Stick1314

Hope you get well soon, Krill.

No problem. I'm glad I was able to pull it off at least somewhat decently.

For some reason, I'm unable to do that properly. I had started to make an attempt on summarizing the story, but I can't make it feel right to me, if that makes any sense. And I edited the rest of my critique into my previous post. Though, would it be better if it were it's own separate post or is it fine in the previous one, considering all of what was in the post?

So, what exactly would you like critiqued specifically? Keep in mind I've never done a critique before, so I'm not entirely sure where I should begin, or that I'd be suited to the task in the first place. Though upon your answer to my question, I will try to provide you with a critique, at least to the best of my ability. That and hopefully it will be to your liking in some way.

Also, would you kindly critique it? My teacher said my problem here is how it lacks coherence, so it'll just go on forever. But other than that, I'm not exactly sure how to improve on it. Critique the story, or what you plan on adding? I guess I could try, at least when I've had proper sleep.

On another note, I was thinking of rewriting it from the different perspectives then compiling it to one story. What do you think of the idea? Ah, that's interesting. Is Sharnoth any good?

I know that line isn't related to Umineko, I was talking about the line that was above it. That is, if the last words you were referring to were the last words of that chapter specifically. Because I'm fairly certain you had said that they were in reference to Umineko, of which I've only just began reading. That, and the set of words that had started out with When The Seagulls Cry (Which is all I remember at the moment, thank God) sound an awful lot like they'd be a spoiler of some kind, seeing as how they were presented. Sorry, I was referring to Sharnoth's last lines. For clarity's sake, everyone in the story 'denied tomorrow'. If you're curious about the lines, "For when the seagulls cry, none will be left alive," it's just states that. In Umineko, it's just a line used when all of the characters die. In here, it is uttered to show that they all no longer have a tomorrow yet still exist. Well, I'm fairly certain that, dependant on if it were to be taken literally and in a fictional setting, you would, quite literally, cease to exist. At least in a setting in which logic like that were to be possible, like your story, for example. Other than that, I'm unsure. Well, it certainly was interesting. Especially the fact that I had a completely wrong, yet still incredibly intriguing, way of viewing the story. At least, it was intriguing to me. Hopefully I now understand most of the story. Even if I don't, I'm greatly enjoying this discussion and certainly don't mind more of it. May I ask how you came up with this story?

What details might I be missing?

I'll respond to your questions as best I can, though don't expect too much, because I'm starting to get a tad tired and that may or may not be affecting my thought processes at the moment. We'll see, I guess.

Just got around to reading the end of the story. I found it interesting not only in how the MC ended up back where he began, but also how he had said the same thing the Cheshire Cat said. Wasn't it, if I recall correctly, one of the last things he said to the MC? So, if my interpretation is correct, in the end he wound up both accepting his fate and finding it funny? Interesting. Also, you said in a previous post you might answer my questions upon the story's conclusion. Would you be willing to answer them now that I've read the ending?

Ah, okay. So, how long should it take for me to go through each chapter? And from what I've read the approximate length of each game is ~120 - 130 hours or so. How long should that take if I do nothing but play them? Also, thanks for the clarification. Edit: Derp. I didn't even realize I was derailing, sorry about that.

Is the Umineko reference from the games? It's interesting, I've seen the anime twice, and I've had the games on my hard drive for about 7 months but I haven't began actually playing them too much yet. I would've started playing them yesterday, in fact. Though over the past 7 months of the game being on my hard drive, I've occasionally gone into it, done a couple things and then left it alone, and at one point I had unlocked a later chapter (No idea what I was thinking) and now I'm privy to a certain mechanic in the game, and I'm unsure how to revert the change, if that's even possible. And there's absolutely nothing anywhere on how to undo the chapter unlock. I've searched both Google and around these forums and have discovered a whole lot of nothing even remotely related. Edit: Quick question, does the end of your story have anything else to do with Umineko references? Because I'd rather not spoil myself anymore than I already have at this point.

Ah, okay. So, what is the Theory? Because I feel I'm missing context as to why she ran. Unless, of course, it's explained by the ending or something along those lines.

Well, if there's another reason I don't want to use google docs, it's because I really want to edit the ending, which isn't present here. Also, in response to your side note: Huh. Well, I didn't expect that at all. Also, yes I've heard of the quote, though from Clannad not the book. I actually thought of the quote for some reason though when I was reading the The Dandelion Girl chapter. Not sure why.

That's amazing. How long did it take him to do it?

If someone likes it I don't mind posting the rest. I'd like to see the rest. Also, I'm glad my post yesterday has gotten this topic moving again.

Wow, good luck on that.

No need to apologize, I was just wondering why the updating stopped for an extended period of time. I will agree with you that it takes quite a bit of time and energy. When might that dissertation of yours be finished? I recall you mentioning it in our previous conversation. Is it still the same one or a different one?

This topic hasn't had a post in it in about a month and a half... let's fix that, shall we? I enjoy this part of the forum (though I haven't visited in a while, tbh) and I'm saddened to see it's been slowed to a grinding halt as suddenly as it did. Maybe I'll start working on a story or two I've had floating around in my head but never got around to actually starting and then hopefully I'll be able to put them here. It's the perfect excuse to stop procrastinating, at least. If I can actually finish them, that is. The one thing I absolutely hate is not being able to finish a story because I'm unable to think of more to put into it. Especially when I've got the ending planned out but can't get the chance to write it because I can't actually get to it. Or I have Point A and Point B, but nothing to put in between. Kind of like what happened to the story I'd posted here, and I'd just stopped being able to think of more. I cannot describe the frustration I feel when that happens. God, I hope I'm not the only one that this happens to... If anyone knows of a term to describe this phenomenon, I'll be eternally grateful. Well, that's the end of that rant. If it can even be called one, that is. Well, that's interesting. I had planned to put more here, but the train of thought I had just sort of fizzed out before I wrote any of it down. I remember some of it, but not enough to have it correlate to any of what I'm writing now. Frustrating, but at the same time fascinating, as I've never had this happen before. Onto a different train of thought, then. May I ask why you haven't updated your story sanahtlig? It was something I've been looking forward to reading but it just stopped being updated for the last two months. If it's because of your work or something, though, I'd understand. Edit: My God. Tiagofvarela, your signature is the single greatest thing I've seen in a while. Absolutely beautiful. How did you make that? Edit 2: I... I cannot, for the life of me, understand why I constantly misspell Tiago's username... Why do I keep doing Valera? Interestingly enough I make the same mistake whenever I say it in my head, too. I almost never pick up on the fact I mess it up. No idea why. Either way, mistake fixed, but knowing me it's likely to happen again for God knows what reason. That's never happened before with any other username I've seen, and it's only ever happened to me once in a blue moon with, like, one or two words out of the entirety of the English Language... Seriously, what the Hell?

So, it piqued your interest because it was unnatural? Interesting. He is interested in her, to the point of total fascination. When his cover was blown he told the truth.

What is the connotation of unnatural in Portuguese? That stuck with you? Was there a specific reason? And what are your thoughts on his personality?

How was it an unnatural reaction? And what was he reacting to? Also, I hate it when I accidentally press Back and lose everything because the auto save doesn't load what I was writing.

Red text certainly made that more interesting. For clarification's sake, were you responding to the question of personality for the commanding officer or Ostromir? Also, why did the red text stop halfway through?