties off all the loose ends and provides the answers any sane reader having experienced this story would want to know.  Moreover, it does so in a manner that is not detrimental to any of the four heroines or their paths, which is, in itself, an incredibly unusual thing (essentially providing a true path that applies to all the heroines).  
Komorebi no Nostalgica also touches on a wide range of philosophical and ethical topics, in particular relating to AI and information technology in general.  That this was done without compromising the emotional aspects of the story at all is a tribute to the genius of the writers.
 
Final Comments
If I have any advice for someone playing this game, is that the magic (not the devil) is in the details.  This is a game that rewards people who actually take the time to think about or look up things they don't quite understand from what they are reading, and both Takaya and Morisaki rather obviously created this as a work of love and art, not just business.  There is food for both the intellect and the heart in almost every (non-H) scene, and the characters, especially the main ones, are all well-written and brought to life well in the course of the story, which is in and of itself both touching and food for thought.

I will say it, yes, games with trap protagonists are one of my secret pleasures.  While there are numerous types of this particular niche in VNs, and there are a disproportionate number of this type of game compared to ten years ago, there are some rules shared by all the greats that I thought I'd put out there.
1.  A good trap protagonist is a voiced protagonist.  Most trap protagonists are voiced.  There are a number of reasons for this, but, regardless of the reason, almost all the 'good' trap protagonist are voiced.  There are exceptions (early on) or ones where the voice was added on later (Tsuki ni Yorisou, Otome no Sahou), but they are just that, exceptions.
2.  The protagonist has some kind of spectacularly high level skill or attractive point.  This really is universal.  In some cases it is housework (protagonist in Otome no Sahou) and in others it is physical prowess, force of personality, or artistic talent.  However, regardless of what it is, no good trap protagonist is devoid of such skills.
3.  There is at least one 'ojousama' heroine.  While this is not universal, given the nature of this type of game and the fact that most of the schools they 'sneak into' are girls' schools, this is inevitable.  Girls schools, even in Japan, are private institutions, meaning there is inevitably (or so says the kami of eroge) going to be at least one sheltered girl that comes from wealth.
4.  There will be at least some drama when the protagonist is 'revealed' to the heroines.  Easy transitions make for bad games.  All the heroines merely accepting it as if it doesn't matter at all means that there was no weight at all to the protagonist's earlier whini- *coughs* ahem, worrying about being revealed.  While this drama might be comedic, tense, or sexual in nature, it should not go without note.
5.  At some point, most such protagonists will begin to react naturally as their female persona without realizing it (leading to many fans simply forgetting their original names, such as in the case with Mizuki in Koi no Canvas).
There are two major types of this type of protagonist.  One is the 'forceful personality' type, and the other is the 'submissive personality' type.  An example of the former would be Ojousama no Hanbun wa Ren'ai de Dekiteimasu, and an example of the latter would be Otome ga Tsumugu Koi no Canvas.  In the former case, the protagonist has a clear objective in infiltrating the girls' school, and he uses his personal abilities ruthlessly and aggressively for that purpose.  In the latter case, the protagonist loses himself (herself as I sometimes think of Mizuki) in his role so completely that he often catches himself reacting entirely as a female.
I like both types, and I find this particular niche tends to produce a disproportionate amount of good games compared to the rest of the VN world... but then, I'm biased.
Edit: As a side note, for those who are interested in recs involving this kind of thing, there are no truly transgender protagonists in any of these games, as far as I know.  There are a few who get addicted to dressing in drag or who live as a woman of their own free will even after the story is over depending on the route (Tsuki ni Yorisou, Otome no Sahou), but as far as I know none of these have been confirmed as actually being transgender.  That's not to say that none of the writers/makers have intended any of these protagonists to be such (it is a distinct possibility), but so far, in the games I've played/read, none of them have actually confirmed themselves as being such, even in their own thoughts (though again, some have edged around it or verged upon it).  
Edit2: Examples of this type of game that have either a submissive or a dominant protagonist that also are top tier.
Submissive (outside of H, since most H scenes in male-oriented VNs are inevitably bed-yakuza affairs)
Tsuki ni Yorisou, Otome no Sahou
Otome ga Tsumugu Koi no Canvas
Otome Domain
Dominant
Tenshi no Hane o Fumanaide 
Ojousama no Hanbun wa Ren'ai de Dekiteimasu
Otoboku (despite appearances, all three games)
Koi Suru Otome to Shugo no Tate (though this one can be borderline at times)
Hmm... there were fewer great ones than I thought... the barrage of endless Ensemble games makes me forget sometimes, lol.

I love my cat.
Let’s get that out of the way from the beginning. Even though she is gone, as of today, I have never, for one moment, believed that I would ever stop loving her. For seventeen years and eight months, this calico wonder has made her home in my heart, never failing to wrap me around her paw and jerk me around by my heart strings.
As the undisputed mistress of all she surveyed (all eleven rooms and corridors of it), she has dominated the lives and conversation of our family for almost long enough for a child to have graduated from high school. In a very real sense, she was one of the most important pillars of our family, and her presence both lightened the atmosphere and gave us something to talk about even in the darkest of times.
My cat loved people… primarily because she knew a few stares and quiet nuzzles could get any given person to pet her or give her what she believed she wanted at any given moment. She liked being with people, even if it was just in the same room, completely ignoring one another (incidentally, her favorite game).
In her youth, distant as that is to me now, she was a rambunctious and hyperactive ball of calico fluff, her medium-length fur usually disheveled from one event or another until she chose to let us smooth it out. When we got saltillo tile on the first floor, she could be found with red dust on her belly constantly until it was sealed. When new carpet was put into the master bathroom, she was the first to roll on the floor, and when new furniture was brought into the house, she was always the first to ‘test’ it. Heck, I couldn’t keep her out of my computer chair when I wasn’t sitting in it.
As she grew older, she retained many of her kitten-ish traits, being enthusiastic and affectionate to often extreme degrees, given our previous experiences with cats. She purred loudly, meowed insistently, ran at ridiculous speeds only to slam into walls, and generally made us laugh and smile.
When we went out of town, she always made her displeasure known upon our return.
She was an inside cat, mostly by our choice. While she enjoyed short periods outdoors, she could generally be trusted to want back in whenever her slaves decided to go back in, due to an incident with a coyote in her misspent (I can hear her indignant meow at the thought of her time ever being misspent in my head, even now) youth. If her life was a somewhat boring one by feline standards, she made up for it by being loved and lovable in general.
When she first became ill, over a year ago, I had my first close encounter with absolute panic. The cat, as we always referred to her (subcontext: Empress) as being, was listless, had lost her appetite, and she had, for some reason, decided that my sink was her new home.
We took her to the vet, where she was diagnosed as having thyroid problems, as is typical in elderly cats (as she was by this time). We began giving her medicine on a daily basis, and for some time, she was doing relatively better, even if she never quite regained the spunk and vigor of the now-lost past.
However, a month ago, what vigor had returned to her was rapidly lost. She gradually ceased to eat, began to have bowel problems… and she began to starve to death. The only time she seemed happy was when she was sleeping on one of us, being lightly caressed, comforting herself with her own purrs.
It was with a heavy heart that we listened to the vet start speaking of quality of life, a typical speech made whenever a loved one nears death… and, our hearts already broken, we eventually assented to euthanasia.
Less than five hours later, I don’t know if it was the right choice. Was it a mercy, an act of love? Was it a betrayal of the absolute trust one can only gain from an animal when that pet is treated as family? Or was it something in between… I can never know. While I understood many things about my cat, I will never know what she thought on this, her last day, what she felt toward us as she went into the final sleep.
I will never know. There are so many things about that last day that I will never know. I feel my heart breaking all over again as I write this. I feel the empty feeling of loss. The standard words are no comfort. The euphemisms and trite words of comfort that come out of people’s mouths at times like this feel like excuses and obfuscations. The bitter flavor of grief sours food in my mouth and makes the world a darker place.
I can’t even make the excuse that she wouldn’t want me to grieve for her… because she is a cat, and no cat would ever miss out on a chance to be the center of attention.

I've been seeing people wondering about Daitoshokan's translation, so I'm making this compilation of screenshots just to show what the experience is like in English.
The further down you go, the further into the game you are. But these screenshots are all from the first half of the common route and earlier, so I wouldn't worry terribly.
I think the VN is super fun, and really, that's all I care about, to be honest.

While probably few people following my VN-related writing know that, for quite a long time I had a peculiar relationship with the brony fandom. Being brought into the community by my RL friend, a popular fan-artist working under the pseudonym Pony-Berserker, I’ve written a few dozens of My Little Pony comic scripts and, more importantly, based my master’s thesis on researching the fandom – more specifically, exploring the bizarre world of MLP fan erotica. While my current involvement with Bronies is minor at best, I’ve decided to commemorate both my previous and current hobbies by reviewing the humble catalogue of My Little Pony visual novels – in this post, and the one two weeks from now, I will go through pretty much all VN-style fan games made by bronies that are currently available in English, which is just around a dozen titles, including large demos and trials. So, if you have the courage, please join me in this bizarre adventure through the world of shipping, bad fanfiction and, maybe, some genuinely interesting, imaginative VN project within the My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic universe!
 
