The Journey For Salami

[Nosebleed]

Reposting because I can. 

Roughly 6 months ago, a man, who I will name OriginalRun for identity protection purposes, put up an interesting ad offering part of his figurine collection. Initially I did not think much of this, but after a couple of scrolls, a particular piece caught my gaze. Little did I know the second I laid eyes upon that PVC lavender haired girl I had just begun laying down the path of one of the worst journeys I have ever went on. Who was this girl, you ask? Well that was none other than Sasasasasasasegawa Salami, otherwise known as the best Little Busters girls and the rightful owner of what is clearly the true Little Busters route.

After this I decided to contact OriginalRun as soon as possible in order to secure myself the Salami figure, and luckily enough, OriginalRun managed to secure it for me. A few months pass and OriginalRun returns to his home country, Freedom Lands, where he was keeping the figure and we begin the currency exchange of what will be one of the worst scams in my life. After giving OriginalRun the amount we had agreed upon for the figure, he guaranteed he'd ship the figure to me when he was able to send out all the packages at home. OriginalRun is a pretty big slob though, so it took about another month before that happened. Once it did happen, I asked OriginalRun to do something that set my terrible fate in motion, I asked him to mark the value of the figure in the package as 20 dollarydoos.

You may think at this point I'm attempting to evade some shady laws since I live in Socialist Dystopia, but the truth is because this figure was merely a gift from a friend, I thought valueing it at a common value such as 20 dollarydoos wouldn't hurt anybody and I would still pay the taxes for it regardless. I was naive.

About a week passes, and the mail tracking service updating the status on my Salami figure, telling me it has entered Socialist Dystopia. I am joyous, thrilled I will finally be united with the purple goddess, but the heavens had other plans for me, because a couple days after Salami arrived, I recieved a notice from the evil syndicate known as "customs office". They were holding Salami as hostage and demanding a ransom, that ransom was proof of the Salami's value that had been assigned on the package.

My heart stops, I scratch my head and wonder what I am supposed to do. I pick up the phone and dial the evil syndicate. 2 x x 6 9 6 9 x x, I press on my cellphone's keys. No answer. I call another time, and another one, and another one, and another one, and at last a connection is made. I explain to the man on the line that Salami was just a gift from a friend, and thus I had no kind of receipt that showed I paid the amount written on the package. The man instructed me to send an e-mail explaining the situation to customs, with screenshots of the bank transactions and other documents. I do as I am told.

3 days later, a reply comes back, the information is apparently not sufficient to release Salami. Sweat drips down my forehead, what will I do if I can not have Salami? I explain the story to them once again, re-iterating that it's impossible for me to have a receipt since the god damn package is a gift from a friend why the fuck are you so persistent with this shit it was merely a gift. They ask me to send in a declaration, swearing on my name and honor that the value on the package is 100% true and I do not intend to sell Salami in Socialist Dystopia or any other country inside the Kool Kids Kontinent. Confused on how to fill this form, I call customs asking for assistance in order to make sure I do not commit any mistake. It was a trap.

The man on the other side of the speaker tells me the total value I'm supposed to indicate on the declaration is simply the shipping value, not the value of the figure and the shipping combined. I find this very jarring, so I ask again to make sure this is the right thing to do. The man on the phone insists this is the right thing to do. Thinking customs wouldn't lie to me, I fill the declaration the way I am told to and send it to them. And here begins the countdown to doomsday.

2 weeks pass and I get a second warning from customs, telling me I need to send them documents I had already previously sent and that because 30 days had passed since the initial warning, I would now be paying a 40 cent p/day fee. I am appalled. Why was I not warned of this beforehand, and why was I getting a second warning  when I already sent them the documents? I send a new e-mail to customs, asking about the fees and why I got a second warning, to which they reply with "the documents you sent were not valid". I am speechless, they tricked me!

I contact OriginalRun again and tell him the situation, he's just as in awe as I was and decides to call customs himself from Freedom Land, but the evil organization was one step ahead, as OriginalRun's call was blocked. I knew at that time that I was all by myself during this peril. I dial customs once more, something I thought I would never do, and they confirm my worst fears, I had declared the incorrect information on the initial form, even though I simply filled it just like the customs' man told me to. Angered, I decide there is only one way to solve this, and e-mails simply won't do, I will go there in person and rescue Salami!

The holiday festivities are over and the customs office will be open on the following Monday. My fees keep increasing with each day that passes, 40 cents at a time, but I put up with the pain, slowly stroking my wallet and assuring it everything will be fine. This is when fate decides to throw me out of the loop again, as I am reminded that on monday I also have a final college exam to take. Not only that, but I was reminded of this on the Sunday before the exam! I dodged a bullet and set up an alarm to wake up and take the exam, but due to the unforeseen circumstances, I can not properly get a good night of sleep, and that is only the beginning of what will likely be the most tiring day I will experience in 2016.

