nohman

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f_FfAi68aW8

So i saw this post from Tay back in 2012 and I figured since it wasn't updated in over a year I might as well make an updated version.
 
So here is a pdf I made with every single VN on Fuwa to date listed in alphabetical order (click the image):

Anyone can download it. Every title is linked to the respective Fuwanovel download page as well.
I'll update it whenever a new VN is uploaded. 
 
If anyone wants to print a physical copy i advice you to get the plain text version of this pdf
Unless you're okay with using a ton of ink to print the original.
 
It's not that big of a deal but i thought it'd be a nice little project to occupy my free time.
If you see any mistake or just have any opinion about it in general feel free to say it

Saber you say?
 
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I double added points in one instance, and added points to the wrong person in another. Bonus drawing points went to MottainaiVN Long story short, top 3 should look something like this:
 
Flutterz: 60
seventhfonist: 60
EruwaYuril: 55
Big ass tie: 55


That said, seventhfonist, I will still be honoring your prize. Flutterz will receive any of the 3 choices, regardless of what you pick. Who ever  finishes third will win their choice of either two that remain. 

Welcome to the forums, it's good to have you. Enjoy the time you spend here.

I'd say that's more akin to a case of the blues - the loss of interest in hobbies/activities, the lethargy,  and the negativity - rather than just regular boredom, of which everyone gets that way every now and then. When I get down on myself I try occupy my time in spite of my mood, which usually goes a decent way in helping me forget whatever tizzy I'm in.
 
So I don't know, the best remedy is time and some good ol' escapism?

And all done with the counting! First off, I apologize for the delay. Time is hard to come by for a super hero. Second, I apologize for the way the contest was run. Again, time constraints seriously hampered my ability to do what I had originally planned. Anywho, lets announce stuff shall we!

In third place, we have EruwaYuril
 
In second place, Flutterz
 
And in first place, seventhfonist425!
 
As I stated in the beginning, the first place winner gets first choice of prize, then second, then third. I will contact each of you when it is time to pick. Please allow 3-4 weeks for your prize to be purchased. If anyone notices and issue with the points, feel free to PM me. 
 

HELLO GUYS!
 
First of all, I <3 Fuwanovel. (That's why I'm here *hearts*)
 
I've been wandering around here for quite some time now but I was always hesitant to make an account, until now. HEHE
 
I started taking Visual Novels seriously just November last year. I say 'seriously' because I've played Radical Dreamers a very long time ago...I loved it but I didn't know that VNs really existed as how they exist. My first 'legit' VN is Steins;Gate. I loved it sooo much it's the reason why I got hooked into this. 
 
By this, I don't just mean the whole VN thing, it's making me into an otaku, like really driving me closer to Japanese culture. I'm starting to really like Animes and I'm also starting to learn very little Japanese and stuff.
 
I love VNs because I get to read a novel and kinda like play a game all at the same time. And, it also gives me a break from tons and tons and tons of readings required at school.
 
I don't have much time in my side right now to indulge myself to Visual Novels because of school but I still try to squeeze in this guilty pleasure of mine.
 
aaaaand yes, I talk a lot. I can keep going on and on and on and on with this introductory post alone, but I'll save some (or more) for other parts of the forum.
 
Feel free to ask me more questions, if you like HAHA =))
 
It's so nice to meet you all! :)

Here are the rest of my impressions from the demo.  
 