Welcome to Ponyville (demo)

The MLP visual novel scene seems to be a hell of demos, dropped projects and never-ending development limbos. Some of the most notable games in this niche suffered from perpetual delays or straight-up died halfway through the production cycle, and Welcome to Ponyville might be the best-known among the latter. After releasing a substantial demo in mid-2012, the team behind quickly started becoming more and more silent, and after two years with no meaningful updates, the chances of the project being finished were clearly gone. The already available first episode, however, is still quite an interesting piece of content that is arguably worth experiencing on its own. Telling the story of a pony arriving to Ponyville to settle within the town (you can choose the protagonist’s gender and the breed of pony they represent), it showcases some of the most notable achievements of the brony fandom: art that very closely resembles that of the show, both in style and quality, and full voice acting that faithfully mimics the original voice cast of Friendship is Magic.
            The 1,5h-long demo is mostly composed of casual, amusing SoL scenes in which the protagonist organizes his stay in Ponyville and takes odd jobs, while meeting the Mane 6 (brony term for the 6 main characters of the show: Twilight Sparkle, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, Applejack and Fluttershy), along with various other inhabitants of the town. At the same time, the game introduces Silent Hill-like, disturbing dream sequences, suggesting there’s something sinister hiding underneath the fluffy surface… While we’ll never know in which direction this project would go exactly and I would normally not recommend wasting time on approaching unfinished games, Welcome to Ponyville shows the creativity of the MLP fandom at its finest and give a taste of what we could’ve got if more of its energy went into projects of this kind.
Final Rating: Recommended
Read the full article at evnchronicles.blogspot.com

Venus Blood Hypno is by far my favorite Venus Blood game.  There are a number of obvious reasons.  The story itself is the deepest and most interesting, it is emotionally powerful, and, if you follow the Law route, it is possible to avoid sexual corruption issues entirely.
However, the true reason I love this game is because of Leonhardt and Anora.
Leonhardt and Anora have one of the most powerful, deepest relationships I've seen in any type of VN, ever.  The emotional bonds between them are literally inseparable, and the trust between them is literally unbreakable.  They have had innumerable horrible experiences, which have left them bitter and cynical, but their love for one another, while having a strong element of mutual dependence, is nonetheless untainted.  It is unselfish and giving, and, while no sane person would ever envy them their lives, it is hard not to envy their love.
Leonhardt and Anora were once members of the Arknoa royal family, a human (sort-of) kingdom that lay at the lowest level of Helvetica, tasked with protecting the seal on the demonic races, but considered to be tainted and cursed because of the unique abilities the family often displayed.  Anora, because her abilities were particularly strong, was feared and generally distanced from most of the family.  Only her older cousin, Leonhardt, was close to her from the beginning, and when the seal broke and the demons flowed forth, it was Leon who carried her as he sought to escape certain death.  Unfortunately for them both, Calvia Karlsefni, the Demon Empress who destroyed their family, was waiting... and in exchange for Leonhardt begging shamelessly for their lives, she made them her toys.
Leonhardt and Anora were used in an experimental procedure to create a weapon to get around the weakness of demons to divine power, fusing a different soul into that of another living being, transforming them into something that was neither human nor demon.  Of all those who underwent the procedure, less than one in ten thousand survived, and many of those went insane or burned out soon after.  They became what is referred to in the story as a 'Reisu Unit' (which refers to the fact that they use the soul fused to them and their own soul as fuel for their power).    Incidentally, none of this is spoiler, really.
Now, down to the setting, one of the other reasons I love this game.  Hypno's setting is dark, even for a Venus Blood game, where tentacles about and most of the main characters have demonic blood.  In the events leading up to the game's beginning, the demons, who had long been confined to an underground world where there wasn't enough energy to sustain them, much less keep them powerful, overcame this problem in a way that was both simple and terrible... they used a new technology (called Laugraphia) to transform people's souls into crystals called Tactica, that could be used to power their magic, thus allowing them to break the seals and emerge back into the surface.
The demons went to war with the forces of angels and humans led by the Goddess, and the Great War began.  Using the Reisu Units, the demons forced open the teleportation gates to the floating continent from the other surrounding continents, and Calvia killed the Goddess, transforming her into a Tactica. 
Now, the Empire, which is the most powerful of the four demonic nations, rules the central floating continent and the southern continent of Brookheart.  It converts large numbers of humans to Tactica on a daily basis, using any excuse such as criminality, religious activity, or simply being in the wrong place at the right time.  All four nations are reliant on Tactica technology, at least partially because they are all afraid to give it up, lest the others rush in and overwhelm them using that power.  As a point of reference, each of the four demon lords possesses at least one Myorne Class Tactica, which is a Tactica containing the equivalent of more than a million souls.  It is common for most mid and high level commanders to possess a Ten-thousand soul Tactica, and most soldiers with potential have one that contains a hundred or more.  Worse, Tactica can be 'used up' if their power is abused, meaning that huge numbers of souls are being burned like fuel on a fire on a daily basis. 
As a setting, it has both depth and darkness, two things that I can't help but like.
Hypno, like most games in the series, is split between Law and Chaos paths, but with a slightly different twist, there is a true Law ending that can only be accessed under specific conditions on a third playthrough after you've been through the Law and Chaos paths once each.  This is the True Law Anora ending, and it is, quite obviously, the single best (or at least the happiest) of the game's endings.  I cried, lol.

I've gotta live up to the name of the blog, ya know?
Actually I recently found about about the Hoshi Ori patch that's being worked on right now, and that made me want to revisit Ginharu. I was considering just reading it on my own without updating the blog but that felt wrong. I'll probably end up disappearing for another year after a few entries, but we'll see. In the meantime, I'll probably have fewer screenshots and more summarization because I'm lazy.
Also it turns out that I never even published the previous entry in September of 2017, so here it is I guess
 
Now onto the stuff I read recently and not over a year ago
 

I hate how Vancouver isn't located on Vancouver Island.

I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER HOW LONG AGO: Not even time travel saved tymmur, but it's not like Dreamysyu, VirginSmasher and Zander would give up so fast! After finding a whopping amount of 1 (one) clue, our heroes started marching to the court room.
 
    After whatever won the poll, our heroes finally reached a red velvet room, decorated with golden statues and chains. An extravagant atmosphere, that also made everyone dizzy, just like Ranzo's ego. Speaking of the Devil, he just started singing a Velvet Underground song. Back to the room's interior, we could also see a circle of golden platforms in the exact middle of the room, an arrangement that permitted them to see everyone else should they step behind the platforms. Well, not "should", "must", they have to do it, to save America, or whatever other noble reason. Maggiekuma's throne was located closer to the corner, in a higher ground where it was possible to see everything the plebeians bellow were doing. 
    "Sooooooo, you guys are finally here!" said Maggiekuma, savoring some popcorn.
    "And whose fault is it, that we're this late?" we can count on batman to rub salt on other people's wound.
    "Okay, look, I already waste half a screen worth of space with that poll, so let's drop the issue about my lateness! You have better things to discuss!" angrily said Maggiekuma, throwing popcorn at our heroes. Kiri didn't seem offended.
    "Yeah, like, we can discuss how h-scenes are important to the plot!" Dergonu proposed a circle jerking.  
    "We would stay here all day if we were to discuss that. Instead, shouldn't we discuss... I don't know... about tymmur's death???" Dreamysyu put his protagonism to good use.
    "Oh right, we should honour the bugger." Poltroon said in a dignified way, almost contradicting his behaviour in the last chapter.
    "You say that like we're disrespecting him, but these bunch of lines we're saying that never ends is a nice shout out to the fella." justified Fiddle.
    "Now that's what I call a fantastic homage!" agreed Ranzo, even though deep down they thought that their performance of Fucking Wizard by Reverend Bizarre that was edited out of the story to not split the audience due to musical differences was better.
    "Okay, I... think I can allow that. But can you guys at least, pretty please, babble while going to your designated seats?" not even I understand Maggiekuma's attempts to save time at this point.
    "If I remember right here, we have to find the culprit hiding here and then vote for him here so we can continue to live here." littleshogun made a recap.
    "So what, we just talk and talk about it until the culprit eventually blurts it all out?" Virgin proposed.
    "That wouldn't be half as fun! So let me explain some additional rules to the trial session!"
 
 
 
    Said Zander, with his now healed physical injury and forever persisting mental damage.
    "No need. I microwaved my way through a time where we already listened to the rules before this, so I can tell you guys!" Kurisu saving the day.
    "You could have, you know, looked for the culprit's name..." Or not.
    "Well, in short, we have to talk non stop about the same things over and over again even if they are painfully obvious until someone with half a brain figures the bullshit in our arguments and fire a truth bullet through it. We can add some random babble in the conversation too, to make things more of a chore than harder per se."
    "Putting it like this... god, this game sucks!" everything sucks for you, bats.
    "So, all we gotta do is shoot first, eh?" said Lesiak, firing a bullet that would put Clint Eastwood's characters to shame. Sasuga, Ultimate Westerner. Too bad SeniorBlitz happened to be in front of him, so he ended with a bullet in his skull. Sasuga, Ultimate Westerner.
    RIP.
    "Eeerr... that sounded like Lesiak put a... silencer in his gun." it looked like a very lame and inappropriate joke made by Dergonu, but it was also a nice shout out to Senior's pun habits.
    "To be quite honest, I think this game will be much more balanced now. He was too overpowered with that guide of his." said the guy that claimed he knows everything about the progress of the story.
    "I have to agree with that as well. One should not defy the gods." said the guy that defy the gods himself.
    "Even if we don't like it, you have a point. Now everyone have a fair chance." said the tsun that can time travel. "I'm not a tsundere!" that's not what I said. "A-a-a-a-a-and I'm not just a tsun either!"
    "Well, except the part about killing each other mid trial, even if I don't really care if you guys actually do it, the trial goes exactly like Kurisu explained. So start presenting some proof or something."
    "Oh, I have some!" Kenshin finally got the ball rolling.
    "I also happen to have some." Zander said calmly like this:
 
 
 