After sleeping roughly 3 hours, my alarm rings. I unwillingly get up, my limbs barely move, but I prepare to head for college, knowing that after my exam, I will also have to visit customs. I get to college, and hoping to wake myself up a little more, I buy a coffee. I sit down on a table, place the coffee in front of me, and decide to do what I typically do, browse dank memes on Reddit. I take out my tablet and lay it on the table. I'm about to take a sip of my coffee when suddenly, my sluggish arm can't control its motion very well and knocks down the cup. Dark brown liquid spreads across the table and onto my new shoes which were given to me on Christmas. I am disheartened as everything and it's only 9AM, the day looks gloom.

After what has likely been a botched literature exam, I go into the subway and head to the customs office. Not being familiar with the area, I have a map on my tablet in case I get lost. I reach the designated station and exit out the nearest stairway. Looking out at the buildings, things don't look like the map, but the road looks similar enough for me to believe I came out through the correct exit. I start going down a road. About 15 minutes pass and I realize this might not have been the correct place after all. I head back to the subway and realize my fears came true and it was the wrong exit. I look at my clock, 12:40PM, 20 minutes before the customs office closes their doors.

I begin the biggest dash I could muster, climbing up sets of stairs and then down a large avenue that matches the one on my map, and I soon confirm it by reading the name on a plaque. I can do it, I just need to keep going. I see the bright red colors of the office, they feel like home. I pray to god the doors are still open, that I managed to get here in time, that I didn't just waste about 4,30€ in subway tickets, that Salami won't have to wait for me another day, and the heavens gratiously granted me this wish, as I arrive there 5 minutes before they stop giving out tickets.

"Now you're just making this way overdramatic" you say. Well, you'd normally think so, but that's why I kept my ticket which has the time and date on it, recording this historical feat:

Spoiler

C0095, yes, that is the number that was assigned to me in this line. I look at the current number, C0061. Some minutes go by and the counter goes to C0062. My stomach grumbles, I realize it's 1PM and I haven't had anything to eat since 9AM. I'm starting to think I have just made the worst mistake of my life. My bladder suddenly kicks in. No bathrooms in sight. WhyDidIDoThis.png. The policemen who were guarding the doors close them and tell us nobody else can come in, only go out once they have finished whatever business they have. I've come this far with my own strength, there's no way I'm backing out now!

Some more minutes pass by. I'm reading manga on my tablet in hopes of forgetting my bladder's cries for help. The stench of human sweat in this tiny enclosed space is excruciating. C0069 gets called. I internally chuckle and wonder why am I laughing at this when I'm 20 years old already. The ladies at the counter start speeding up, I guess everyone wants to have lunch. The numbers climb faster and faster, and as if a light descended upon me by the heavens, my number gets called.

I am nervous, what if they reject my documents like the e-mails did? What if they start asking questions I can't answer? What if Salami just gets sent back after all this? The old lady who's talking to me asks to see the customs warning. I explain the situation once more, looking directly at her in hopes she will understand I merely want to get my figure and return to my normal life. 

"Ah okay. Well just fill out that declaration with the values you want and give it to me, kthnx". And not a single fuck was musttered by that office lady that day.

I hand the declaration to her and she prints out the customs invoice so I can pick up my package. I can sense tears swelling up in the corners of my eyes. I will finally be able to touch her, after all this time everything will finally be worth it. I wait for the invoice line to go down and my turn is up once more, I hand out the invoice and get asked to pay about 23€ in fees. I barely even listen, I just nod and agree. I don't want to fight, I merely want to return from this hellhole and appreciate the life I've been given. The payment is complete, I wait for the lady to get my box. I see the box slowly approaching. I feel the cardboard with my fingertips, it's the sweetest sensation my fingers have felt this year. I forget everything that's happened up to that point in my life and open the exit door. It starts raining.

I assure myself the world is just testing me, that this is just to see if I am worthy of having Salami. I bend down in order to cover the box as wel as I can and I run up the avenue in the pouring rain. The water drops feel like needles stabbing the back of my head, but I must stay strong in order to protect Salami. I see the subway up ahead. I don't stop to look at the red signs and cross the road, heading down the subway stairs. My coat is drenched and my feet are cold, but I keep going. The subway entrance feels like the entrace to the garden of eden, once I enter I can put everything behind me.