Specific thoughts Looping sound effects are often grating.  Longer effect loops with lower volumes will help.  For things like this, or adding more lines to dialog boxes (with auto-fitting/scaling, etc.) you can find tutorials on lemmasoft or in the Ren’py support documents.   A chronic issue in the demo was the need for less telling and more showing.  When you talk about the mindstorm being overwhelming, we’re informed of the fact but not introduced to the sounds and sights and memories which are actually overloading the narrator.  Instead of telling us (the readers) that the character is overwhelmed by the details, we (the readers) need to ourselves be overwhelmed by it!  A random example from the start: show us why the memory is overwhelming (ex: “The memories are too real and there’s too much to them.  It’s too much to remember every raindrop falling on my coat.  It’s too much to remember the number of ripples racing across the puddle under my feet.  My senses strain and buckle under the load of the perfect memory. // The sound of the rain becomes a roar as my vision goes white.  I can’t process it all.  The memories are too many, too perfect…”)  Another example of telling and not giving us more (or showing): “That piece of writing was key in defining who I am now.”  These statements could be expanded upon to give real narrative depth, insight into the narrator.  Right now they’re all over the place, which means there’s a lot of chances to make the story even better.   Add more sentences to each dialog box (more sentences per click). (Last time I bring this one up, promise!)   “And just like that, it’s over.” <--  Stop the sound effects at this screen.  The rain effect goes on too long.   THE INTRO MOVIE IS AWESOME!!!    What is the sound effect which kicks in post-intro movie? It sounds like rustling and it’s endlessly looping.  It sounds very distracting.  Is it the sound of rain on the roof?   Keeping the narrator’s name “???” for a while at the start of the game was an interesting choice.  Why did you decide to do it that way?   The phone conversation early in the game is stiff and could probably be cut in half with editing.  Make sure the Kyousuke’s personality is firm before finalizing the dialog: right now I can’t tell what he’s like (he’s simultaneously friendly-abusive, friendly-caring, and extremely formal).  This is further complicated by Aoki calling him a “cretin”, etc.  Make their relationship ultra-clear from the get-go.   Why is the word “Mindstorm” in quotes in much of the early dialog?  You already introduced it to us at the start.  Now it’s a proper noun and plot point which we know about, so it can be left on its own.  (Update: all of a sudden the quotes went away.  Maybe it just needs to be edited out of the earlier lines)   The music is very nice!  (except maybe for the overly carnival like parts : ))   Aoki’s voice is hard to track.  Is there a reason his lines are stiff? “Why are you at the mercy of this downpour?”, the line about an “auspicious occasion” to recite a poem, etc.   I think I’m starting to understand your use of quotes.  “Mindstorm”.  “Masterkey”.  You use quotes to highlight your fiction’s jargon, right?  I think you might be better served by making them a different color (PURPLE!!) than putting them in quotes.   The explanatory sequences – where the backgrounds dim and text is centered – are very helpful.  If anything, use more of them so you don’t feel the need to sneak worldbuilding into the dialog (where it comes across as out-of-place).   I liked having a sound effect announce the decision points.  Very nice touch!   I’d suggest cleaning up the UI a little when you use character portraits next to their dialog.   Right now the face images are layered transparently over the “Violet Hill” image on the far-left.    AaAH! My ears!  Have that ringing/screeching sound effect fade in and out (a few times if absolutely necessary – don’t let it loop.  : )  I almost died, there.), having it ring continuously made me want to furiously click through the dialog until it stopped.   Sasaski’s dialog was a little hard for me to swallow (thankfully she gets great music).  It was often awkwardly formal (and not in an in-character sort of way) (ex: “That’s right young sir, you could tell?”, followed by a lot of informal language, like “Umm…” etc.).  I know this is done purposefully (you have a line pointing this out: “She’s acting strange… now she’s suddenly informal.”), but it doesn’t come across that way yet.  If the dialog is tightened up (and grammar fixed), you could show her insecurity without needing to point it out.  (… but, really, kill the “young sir” line.  She’s young herself, and other polite references would work just as well in the situation)  The characterization confusion continues later with phrasings like “Eh? But prez!”   Aoki’s conversation with Sasaki was confusing.  He’s warm, friendly, making a friend.  That grates with the antisocial, conflicted Aoki who called the friend encouraging him to be social a “cretin”.     Minamoto’s music really grew on me.  It’s great for her early characterization.  Will it change as we get to know her better?   The switching of the art club presidency was odd.  Do it later in the game (such as after Aoki manages to get Kanade in).  It really doesn’t make coming at this point (and the line from Minamoto, “There’s no one more capable than you.” was out of place, out of character, and very odd).  Minamoto has reasons for saying so (which makes the comment seem less out of place in retrospect), but the timing is off.  Later in the game (even just shortly after), such as in the first club meeting or after Aoki displays his talent to them (or as a reward for getting a 4th member) makes more narrative sense.     Overall Impressions: Characterization – Needs to be tightened up.  A lot.  I’d suggest working extra hard to find each character’s personality and voice, and then redrafting the dialog to be consistent with the characters.  Of all the characters, Minamoto was done best, but even she needs a lot of work in the second half of the demo.  She keeps a relatively stable personality across most of the first half of the story up until the phone call to her late at night (which had a lot of promise, but her characterization quickly got loose and out of hand. I liked having her show excitement (read: more than a cool/cryptic side), but she quickly started speaking in ways outside the personality you’d developed for her.  That phone call marked the point of change away from her solid personality).     Intro Movie – Extremely good.  I’d use it as quickly as possible, in fact.  The intro to the Mindstorm is a good idea (but it should be made much shorter and more concise and more vivid (show not tell!)), but it should be notable and quick and quickly lead to the movie.  The movie is so good that it promises a quality product.  It may make up for a slightly cryptic intro and keep the reader going.   Dialog – Stiff, verbose but promising.  If it was redrafted to be consistent with personalities and the grammar was cleaned up, I’d say it would come across much better.  Also, I think you could cut all the conversations in half by making them concise and clear, and the game would really benefit from it.   Sound effects – need to be volume-adjusted, and many need their loops to be adjusted.  Also, some are confusing.   Pacing – Slow it down.  Introduce the major characters before introducing the first plot problem (art club members).  Right now the narrative feels washed out:  Meet girl A, meet girl B, art club, need one more girl, meet girl C, assume girl C  will be the fourth member = easy solution, etc..   And, if I haven’t already said it enough, SHOW NOT TELL!  You’ve got an interesting cast of characters.  As a reader, I don’t want to be informed about plot developments, I want to watch them.  Also, that’ll give you more opportunities to concisely and creatively reveal characters (as opposed to the voice of Aoki/God simply instructing us).     I’ll look forward to seeing more of the game.  Good luck, you can do it!