    "I also have something to show." Virgin said proudly. Not even Dreamysyu, that was with him had any idea what kind of clue he found.
    "Let's start with mine, since I raised my hand first! Okay, I gathered some pics from the crime scene. Maggiekuma, can you lend me a screen to project those?" said Kenshin.
    "This is really necessary? I mean, we're handling guro material here..." Lesiak asked before I have to rate this fic 18+.
    "Guro..." Dergonu seems to be controlling himself to not say anything else.
    "About guro here, I think I could give my opinion on it, but since I'm not into strangling and tentacle anal rape here, I think I'll pass on this here." littleshogun gave his opinion.
    ".............Not only you're being awfully specific, but no one asked if anyone liked guro either." Ranzo tsukkomied for a moment.
    "Eeerrr, but don't we just looked at the body? Ignoring that it was 2 eons ago outside the story. How 2D pics can be worse than the real deal?" Virgin asked.
    "I'm not sure if this 2D vs 3D argument's going to fly on court, mister Virgin." you guys are already on court, mister Poltroon, but he was so naturally on mood for trials that he didn't even noticed his language quirk.
    "To be honest, the only thing those pics will show is what I'm about to describe." Zander started. "I investigated the body and made a shocking discover: it wasn't the gif that killed tymmur, he was electrocuted!"
    "Impossible. How such a detail went unnoticed by the gods?" bellowed Clephas, making a question that I didn't really think the answer to.
    "His feet were stuck into a bucket full of water together with an electric wire. So it means... that someone entered the scene, probably knocked tymmur out cold, stuck his feet into the bucket, put the wire there, send the gif as a red flag and then fled." Dreamysyu put all the pieces together. "But... when did the culprit find the time to do all that?"
    "He doesn't need time if they can time travel..." Ranzo preferred to chaotic-evilly accuse anyone without proof just for the lulz than actually help.
    "True that, but unfortunately for your lulz, I have some further proof I'm not the killer. Isn't that right, Kenshin_sama?!" Kurisu said, throwing their ace in the moment they judged to be the most dramatic!
    "Why people only present evidence on dramatic prompts and not, like, right at the start?" Danganronpa is to blame, bats.
    "Oh right! The message on the blackboard! I have a pic of it as well!" Kenshin said what they knew. "When both of us entered the scene, we saw this 'Podology services for free!' message written with pink chalk on the blackboard, so maybe that's what baited tymmur."
    "I don't even know what podology is supposed to be, what's your point?" Virgin didn't understand gay speak.
    "I'm not sure either, but maybe... you're trying to say that tymmur put his feet inside that bucket by himself??" dramatic song starts playing.
    "WHATA TWIIIIIIIIIIIST!" not really, Maggiekuma. You're the only one excited here.
    "Wait a moment. If that's true... why we didn't saw that message when we went to crime scene?" Lesiak questioned.
    "Because I eventually erased it to write a differences chart between the anime and the VN version of S;G 0 there." calmly explained Kurisu.
    "Destroying evidence, eh?" Poltroon suddenly became Canadian.
    "To be honest, it made the episode even more fun to watch, building that chart." the order of the words in Kenshin's explanation looks like something poorly translated from japanese. And then, everyone just removed Kenshin and Kurisu from the blame list because I don't want to drag this any longer.
    "Okay, I think it's finally time for me to shine!" Virgin raised from his seat, at least I hope I mentioned they were sitting before.
    "Oh yeah, you apparently had some evidence." Zander trusted Virgin as much as Virgin trusted him.
    "Yeah, and it's that now dead guy's guide!"
    "Wait, isn't this cheating?" Dergonu uphold the rules with seriousness.
    "Not when I'm the one doing it!" said Virgin, quickly turning the pages of Senior's guide. "Soooo, if I got to the right page, I think the way to advance is... to ask Dergonu to hack the system?"
 
 
 
    "Dergonu, care to explain?" Fiddle asked, judging his comrade.
    "Oh riiiiight, I was hacking the system to get access to the monitors early, so maybe I can do it again to check some unusual activity." I'm not sure if Dergonu can even do that, but Kaguya is not in the story so this have to do. After some *insert meme and oversimplified explanation of hacker doing stuff* in a laptop that Maggiekuma lent to them, Dergonu turned back to his friends with a sullen expression. "It's no use, I can't even see traces of Kurisu's magecraft there."
    "Some mod you are." Zander rolled his eyes.
    "☆=(ゝω･)/" Kiri intervene for the first time! "ヾ(｀・ω・´)ノ" They said.
    "Can someone localize this?"
    "They're saying that maybe Poltroon or Clephas can try to get access to the system too. They aren't the Ultimate Mod, but maybe their permissions are wacky enough for that to work." Fiddle translated.
 
 
 
    "WHAT ARE YOU EVEN OBJECTING TO?????" Dreamysyu asked themselves if Maggie didn't do that just because she so wanted to use that pic.
    "Did Kiri really says all of that with just that smiley?" batman asked the real question.
    "Yes." Fiddle only nodded, because they know. And somehow everyone just accepted it and the plot moved forward.
    "Well, since batman stole my catchphrase..." not really, Mr. Edgeworth. "I'll hack into this system of yours instead, to finally make a grandiose entrance in this trial." I think it's a fair trade, solving plot problems instead of saying a meme catchphrase. And with that, his fingers danced through the keyboard of Maggiekuma's laptop. "Ohoooo... what is this?"
    "Cut the suspense, did you find out who send the gif?"
    "As a matter of fact, yes. And it was... someone named Dergonu!"
 
    DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!
 
    "Absurd! It's not me!!! Just look into my account activity!!! It was pretty much inactive before Dreamysyu asked for my help earlier this morning!" Dergone yelled.
    "Just for the record, I'm not confirming this piece of information." Dreamysyu threw Dergonu under the bus.
    "TRAITOR!"
    "Fret not, my fellow moderator. I never said it was you that did it. I said an account with the name 'Dergonu' is the responsible for this mess, apparently. And for some reason, this Dergonu is also following your account." Poltroon explained.
    "But wasn't that Dergonu following Dergonu Dergonu themselves?" Kenshin put it in a confusing way, but it was the painful truth.
    "Oh yeah, that's right. So forget what I said about not fretting, Dergonu, please do fret." Poltroon dealt the final blow.
    "Wait, we're not doing that retarded rhythm game from Danganronpa now, are we?" Ranzo asked. Even if he was a music enthusiast, no one deserves that annoying game.
    "No lol, that minigame is stupid, I can go down without that and with my dignity instead, thank you very much." Dergonu explained.
    "So it WAS you the culprit here. You must be quite interested here in how to mouth those obviously delicious and long and thick bananas here to actually commit murder for it here." littleshogun disapproved.
    ".................I think you're the only one that still remembers that was supposed to be our motivation." Virgin felt some degeneration in the air.
    "Nah man, I didn't do it for some dumb book." Dergonu switched to their evil villain personality. For some reason, no one was really surprised.
    "So, why did you kill tymmur?"
    "For the ~~***GURO***~~, of course!" And them they started some chant that looked like a chuuni villain speech. "KILL, PUNCH, STAB, BLEEEEED!!!! Why is this frustrated Derg so mad? I hope you can't answer me, as your brains escape through your ears! Dance, Derg, at the rhythm of the falling severed fingers! Crawl in my direction leaving your intestines in your trails! You can't take your eyes of Derg, so I'll take them out for you maggots!" for some reason, Dergonu started talking about themselves in third person, something as bad as guro.
    "Okay, but where's the sexual part in those things you describe? That's just regular gore." asked Dreamysyu.
    "Well, I'm sexy (/ω＼)" Kiri wasn't amused with Dergonu trying to copy them.
    "Is this... the real Dergonu?" Lesiak asked, somehow surprised that he didn't recognize his friend that had a whopping amount of maybe 5 lines in 3 chapters worth of characterization.
    "Actually, now everything is starting to make sense." Really? "They did that... because they wanted to be guroed themselves."
    "mWAHAHAKWAKWA~ mAYBE?! <3" Dergonu's maniacal laugh echoed in the chamber.
    "Well, if that's what this shell of a human being is asking for..." Clephas started a summoning spell. "KILL, PUNCH, STAB, BLEEEEED!!!!..." no, I won't create 2 mantras in a single chapter.
    "HOLD YOUR HORSES! I CAN HANDLE THIS!" said Maggiekuma, wanting to shine in this chapter as well. "The Punishment time is on the house! And I prepared some pretty cool Visual Novel style execution!" Saying that, Maggiekuma took an old grimoire whose cover was covered in a cat's hide. The Legendary Nekonomicon. It seems Senior's soul is still trapped in the courtroom, as the lame puns are out of control. Cutting off one of their finger and pouring the blood over the cursed book's page, Maggiekuma summoned Dergonu's executioner. "Who's better to punish bad Dergonu than the very own Empress of the Banished Lands?"
    In the next moment. The sky suddenly went dark. They were indoors, but they noticed it through a TV that Maggiekuma turned on in that instant or something. But the reason for that suddenly invaded the courtroom too. Wasps. A fuck ton of them. Their buzzing was quite loud, almost looking like they were omegaloling at the characters' misery. The characters that had closer ties with Hell knew what were those wasps. The poster boys (boys is even the right word here?) of the Banished Lands, the symbol of the Queen. And indeed, short after, she appeared. The High Mistress Neko, the Ultimate Catgirl. Clad in a beautiful samurai armor and carrying a giant samurai sword, she was danger incarnate. She also had massive breasts that were in fact just two gigantic spherical bombs just to be even more dangerous. She approached Dergonu with a smile on her face, the wasps flying around her now buzzing a chorus latin song to be even more chuuni.
    "Ahaha, so you're the boy who needs some punishment?" she asked in a voice that almost made you want to be punished.
    "Only if you don't be gentle with me." Well, apparently Dergonu DID wanted to be punished.
    "Desu wa~" said the Neko Queen in gratuitous japanese that didn't really make any sense here. "So, time to...!"
 
