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Things that Happen


Palas

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There are a lot of ways to start a written piece that would have been more stylish than starting by complaining you couldn't find a way to be stylish enough, but this will have to do for now.

After all, this is the third or fourth time I've attempted to write this -- and I'm not even really sure why I'm doing it, since this isn't really needed or welcome. It's gone through the stages of an apology letter, a comeback statement, a continuation of something (like the pursuit of Western genres for visual novels) as if nothing had happened and now it's even past the stage of a dismissal of itself, although it may not seem so for its first two paragraphs but should seem so due to the fact that it's being published here at all.

Well, I'm convalescing, I think. This is probably a sign.

I vanished from this website and from the internet at large last year. I crumbled too hard, too fast, and left everyone behind. Didn't leave everything -- you can't stop, after all -- but I did leave Fuwanovel in general and the reviews team in particular. During a tough time and in a position where I should be doing things, even. So, to the reviews team, yes -- I should be apologizing. So, I'm sorry. At the very least, for not writing reviews in the past months. Also, for still be using dashes instead of parentheses after all this time if I can help it. I can still help it.

The visual novel I'm making broke me down. I was not, and still am not prepared for a project this large. However, all aspects of my life became entangled with it - it's my final project for University, I have a contract with the government that legally forces me to finish it and make it a source of income both for me and for my team so that we're revealed as the city's new gamedev talents and I put so much personal stuff in it that making it is now both the one place I run to when I have something personal to talk about and the only place I have to run to. Which, as you maybe can spot as a positive feedback cycle, has made me consume myself using it. So there you have it. Visual novels finally brought me down, because I wasn't prepared for them.

Not that I'd ever give up on it -- rather, it's the one thing making me give up on everything else, including friends and other things I like, including -- which is ironic, considering -- Fuwanovel. I won't talk about the process here, this is not an ad. I'd just like to tell you I'm convalescing, I'd like to apologize to the Reviews Team and if any of you every wondered where I was, it was the place furthest away from visual novels I could: the innards of one.

As I still am.

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Welcome back. A while ago, when I wrote asking for a position in the reviews team, you did disappear shortly after and it made me curious. Now I know why and it's both amusing and heart warming at the same time, to see you pursuing after your dream. We have to make tough choices at times, there's no helping it. Still, it's much better than feel sorry afterwards and regret things, which should be done regardless of consequences.

You won't boast about your game, by the way? :holo:

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13 hours ago, Narcosis said:

Welcome back. A while ago, when I wrote asking for a position in the reviews team, you did disappear shortly after and it made me curious. Now I know why and it's both amusing and heart warming at the same time, to see you pursuing after your dream. We have to make tough choices at times, there's no helping it. Still, it's much better than feel sorry afterwards and regret things, which should be done regardless of consequences.

You won't boast about your game, by the way? :holo:

Well, I won't, because I'm not sure of anything anymore. I'm re-structuring myself and the game after last year so there's no dates or much material I could give. I'm even a little bit mad at DDLC for doing exactly what I am going to do but earlier and probably more concisely. But more than that, I didn't leave Fuwa (and Twitter and Facebook and pretty much everything else that wasn't developing and hurting myself) because I didn't have the time -- I did that because I didn't have the mental health. I say I've been making it, but the truth is I'm worrying about it 99% of the time and not actually doing something. Soon I became viscerally disgusted with everything that had anything to do with VNs, wouldn't play any, wouldn't talk about any etc, later games in general, later just about anything.

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49 minutes ago, Palas said:

Well, I won't, because I'm not sure of anything anymore. I'm re-structuring myself and the game after last year so there's no dates or much material I could give. I'm even a little bit mad at DDLC for doing exactly what I am going to do but earlier and probably more concisely. But more than that, I didn't leave Fuwa (and Twitter and Facebook and pretty much everything else that wasn't developing and hurting myself) because I didn't have the time -- I did that because I didn't have the mental health. I say I've been making it, but the truth is I'm worrying about it 99% of the time and not actually doing something. Soon I became viscerally disgusted with everything that had anything to do with VNs, wouldn't play any, wouldn't talk about any etc, later games in general, later just about anything.

Oh hey, that's my current life in a nutshell.

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14 minutes ago, Palas said:

Are you getting help? That's important. Be safe.

I'm more of a person past the point you're probably in right now. In other words, a result of enduring certain things for so long, they stopped being of any importance to me. Regardless, I'm safe.

At this stage, there's not much left that could surprise me any more.

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I think that, writing for the reviews team, or any blog, is like a hobby project. It's something you spend effort on and share with the community because its what you love.
 
If life (even if life, being another VN) is messing with you and you couldn't handle doing what you originally had planned, we understand. We all have lives that can get out of control; we can even just get lost in all the things we want to do.
 
I haven't read many fuwa-reviews (partly due to their being too many titles to keep up with), but I do remember really liking your posts on vn writing from way back.  Hope your project goes well, and look forward to seeing you back (speaking as fuwa resident lurk-master).
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On 10/01/2018 at 5:17 AM, Chronopolis said:
I think that, writing for the reviews team, or any blog, is like a hobby project. It's something you spend effort on and share with the community because its what you love.
 
If life (even if life, being another VN) is messing with you and you couldn't handle doing what you originally had planned, we understand. We all have lives that can get out of control; we can even just get lost in all the things we want to do.
 
I haven't read many fuwa-reviews (partly due to their being too many titles to keep up with), but I do remember really liking your posts on vn writing from way back.  Hope your project goes well, and look forward to seeing you back (speaking as fuwa resident lurk-master).

!! Thanks :> 

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