This is what I initially thought, but I was soon brought back to the harsh reality of the fact this day just absolutely hates me, as I enter the subway to encounter a man playing the accordion. I don't use the subway a lot, but this never happened before. Today, the sole day I just want to get some rest after all the ordeals I've been through, there's a guy playing the accordion as loud as he possibly can next side me in the subway. My head feels like it's about to implode, I want to throw him out of the carriage, but I keep my calm as much as possible.

The subway finally reaches the final station. I leave and feel my head ringing, but just a few more steps and I'll be able to get on a bus and head home. The bus comes, I think I might have actually teared a little. I sit Salami down on the seat next side me. I call my father and ask him if he can pick me up when I get home. Turns out today is the day my father starts his new job so there's nobody home to pick me up. My feet feel an itch, they've been walking for hours, yet the day is still not over.

I get off the bus, my house is finally at a walking distance. I keep my pace up, holding Salami tight under my arm. The sunset looks beautiful, it's almost like everything that occured earlier never happened and I'm just able to enjoy this moment with the Salami I've been waiting for so much. I see my house in the distance. I can't feel my feet, but I keep going, those 3 hours of sleep are going to have to be enough to get me home, I won't fall down on a place like this.

I reach the door and twist the key, I have never liked the scent of a building as much as I did at that moment. My body musters to bring out its leftover strength to reach my bedroom and open the package. The feelings rising up inside me are indiscribable. I remove all the foam peanuts, each one revealing more and more of the purple twintailed goddess.

My body collapses on the bed, foam all around it. All of my body extremeties are numb, as is my mind. I can't think back on all the crazy stuff that has happened today. The blood, sweat and tears I have shed over this past month. The endless yelling at the customs office to get a brain and realize people can send gifts to each other without actually doing purchases you fucking dimwits.

These insufferable 6 months of waiting feel like an instant as I lift my chin up and can, at last, lay my teary eyes upon my Salami.

Spoiler

"Truly a best girl. 5/7" - IGN

What did you do for your waifu today, fuwans?

PS: Yes, this did happen today (on the 4th because fuwanovel.rip)
PSS: That includes the accordion guy.
PSSS: Yes, Portugal's customs office is that shitty.

[Ryechu]

Obligatory re-post of:

"Hopefully now that this stressful time in your life is completed, you'll be able to work on Immoral Little~"

[TexasDice]

(Reposting)

[Jun Inoue]

Just imagining it.

[CeruleanGamer]

Mother fucking customs. If that was me, I would rescue my damsel in distress waifu guns blazing and have a recorder looping Michael Bays explosions as I delicately secure my waifu in a glass case for epic ending.

[B0X0R]

So when J.J. Abrahams makes the movie, who's going to be playing you? 

What did I do for my waifu? I made a life size cut out of her. Hand traced, hand colored, and hand cut. It was kind of part of  a side project that I had while I was in the Anime club office. Took me a month to complete and I almost didn't finish before the semester ended. No one really batted an eye when people saw me carrying her down the halls and taking her home. They've seen me carry around several other cutouts.

[Dergonu]

Wow. This was such a beautiful story. I cried, I laughed and I was glued to the screen towards the end. 

"Will salami make it home or will the true evil succeed in stealing her away?!" 

Someone, please, make a movie out of this! 

[Ike]

Man, such a thrilling story. It made me worry for the well-being of Sasazaçasssawa Salami until the very end. (And it kept me from getting bored on the way home from college, too.) Glad you got your grill safe, man.

As for what I've done for my waifu, I have yet to find merchandise that doesn't require me to sell my internal organs in order to afford it.

[Forgetful Frank]

1) - You have made me want to play the VN Salami is from, I hope it's in English.

2) - That was such a beautiful, intense thrilling story, PLEASE someone make it into a short kinetic VN. That would be amazing.

3) - I really fancy a salami sandwich now.

[Ike]

6 hours ago, Forgetful Frank said:

1) - You have made me want to play the VN Salami is from, I hope it's in English.

Sasasegawa Sasami (Yeah, her name is not actually Salami. It's a shame.) is a character from Little Busters!, so technically the VN is in English. However she is only a side character; she only gets a route for her in the Ecstasy version, and that's not translated yet, unfortunately. We might get it by the year 2057 or something like that.

[Fred the Barber]

On the contrary, Little Busters! Perfect Edition is getting an officially-licensed English release on Steam, courtesy of Fruitbat Factory working in partnership with Key / Visual Arts. Zazami Zazazegawa-Zenpai's route, in all its glory (except no H), will be revealed to us non-Japanese-speaking plebes in due time. Since it's officially-licensed, there will be actual money and motivation behind it, so although there hasn't been an official date announcement yet, I wouldn't be surprised to see it late this calendar year, given the amount of work they'd already done (though admittedly I also wouldn't be surprised to see it next year...).