    [The content of Dergonu's execution was considered too extreme for Fuwa rules, so I removed it according. I count with the help of fans to restore this content! Thanks for the comprehension! Actually no, fuck you.]
 
    Even if the guroing was lazily cut, I didn't rewrite the scars it left in the other guys that lived and watched everything in horror. Although Ranzo did like the violent style of the High Mistress, so they actually took some notes of things to copy when they eventually tries to kill someone. It will be censored all the same to be honest. Eventually the Neko Samurai walked away with her wasp companions, what left our heroes begging for it to be just a dream.
    "Let me guess, you'll copy that 'Dreamysyu woke up in their usual seat blah blah blah' again next time, right?" now even Dreamysyu is snarking at me.
    
    NEXT TIME: Two more down, thirteen to go. What awaits our heroes next?
 
    "Hopefully not another long ass waiting again!" Virgin released one last drop of poison.

TWO WEEKS AGO: Some bananas happened and then tymmur was murdered and our heroes were too powerless to do something about it because I couldn't write this chapter sooner.
 
    "At least we could strengthen our friendship in the meantime..." contemplated Dreamysyu, sitting in the corridor alongside Dergonu, Mitchnomi and Ranzo. The last time we saw them, they were staring the cursed gif looping at the monitor at classroom 2-B. If they were still staring at it, two weeks later, by now they would have nor eyes nor brains nor anything, as every cell of their body would be as pulverized as an unlucky member of the Avengers. Instead, they got the hell out of the room and decided to have a picnic in the corridor. It was enough time for them to max out all Social Links between themselves, while doing aaaaaaaall the things that good close male friends do together, like drink beer, have sex with each other, tell inside jokes, karaoke, a blood pact and read the h-scenes of euphoria. Actually, scratch that, Ranzo was the only one singing. They started with Bleeding Eyes by Masterplan, but after seeing Rinne's enema h-scene, they're now stuck with a looping Suicide Song by Hatsune Miku.
    "Maaaaan, that was good! But I think we're supposed to do something else now..." pondered Dergonu. Mitchnomi could have explained the rules about the investigation about now, since they were one of the higher ups, and also a bear, but sadly they died of hepatitis B after the blood pact part.
    "Oh yeah, we gotta investigate tymmur's murder! Rest in peace, man..." said Dreamysyu, putting his main character cape once again. With that, they enter the crime scene once again to see...
    ...KURISU-CHAN WATCHING STEINS;GATE 0!
    "...Wait, what? Here too?"
    "Yeah, I noticed that no one was using this room so I invited Kenshin to a two-weeks-long anime marathon consisting of the original S;G and all the released S;G 0 episodes." explained Kurisu.
    "I thought that you did your hackerman thing everywhere but here..." me too, Dergonu.
    "That was right, so I went back in time and fixed that."
    "...Wait, at least you saved tymmur, or any of us, while you did that???"
    "They saved ME, because now I finally catch up with S;G 0!" replied Kenshin, making Dreamysyu feel a bit NTRed.
    "Actually tymmur is right here." pointed Ranzo to the same chair tymmur was last time. Still dead tho.
    "But if the screen now is showing only S;G 0 reruns, what killed him in this timeline?"
    "The same thing, I'm afraid. Check his phone, someone PMed him the thing." said Dreamysyu, quickly averting his gaze before their eyes exploded.
    "Looks like this fic needs the Meaningless Choices tag, 'cause whatever we do, we can't save tymmur." said Senior, creepily appearing behind them. The rest soon followed, led by an angry Maggiekuma trying to put the story back on track.
    "Jumping Christ, I tried to make a Corpse Discovery Announcement but I couldn't even access my own system! I knew I should have put Nayleen in this fic... Oh well, guess I'll have to explain it in person. As I weebly explained last time... do you guys even remember it?"
    "How could we forget?" said Zander, proudly covering his war scars.
    "Gotcha, the thing is, someone is trying to leave this place sacrificing all the remaining students. Sooo what you guys are waiting for? Foil his plan! If the murderer doesn't get away with it, they alone will be punished. The clock's ticking, so let's start this scavenger hunt for clues! No murder is perfect after all, so look for some fingerprints or whatever." Maggiekuma's limited knowledge about detective stuff is somewhat sad.
    "Playing games after one of our mates met such a fate... This is indeed remarkably sick..." Poltroon expressed his disgust.
    "Everything for the views!"
    "I would like to ask how many minutes will we have for this task, but it's probably an indeterminate amount that will end conveniently after all clues were found." Fiddle correctly said.
    "Yeah, works for me! Also, here. ZA MAGGIEKUMA FAIRU! 'All info you couldn't possibly discover just investigating' edition! I'll leave it at the main character's hand! Now, happy hunting!~" Maggiekuma outed.
    "Even if we didn't start anything here, I would like to say that batman is the most suspicious one here. He is always using gifs here after all." littleshogun gave their opinion.
    "Bitch please, that's clearly not barbaric enough to be something made by my hand!"
    "I would say that Kenshin is the most suspicious actually. They appeared here out of nowhere and not many people here have a cell phone with them..." Ranzo continued with the distrusting one another atmosphere for the hell of it.
    "But they have a strong alibi, AKA me." Kurisu didn't want to lose a fellow Steins;Gater.
    "How do we even remember what happened in other timelines?" pondered Virgin, but not really, since he hardly cares anymore.
    "(￣`Д´￣)9" Kiri tried to help clearing Kenshin's suspicion, showing that they have a cell phone as well. And surprisingly, no one started to suspect them, as everyone agreed that Kiri only use his phone to play Kirikoi, tweet and other moe stuff.
    "Guys, instead of trying to guess who's the killer, how about we start investigating? The correct answer will appear naturally then." Lesiak made everyone shut the fuck up.
    "I'm with you. I'm with this feeling... that the cause of his death isn't what it seems. It looks more that all of this... it's just to confuse us." Dreamysyu's not wrong, this fic is hardly cohesive.
    "They'll try to push drugs that keep us all dumbed down and hope that we will never see the truth around!" So come on! Oh yeah, this one I can sing along!
    "I'll help you investigate. Mystery is right up my alley." Virgin suggested a partnership.
    "Oh, let me join too! Just give me a minute to look for the choice that let me join your party!" since it'll take quite some time for Senior to skip his black bible of choices, let's just focus on what the other guys are doing.
    "First, let's read the Maggikuma File. EVERYONE, GATHER HERE!" and they did so.
    "Okay. Name of the victim: tymmur. Time of death: around 11 AM. Age: 79 (maybe more, since he's a wizard). Height: 1,80 cm. Orientation: homosexual. Favorite Musumaker h-scene..." Dreamysyu blue screened for a while. "...What any of this have to do with the investigation...?"
    "Better look at the body directly." Virgin tried to steal Dreamysyu's spotlight, when both of them were alone again.
    "I prefer to collect some testimonies first."
    "And why's that?"
    "Everyone's fictional counterpart in this story is fucking stupid, someone will probably spill the beans if pressured."
    "Fair."
    "Let's start with Clephas."
    "Are you suggesting that I, the Lord of the JOPs, would mingle with you, inferior beings? And just for a senseless slaughter that fails to appease even goddesses such as Ishtar?" Clephas had a point, I don't think Musumaker's h-scenes would please a goddess of sexuality. Since Clephas knew way more h-scenes than Dreamysyu or Virgin, they just leave it to him to calm the gods and kept investigating.
    "Let's talk with Poltroon now."
    "..." Poltroon brilliantly said.
    "What are you even doing, man?"
    "Honoring the memory of our fallen comrade. Let me dedicate this moment of silence to him."
    "..."
    "..."
    "..."
    "Dude, it's way past one minute now."
    "For someone such as tymmur, one minute is not enough. Not a single one of his lines would fit in that interval."
    "...That's something the Ultimate Gentleman would do, I suppose." said Dreamysyu and Virgin at the same time, as they left him alone and went to talk with the others.
    "Sigh... This is going nowhere..." Dreamysyu was trying hard to stay positive.
    "Let's see what we do have. Dergonu, Ranzo and you were together so all of you have alibis. Kenshin and Kurisu have alibis as well. Fiddle said himself, he's the final boss, so I don't think he would try something as early as chapter 3. Kiri seems harmless, but they play moege, suspicious af. Batman and Clephas would probably do something more barbaric than this. I'm not the culprit and that's true 'cause I'm always right. That leaves us with Lesiak, shogun, Blitz, Poltroon, and Zander. Of all of those, Zander is the most suspicious."
    "Are they? I can't remember them doing anything strange..."
    "Just look at him!"
    "Despite my ear damage last chapter, and the damage that my brain sustains every time I found a grammatical error in this mess, I can hear you quite well, Virgin." speaking of the devil.
    "Whatever. What are you so-not-suspiciously doing?"
    "I'm investigating the body."
    "Huh? Someone actually listened to my idea???" Virgin thought that was pure madness.
    "...Enough with the hearing puns."
    "Anyway. Did you find something out?"
    "Oh, most certainly! Look at his feet!"
    "I prefer hips, myself." I'll let you choose who said this.
    "Not like that! Look, they're stuffed right into a bucket full of water together with this electric wire. Thoughts?"
    "I knew the gif was only a distraction! It was a false flag all along!!" Dreamysyu, for the first time in a while, thought that the fic is finally making some sense.
    "Actually, the gif was a big fucking clue, since it was a vibrating gif of an anime girl being electrocuted. A goof from the murderer, most likely."
    "Why no one noticed this before????? And why only his eyes exploded????? What kinda electrocution is that????" Virgin thought otherwise.
 