(I'm only just getting to this post.  Sorry for the delay.)
 
Let me preface this by saying that I've done a lot of writing and have taught a few writing classes, and so my critiques are coming as a fellow writer, and not necessarily just as a reader.  I tried to include helpful criticism (such as my immediate technical difficulties and my impressions as a reader after the first 60 seconds of starting the game (post-disclaimers)).  These have always been useful metrics for me as a writer, and I hope they'll be useful to you.  
 
I won't have time to finish the full demo right this minute, but I'll post again with my overall thoughts once I've finished the demo.
 
In any case, I'm looking forward to following your project!
 

 
Tested on Win7 desktop and Win8 Surface Pro 2.
  Technical problem right away: When I first booted up the program the game window opened up to a size of 1920x1080p.  That meant that most of the game was skewed off screen, and it took me a second to realize that I could resize the window to my liking.  I mention this because Ren’py has some cool functions to set a default window size when a user first opens the program.  My suggestion would be to choose a smaller default window size and include a note during an intro sequence that the window can be resized.  (the 1920x1080p window size was linked to my PC's resolution)   Technical suggestion: Include the ability to resize text.  On some monitors – like my Surface 2 Pro tablet/computer – the text is extremely small and hard to read.  A lot of VNers are playing VNs on PC tablets these days.     First 60 seconds impressions The title screen is beautiful.   The dripping sound effect would sound better if the individual drip sounds were spread much further apart.  It rapidly got annoying (for lack of a better word).   In the first 60 seconds I was introduced to what will be a key narrative plot point: the “mindstorm” (good!), but its description was convoluted and I have no idea why it's important or where this story is going (not so good).  In other words:  The writing didn’t offer an immediate hook and failed to grip me.   Sentences felt convoluted most of the time and need a lot of editing for grammar. That said, it was accentuated with a few fantastic and insightful sentences (ex: “I’m afraid to be alone with myself.”) <-- These sorts of sentences are vivid, use active voice, and were insightful into the character.   Sentence spacing (or whatever term you want to use for how many sentences appear per-click) was distracting. I think every sentence of my 60-second-impression required its own click and stood naked on its own dialog screen.  A lot of the sentences would be better if grouped together (one example would be: “Not because of any foreign feeling or my warped awareness, but because there is nowhere [for me] to go. I cannot hide from myself.” <--- Note, I fixed some grammar in that example.)        If I were to guess what the rest of the game will be like based on my first 60 seconds: I’d guess: It’ll have an interesting but depressing plot focused around the psychological phenomenon “mindstorm”.  The writing will be serviceable but will need a lot of grammar revision.  The protagonist will be a psychologically frayed.       Reading that over, I know it sounds critical.  I'll post as soon as I can finish the demo about my overall impressions.  I hope you'll put my suggestions aside and focus on the metrics I provided: the "If I were to guess what the rest of the game will be like based on my first 60 seconds" section at the end has always helped me as a writer.     EDIT: Also, I was trying to post a comment on your website and the wordpress login is very strange.  Could you fix it to accept wordpress users, and not just wordpress.com blogs? 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kcNv3qaGagE
 
Love this song. Although this version is definitely not played by Harry James.
 
I'am into this kind of stuff lately.

I can agree with Red Saber because her personality and story are AWESOME. Rani still wins, though. 

begone witches! you're blurring the king of knights presence!
 