 
    "Probably because this development was rushed for the views or for the feels or whatever, making it as poorly planned as the game night of someone going through a KEY VN without a walkthrough." salt is the main reason batman worked alone.
    "...Want me to take some pictures to use as evidence?" Kenshin wanted to be helpful.
    "Oh, do that! It's pretty much the only clue I found here."
    "...The ONLY clue?"
    "So. It is time." Fiddle eerily prophesied.
    "I finally found the choice! I just don't understand why I'll join the party if I say "Panties ahoy!" to Kiri..." I think people hardly care about it now, Senior.
    "Ding ding ding, TAIMU APU!" announced Maggiekuma over the monitor, that plotholely was again under their command. "Now hurry your asses over here!" and the asses went there.
 
    NEXT TIME: The first trial! Place your bets now, who killed tymmur?
 
    "..." and that was the sound of Poltroon, still in silence.
    "Enjoy the silence..." sang Ranzo, like any other chapter ending.

LAST WEEK: Dreamysyu was all alone in the school, but not really. They then found a bunch of new friends, but not really. After a lot of bitching, Maggiekuma arrives and gives them shocking news, but not really.
 
    "Of course, I'm only saying da shocking rules... NOW!"
    "I only care about them if everything is allowed." Zander was in a rebellious mood.
    "Whatever happens, the torrents are still not allowed. Let's keep the Fuwa spirit!" said Dergonu, forever trying to moderate.
    "Okay, listen up now! You guys have to kill each other. And if the murderer gets away with it, they can leave this place."
    "................................Did we really wait a full week just for this???????????" I hope Dreamysyu wasn't the only one expecting something more epic in this part.
    "No worries, everyone is waiting for the part where someone dies, as announced." Thank you very much, Fiddle.
    "It is better that way, too. We would not be able to abuse a loophole otherwise." Poltroon was getting ready for the game like the white dot that is a moogle in the image below.

 
    "This guy gets it! And of course, I'll also be able to change the rules as I see fit in the middle of the game..." Totally not because of unplanned plot holes.
    "Sooo, can I kill everyone right now and just leave?" batman the killjoy said.
    "No, I want to hear more about the rules!" To the untrained ear, it looked like Senior just choose the "hear the tutorial again" option because they pressed X so mechanically after the long-winded explanation that ended up picking the wrong option just because it was the one highlighted, but no. He picked the option on purpose, to force Maggiekuma to tell them the details, thus ruining any plan they, Poltroon, batman, and probably Ranzo, were making. That, and because it would unlock one more CG.
    "Ooooookay." Said Maggiekuma in a pout that made tymmur's eyes turn into glittering hearts. "Omaera will kill one hito per week, so this fic doesn't owari that hayaku, and the hitogoroshi will be the kuro. Then we'll do a saiban to found out who's the kuro. If omaera guess correctly the kuro, only the kuro will receive oshioki. But if the guiltless omaera were ooooh so wrong, minna receives oshioki except the kuro, that'll be free to go!" Maggiekuma finishes murdering grammar and making my fingers bleed to type that. Apparently the option also unlocked full weeb language for the game.
    "...Can you repeat that, but now in english?" Zander's ears were also bleeding. But not for long, because Clephas quickly collected it with some gravity-defying powers to give it as a sacrifice for some God as old as him.
    "d(*ﾟーﾟ*)" Kiri, on the other hand, understood everything perfectly.
    "So, happy killing!~"
    "I think I know who I'll kill first..." Kurisu-chan announced proudly.
    "It CAN'T be me." Maggiekuma added, since they were too cute to die.
    "Oh..." At least 8 people went tsk.
    "Of course, kill the shota first. It's always the young and pure anime characters that have to go first... You guys should be ashamed of promoting such stereotyped behaviour against lolis and shotas, just for the sake of you people feeling superior and..." And so the first day on this weird school ended, and it ended before tymmur's speech that totally missed the point that everyone was trying to kill the villain of the fic.
***
    Dreamysyu wakes up in his usual third seat of the roll beside the window, the setting sun coloring their majestic white hair orange. Just with this tiny introduction we can already see how they have all the needed traits to be the Ultimate Protagonist, and that's why we're following them now. They are already used to have a narrator describing every single thought that pop into their head. Like this one:
    "Fuck, I'm on a time loop!" but before they could look for weird kids in a small shrine in the woods, they remembered that the narrator always bulli them, so it was safe to ignore them.
    "Hey, there you are, Dreamy-chan!" said Kenshin, approaching while jumping up and down. Wiggle wiggle, would remember Ranzo if they were around.
    "How's everyone today, Kenshin?"
    "I haven't found everyone yet, but I don't think they changed much, since we have only one greatly exaggerated trait..."
    "I see..."
    "They're probably in the cafeteria already, so we should join them too!" Kenshin almost grabbed Dreamysyu's hand, but Dreamysyu backed. Nevermind the fact that they shouldn't trust anyone so easily in a setting like this, but handholding is a bit too lewd. And they didn't want to enter any routes if both of them are about to die.
    "No, Kenshin, I think... we should keep some distance between us..."
    "Why's that?"
    "We're on this battle royale..." (AN: I almost wrote beetle royale, that would make an awesome alternative version, but that's for some other time)
    "And?"
    "Fuck, that author's note almost made me forget what I was saying. Anyway, we shouldn't be too friendly with each other because... I'm the main character. If we become friends, then you'll probably have a horrible and painful death just so I can angst and go in a roaring rampage of revenge and... It'll definitely not end well for you!"
    "I think you could have a bit more faith in the others." He definitely shouldn't tho. "Besides, I'll be fine! After so many dimensional travels, I finally got the rare dual wield skill, so my strength is unbeatable now!"
    "...........Hey, who's supposed to be the main character here?" Dreamysyu slowly realised maybe they weren't the badass protag, but the average guy one.
    After that, both of them went to the cafeteria. The breakfast was only a bunch of bananas. Everyone except tymmur, Fiddle and Clephas had such a hard time to find a way to eat it in a non-sexy manner that the breakfast became dinner and then the day ended.
***
    Dreamysyu woke up normally because they aren't that stupid to be fooled twice in the same chapter. And the first person they saw was Mitchnomi, pissed because they couldn't do a "good morning message" stream because all the monitors were showing episode 4 of Steins;Gate 0, probably because of some sorcery pulled by Kurisu-chan. Since Dreamysyu didn't want to hear any good morning message in Mitchnomi's voice, they just walked away, letting the rabbit girl cursing behind.
    Back to the cafeteria. Still bananas.
    "At this rate, we'll all die from starvation instead. We have to do something." pointed Lesiak, trying to avoid a pretty lame conclusion.
    "You puny mortals fail to absorb even such a simple and inferior plant... when the time comes, I'll just watch while you are absorbed like these fruits by more advanced species..." Clephas decided to do an armageddon premonition instead.
    "ヽ(ﾟ∀｡)ﾉ" Kiri took Clephas' advice the wrong way and started to use an IV thing to eat, or whatever, the banana. It worked only because it's a fic, don't try this at home.
    "Without the IV part here, Kiri's idea is not bad. We can mash the bananas and eat them here." suggested shogun.
    "The levels of hygiene in your idea, considering what we have here, are touching, please continue." salted Zander.
    "I have a better idea!" said... Maggikuma???
    "Let me guess, here comes another cliffhanger..." smartassed Virgin.
    "Even better. I'll give you guys a MOTIVE for committing murder!"
    "I want to dig your grave. I want to collect your shadow. I want to terminate your body. I want to commit murder!" Ranzo started singing a weird song from some Swedish metal band not known enough for anyone to sing along.
    "...I think we already have enough motives to be honest." but batman wasn't enough to stop Maggiekuma.
     "Okay, if you commit murder now, you'll get this book on "how to eat bananas in a non-suggestive way" totally free of charge! Just need to call!"
    "......................That's the motive???" Kenshin was transitioning to the "leave isekai" arc.
    "Hey, it's not like we d-don't know how to eat a s-simple banana or anything..." Kurisu-chan protested or something.
    "Weeeeeeeell, if you guys don't want it... happy starving!~" Maggikuma poofed out of there.
    "I-it will be fine! I-I'm sure my guide has some choice that says what's the best way... to eat it." Senior tried to make everyone feel daijoubu, but only silence answered him...
    "You need not worry, we will find another way to get the wank out of this sodding contraption." Poltroon ended the conversation, even of no one was sure what he meant.
***
    Later that day, Dreamysyu found Mitchnomi... again cursing the monitors. Wait, was Kurisu-chan still watching old episodes of Steins;Gate 0 (probably yes)? Pitying the poor bunny girl, Dreamysyu decided to help. After calling Dergonu, to use his mod powers to see what was wrong with the monitors, Mitchnomi finally calmed down. Even more after Dergonu found out that one monitor in classroom 2-B was apparently free from Kurisu-chan's tyranny. And the monitor there was very big too, hooray Mitchnomi! The three of them run there, but what they found...
    ...WAS A DEAD BODY!
    tymmur's. His eyeballs apparently exploded and glittering blood was escaping from the holes. No one was supposed to be outside, but you could hear a lot of gays' crying and lolis being relieved. And in the monitor... a single gif, vibrating so violently it would break Fuwa's rules to even post something similar here...    But even then... the three couldn't take their eyes off it...
    "Oh, this reminds me of a song!" entered Ranzo, ruining once again the punchline of the chapter.
 
    NEXT TIME: only 15 students now! Will the group investigate the death properly? And what song did Ranzo remember?

(I was inspired by Maggie's fan fic to write one of my own because I can and stuff. I mostly used peoples avatars to base their descriptions on so all you guys except Maggie you just got gender switched!)
Part One
(Wherein the dusty traveler reaches a strange destination and then some weird shit happens.)
Harsh desert wind beat down upon the lonesome traveler as he wandered listlessly, without purpose and without hope. He had forgotten why he had started his voyage all those months ago. Now he just roamed the blackened twisted earth in search of some meaning, some reason for being. The traveler hadn't found it yet. He couldn't shake the feeling that he never would. Nearing exhaustion and ready to collapse at any time he walked straight into a invisible barrier of some kind. It flung him several feet backward and caused him to fall into a deep unconsciousness. When he awoke he felt the sensation of someone riffling through his pockets. He rose with a start and demanded that they stop at once. "Oh shit, sorry about that but I thought you were dead!" responded a deep but feminine voice. "Don't worry, I didn't nick anything of course there wasn't a damn thing worth stealing but I'm sure you already knew that."
The traveler rubbed his eyes and took in the woman standing over him with her hands at her hips. She was a young woman of very short height with messy short blue hair and large piercing hazel eyes. She was dressed in a military uniform that was incredibly out of place considering the environment. Of course, the thing that was really off-putting about her was the fact that she had two floppy rabbit ears in addition to her normal ones. She noticed his wide staring eyes and knelt over him and grinned displaying rows of shark like teeth. "Admiring my ears I see, obviously you are a man of good taste. One word of caution though, touch either of them and I'll kill you." The man nodded glumly filled with a vague feeling of disappointment. The strange woman grabbed his hand and pulled the traveler to his feet. "Well, now I think introductions are in order, my name is Ranzo and what might your name be?" The traveler desperately tried to recall what his name was but he just couldn't remember. "Aww you poor sweet child don't tell me you don't even know your own name? Well fret not for I shall grace you with a dignified and stately name. You shall forevermore be known as...Mista Stickabee! The traveler shook his head violently in response to that he desperately knew that his name couldn't be anywhere close to that absurd name. In response Ranzo grabbed the traveler by the collar and lifted him up before violently shaking him back and forth. "Listen you stupid bastard, your name is Mista Stickabee for now on, so you better get used to the fucking idea capiche? CAPICHE?" Mista Stickabee as he is now known desperately nodded his head in agreement. Ranzo finally let him go with a wink and a smile before sauntering off to where the barrier lay.
When she was standing in front of the barrier that had knocked Mista Stickabee unconscious she clapped her hands loudly before striking a dramatic pose. At the reverberating sound the barrier slowly dissipated revealing a imposing and gigantic door that wasn't connected to seemingly anything else. The giant door was decorated with images of waifu's and sightless protags. Ranzo seized the door nob that was eye level to her and threw the door open. She went over to Mista Stickabee and grabbed his hand and dragged him through the doorway. When they made it through the giant doorway it swung closed and vanished. Mista Stickabee looked around in amazement. It was a vast space stretching on for seemingly forever. The space was populated by strange looking denizens that milled about and whom appeared and disappeared at will. Ranzo stood in front of Mista Stickabee and threw her arms out in a grand fashion and bellowed "WELCOME, TO FUWANOVEL!" Ranzo's eyes suddenly blazed red and she furiously glared around her. "Where's the fucking fireworks? They were supposed to go off right when I yelled welcome to fuwanovel...OH SHIT!" She immediately dived for cover as the fireworks suddenly burst from right behind her. Ranzo stood up and dusted herself off. "Fuckin' hell I knew something like that would happen! Anyway you're in Fuwa now and I'm going to be your tour guide. It's a part of my community service for trying to burn it down earlier.
We are a refuge for the ones that dare play Visual Novels, while also spreading our influence into other differing realms." Turning away from Mista Stickabee, Ranzo began to walk forwards while motioning him to follow. "This is the entrance hall where many of the more active members gather. Mista Stickabee started to follow but he was stop by a hand that tugged insistently on his sleeve he looked down at a little girl with long blue hair twin tailed hair and a forever quizzical expression on her face. Mista Stickabee leaned forward to hear what she had to say. "SEX, GIVE SEX! growled the girl with the voice of a forty year old chain smoker. GIVE SEX AND GURO, GURO FUR DERG!" "Hey back off Derg, he has no sex or guro to give you! No guro for Derg!" Derg looked incredibly disappointed at that and pouted terribly. "This is @Dergonu all she lives for is a steady supply of either sex, guro, or both. Here take a hentai doujin and stop bothering the new guy." Just then another tiny girl with pink hair came barreling out of nowhere and leaped onto Derg's back. "WHEN IS THE NEXT EPISODE COMING OUT? IT'S BEEN MONTHS SINCE LAST SUNDAY AND I'M SICK OF WAITING! I WANNA KILL! LET ME KILL!" Dergou swayed back and forth trying to throw the girl off while shouting, NO DONE YET! NO FINISH YET! GEROFFA DERG! Dergou started shuffling away from the two who just stared at them in a stunned silence. "Um, I think that was @KiririririI dunno, I keep forgetting that she exists anyway let's get this tour going again I got shit to do so let's not waste time." As they continued walking they passed several who grunted noncommittal greetings at the dusty pilgrim. One member walked in front of the two and just stood there in their way with their arms crossed and a constantly annoyed expression on his face. Well he had one despite having a gas mask on, okay? He was always annoyed, critical and annoyed. He wore a t-shirt that read Moege is Shit on the front and MoeNovel is the Devil on the back. He indicated both of these multiple times without saying a word. "Oh that's @VirginSmasher he's on another silent protest because another Moege was translated instead of a great mystery vn with multiple routes. Let's leave him before he finds out that another one was just released and has a complete mental breakdown."
They kept walking past a lot of really interesting things that I won't go into detail here because I just don't feel like it right now. You'd have been amazed by it I'm sure. They reached a doorway carved into the wall with the blood of every alien species in the galaxy. "Oh this is the passageway to the realm of @Clephasand I don't recommend you try and disturb him. He's kind of this horrifying chaotic mass of way too many mouths and the only thing that keeps him from devouring this whole place is a steady diet of VN's and the chorus of infernal piping. He's a pretty swell guy despite all that." As they were speaking a brown haired man with glasses and a red sweater appeared out of nowhere. No it wasn't Harry Potter stop getting so excited. It was @Plk_Lesiak He was a man that waded waste deep through the shittiest western vn's and worst mlp slash fiction to find meaning in this world of ours. It was sad and pathetic but he was a devoted solder to the cause so that was somewhat forgivable. Somewhat.
"Ranzo, it's time for the secret meeting of the Yuri Brigade have you forgotten?" OH shit! Yeah I did thanks for reminding me, alright Stickabee let's take a detour. The three of them went down a deserted hallway and Ranzo pushed a concealed button and a door materialized. They went inside and Stickabee was confronted with a grand room lined with countless white lilies and life sized statues of naked women doing the most lewd thing they could possibly be doing, that's right they were holding hands. Ranzo pushed another button and a large round table erupted out of the floor. Several more members materialized out of nowhere. It was a young girl with short purple hair and eerily bright purple eyes. Her name was @-soraaand she was a recent convert to the Yuri cause. "I hope I'm not late I was just drooling over the purity of Strawberry Shake Sweet, I mean appreciating, yeah that's the word!"
Everyone in the room feigned agreement while dishing out copious amounts of side eye. With a bang from a gavel the meeting was called to order. Ranzo as leader of the brigade held the floor. "Okay so Plk how is our progress in our quest for Yuri domination?" Plk adjusted his glasses like every single glasses character in anime has done before speaking. "It is going well our forces grow daily it is estimated that we will soon control over 25% of Fuwa." Ranzo smiled her shark teeth smile and nodded pleased. "Good, very good, I'm pleased at the rapid progress we have made. All we need now is the creation of more popular and well received yuri releases. Remember though, we have to be wary about the greatest enemy to our cause and that is the plague of...yuri bait." At those words the whole company started spitting and hissing like a bunch of cats. I don't know why, but it was really off putting for Mista Stickabee who was kinda just standing there, trying not to stare too closely at the tits on the statued maidens. "Yes, too many series have promised yuri only to provide the most thin veneer of subtext and worse than that turning it into a het romance. We must devote ourselves to purging this foul menace from our shores once and for all. Only then will women be able to openly love other women without judgment or scorn." Plk leaned back in his chair and waxed philosophically like he always does. "Ah yuri, is there nothing more pure that has ever been conceived I ask you? The warmth of mutual love and the promise of a tender kiss at the very end. Eternal hearts beating as one it set's my soul on fire! Oh it's true what they say, I think, therefore yuri is!" Uh oh, sorra had strated drooling all over herself again captivated by the thought. Ranzo stood up immediately and banged her gavel stopping Plk from his reveries. "Okay, I think it is time to adjourn the meeting for today I'm sure if we let Plk have his way he won't stop ranting for the next five or more hours. Agreed?" "Agreed!" chorused the rest of the brigade. "Alright then let's end this meeting with our battle cry!" YURI SHALL CONQUER THE EARTH! The cry was taken up by all members in attendance except Stickabee who was still trying to slyly shoot a glance at the sculpted tits. The meeting adjourned the rest of the members either left or talked among themselves, sorra stopped Ranzo and whispered to her. "The leader of the BL Brigade is here to see you, she's waiting outside." "Okay cool, that's for letting me know." The Yuri Brigade and the BL Brigade had long given up fighting each other and instead were now allies seeing as though they shared a common thread. Ranzo and Stickabee whom was finally able to tear himself away from the tits both walked out and saw the leader of the brigade. She was a young woman with short white hair with a black hair bow with blueish eyes.
Her name was @MaggieROBOTand she was the foremost proponent on the love between a man and another man. With her was a awkward and stumbly devil man. His name was @SeniorBlitz and he was the resident walkthrough maker and trashman. He only spoke in pun and shitty jokes so every time he opened his mouth it made people want to vomit, in the best way. "Oh hai Maggie, said Ranzo how goes the good fight?" Maggie frowned sorrowfully. "Not good I'm afraid I'm having a tougher time than I thought spreading the joy of the love between two men. It seems people are just more inclined to accept more readily the love between two women. Still, I will persist and remain undaunted and uhhh okay hold up I'll be right back!" Maggie abruptly left the conversation to stare at a argument started by two male members. It was getting pretty heated and they were getting pretty close to each other. Maggie her eyes burning with desire her face flushed with crimson screamed, "WELL THE WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU WAITING FOR? ARE YOU TWO GOING TO KISS OR WHAT? COME ON DON'T BE A PUSSY! I KNOW, THAT YOU KNOW, THAT YOU WANT TO! AND WHY STOP THERE?  WHY STOP AT JUST KISSING? TAKE YOUR DICK OUT AND RAM IT IN HIS ASSHOLE! LET'S GET IT STARTED UP IN THIS BITCH! I WANNA SEE SOME MOANING AND GROANING, POCKING AND CHOKING ALREADY!!! Blitz was busy trying  to restrain her from forcing the two's heads together when a large crowd started assembling around Maggie. It was the VNR users they always had trouble getting it to work and demanded that Maggie help them. VNR WON'T WORK FIX IT, MAGGIE FIX IT! WHAT IS VNR MAGGOOO??! I DON'T WORK SO WELL! Maggie turned pale and blindly ran away screaming "STAY BACK, STAY BACK! I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU FUCKERS THAT I WOULD NEVER HELP YOU AGAIN, SO STAY AWAY FROM MEEEEEEE!" The heaving mass of confused and befuddled users took off after her. "Well, uh that was certainly something, special. Let's uhh continue the tour.
As they kept walking they reached a open plaza. "This is where we keep the stocks, they are used by mods to punish the trolls and it's also where we keep the scum of the earth. It's name is Mitch. A large crowd was gathered around a single pillory where a despised and maligned presence was held captive. The crowd was flinging trash and moldy food at the grotesque mass. "It's bully Mitch day which is now that I think of it every single day." Blitz who was joining in on the festivities was suddenly picked up and thrown at Mitch seeing as he had been mistaken for garbage. "Cut it out I'm still underageeeee", he wailed pitifully. "Ah such a shame I can't take part today but there is always tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day, and the next one after that. Let's boogie." Off they went past some more pretty neat things that I'm still not going to describe for you so just drop it okay? Suffice to say that they were real neat and rad. You know what? I'm going just end this now with a needless cliffhanger okay so just suck on that Alex Trebek...Aha!