 



 
there's no longer need to put them in a spoiler box, everyone shall see the true king!

Been working on the points for 2 hours now. Will likely finish tomorrow morning.

I'm interested in VNs and I like to collect all kinds of VN goods such as nedoird, figma, pillow, silk paitings......
But I'm now living in US and I don't think I can buy them in US. So I have to buy them from amazon.jp, ask one of my friend buy for me and then send to me by FEDEX.
 
So that's the question, as a lot of VNs and VN goods are R18, can we FEDEX them to US legally?
 
If not, how could you buy VNs or VN goods?
 
Btw, ╮(╯▽╰)╭, let me post a pic of my collection.
 

Hello everyone . Those who have been around here for a while might know I've spent most of this year working on a game named Unhack. You can see it on my banner below. Unhack is still in the works, going through the final stages of testing and management.
 
Anyway, throughout the coming period I'm hoping to develop a series of short titles. Yesterday, I've completed a project named Dying Words:
 
http://dyingwords.invertmouse.com/
 
It's only about 20 minutes long. I wanted to share it here and see if you could check it out .
 
Thank you! Really appreciate all the support here for Unhack throughout the year m(_ _)m.
 

Just wanted to say good work on this and wish you good luck on the project.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DcB835KkhQw
 
I really liked it.

Welcome, I hope to see you around.

If the screenshots are accurate samples of your writing, then I don't need to play the demo. And if they aren't accurate examples of your writing, then they're pretty poor advertisments (you should post up-to-date screenshots.) A bit of context, I live in Australia, the land of hella expensive internet. It's even more expensive when you know that I'm using a wireless dongle. I know internet is cheap in the UK and the US, but it's expensive in Australia. I'm not downloading a half-a-gig demo when the screenshots (which are supposed to indicate what the game is like) are in such a poor state.
 
When I said 'it sucked me out of the story' what I meant was your long sentences don't flow, they get clunky and I notice your prose rather than paying attention to the image your prose is creating. I don't know exactly why, but it's your job as an editor to be noticing these things. Maybe it's a case of redundant language or weak adjective use. They can really drag the longer sentences down. Does it take that much effort to edit a few screenshots? For example:
 
"Avoiding any interaction at all is much safer than pushing it just to see how far I can get involved with someone before they become affected."
 
I'm getting stuck in the middle of this sentence. I feel like I have to slog through it with effort and a paddle. I can't read a story with writing like this, I'd be hurling things before long. Maybe if we delete the redundant words, and do a bit of rearranging:
 
Avoiding all interaction is safer than pushing things, seeing how far I can get involved with someone before they become affected.
 
How about replacing weak words with stronger words?
 
"Avoiding all interaction is safer than pushing things, testing how fond of someone I must become before they are affected."
 
I'm still not happy (because I'm a perfectionist) but I'm not slogging my way through the sentence, which is a plus. On the con side, I might have just changed the meaning of your passage.
 
"Once I got to arms distance, I crouched to match her height and flashed her my best attempt at a smile."
 
A bit of a slog. Delete 'got to arms distance', most people just say they 'reached' her. Also you should be aware that 'best attempt' is a weak adjective, you don't have to change it, just be aware of it and limit their number. It's weak because it does a poor job describing the smile. You could opt to describe the smile in the next sentence, or use a stronger adjective (you could choose quivering, or tired, they're much better descriptive words. Best attempt could mean anything and is verging on being padding.) I'm undecided if 'match her height' is redundant or not.
 
There's lots more, but I can't be bothered going through them. These are just basic edits to make the game readable. I don't think my standards are that high, but I don't want to be stuttering all the way through your prose. It frustrates me.
 
Also, I don't insinuate. I'm rubbish with subtleties so if I want to say something, I just say it.

DEMO V4.5  (Trimmed prologue, a few minor changes) DOWNLOAD BELOW
 

DON'T FORGET TO CHECK OUR WEBSITE FOR REAL-TIME UPDATES AND EXTRA CONTENT!
 

Link to DEMO is available!
 
It covers both the prologue and chapter 1
 
Many thanks for your support, we're looking forward to your feedback!
 
https://www.dropbox.com/s/2n35789ewhvzwwn/Violet%20Hill%20DEMO-2.0-win.rar
 
DEMO length is about 1-2 hours depending on reading speed.

Just thought of another couple of moments, Bioshock related, that stands out in my head:
 
The first Big Daddy fight. I don't mean only the first in the game, but the first time in your first playthrough before you knew much about them. "Would you Kindly..." Pretty chilling and kinda totally badass.