In response to my friend @Mr Poltroon's grammatically-questionable-but-nevertheless-generous patronage, I've decided to utilize my artistic skills and produce a drawing that does justice to his favorite character, Kilometers Edgeworth.
In short, I labored to reproduce the following piece that I found on an insider artists' hub known as Google Images:


(I forgot to replace the transparency in his eyes with whiteness, so please don't use a dark skin or he'll look scary and deformed.)

In response to my friend @Mr Poltroon's grammatically-questionable-but-nevertheless-generous patronage, I've decided to utilize my artistic skills and produce a drawing that does justice to his favorite character, Kilometers Edgeworth.
In short, I labored to reproduce the following piece that I found on an insider artists' hub known as Google Images:


(I forgot to replace the transparency in his eyes with whiteness, so please don't use a dark skin or he'll look scary and deformed.)

In response to my friend @Mr Poltroon's grammatically-questionable-but-nevertheless-generous patronage, I've decided to utilize my artistic skills and produce a drawing that does justice to his favorite character, Kilometers Edgeworth.
In short, I labored to reproduce the following piece that I found on an insider artists' hub known as Google Images:


(I forgot to replace the transparency in his eyes with whiteness, so please don't use a dark skin or he'll look scary and deformed.)

In response to my friend @Mr Poltroon's grammatically-questionable-but-nevertheless-generous patronage, I've decided to utilize my artistic skills and produce a drawing that does justice to his favorite character, Kilometers Edgeworth.
In short, I labored to reproduce the following piece that I found on an insider artists' hub known as Google Images:


(I forgot to replace the transparency in his eyes with whiteness, so please don't use a dark skin or he'll look scary and deformed.)

In response to my friend @Mr Poltroon's grammatically-questionable-but-nevertheless-generous patronage, I've decided to utilize my artistic skills and produce a drawing that does justice to his favorite character, Kilometers Edgeworth.
In short, I labored to reproduce the following piece that I found on an insider artists' hub known as Google Images:


(I forgot to replace the transparency in his eyes with whiteness, so please don't use a dark skin or he'll look scary and deformed.)

In response to my friend @Mr Poltroon's grammatically-questionable-but-nevertheless-generous patronage, I've decided to utilize my artistic skills and produce a drawing that does justice to his favorite character, Kilometers Edgeworth.
In short, I labored to reproduce the following piece that I found on an insider artists' hub known as Google Images:


(I forgot to replace the transparency in his eyes with whiteness, so please don't use a dark skin or he'll look scary and deformed.)

DISCLAIMER: I didn't ask for anyone's permission before deciding who's gonna be killed here, sorry actually not sorry about that. That's a dankier representation of these guys that may or may not reflect how they are in real life. I tried to use you guys' avatar or username as base for your appearances and everyone using a cute girl avatar must now be grateful. This entire story had zero proofreading and makes zero sense. Support the official Danganronpa release if you want a quality story, and the patch for the PSP is the best version for the first game, thanks for asking.

    Dreamysyu wakes up in his usual third seat of the roll beside the window, the setting sun coloring their majestic white hair orange. Just with this tiny introduction we can already see how they have all the needed traits to be the Ultimate Protagonist, and that's why we're following them now. They are already used to have a narrator describing every single thought that pop in their head.
    "No, and please stop doing that." was what they are thinking but honestly I don't give a damn. 
    Anyway, seeing that the school was deserted, Dreamysyu's first thought was that they overslept and missed the entirety of philosophy class, that happened to be their favorite subject but not the author's so it was natural it was skipped here. If that was the case, it was almost time for horse riding club activities with their cute kouhai. Or just the kouhai riding because they're the protagonist. But as soon as they stepped outside they noticed something. The school was deserted. Not a single soul or background character was in sight. It's almost like... they were transported to an eroge school that's only populated by the main cast. Looking outside the window, Dreamysyu saw an unnatural amount of cherry trees in full bloom in the middle of July and the ocean not far in every single direction meaning they were in some non existing island near Japan. Way too eroge. Now the kouhai riding scene seems to be even closer to their grasp. Oh yeah, but most likely there's no kouhai anymore. Why even live as a protagonist like this?
    Right as Dreamysyu thought at least one girl must be around and everything would go back to normal by the end of the story so no need to panic... they heard voices. More than one. Coming from the auditorium...
    "My harem!" wasn't what they are thinking, but I can mess with them a little bit~
    Dreamysyu opened the door and found 15 other bizarre students, almost all of them somewhat angry. "Tsk, another one?" someone said. "This must be the last one." another one that played Danganronpa before answered. Despite the hostile atmosphere, and Dreamysyu hostile appearance itself, a person approaches them. A cute girl with blue twintails, that managed to stay cheerful despite everything. Well, nothing happened yet, maybe that's why.
    "Hiiiiiii, and welcome to the Survivors' Club!" they already decided everybody else was killed, figures. "I'm Dergonu and I'll be glad to help you if you have any questions!"
    Dreamysyu was ready to raise an eyebrow but stopped. Dergonu. They remember that name. They are the Ultimate Mod, someone that did so good a job as a mod that they pretty much wiped out three forums into oblivion, such was the extension of the shitposting there. So mostly likely they know some behind the scenes stuff, it wouldn't hurt to stick around them...
    "No, I'm the one that truly knows everything." said a bespectacled dark haired woman with a hat that I'm guessing is a beret. Wait, did they just answered the narration?
    "Fiddle-samaaaaaaaaaaaa!! <3" yelled Dergonu before Fiddle could yet again answer the narration. And that name explained everything. Fiddle was known as the Ultimate Mastermind, said to have manipulated dozen other fanfics Fuwa users dared to write. Dreamysyu asked if this one would be any different, and Fiddle promptly shaked his head in a no, maybe spoiling the whole thing in the first chapter.
    "I can, and I will."
    "Wow, way to ruin the mystery. As expected of someone who liked Noble Works." said angrily a white haired guy with a gas mask. Although he's also white haired and faceless to boot, he wasn't the main character, maybe because there's way too much moe around for him to care about it. Because of that display, Dreamysyu recognized him in an instant: that was VirginSmasher, the Ultimate EOP. Said to have read all english non moege VNs in a spam of a single month, the experiment clearly corrupted his soul and it shows. In fact, he was already displeased to being forced to participate of such third-rate fanfic.
    "1/10 VN already, if we can even call this that." Virgin wasn't the only one that was displeased, that was indeed quite enough salt in the room. But the person that said the last line takes the cake. solidbatman, the Ultimate Salt. Even the Black Sea tried to steal the title from him, and lost. They can't drop out of the story because only I can decide that, but they already rate this a 1/10 in the middle of the prologue. Sasuga, jeez. And for all effects, solidbatman looks exactly like Batman because everything is better with Batman.
    "D-d-don't give it such a poor score so fast! After you read all scenes and read all text, I'm sure you'll give it at least a 8! And it does improve after the third choice of the second common route!" said a horned guy, going all technical. He had a huge encyclopedia in his arms, and he seemed to be looking at it right at this moment to know what exactly he was supposed to say next. Needless to say, that could only be SeniorBlitz, the Ultimate Guide, the guy said to be the only one that read the entire "book of answers for everything" that he now holds, and not just the tl;dr version that consisted of a tiny post-it with a 42 on it.
    "To be fair, you have to go multiple extra playthrough to fully understand Ste... I mean, this fic." said a cool with an almost zombie expression red haired girl with an out of place christmas hat. They were pretty well know, even more now that Steins;Gate 0 is airing.
    "Oh, it's Kurisu-chan, the Ultimate Tsundere!" said a poor soul, asking to be berated.
    "It's ULTIMATE STEINS;GATE FAN! I'm not even a Tsundere, how can I even be the Ultimate one! -Taku!" and then they proceed to talk about the last episode of S;G 0 unprompted just to prove their point of being the Ultimate S;G fan. Whoever was watching it too joined the conversation eventually.
    "This problem here does not change the fact that we have lots of Ultimates here." said an adorable blonde girl with a magical girl outfit. littleshogun, the Ultimate Magical Girl, seemed unfazed by everyone else, probably because of their experience with weird encounters with evil forces during all of their years working as a magical girl.
    "The purity of this magical girl... stirs the darkness. O Old Ones, lord of tentacled infernal beasts... I hope I can hold your thirst back with these hands of mine..." calmly stated a long haired blond, majestic and evil-looking man, even if that was in no way a calm matter. Even if he said that he hopes he can hold something or other, he probably can, single handed. That was the power of Clephas, the Ultimate Chuuni. He saw things, he did things... Even the Old Ones must be scared of him at this point.
    "Hey hey, enough with all this weebness. Moe kids already are a bit more than what I can handle, don't include tentacles too!" said another person from the pissed crowd. They were a beautiful brunette in a wedding dress that had all the right of being pissed if this story prevented them to marry his favorite boy. Oh well. The judge of anything weeb with strong sarcasm that I will not emulate all too well, probably, the new angry person is Zander, the Ultimate Outsider.
    "I might add that probably a weeb that gave me my Ultimate name, I'm not outside anything. Well, maybe outside a list of people going to jail, hell or both..."
    "You DO know that tentacle are a common japanese trope that's almost a history class on weebness if you actually look for the origin of the correlation between Magical Girls and tentacles, right?" said a glasses guy that looked all so smart. His face screams confidence, as expected of an Ultimate, but also passion for all the knowledge he acquired in the filthy pool of weeb hobbies. That was Pl_Lesiak, the man who looked at weebness in the eyes and came back victorious. Although he likes western weeb inspired things a bit too much, that's why his title quickly changed to Ultimate Westerner. Okay now, this title seems like he did some cowboy movies, and that's precisely why I decided to give him twin pistols in this story. The reason for that can be because a lot of people thought the same and then he went "why not?", I don't know.
    "'Twas indeed a bloody confusion." thought the red-claded young man besides Lesiak, after he told him his tale some time during my narration. He also had a dignified air and a posture as elegant and powerful as someone doing a gentle motion to raise their dead servants with necromancy. It couldn't be anyone else other than Mr Poltroon, the Ultimate Gentleman. And if someone have a better idea of how to write a gentleman without him sounding like an old brit, be my guest.
    "But now everything is A-Okay!" said a bubbly blue haired maid. Dreamysyu approached them because for a moment I almost forgot to use my protagonist for anything. But was it really necessary to ask who are they? Everyone there knew Kenshin_sama, the Ultimate Isekaier. Travelling to different worlds time and time again, the world within this tale is no different, so they were actually excited to explore one more world. They used their smartphone that they got in yet another world to take a lot of photos already and post everything in Jun Inoue's thread. Without them noticing, Kurisu-chan used the chance to complain about Re:Zero for a bit.
    "(ᗒᗨᗕ)" said another Ultimate, agreeing with Kenshin. Not that Zander allowed themselves to understand such a weebty so alien and far from proper english. Not that the cute pink haired girl cared, they just continued going （＾ω＾） around. If someone asked for the name of the tiny pink haired moe, they'll probably answer (⁎˃ᆺ˂) or something, so Dreamysyu did his protagonist part and told everyone they're Kiriririri, the Ultimate Moeblob.
    "I'm going to vomit if the happiness mood keeps going for too long. Can we kill each other yet?" said another short girl with some curtained bangs and pink eyes, spoiling yet another plot point if we can believe Fiddle's words that they already spoiled one. Stars appeared in their eyes as soon as they said the word "murder", what made them wave around happily, knocking Senior's encyclopedia on the floor on purpose just because. The book was so thick it could have opened a hole in the floor, but I'm not letting them escape this easily, so it just made a loud sound like whatever an elephant's fart sounds like. Even if they just look like a bully for now, in fact Ranzo is the Ultimate Bastard, hellbent on destruction and everyone else's disgrace. They couldn't simply leave all the fun to Clephas, or all the hatred to batman. They wanted a time to shine, even if killing everyone else was necessary for this. It actually was necessary, so of course they were enjoying this fic, and sadly maybe they're the only one.
    "I must agree that some people here are way too happy, even though everyone in school suddenly vanished and we're now trapped in a cheap imitation of the facility in some weird island and..." he actually said 34 more lines, but let's cut to the chase, shall we? tymmur, the Ultimate Orator, also had issues with how slow this story was going. Said to have recited the whole bible, Rewrite and France Shoujo before breathing in again, he looked like a wise old man in a glittered rainbow shirt that would totally be followed by some slave lolis if those still existed in the school. Well, there's Kiri, but I digress.
    "How horrible! How could a nice guy do something like this?" though the reader, but you need not worry. He's actually pretty nice with shotas, especially if they hook up with other shotas, he's just like this with 2D prostitute lolis that aren't protected by any 3D law.
    "For the sake of my sanity, I'll disagree." said Zander, what prompted tymmur to say another 67 lines, but since this chapter is almost over I'll skip it again.
    "Pardon my interruption of thy argument, sir, but I'm afraid we are not alone in this school..." said Poltroon, with a fierce expression of wanting to draw his sword if he had one. An annoying nihihi echoed through the room and it was coming... from the monitor on the wall that suddenly went on with a stream!
    "I see your all getting along! Yay! Welcome to the..."
    "*You're." Fiddle corrected before the naked girl could utter another mistake. Still feeling bad, eventually they introduced themselves as Mitchnomi, a 1/3 bear, a 1/3 rabbit, a 1/3 comic relif, all bad. They are doing the role of Monomi so naturaly they got shooed away not long after by the students.
    "KYAAAAAAAAAA!" screamed the rabbit girl, that apparently got shooed away in the other side of the monitor too.
    "...Can we just pretend this didn't happen and go back to... whatever was happening in the story?" batman asked and then everyone remembered what Poltroon said. It was really just about Mitchnomi? For once, everyone shut up and paid attention to the surrounding sounds. Something... was coming from the corridor. A stupid laugh soon echoed.
    "Upupupu... Pupupu... Upupupupupu!"
    "Da fuck is this?" is what Dreamysyu should have asked at the very beginning of the story.
    "Upupupu... Upupupwahahahahahahaha!" the laugh got even louder. Well, of course, the person laughing just entered the room, flames erupting behind them for whatever epic reason. Ranzo found it amazing and set fire to the curtain too. Clephas wanted to summon some things too, but decided against because it was still too early in the story for final boss moments.
    "Who... are you?" asked Dergonu, hoping for something not stupid.
    "Bitch please, who else could I be? The one and only, powerful and sexy, MAGGIEKUMA!"
    "I am not seeing a bear here." littleshogun pointed to the pretty boy that's now in front of the kids. They had white hair and black clothes so it totally fits the mono part of the name, even the 2B plushie they're carrying fits, but noooo I had to pick the kuma part. You can all agree with me that Monomaggie doesn't sound just as good.
    "Who caaaaaaaaaaaaaaares if I'm not a bear! Moe is the new thing, so hopefully pretty boys are here to stay." Maggiekuma explained why they decided to stick with the 9S in their avatar and not 2B.
    "They will, if you choose the second choice and then the fourth after [SPOILERS] dies! That way, you'll rule the world and make everyone likes whatever you want" Senior just gave me a dangerous but awesome idea.
    "∠(^ー^)" Kiri doesn't seem to mind.
    "Good thing I didn't have any expectation for this story." Virgin already gave up.
    "But you can end all of this... Killing everyone!" dramatic close up in Maggiekuma's face.
    "All according to the keikaku!" said Ranzo with a grim, even if they didn't really have a fucking plan.

    NEXT TIME: The rules of the deathgame and... Someone dies! But that's a twist!
 

In response to my friend @Mr Poltroon's grammatically-questionable-but-nevertheless-generous patronage, I've decided to utilize my artistic skills and produce a drawing that does justice to his favorite character, Kilometers Edgeworth.
In short, I labored to reproduce the following piece that I found on an insider artists' hub known as Google Images:


(I forgot to replace the transparency in his eyes with whiteness, so please don't use a dark skin or he'll look scary and deformed.)

In response to my friend @Mr Poltroon's grammatically-questionable-but-nevertheless-generous patronage, I've decided to utilize my artistic skills and produce a drawing that does justice to his favorite character, Kilometers Edgeworth.
In short, I labored to reproduce the following piece that I found on an insider artists' hub known as Google Images:


(I forgot to replace the transparency in his eyes with whiteness, so please don't use a dark skin or he'll look scary and deformed.)